March 9, 2005 (The Last Day)

Amazing how time flies, doesn't it?

It only seemed like yesterday that I first came into Tekong, as a civilian, to be transformed into a soldier. Now, it has already been 9 weeks, and today, I had completed my Basic Military Training, and have passed out as a Private, no longer a Recruit. The Passing Out Parade was exhausting, and rather pointless in its rehearsals, but on the actual day, it meant so much to us, for it symbolized the 9 weeks of shit we all had to endure, and the fact that we have endured it successfully.

Now, those 9 weeks weren't all good. In fact, there wasn't much good in there, to be honest. But still, it's over, finally. I'm just about done with Pulau Tekong, and I'm all the more happier for it. Even though I'm still just a puny Private who still has 1 year and 9 month's worth of shit to get through for the rest of my National Service Life, I have passed the first phase of my military life, and while I still have to go back to Tekong every now and then to settle some stuff, the official part is over.

Which, actually, means nothing much. Except that I could probably grow back my hair now, lol.

Well, it's been a long 9 weeks, and while I haven't updated this blog as much as I would have liked, it was still a good 9 weeks detailing my life and thoughts in Pulau Tekong. Unfortunately, everything has to end here now, and I'll see you all back in the original [A.Z.] blog. Until then, ciao, all.

March 1, 2005 (Day 53)

I'm really starting to miss those girls.

Oftentimes, while I am in here, I end up wondering how they are doing right now. I've neber had a chance to meet them ever since the last outing before I first came to Tekong, with the exception of WR, and the way they have become almost uncontactable at this point in time is not helping. They are all out in the world right now, working for their moeny, and I can't help but wonder if they are doing okay. ST has always been working even when I knew her in school, so I have no worries about her, and I've seen WR at her workplace, and from the looks of it, she's doing just fine as well. But I have no idea whatsoever about how EL is doing since I last met her, and oftentimes I wonder about how she is. It's been a long time since I last saw them, and how I wish I could go back to the days of PJC, when, whenever it's not about homework, it's about mingling with them, and having fun teasing the pretty, empty little heads of theirs.

Well, perhaps I would finally meet them this Friday. If rumors about the 'A' Level results coming out this Friday turns out to be true.

It's strange, I know, but when you're in the Army, te life is sufficiently tough enough to make you unable to think about anything else beyond your present predicament. And that's including the 'A' Levels. Even though the outcome would turn out to be the indicator of the direction of my life, I have been finding it hard to think of it that way. For something that was the basis of two years of my life, the 'A' Levels have become frivolous, almost trivial, inits meaning to me. Maybe it's because I have a rough plan as to what to do with my life if I don't make it to NUS. Maybe it's because I am no longer thinking about it as yet to be, but as something that's already past. Whatever it is, it has seemed to cease being meaningful to myself. I wonder what this means.

Things can really change when you're not aware of time passing. Now, whenever I book out during the weekends, and I get home, and after washing myself, I would turn on the computer......and hope to meet that someone who I've been really wishing to meet for the whole week. And she would have been waiting too, waiting for the week so that she could meet me just once on the weekend. That someone is NeNe. I don't know how to describe it, but it really seems like the start of what I hope would be something beautiful. Even though the odds against us are great, I being a 19-year-old Singaporean NSMan with a pittance for an 'income', and she an 18-year-old Craotian schoolgirl, we cherish this hope that we would meet someday, and hope is blind. This much I know.

It could be a long time before we actualy meet, if at all, and in that time, so many things could happen. Still, I will wait, hoping that fate would soon deal the both of us better hands than we have presently.

Jason and Naomi. What a pair.

February 28, 2005 (Day 52)

I thought I was getting confinement last Saturday, since the Sir read out my name for confinees the night before. That was a truly demoralizing moment, for it meant one more day of your life that the Army has taken away from you.

So imagine what I felt, when I found out that the Sir had made a mistake, and I wasn't supposed to be confined after all......20 minutes before the whole company was due to board the fastcraft back to civilisation.

