dammit, doin my nyaa now. feeling damn fucked up. sick and tired of the shit i needa do. dammit, i dont wanna be the ausm now. feeling the pressure. occupied with ncc and studies. i dont think i can cope. and i may even end up in sdl. fuck. why cant i just study for once? why must i always get distracted? why must the part Bs and Cs be like crap? is it because of the specialists? is it because of the eight heads? is it because of me? i cant take it anymore. every friday, in the green uniform, carrying the pacestick, walking around, looking over the training, and feeling that everything is my fault. the discipline, the drills, the fitness. everything about us. it sucks. honestly, i just feel like shouting and pumping the shit out of them, but couldn't bear to. i knew what it felt. i went through it. the new part As came. a new batch. a new generation. a new ray of hope. but i have a feeling, a very strong feeling, that this ray of hope, will be crushed by the new leaders that will be taking over in june. i have no confidence in them whatsoever. i dont wanna get the best unit this year. i dont want to achieve it, just to see it being lost to some other unit next year. i dont want to win it, and see it being passed on to some other CO of some other unit during the NCC Day Parade. i dont want to be so proud and happy for my unit, just to hear "and now, the best unit of last year, Zhonghua Secondarary School, central, will pass the flag to the new Best Unit..." i dont want to go around telling everyone that my batch of specialist won the best unit, and later see the new specialists, the specialists that we train, lost the best unit to some other school. i cant bear the humiliation. the kind of specialists we train. the kind of specialists I train. the kind of crap I produce. i think i now know what the previous batch of specialist felt.

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well, been relieving stress with marvin, dixon and the laos. haha. thanks alot.

i need to freakin break!!!

i need to freakin pop too!!!

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freakin bored

friggin 'o's this year

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and i have not been doin anything, not enough

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im freakin slackin.

why?

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dammit, i still have my school shit to do.

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so marvin was right.

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dont be sad man.

dammit. i know im like posting once or twice a week only, cos i hafta study!! everythings goin well. i have decided. i dont wanna go for the supernumerary course anymore, cos i cant cope with my studies, and i cant even cope with my own unit, why will i have time to be a supernumerary? really hope zhncc can get the best land unit again. hai, big dreams. man, doin a 1200 word essay now. stupid commenwealth. days in school are getting damn bored. no one to break or pop with.

yet. man, must find someone to break with.i mean breakdance. well, nothing else to say. peace.

hai. school started. o levels this year. busy with ncc. all the same thing. but more homework. 1 week has past. and i still dont have the motivation to study. worried bout my chi o level on the 30th of may, but i cant study. dammit. shall end here. *tries to study*

damn, nothing to do, nothing to blog. just rushin my homework.

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o ya, i know its a little late but, happy new year.