A Series of Unexpected Events 2?

Merry belated Christmas & Happy advanced New Year!

This year definitely ended on a high note. Another series of unexpected events but Im too lazy to explain wahahahahahahahaah! Im enjoying my long weekend off from willingly turning myself in to prison. But then again... I still have a goal to achieve before 31st... shit!

blast off into the 3rd week of intern!

woooooooo! 2 shity weeks have passed by without much of an instant and 6 more to go! At our jail placement, we rotate cells every week so that we can communicate with different inmates and experience different types of jail work. How did I get in in the first place? hahaha... This was funny/lame when I explained to my friend. I didnt know how I got in but I was dealing with blood for 2 weeks then I got arrested, they put a paper bag over my head and took me to a basement carpark. Yes I was bored and going insane hence the explanation.

For the 3rd week, I was placed in a cell which deals with samples of patient's infested tissues like appendix, cysts, granules, lumps and I even saw a whole freaking uterus. Nothing much really, I still ate chocolate after that not thinking about how my colleague cut the tissues like cutting vegetables with juices oozing out, yummy! It was really sad entering this new cell, it somehow just motivates me to kill myself over and over again. What more surprises may be coming my way?

This is my jail cell:

I just had to take a photo of this because it was such a small little window but yet they just cant leave it alone... So they built a grill... Never failing to emphasize the 'prison' design. I think the person who designed this place was an ex-criminal. On the bright side at least I can see sunlight, some trees and I got signal to my phone haha!

A message from above or at least what I thought...

Finally I found myself having a day packed with activities, 3/4 of the day actually. Exams are done with and there goes year 2 as well. Four months of holiday to look forward to and Im stressed as hell in less than a week after exams. Its funny how stress follows you around, if it isnt study stress its boredom stress or just some other people screwing things up for you. Its inevitable, somehow it'll catch up with you. But today... it caught on to me but somehow I managed to shook it off without having to self-motivate.

Back to my day, dance training at 9am, we did a lot of endurance training (physiology was on my mind throughout the exercise), this really drained half of my energy and I found myself dragging through the remaining session. So after training, I headed off to 1U to meet up with some friends for a K session. They decided to catch a movie immediately after K, I didnt join them as I planned to go to the club house to settle some membership issues and swim while Im there. So here's the part where I felt that something struck a message to me. It was around 4pm when I left 1U and was pouring really heavily (I was inside so I didnt know it was raining when I said I was heading off to the club house). So I was thinking, "should I go home instead and come again another day?" I drove on. About halfway to my destination along the highway, I saw clear skies in a distance of what I thought was where Im heading, wow I couldnt be happier. However, the moment lasted not even a good minute when the road curved away from the light and pointed me to dark stormy clouds, my real destination. I drove on, I didnt know why... I never thought of turning back. The rain got even heavier to the point where I had to use full wiper speed or else I wouldnt be able to see the road. The journey was sluggish, roads were flooded, a few accidents... what surprised me most was when I was about 1km+ before reaching, the rain gradually stopped! Not even a single drop! Mo**** F*****! Im not lying. Only then my mind came back to my physical piece of brain and I realised why I drove on.

I was stoning while driving, but this was the message that came to my focus: When we are thrown into an issue, naturally we would seek the most obvious form of comfort to alleviate the problem. But if we never take risks, we would never know what is two steps ahead of us. The phase from light to the dark clouds made me want to turn towards home but I reached my club house without a single drop of rain on me. I didnt give up or give in and I havent done so either when it came to settling some my thoughts. Neither have I given up on my hopes and beliefs.

Though the staff in the office pissed me off regarding the membership (inefficient bunch of wan ton soup), I had a good swim anyhow! =)

Enjoy the holidays!

Here's something for my friend who was so pissed at a bitch today!

Jo Jo Jo-n... Moodless like there's no end, and she doesnt feel like talking, oh man! How can I make her understand, that no matter what Ill always be there whatever the circumstance!

haha... well that's what friends and especially besties are for...