Oh yes, first it was elation, then it was downright panic, as I rushed to dress and pack up, hoping I won't drag back my platoon by being late. They were pretty pissed about it too, but firstly, it wasn't entirely my fault, and secondly, I could hardly care less about what those fucktards think anymore anyway. Why should I care about what they feel, when they don't care about what I feel at all?

I've lived the last 2 years believeing that the best kind of friends, those friends that you can count upon to soothe your soul when you've had too much of life, are the ditzy, airheaded girls who are not smart enough to be truly nasty. I just never expected to prove this theory to be correct, right here in Pulau Tekong. For the comapny I keep in Tekong are all guys with 'A' Levels pedigree......and either they turn out to be worse versions of JC, or worse still, worse versions of the bullies of my secondary school days. Okay, that's tarring everyone with the same brush, and some of them definitely do not deserve such a scathing label. But still, most of them are less hospitable to me than I would have liked, although admittedly I cold be a little more amenable to them as well. But it's just that......well, when you put a lot of pressure on someone, you can't expect him not to retaliate, can you? The wrost thing is, whever I have had enough of this fucked-up life, and called those of my friends who can be considered quite smart, their response tends to be a varaiation of "Stop whining and acting like a wimp, and take it like a man". really demoralizing. And while my more airheaded girls have become increasingly hard to reach, whenver I do manage to contact them, their response tends to be varaiations of, "Aw, just bear with it, it's only so long before it'll all be over. Be strong, okay?"

Just about the same meaning, but such differing impacy. The latter sounds so much more morale-boosting than the former, and how it shows that whoever said it cares about you too. There's something to be said for being not so smart after all.

I have realised that I haven't been updating this diary as often as I would have lifed, and it is because of a sad combination of factors. Either I have had no time to do so, thanks to the sergeants annoying vigilance, ot I have become so tired, , so uncaring of anything at all, that I could not make the effort to write anything, again thanks to the sergeants' efforts at breaking us down. I also realised that the general mood of what I had been writing these days have reverted to the world-weary, deflated tone that I started out with when I started my first blog. Man, it's been a while, and yet it seems like it was just yesterday......well. Let's just say that all the Army has taught me isL I'm no soldier. I cannot take pressure as well as everybody else, and if that makes me a wealking, there's nothing I can do about that, you know? That's me, like it or not, and you can take it or leave it for all I care. I'm someone who works better with gentle encouragement than prodding pressure, and since the Army is all about pressure, no surprise I perform very poorly in such an environment indeed. But that's a story for another time.

Right now though, I've got to get back to reality. Which, in my case, happens to be the business of being a recruit in Pulau Tekong BMTC School 2. And which, at this instant, involves cleaning our the devillishly hard to clean AR-15 assault rifle, a thankless task which could take hours to complete.

Stupid rifle.

February 24, 2005 (Day 48)

The last few weeks is nothing short of disillusioning, to be honest.

It was all downhill ever since field camp. The crumb balls have become three distinct groups: those who are not bad to hang around with, those who are perpetual strangers, and those who are just bloody fucks. Field camp, instead of gelling us together as a team, has only seemed to bring out the true colours in people, and the differences are creating tension that seems to be permanent. For my part, I have been victimized by the fuck who was supposed to be my buddy, and it is really irritating to have to face an exact copy of the bullies who tormented me during my secondary school days. But well. He's only the latest in a long line of fucks I've seen in my life, and besides, if he wants to be the childish one, that is his problem, isn't it?

What is even worse is that I have become a target amongst my patoon mates and the sergeants alike. It's especially the bloody fucks who like to pick me out for sarcastic comments, and being the kind of person who is both too nice and too slow-witted to throw anything back, I have been keeping it in my heart, simmering. One day, it will all explode, I know. But I'll make sure those bloody fucks get caught in the blast as well, for that is exactly what they deserve. No more Mr. Nice Guy. They don't appreciate my nicer side, they can have the roaring mad me of 5 years ago.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about the sergeants. All my efforts to stay out of their blacklist have been in vain, and apart from always being picked out, I have also been loaded with quite a few extras......most of it for nothing. POP is only 2 weeks away now, so there might just be a chance I can get away with most of it unserved......but still, it's just demoralizing, to be honest. Taking away our weekends doesn't teach us anything, it only saps morale, and if I get too much, I could very well just break down and give up. Then whether I complete NS or not will become a moot question.......

