Baby update

I've made it to 15 weeks and the baby is totally healthy and beautiful! (in black and white anyway) I now have the go ahead to move around and be a normal human being! I'm so out of shape and a walk up the street with my kids in the stroller is exhausting, but I'll get better. It feels amazing to be able to walk outside again. I went from running almost every day outside to sitting or laying inside all day every day. It was a big adjustment. My brain problems are still there, I have flashing lights in my eyes all the time and I still have a really hard remembering every day things and appointments. Its super frustrating, but I just have to be patient with it. I am on a waiting list to see a neurologist that can hopefully answer more of my questions. We decided to stop the hormone treatment early to help with the side effects and luckily the baby did fine with the adjustment. The side effects have gone away substantially and it is like a breath of fresh air to not feel like death every second of the day. I feel like I have more energy and less rage. :) I still feel sick though, I couldn't expect to feel 100% better with out the hormones, I am still pregnant and with that there is still the regular yucky sickness. But a girl can dream right? It is way better than what it was so for that I am grateful. I have days where I feel totally fine, and it's almost strange to feel so normal. Those days I play with my kids and do the things I have a hard time doing when I'm sicker, cuz I don't really know how long it's going to last!

My belly is getting bigger by the day it feels like. I have sadly had to put away some pants that no longer have a place in my wardrobe. But that's okay because I have found lots of cute elastic waist skirts and maxi dresses ready for summer to take their place and I'm totally fine with that! I can't wait for pools and splash parks and watermelon and bar-b-ques and easy friend filled days of summer ahead!

I can feel the baby kicking and dancing away in there, which has been really comforting to know that as long as it is moving around it is probably okay. We get to find out what we're having in a little over a week and I can not wait! We are feeling so blessed for all the help we received and hope that some day I can pay it forward! I am hoping that the baby updates will be a lot more positive and happy and able to report good news! So far this has been a huge trial of our faith but a great lesson on patience, humility, and learning how to ask for help, which is extremely hard for me to do. My kids and husband have been such troopers and hopefully soon they will get their real mommy and real wife back!

And who are you?

I thought I would update on our recent episode to the emergency room. Let me add that I have very little memory of the events so I am writing what people told me happened and the flashes of memory I have from that day...which may or may not be accurate. :) The day started off  pretty normal but I woke up feeling strange. I was having a hard time separating my dreams I had the night before and what was really happening. I felt like I was still dreaming but I knew I wasn't. I was cleaning the kids toys up and all the sudden couldn't remember where I was or what I was doing. I kept trying to ignore what was going on, blaming it on being pregnant or being tired or something. Then I was driving the kids to Michael's work and I was at a light and couldn't remember if I needed to turn right or left...not normal. I couldn't recognise any stores around me, it felt as if I had been dropped in a city that I had never been in and didn't know where I was going. Very strange. I finally made it to his work and we went to lunch. I told him how weird I was feeling and he told me I should probably call my doctor. So on my way I needed to get gas, as I pulled out my wallet and looked at the cards in it I couldn't tell which one was my debit card, I pulled a card out and looked at it and I didn't know what it was. It's very hard to describe, I can only compare it to a dream like mentality, not knowing what was real and what wasn't. When I got home, after getting lost a few more times, I called my nurse and they said to get to the ER as soon as possible because it sounded like I had a stroke. Oooooookaaaay. So I called my neighbors, which I have no recollection of doing and they came over to help with my kids while I waited for Micheal to come get me. I couldn't remember where my baby's room was to tell them where she was sleeping, or what month it was. I remember sitting outside watching Davis paint red paint on the cement and I don't know why I didn't stop him. Now there is permanent red paint on the cement! Anyway, Michael came and got me and we went to the ER. I couldn't answer any of the intake questions or even explain to anyone what was going on. And Michael didn't really know what was going on either, so I'm sure we looked pretty crazy to these doctors. But they could tell by my lack of response and blank stares that something wasn't right. They started right away with blood tests and ordered an MRI to scan my brain. The doctor was giving my brain tests, like asking me questions and I had to remember things he would say, ya, I failed miserably and don't even remember talking to him. Michale informed me of all this. :) So I got the MRI, which is a crazy weird experience, especially when you have no idea whats going on or where you are. Then we waited for the results. The doctor came in and said they didn't find any signs of a stroke or any swelling but they did find scar tissue on both sides of my brain. He asked if I get frequent migraines, and I explained that I did as a side effect of the hormones I was taking. Now I don't remember this conversation but I'm told that he explained that I had a certain type of migraine happening, I don't remember what it was called, you can't feel any pain, but it is effecting in your brain in such a way that it gives you stroke like symptoms and acute amnesia. So basically it's such an intense nerve related condition that it screws with your brain, making you act a little crazy. Which in my opinion, is pretty scary. Good thing my messed up brain didn't tell me to crash my car or tell me to jump off a building so I could fly! Anyway, so that was the diagnosis. The only treatment is blood thinners which you can't be on when you're pregnant so there wasn't really anything they could do. Awesome! They recommended stopping the hormone treatment so the migraines would stop. But stopping the hormones is a risk to the baby. I don't have very much longer of the treatment anyways, but still, stopping early is scary because if something did happen, that would be my fault. They did another ultra sound of the baby and all is well, it was dancing around totally oblivious to the fact that it's mother was completely crazy at the moment. So after a very long day in the hospital we came home and put our kids to bed and I cried of course, out of pure exhaustion, and total uncertainty as to what we were suppose to do. I was able to talk to an OB today and they recommend stopping the hormones as well. But he wasn't my doctor and I want to talk to MY doctor and see what he thinks. But I can't do that until Monday. I tried calling the after hours answering service and demanding that they let me talk to my doctor and they said no, I had to talk to the on call doctor. What. Ever. That lady needed to be punched in the face. So we will be praying about our decision and hopefully be able to make the right one that will help me and the baby. And that's my story of my psychotic episode! I still fell very strange trying to remember what happened, it's like trying to remember a conversation you had in that really strange dream you had two weeks ago. Thats what my brain feels like. I love being a 90 year old woman!

