i believe you...

yep... another depressing blog... but that's life... the sweet is never as sweet... without the bitter... let's get to it...

i think the best song to describe my life is one by the fine brother Common... Go...



i wish shit was as easy as this video... it sucks when you actually realize what's in someone heart... what they have the potential to do to you when you're not around... as much as i don't want to believe he could cheat... he could throw away everything just like that... i do...

the shit that use to seem so sincere... isn't... the things that use to be so natural seem forced... and it bites... bites big donkey balls...

i don't think i've made it through a week without crying in months...

when someone shows you who they are... you should believe them the first time... and ever though it's taken more than one time... i believe you...

Nola*

Been a minute...

Lots has happened... Good... and bad... but that's life...

The bestie and I are no longer as close as we use to be... I miss her terribly... but people are in your life for seasons... and our 12 year season I feel has come to a close... I won't get into what my reason is... or what I think her reason is... but I guess it's necessary on both parts...

Ny and I have had a really rough month... things are starting to get back to normal... but sadly, some days... I think this is just the beginning of the end...

Now I know every relationship has it's problems... but these problems are starting to take a tole on the person that I am... There was a week were I literally cried at least twice a day... everyday... there were two days where the only thing that I could stomach to eat was crackers... and I only had like 4 of those... there was two days that went by where I did not sleep... I honestly felt like I was falling into a mild depression...

And on the real... I feel like I'm losing him... I feel like he's just waiting for the next best thing to come along... I feel like he's no longer in love with me...

I could handle him just telling me he's not sure about us... but he puts a mask over what I feel are his true feelings by saying, "Babe... everything is fine..." my gut tells me otherwise... and my gut... is rarely wrong...

I just wish things could go back to the way they use to be... when we were so in love... and he was so fascinated by me... and he wanted to spend every waking moment with me... and always called... and didn't forget about me... forget about the things that made me happy... but the truth is things never go back to being the same... they either get better or get worse...

It seems like the only time he feels the need to fight for me is when I'm walking out the door... the only time he fights is when there a trauma in the relationship... I can't understand why he has to wait til then to show he loves me...

He seems to want to go out to bars more... when I ask... hey... you want to hook up? he say "Uh... I might be going out tonight..." or "...they boys and I might hit up a bar..."

Then there are all the questions that go unanswered... I really feel sometime he goes behind my back and does dirt... Can't really prove it... and honestly... at this point... I don't want to...

I wish I could go back to the good old days... when love was only about candy and holding hands...

Nola*