The worst thing is, it has become too hard to contact the girls anymore. Most of them don't even pick up at all, and when you are looking forward to a kind voice to soothe away your cares at the end of the day, being shut out like that only demoralizes me even more. I still know I can't expect so much from them, but in such a stressful situation, passion is starting to overcome my reason, and it is getting harder to think positively without any feeling of emotional support from your friends.

It's too hard. It's getting too hard. Where can I find an understanding ear to listen to my woes? Who can soothe me when I'm in pain?

Still, reality bites, and there's no ignoring it. It was rifle range last week, and while it seemed fun initially to be firing live rounds, punching holes in cupboard only gets to be repetitive, even irritating, when you have to do it for 3 days straight. Besides, range discipline is so strict, it's easy to fall prey despite all the care you have taken. The grenade throws was fun though, and although it's only a throw, the adrenaline is so much more than anything. The actual explosion isn't as loud as some people believe, to be honest.......but it's the way the earth shakes from the explosion that makes the grenade so scary. Still, it was real fun.

As I'm writing this, I can say that I just came back from SITEST yesterday. The thing about SITEST is, it IS as fun as many people say it is, but it is also very exhausting. It's not as bad as field camp though, in fact it is better when you consider that you're starting afresh with people you've hardly met. It means that for a while, you're free of the prejudices developed in the platoon. But good things don't last. And so, right now I'm sitting in the Discussion Room, waiting for the RASF WSO interview, and hoping I won't get guard duty by the last minute this weekend.

February 9, 2005 (Day 33)

Perhaps you are all wondering why I took so long to finally make this post. Well, whatever. I have been through so much, I'm literally jaded, tired, unable to see the better side of life. I had no time, no space, nothing to think. Right now, I'm counting my blessings I have any time at all.

Alright. Field camp started on January 29, and it ended Febraury 4 for me. And all I can say was,

It sucked. Big time.

Field camp was where the nightmare all began. Apart from the physical punishment, the general filth of not bathing for 4 days straight at a time, and the fact that things just got even more hectic, there were other things. Things that contribute to making Pulau Tekong truly hell on earth. The screaming sergeants screamed 10 times as much, and they handed out punishments like there's no tomorrow. In the space of 10 minutes, you could be in push-up position, but then the sergeant tells you to change to crunches, then push ups, then crunches again, before going back to push ups and carrying on with 20......but halfway he tells you to change to alternate leg thrust, 5 counts of 4.

And you have no choice but to take it. You better pitch your bashar tents well, or you'll get a tekan session before being forced to go back and try again. You better fall in by 10 seconds, or the next thing you know, you're doing 40. Finish your MREs (Meals Rejected by Ethiopians) by 5 and do your camo as well, or you'll get it again, as well as having no space for the extra rations that's going to come. You better not give up when you're dog-tired, and lift a leg to ease the pain that comes with push ups, or the next thing you know, your whole platoon is doing alternate leg thrusts, and you're the one to blame for that.

And if you fail, you drop to the ground, and all you wish is to just faint, you're pulled up by the shirt, the lieutenant is facing you eye to eye, and in a mean, no-nonsense tone, he tells you to stop whining and take it like a man. And you have no choice, but to literally kill yourself. When you're under pressure, faced with a task you cannot complete in time, you shout out for assistance, hoping that one of your platoon mates would come and help you out. Instead, they ignore you like you're not even worth their time, even if they were not doing anything else, and was free enough to help you out and keep the time wasted to a minimum. End result: When it's times up, everyone rushes past you, telling you to "Hurry up!".......and yet they still don't stop to help, so you end up being late, the whole platoon gets punished, and they're bitter at you for causing this to them, while you're bitter at them for not helping, and thinking that they were every bit as responsible for their plight as you were, so they should just shut up........