Easter 2012

 For Easter this year we basically did the same things we do every year. But it always gets a little funner every year with each child getting older and able to understand more of whats going on. We were able to focus more on the the Saviors resurrection and not as much on the candy and Easter Bunny, even though those were still HUGE parts of the holiday as well. We went to Hee Haws Easter egg hunt, which is always a blast. They put out hundreds of eggs and they are all gone in about 30 seconds. The kids love it. I sat on the sidelines and watched them run around and snatch up as many eggs as they could. They got their faces painted...

 And then we came home and colored out Easter eggs, always a messy adventure.

 Then the Easter Bunny came and led the kids on a crazy scavenger hunt around the house with this surprise waiting for them at the end...

My darling babes in their Sunday best

 Then for dinner that night we had my brother and his wife and my other brother over for dinner (which was all premade thanks to Costco, I didn't have to lift a finger.) And we had another egg hunt in our front yard. Because my kids needed MORE candy of course. :) We are grateful for this opportunity to teach our kids about the Savior and his resurrection. We love this gospel and the great blessings we get from being a part of it.

3 months

 One more month down! Every day I'm still pregnant is another day that's a total miracle. At my doctors apt today he said we passed a very good milestone and chances of anything going wrong now are more rare. But we are still not in the clear. He wants me on the hormones for another two weeks. He said the baby is looking really good but I still can't really move around, so pretty much nothing is going to change for another two weeks. But I can sorta see the light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't necessarily mean I will be done being sick in two weeks, but these side effects will sure be gone and that I will be grateful for! I have felt a much stronger connection to the baby in the past week. At my last ultra sound a week ago when I saw the baby I felt a very strong spirit. I am pretty sure I know what the sex is but I will keep that a secret. :) Its hard to explain what I feel, I just feel a soft hum of a spirit inside me. And he/she is a fighter! He/she is fighting so hard to stay alive and I am so grateful for the chance I'm getting to help bring it to this world. We get to have a gender ultra sound in 4 weeks! I can't believe its so soon! I can't wait to know for sure so I can start scheming and planning.
    This week we started getting help from our ward with meals since I was told not to move around to much. They have been amazing! I am so impressed that people I don't even know are so willing to make and bring us a meal! We feel so blessed to have so much help!
     My belly is definitely getting bigger....bigger than it should be that's for sure. I'm pretty sure I look 6 months pregnant instead of 3. And I'll be honest I'm totally sucking in in the picture below! I love retaining water!!! Lets look at all that fun perks it has....I kinda passed that awkward phase of people wondering if I'm getting chubby or pregnant and went right to people thinking I'm 6 months pregnant (and if I don't know you, you better bet I will say I'm 6 months pregnant to avoid the awkward stare and inner thoughts that I KNOW you have accusing me of eating waaay to many Sonic breakfast burritos! You know it's true.)...I can fill out a bathing suit top like nobody's business....my feet and hands swell up and I love having the same size feet as my husband!... I can get rid of pretty much all the clothes in my closet, making lots of room for the fat maternity clothes! So much fun!! My sarcasm had kicked up a few notches as well. Better to laugh about it than cry! Even though that still happens, quite often, at random unexplainable times.