12th October 2009

If only I could live life like it was my last day, maybe then I'd discover what's missing in my life at the moment...

Exams are near, like very very near expecially since I havent really sat my ass down and focus on any subjects yet. I have slacked much this semester, there could be a few reasons why but Id like to put those aside in the mean time, however I can say that I enjoyed uni life most beginning with this sem so far. Its that time again where Ill tell myself to stop fooling around, come up with a study timetable, stick to it and prove that all the money invested in my studies at monash is valued.

Somebody, anybody, kick my ass hard enough until it leaves a print. I need the extra push!

Today was a weird day... I was feeling very tired til the point of no facial expression... my mood was not affected I probably just needed that kick again to get my energy circulating. However, something could have made my day should that event have occurred. It never did. It was one of those little details that I though would happen but arrgghh! hahaha. I realised that certain things have changed that's all.

When life takes a turn.

Im sure everyone has experienced times where they feel on top of the World and nothing could take them down. Then there are those less fortunate times when they feel they are at the deepest trenches of the ocean and still being shat on! Lets face it, happy go lucky doesn't really last too long kids, yup that's right. Life is like a business cycle whereby you'll have the boom followed by a downswing, trough and finally the recovery period. Im a science student and even I know that, how shitty can this get? Nah Im just using the cycle as an analogy. But one quite worrying fact I know is that the higher you climb, the harder you'll fall should you decide to trip. It applies to almost anything from a business to relationships, whatever it is... When you trip, you'll fall hard depending on how high you've climbed. The thing is, we dont just lose it all when it happens, that's why I mentioned "decide to trip". Because it is your loss of balance that determines the trip. I've also learned that fate does not control everything, it is a fact that most of the time the power of decision is within our own palms. Some of the things that could lead to a downfall are selfishness, greed, lust and ignorance. Sometimes things can change so quickly that it confuses you inside out. One moment you feel great and next you're wondering why you felt great...

Good news is that hey, why climb alllll the way to the top and risk falling hard? I always think that slow is steady and steady is progression. If you can build a foundation at every successful step, you could rise and risk a gentle fall or no fall at all right? Patience is platinum, a masterpiece can never be rushed and so does all the things that matters most to you.

Its the 21st of September 2009

Here I find myself, moodless to do anything that spells 'report, study or assignment' so instead I've decided to squeeze some spare brain juice on updating my blog. Hmm now what is there to write about? Nothing... nothing? Lets write about nothing...

"Nothing" according to BBC dictionary, is defined as an absence of things of a particular kind, for example objects, events, or ideas. It can also mean something or someone is very unimportant or uninteresting. You can also use nothing in front of an adjective, to refer to a situation, event, or activity and to say that it does not have a particular quality mentioned...

When we say nothing... What do we really mean by that? For example, when someone asks you what you're doing or why do you look troubled or what's on your mind? And you reply "nothing..." You're probably being dishonest most of the time. I admit that I do that at times especially when I feel lazy to explain. But most of the time we're actually thinking of something rather than plain nothing no? Give it a thought.

An interview with myself...

Its a beautiful but rainy saturday morning over here in KL and why I say its beautiful is because we wont have to open our windows to be greeted by the foul smell of haze anymore, or atlease I hope we dont have to. The rain fell in fine waves much like flour being sifted into a bowl but now it seems as though the clouds are constipated. The rain reminds me that there is always a period of downpour and that the sun will always shine after the rain, well atleast around the tropics.

So how am I doing at the moment?
Awesome! I've never felt better since a couple of months back.

But aren't I always filled with assignments, reports and quizzes, doesnt that interfere with my wellbeing?
It does. I do complain a lot but instead of moving my mouth so much on these issues, why not expand my energy on my phalanges, i mean fingers in settling them before due date. No matter how much uni shit is thrown at us, we always manage to overcome it, just have to cut on sleeping time no biggie...