It's just too much stress sometimes. Such stress can make people break down and cry. I should know. I did that the 5th night. It's just too much to take sometimes. Well, alright. Go ahead. Call me a wimp to my face, why don't you. I'll be the first to tell you I'm not made for this, I'm a wimp who shouldn't be here in the first place if not for the stupid laws that force me to undergo training in Tekong. Tell me that to my face, why don't you all. I don't care anymore.

Whatever. Field camp showed me the darker side of human nature, and I am all too aware that field camp has also brought out the worst side of me, that cynical, jaded, hot-tempered me of 5 years ago. I know that, and yet I cannot help that, for that was the only way I was going to survive in the hell that was field camp. And I did survive......but hurt. Deep inside. It does toughen you up, true......but field camp also destroys your soul somewhat, and you come out of it changed. And personally, I don't think it's for the better.

That's my mood right now. Today is Chinese New Year, and I have 5 days to enjoy before I have to book in once more. All I hope for now is for someone who would come and soothe the wounds I have suffered from being in a barbaric organization such as the army. When will that come?

January 25, 2005 (Day 18)

The weekend was, for a lack of a better word, surreal. To be getting resignned to boiling in the cauldron of hot oil that is Pulau Tekong, only to be suddenly taken out and replaced in the comfort zone, is usually enough to send anyone dizzy.

Just for these three days, life was good again. I had my own bed, my computer, my piano, even my own tolet. The meals were truly home-cooked, and tasted as good as never had been before. So too, was the fast food. The tunes from the piano that I play stirred my soul, as I slowly got used to the instrument that had been my silent, yet loquacious friend since time unknown. Indeed, Pulau Tekong truly is the place to teach the meaning of appreciation. It sure did make me appreciate everything I have ever had in my life.

However, the weekend was unfortunately not complete enough for me. Despite all the comfort, all the hoo-hah from relatives clamouring to see the first "army boy" of my generation in the family, wanting to see how he has turned out from the experience, there was still one thing missing. One thing that, with its absence, caused everything to feel unfinished. Which could have, in its presence, made my day complete, my weekend in free society worth it, recharged me for a continuing ordeal at Tekong.

That thing was the girls.

Most unfortunately, I have been firsthand privy to a phenomenon which existed probably a decade back. As the National University of Singapore (NUS) and the other universities don't open their dooes til mid-year, and the 'A' Level results don't come until late February, there exists this phenomenon where, while the guys of the January enlistment intake are entrapped in Tekong, the girls, having too much time in their hands, all take up part-time jobs. AS a result, while the guys only got the weekends to themselves, if at all, the girls won't even be free on the weekends.

In other words, it's harder for them to meet up, and as a result, they drift apart. From this, the "I'm sorry, Joe" story plays out all over again; girl gravitates to older men who have finished their NS, while the "army boys" heal their broken hearts, finish their NS, then proceed to find a nice girl, who then tells their "army boy", "I'm sorry, Joe."

Well, not that I have a girlfriend anyway. The curse won't hit me, although there's a few in the company who would likely suffer that fate. The thing is, practically all of these friends I consider close are all the girls, and because of this phenomenon, it's been getting harder to contact them. EL has been practically uncontactable since I enlisted. Especially sad, since I really miss her quite a lot. ST is also busy at weekends, which means I won't even see her for quite a while. JT isn't even answering her phone, and while I have finally picked up the courage to call D while in camp, the conversation was so awkward, I'm still a bit unsure about calling her again.......perhaps it is best for her to remain a Katrina to me.

Only ST, WR, LF, and Jessa have remained contactable to me, and to be honest, I have literally been surviving on their encouragement, drawing from their words the strength to continue toiling, the will to survive this frying pan, so that I may be forged into something better than I was. Just a few minutes ago, JJ finally took up my call, and as always, it was too good to hear the voice of a friend.