Tell myself more on why I feel better than before.
Well... I just feel that my life is getting back on track, Im more focused on what Im going to achieve instead of what I havent achieved yet. Just recently I've been perturbed by my own thoughts about things but now Im reassured and determined to change. I've made a promise between myself and a special friend.

And who motivated me to change?
Who else but my bestie? Who has always been there to offer a shoulder and being so ever patient. I just want to use this space to remind her again how much I cherish her guidance, wisdom and honesty. Your undying patience has kept me on my feet. I know things got off to a rough start this sem but the tide is changing already, my word is real.

Any last words before I end my interview?
Erm... not really... I was supposed to finish up this last part by yesterday night latest but I forgot what I wanted to say. Plus a spontaneous plan came about so I was busy and too exhausted when I reached home. Overall, yesterday has got to be the best day of the semester although I did nothing productive but I suppose bonding with friends counts as productive. Semi formal dinner party at a fancy restaurant which we spent half the time taking photos and then an unplanned mini roadtrip in which we spent a quarter of time keeping warm. Though some plans didnt work out for our little adventure roadtrip like stargazing or watching the 'sky turn brighter' and some parts frustrating like the colony of dudes up there (seriously all the guys in Malaysia is hiding up there), ultimately I had fun =)

What the past has to offer...

Some look into the past with a smile on their face. Some laugh thinking back to those golden days. Some feel embarassed. Some keep a straight face. Some are haunted by depression... Whatever the expressions may be, one thing is for sure, there is no escaping the past. Everybody has heard of the phrase "forgive and forget", but the truth is, there's forgiveness but actually memory cannot be erased. And this haunts even the toughest hearts of men and women. Lets say there's nothing to forgive about since you've done absolutely nothing wrong in your life at the moment, ever heard of the phrase "the past shapes the future"? Well that is my emphasis in this post.

It could be anything you've done in the past, or anything that has occurred to you, the keyword here is experience. We learn from experiences dont we? Lets say there's something in the past you would never ever ever want to ever think of ever again (ie. forget about), how are you possibly going to ever move forward from there? My point is, you will never be able to take an agressive and confident step forward should you have never looked and thought back about your past. Because, when the situation arises again (any situation) and you feel like you're retracing your previous footsteps, think of it this way, you're more well prepared for it now than the last time (more experienced) and THAT is your advantage. You'll know exactly what to do and you'll do it right this time.

So next time when someone tells you, that there's no point looking back, just keep looking forward and move on with your life, you take a gooooooooooooooood look back first, take some time (or a long time) to process ALL the things you should and shouldn't do next time before moving along. Scars remind us that the past is real, so if you dont look back before taking a new step forward, you'll be walking along the same pathway that was paved by your past.

Linkin Park - Easier to Run

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made)

It's easier to go

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

1 Big Project, 1 Major Deadline...

I think if i had 1 wish right now, I'd wish that i could wear the shoes of someone else and observe a world of difference, the real world. The point is, nobody knows how different your world is compared to them. Everything you hear, feel, see, smell and touch is different from your buddies. If someone were to step into my shoes...

There I am, a miniature and standing before me are 3 giants. Beyond all that... is a new life. A feeling not comparable with anything else in this forsaken world. Is this possible? I dont know. Escaping would be the hardest thing to do as the reward is so close but yet even further from me than I thought. I will take my chances, I just remembered, Im not a quitter!

Now that you've sort of stepped into my shoes, do you get it? No right? dont worry, you're not supposed to. haha... as I mentioned above, nobody knows what you're thinking or going through. But if you do understand.. you're just as weird as I am =)

Sweet dreams and good bye

"No...", stunned by her reply his heart stood still, skipping a few beats occasionally. "B-but... wwhy, hhow come?" he asked while grasping for air. The firm breeze lurked by instantly, her long brown hair suaved gracefully strand by strand, his tears dried before they could even escape the bottom eyelid. "Because... well... you're a great guy but I just cant see myself with you". She was so confident with her words, there was no way I could ever change her mind a single bit he thought. "Look, we could still be great friends right?" as she attempted to comfort. "Right..." it was that sort of constipated face he showed which he actually found the words hard to swallow. It was a sign of defeat and he knew it. Life goes on for sure, but he knew the reason for the rejection. Whatever, he said softly, like a man would say to another man, "may the best man win" except this time it wasnt him. "Beautiful isnt it?" she gazed at the night sky. Marvellous if only... he thought in his mind. "Yeah beautiful...very... nice". The wind stopped.

Nothing but memories streamed through his head from the moment he was seized by her beauty to all the late night conversations, future plans and promises, it could go on forever. But he remembered fondly being with her at the beach a day before, sitting together on the silky smooth sands he noticed a smile on her face. She said she felt a sense of freedom, freedom from getting away from it all that is. He was just enjoying the view of clear blue waters when asked in return. He looked at her turning away. Truth is, he felt at the top of the world even doing something as simple as sitting beside her. Beautiful isnt it? Heyyy anybody there? she was smiling. Oh! yeah yeah! looking foolish as though he just recovered from shock. You are so dreamy at times she said while laughing. Is it wrong to be mesmerized by you, he thought as he smiled back. The memories hit him hard. He found himself losing consciousness, the sight of her dimmed and soon everything around him turned white.

His heart warmed with the feeling of soft skin encasing him. Lying in her arms, he noticed a sea of clouds beneath in which they were on. What's going on? where are we? he asked never being so confused in his life. Hush.. her soft spoken voice sounded, I will never leave you, you are safe with me here... The comforting words, so confident, so genuine, so righteous. You promise? There was no reply. Before he could call her name, his world was sucked into a black hole. Now eyes were wide open, he noticed a bird by the window, it stared for a moment before departing. If only I was as free to release my wings and fly away like the bird he thought sitting on his bed.

I never realized semester holidays were actually so short!

Guess who's back?! Yeah you guessed right, who else? So im back from sabah for holidays, 1 step out of the plane and woah you could tell the difference between kl and there. Well what can i say, it was a familiar smell, the smell of home! Was very happy to be back, and slightly upset thinking back at the days in sabah, watching the sunset on the second last day in particular. Whatever it is, i had fun. From the mountain peak of South East Asia, to the tip of Borneo, to some gigantic river in the mountains, to the liquor and beer in a friends house, it was purely great. The ONLY thing i wasnt happy about upon arriving back at home is that i lost a kg. WTF is this! All that hard work over a few months got me demotivated and the feeling of accomplishing nothing aka back to square 1. Not to say i was freaking buffed before the trip but i noticed upon taking off me shirt on the beach which was the second last day and oh my goodness, why are my ribs so prominent? i never gave it much of a thought but when i weighed myself back at home, 1 kg down. oh well i guess im starting all over again...

Oh, that BIG smile on my face?

For the first time, im not by my backyard expressing my thoughts... Making this a contradictory post as i am thinking with dudes sitting next to me, minding their own business on a sat night/sun morning in a CC. I have a load of things on my mind to convert into text that'll last forever. Problem is whether i can recall everything from weeks and weeks ago...

Lets begin with an interesting, short and yet very meaningful lecture by my bro. Everything quoted here aren't my thoughts, so ill try my best to recall accurately what he said.

They say that you're more creative when you're young, you wont think twice or trice before deciding to do something or rather, anything (at least the only thing i ever thought of is whether my parent would beat me up as a consequence.... nah who cares). Then when you grow up, your knowledge develops and you think and think and think and think before doing something so simple for example, eating a bar of choc before going to bed. So why does this dramatic change occur? No, its not puberty... Its education. The thing is, education or education in malaysia, stresses students to think in a single file and only in a single file. If not then in two ways only. This loss of brain stimulation indeed takes its toll on producing youthful and lively minds. Which brings me to the next point, as most people who are so called matured at the age of 18 think this, "We stop playing when we grow older". But for the rest of us who are still young at heart, "We grow older when we stop playing!!!"

Moving on to relationships...