But eventually, phone calls will wear thin, no longer enough. Then all I will wish for is to see them again.

Until then, life in Tekong goes on. And thankfully enough, the first day back, which was yesterday, wasn't as tough as it used to be, which, considering that I'm feeling pretty slack then, now basically means I was wondering where all the nightmares went. I don't know about today though, because I was at CMPB the whole day taking my RSAF com test :p

But well......life in green goes on.

January 20, 2005 (Day 13)

Woot! Today is book-out day!

I am so going to make the most of the 3-day weekend........

January 18, 2005 (Day 11)

To be honest, it has been a really hectic few days lately. Running around, rushing here and there, waiting about for things that might not happen, that is the standard day in Pulau Tekong. If anyone could see Pulau Tekong, or rather the BMTC from a bird's-eye view, he would think that he was looking at a human version of an anthill.

But to be serious, there really is a lot of activity going on, at least for me. My last entry is a good example; there just isn't enough time to say everything I wished to say. But anyway, from being a martial artist pretender in BCCT, to doing make-up for a manly purpose in camouflage lesson (think camo paint), to feeling like a turtle with FBO loaded onto me for the 4-klick march, there just isn't enough time to go around for everything, let alone, my own personal matters. Right now, I'm writing this sometime in the afternoon, where I have an unprecedented hour-long break to do anything I want.

And talking about personal matters, I seem to keep running into walls every turn I take. For some reason, AL, EL and JT have basically all become unavailable through calls, and I am really beginning to miss their voices a lot. It is a good thing that N is still picking up my calls, although on reflection, I should stop calling her so often, since she has a new guy in her life. Ah, N, N......how many guys will you have to go through before you find the one you are meant for?

Which reminds me. Singapore beat Indonesia 2-1 to lift the Tiger Cup. :D

Also, I am really fitting in into the whole system, although I suspect part of the reason is that the sergeants aren't really coming down hard on us yet. Still, I am looking forward to book-out-day, two days from now, when I will have a long weekend to see my family and my girls. Especially the girls. I really miss them a lot.

Alight then, anyway.......that's all, for now.

January 17, 2005 (Day 10)

Someone just told me that a suicide of a teenage girl that happened two years ago, was of someone I knew back in secondary school.

Damned.

I feel awful. I seriously do. And very confused too, about my feelings. It is almost too hard to accept that someone I knew, even how barely, is no longer alive, no longer existent. It really bothers me that I only found out after two years had passed, even though I didn't know her all that well. Right now it feels so heart-wrenchingly confusing. And I really don't need it, not at this time.

But to be honest, such bombshells are a far better, or shall I say far more efficient, way of bringing the fact of your own mortality back to you than any of Eddie Koh's field trips, and to be honest, that's saying a lot. These are the kind of things that really makes you think about life itself, and to appreciate life even more. All I can hope is that I wouldn't have to pay a far higher price for another such lesson in the future. If I'm having trouble coping with the young, premature, death of a near-stranger, goodness knows I can't handle the death of a dear friend.

January 15, 2005 (Day 8)

These few days have been tough. I was getting barely enough sleep, the discipline is getting tighter, the company is still the same few crumb balls, and there were times I could barely keep awake, let alone do much of anything.

Last night's fire drill was a prime example. Because of mistakes by a few people, the entire company was subject to push-ups, crunches, and not a few times of running up and down 4 flights of stairs between the bunks and the parade square.......while dragging along a pail holding miscellaneous stuff, and a 4KG rifle. Yes, the slack period is over, and we're all getting the brunt of it all. Tekong is slowly turning into the nightmare I always knew it would be.

But because of it, there's another change in me too. I have no idea how the rest of the crumb balss are taking it, but for me, all it has done was to bring back the negative side of me that I was in my NCC days.......the jaded, cynical being that took those punishments as just another negative aspect of a worthless life. Indeed, now all I can do is to take everything like I did 5 years ago.......with a 'screw you, too, asshole' in my mind, and jaded eyes staring back at the screaming sergeants. Slowly, I feel like I'm losing the vibrant side of me I managed to develop thanks to the girls and to N, and I'm back in a nightmare world with a version of myself who wishes only to get out of this misery as soon as possible......or to get away from it all by dying.