You see... the world is changing. I sense the evidence in this, because coming across many female friends and personal observations, the roles of females and males are evolving. In this sense, evolving simply refers to the change of duties in which traditional females and males carried out. For example, girls dont do much cooking anymore, rather, they would want a guy who can cook for them in the future. My mom and im sure most moms tell their son(s) that they're going to have a hard time in the future with an ever demanding girlfriend or wife. So i replied, "society is changing, if guys cant adapt, give in to the changes and work on a compromise basis, then may the best man win". Feel free to disagree with me on this. Because im on the side of being more sensitive to these changes.

And on other stuffs...

I've been wanting to shake off something that has been constantly disturbing me since about a couple of weeks ago. Ever felt a feeling so genuine, so real, but know that the result will only turn out to be an illusion? What is this feeling? I don't want to admit knowing and wished it never occured. Is it normal for something like this to happen? because for certain reasons, i wouldn't want history to repeat itself. But if history has a chance to repeat itself, why not make it as righteous as possible? That kept me hanging on the line, only trouble is, well, its an illusion and will probably never come true.

And more stuffs...

nah.. its late, better head home and hit the sack. Until next time, cheers!

Its a beautiful life...

4 weeks til exams begin... no hurry right? Especially when we still have a report due on the week before exams. Bloody hell...

I have a new guideline to my life. It seems very clear to me at this point in time that my life revolves around alphabets. They are NP, P, C, D and HD. Okay minus the last one cuz im not capable of reaching that level. Ya i know its so sad... ahahahaah.. psycho.

its not just 1 but 2 subjects affected...

Ever had the feeling of bursting out but just dont have time to? That's what i feel at the moment. My chest is so heavy with disappointment. Reality hit me once before and once more today. So its just studies why am i sulking away? You wont understand...

Just cant find the energy to put more effort in my work than anybody else... fucking retarded! fucking stupid.

What I'm Thinking of by the backyard at this moment...

Put a bullet through my brain. Send me to the clouds where we can dance on the soft white floors beneath us... No need to worry as there's no weight on our shoulders...

I need something to fucking punch!!! Arrgh! Where's my dog?!!

Facing the facts of life?

"How have you been?"

"very stressed..." i answered. I was on the phone with my dad just a couple of days ago while he was still in Vietnam.

"Your dance concert is over right?"

"yes..."

"Are you still working?"

"yes..."

"Maybe that's where the stress is coming from." he said firmly as he never supported the idea of me working and studying.

"NO! if I dont work, id be broke."

"Then have you been coming home late again?" he said sarcastically (like lepaking).

"NO! I've only been staying up late for studies okay!" I was pissed at his assumptions and that he cant just say something like "take it easy".

I talked to my mom about it... Her interpretation makes sense to me now, as in today i realised it. She told me that what my dad was trying to say is whether I am getting enough sleep to cope with the stress. Additionally, she mentioned that working is draining a lot of my time. But its only 8hrs on one day of the weekend!? True... but the weekends is the time for you to sort out all your work so that you could carry it out efficiently, plus its also the only time to rest properly. I kept quiet.

See what's dragging me down these few days is the fact that my results are slipping or inconsistent. I know year 2 is tough but its manageable. Some of us went through a tough week before our dance concert and I barely made it through in terms of studies. Physiology quiz, no comments, I just fucked up both of them. Physio lab worksheets, commentable, marks were satisfactory for both but obviously not happy with them. I just want to say, I understand the feelings of those who didnt do as good as their labmates. Because the effort and honesty we put into it didnt pay. But just know this, our marks determine what we truely know about the subject matter. So if you were honest with yourself and got poor results then shit happens la face it and try again next time. There's no point comparing with those who copied and got away with excellent grades with big smiles on their faces and the sense of achievement.