It is because of this that I keep this diary of my days in Tekong. Through all this, I hope to retrieve the real me, by preserving myself in these words. I do not with to become an emotionless drone who takes orders without question; exactly what the army demands. Thus, all I can do is to rant, to cry, to scream through these words, and hopefully I will come through this BMT shit unscathed.

My family and friends have also been instrumental in ensuring I didn't suffer a mental collapse, or lose my personality. Calling back home felt especially good, and N contributed an encouraging message which meant so much to me. I've also called Jessa too, and while she did help me out, I'm starting to get the feeling she doesn't actually understand just what BMT is all about :S

But anyway, I have been calling every night to one or other of my girls, and while they have given me the strength to go on, even though my phone battery has somehow managed to survive, I don't think my phone bill will :p

Alright, I'll see if I can write later.

January 11, 2005 (Day 4)

Oh, the pointlessness of it all.

Yup, that basically summed up the day for me. A damned tiring CCBT (Close Combat Physical Training) warmup, where I failed spectacularly at the pushups before having the company PC deride me for being too weak to even handle the warmup started the day.

Well.......that sucked.

What sucked even more was having to go to the firing range to watch the sergeants firing M16 rounds at watermelons to show its capability, as if I didn't already know from my NCC days. Well, perhaps it's only fair the non-NCC guys got to take a look, but it's no joke when you have to walk aimlessly around while you're suffering from "recruit's fatigue", or the fatigue recruits usually suffer after the first few days of camp. The really sucky part was, I had to squeeze with the while platoon into what of those all-purpose military trucks they call 'tonners', for the two-way trip between barracks and the range.

Let's just say that being squeezed like sardine with 49 other stinking crumb balss into one tonner with a maniacal driver at the wheel on a rocky road is, again, no joke.

And to complete the totally pointless day, I had to go for a meaningless ceremony where the rifles are symbolically handed over to the recruit's safekeeping. Seriously pointless, boring, and even cramp-inducing. I almost died of migraine from wearing the jockey cap for too long. All the things they said about defending the country......blah. Look at it this way. I never asked to be born. I sure didn't ask to be born in Singapore, where I have no choice but to suffer an indignity I didn't care for in the first place. Well. Now the only way this godforsaken place is going to earn any respect from me, is if they cut down on the nationalistic bullshit. It's about time they realised people like me, however rare, don't buy such bullshit.

Alright, I'm done ranting pointlessly for now. Now for the meaningful part. After all the shit of today, I called back to my family, and well, at least this time I smiled to hear their voices. It seemed like I was losing any sense of kinship to them, and if there was one good thing about being stuck in this hellhole, it was that it built up the meaningful relationships a lot more than you would think. And speaking of which........I called N after that.

And it's official. N has an impact on me others don't have.

I broke into tears again when I heard her voice, even though I managed to keep calm and hear about her last 4 days. I finally started tearing towards the end of our conversation, although I have no diea whether she picked up on it or not. So.......all I can say is, I didn't break down on the first day in Tkeong when I talked to N because I was a wimp...........because if I would break down everytimg I hear from her.....,

It means N means much more to me than anyone else in this world.

Bah. Well, anyway I got around to calling ST afterwards, and I got almost the same kind of talk I got from AL. Hmm. Someone should check whether they are long-lost twins or something, since they are both so similar in personality and all.

Perhaps tomorrow night, I would call Jessa, and ask her what is it about military life she liked, since I know what it meant now :p Hmm. I should ask her to pass a message to NeNe too. Alright, that's what I'll do.

Anyway, it's late. Goodnight all.

January 10, 2005 (Day 3)

It really is amazing how, when you most think that they are irretrievable gone, your hidden resources suddenly returns to tide you through the tough times.