Moving along, I asked myself, could working and/or dancing be impeding my studies? It seems very likely. Should I stop? Should I give up something(s) I fell in love doing to focus on something I forced myself into doing for 1 year + more and has a poor job prospect in the related field? I read this somewhere, "we learn science, but we dont graduate as scientists after all that studying, its only the few high achievers that'll make it through" (something like that la). Knowing myself I dont like giving up so easily or taking the easy way out of life's turbulence. But the slacking results from studies does show that Im incompetent, that Im not good enough to juggle work, play and education all at once. THAT IS WHAT'S PISSING ME OFF!!! Im losing against myself, fuck!

Then i realised that my parents were right! For once... (hahaha!) It may be a small fuss to talk about but I admit, I want to prove to them that I can cope and yet get good grades (D's) mainly to satisfy myself after the torturous amounts of assignments, report and quizzes. I will not quit, that's for certain. D's are what I want and I will puke blood to get it. As nerdy as it may sound, lets not forget, Im from Monash Uni bitch its a culture what do you expect?! Just kidding lar. But our library is seriously so happening. wahahaha...

Isnt it a sight worth capturing? Sights like these stimulate an endless array of nostalgia.

-I cant give up, not after all I've been through

28/3/2009 - present

Air at last!!! But what about the 2 reports, 1 assignment and 2 quizzes due next week? Mid sem break has begun, so ill see to my studies soon enough... after i get my @#*^%&$ SLEEP! For God's sake a mid sem break is a time for you to catch up with the happening HD students in monash. I beg to differ. After spending the last 2 weeks or so under pressure beyond my tolerance, this and only THIS is MY time to uhu glue MYSELF to MY bed.

Lets recap...

I've only recently started to appear online again and managed to check out facebook which has been sending me tonnes of updates to my poor hotmail account. Well there's always an explanation. Between the 28th of March til the 3rd of April was without a doubt my toughest week of uni so far. Within that week, the average hours of sleep i got was between 3 to 4 hours per day and sometimes even 2hrs. 2 reports were due on 30th, 1 quiz on 31st, 1 essay assignment due 1 - 3rd, 1 dance performance on 1st and finally a presentation on the 3rd of April. You're probably thinking "cehhh I've had this this that and even more things to juggle". Well it IS manageable... But! with our dance concert practices burning up our free time til 10 - 11pm on our free-er days so that we can "burn the dance floor" for our audience, do we really have time? Could the so called technique of 'time management' advised by the uni to help cope with just about everything assist us with the weight on our shoulders? What if I've spreaded my work load for the week but dont have the energy to carry it out? That was the whole problem. Time management should be paired with energy management aka getting enough rest and this is starting to sound like some therapy session, okay CHUP! Anyhow that was one hectic week which costed me my overall well-being and headache for the next several days. To top it all up, there was a period of social turmoil that led to depression in some including myself. What was a slight misunderstanding snowballed into a friendship-on-the-line issue. Many a time there were struggles to bring it all back together, tears were shed, voices were raised and hearts were tainted.

Im glad things are more or less steady now, although i wished things were like before which is why i say "what happened to the good times?" Sigh... Things change, people change, if only we were humble enough to forgive one another and carry on with our lives.

Anyway, the big night (9/4/09) is officially over!! So happy!! here are some pics of MDFC's Extravaganza concert:

and finally the post-concert... of course there were a lot more performers.

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate all dancers, FANTASTIC JOB PEEPZ!!! All that hardcore training T.T, the scoldings, the eye-bags, the carpet burns, the bruises, the stinky dance room, the tears, the bloodshed and most importantly the time spent together will always be treasured in my mind, heart and soul...

No Title.

April 9th 09... the big night... the mark of a slight relief from the weight on my shoulders. 3 more weeks of torture and struggle before the tide changes in favour of myself and thus the battle shall be won from there on, i swear it.

I cant even say i slept last night, i napped. Slept in the first morning lecture and was high until evening. I blame the new magical vending machine that dispenses coffee with added cocaine and a button for 'less sugar'. Fascinating, seriously! Ask Galvin! lol. But anyway i still managed to finish a lab report. SIGH... Im way too exhausted to start with my next couple of assignments due...friday? F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a chilly yester-night, 4am, staring out the window and into the sleeping world. I remembered a close friend asking me this, "what is your purpose in life?" I continued to stare into the dark. Having absolutely no friggin clue until today. Be blur and let the wind push me around maybe? hmm... and dozed off.

Beyonce - Halo

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
Repeats...



One word, Beautiful...

That uneasy feeling...

Negative energy hovers around me... Its the 2nd week of year 2 at monash, this week itself and until the end of the semester puts a temporary halt to a free and easy life. Weekly lab reports begin to pour in and assignments right around the corner. Performance for CnS week 2mrw, i am officially f***ed for that cuz im still unclear about the cha cha. The load of dance practice increases to about 3 times a week if i didnt hear wrongly. Oh and i just remembered that i agreed to work a little on sundays now yay! toooooot~ me!


I am so dead. I dont know how im going to cope. This is totally different from the holidays. But a challenge is a challenge no? Lets see how it goes...

If you're unhappy about the way others have moulded you, get up and friggin mould yourself.

I came across a very powerful statement today while i picked up and browsed through a book.

Its not some funky statement with terror words and all but simple and straight to the point.

It goes like this:

"You can do it if you believe you can."

Its not my first time hearing or reading this of course. It just reminded me that self-motivation is by far the most crucial form of motivation yet. For me. Makes sense because if it doesnt begin in your mind, body and soul then where is it going to come from? A friend? possible... but what if this person doesnt have the time to attend to you? hmm?

Ever since the hols started, no, actually way before that if i think about it now, i've been squeezing out time to a self enhancement project. Not just fitness wise but building self-confidence, self-esteem and always trying to lead a cheerful life. Dancing is without a doubt one of the main factors for the contribution. Working at Starbucks, FnB line/customer care, initiating and engaging in convo with customers. Reading magazines and a few pages off books. Having to-die-for friends. All played a part. However, without the most important factor, YOU, the whole experiment is an utterly disgusting beyond failure.

Okay lets get this straight, im not boasting about how im so damn confident, think highly of myself and bla bla bla. All im saying is that is has helped me discover a much more happier and optimistic side of myself. And i believe that YOU are much better off than i am. Never give up.

-Smiling is contagious, when you smile, the World smiles back at you-

Im sleepy.....

So im back after what? A few months? lol i think i did forget at one point whether i had a blog or not... Anyway, cheers to a fantastic almost 4 months holiday! woo! And i am proud to say that i've made great use of this holiday. Ahem... let me break it down for you. So i began with a holiday to Malacca with my bunch of uni friends. Then i enrolled in friggin LAN subjects, 2 subjects to be precise. The course was about 2 months? Moving along, midway through my summer lan course i got a job at Starbucks Gardens (15th dec 08). On top of that i had dance classes at uni every thursday and on some occasions multiple times a week whenever a performance in nearing. Plus, i had to spend quality time with my friends aww... Oh not to forget collecting angpows for CNY all that visiting! Yeap, i definitely had something to do everyday, if not it was just work work and more work.


A quick update on my goals for the summer holidays of 2008 - 09:

1) Enroll and complete remaining LAN subjects. (Achieved. Past my M.S. and BKA baby!! so happy for myself)

2) Get a job at Starbucks. (Achieved. I thought it was impossible with my already busy schedule)

3) 60kg by March 09. (Failed. Hey i was well fed throughout the hols okay. Worked out a lot too but my metabolic rate you know... up to today i did put on 1kg sth)

4) Get a valentine. (Aborted with immediate effect :D postponed la)


Apparently sometime during the hols a couple of my close friends told me, "dont forget your friends!". I should've written this up a long time ago but i was busy. Well its not my fault that i couldnt make it for whatever outing they've planned. Simply because i had to prioritise. Other than that they just dont understand the fact that petrol is expensive and my parents dont subsidise whenever i use the car for my own leisure. Also bear in mind that i dont live nearby them. So? okay maybe its still my fault cuz there was this one time they were at mid valley, i was totally broke and exhausted. so i never made it. Sorry for that, but the rest you guys should understand.