And so it is for me. In the space of one day, I had self-engineered a transformation from crying wimo who couldn't take the discipline of Pulau Tekong, to the person I was 3 years ago, with the skills and the nerves of a seasoned NCC cadet with the resources needed to cope with the challenges of military life at my fingertips. Just like that, the prospect of spending my time in Tekong didn't seem half as bad as it was. The food has become more to my liking, the discipline has become a mere routine, and the company, while still made up of crumb balls, have all turned out to be pretty nice crumb balls, although they could never replace the company I enjoyed with the girls, when I am at my happiess. Sorry guys :p

Well, for some reason, there hasn't been much activity over the last 2 days. It was pretty much all admin stuff and lectures, and hardly any physical toil at all. I suspect that's about to change tomorrow though, but well, I'll just take one day at a time, and hope that I would still have the energy to continue the Tekong Chronicles.

That is not to say i hadn't missed the aspect of my former life though. To be honest, family was rather absent in my thoughts, and what I thought about instead was the girls I knew and loved. I called EL yesteraday, and while our talk was nothing short of awkward for some reason (maybe because of the fact that I found out she had a boyfriend? If so, so what, I'm still going to continue bullying her :p), hearing her voice was good enough for me, and I could only appreciate it. Today I called AL, and at least the old camaderie and bantering between me and her (she always was kookier than me, and that's saying a lot), and......yeah. Maybe I'll call home again tomorrow, perhaps ST, and perhaps N. I have to let my sis know at least I'm starting to cope, let her know I'm no longer what I was on the 1st day too.

I have thought about my online buddies too, and chief amongst them is "Naomi Taylor", or what the others on the RP site we frequent nickname "NeNe". She and I were playing beaus on the character RP sit before I left, and well......I kinda feel bad leaving her alone, but it can't be helped. But I'll make it up to you, NeNe. I promise.

Anyway........that'll be all for now. Stay tuned for the next episode of "The Tekong Chronicles"!!!!

January 8, 2005 (Day 1)

Pulau Tekong Besar. The breeding grounds of the Singapore Armed Forces. The island where boys are sent to become men.

And it shall be where I shall be trapped for the next 9 weeks of my life.

And so it begins. It was only half a day, but it was already enough confirmation of my worst fears. Yelling sergeants, hectic pace, crap food, brumb balls for company, and at the end of it all, I was already close to tears, as lights out, and so did the time when I could finally call out to the world, approached.

Well, I called home first, and well, I was still able not to crack at hearing my family's voices, for they didn't mean much to me in the first place, and probably won't be for a while yet. But.....I finally broke when I called N. She has always meant so much to me, and now I appreciated hearing her voice even more, in my current sorry state. Even now, I'm struggling to hold in my tears as I am writing.......but I must. I must for all of those I love......N, EL, all the girls.....enough.

Maybe in the next few days, I will learn how to be emotionally detached.......goodness knows I'll need it to survive these 9 weeks.

Until then.........

The Beginning Of A New Chapter........

This is my story, starting of January 8, AD 2005. On this day, I, as well as many other Singaporean males of my age, will be enlisted into Singapore's National Service, a defense program where boys are trained to become men. Under the National Service laws, all able-bodied males of at least 18 years of age have to go for compulsory National Service, where they will be trained to become policemen in the Police Academy, Civil Defense forces.......or, as is the majority, shipped off to an island of the main island of Singapore.

That island, is Pulau Tekong. Where boys, in the process of being trained into soldiers to defend the nation, are also trained to become men. And now, it is my turn to undertake Basic Military Training in Pulau Tekong.

I have no idea how many people who will never have to serve National Service, actually know what it entails. Neither do I care, for it is not my job to enlighten them. All I want to do, is to note down my experiences, my thoughts, so that I, and perhaps others, can see them in the future. I will write my thoughts down in a diary that the Singapore Armed Forces have provided to every recruit in BMT, and on the weekends that I get to return to civilization, I will update this blog.

And so, it begins......