A million times, yes.

Likely the most asked question about adoption is whether someone can love an adopted child as much as a biological one. I have the crazy, glorious fortune of having children come into my life in both ways, so I'll pretend that alone makes me qualified to answer the question. Just because I didn't feel flutters and kicks with Vismay and Dosen or get to cherish blurry sonogram photos like I did with Luke  does not mean for a second I was less overjoyed, overwhelmed, or overcome with emotion to meet them for the first time. I carried around tattered referral photos and the stories of how they came to be orphaned. It is a lot to reconcile--just as pregnancy is. You hope big, you pray big, you plan big, and you dream big because no matter the pain, it is totally and completely worth it.

I will never forget the first photo of Aida I saw on Instagram. Our dear friend was leading a team in Ethiopia when he met her. He held her! He learned of her story, and he knew we would want to know it, too. It would be months before he shared the details with us, but I promise you, I thought of her sweet face nearly daily. When we learned Aida would need to be considered for adoption after every attempt was made to find her birth family, I immediately wanted to dive into the process. Jake, being  tempered with the kind of response time that keeps us from making hasty, half-baked decisions, took longer to process what another adoption would mean for us as a family and for precious Aida. Even so, we knew we had to jump. She needed a family. We have a really good one, and we were all too happy to make room for her.

So we did. We made room in our home, in our vehicle, in our conversations, on our Christmas mantle, and best of all, in our hearts. We love her. We have never met her, but we love her. And today we got the greatest news possible... Someone in Ethiopia loves her, too.

While we've been mired in paperwork that should have been easy, and while we've been trying to navigate a process that should have been so familiar, this sweet, bright-eyed girl was being loved by selfless sisters who care deeply for her. Ethiopia wants more of her children to stay in their birth country, and while we generally support this idea, we didn't want just anyone to be home for "our" girl. We wanted the BEST home for her. In our minds, that home was ours, but God in His gracious, loving provision, had her at home from the moment she was found abandoned. The very caregiver who has kissed boo boo's, dried tears, combed hair, and tied shoes will be the one Aida calls "mama." She gets to stay right in her familiar place with the sights and smells of everything and everyone she has ever known. Tell me that isn't the most amazing turn of events?! It is. It is simply amazing.

I won't pretend that that I am not sad. I am sad. We all longed to do life with a gorgeous, brown-eyed girl who just might have infused a little softness into our male-dominated home. This girl is TALL, so her brothers already had her drafted into the WNBA. Oh, they and forbid her to like Hello Kitty. And can you imagine teddy bear Jake with a girl? He would be the mayor of Swoonville. I wanted her to know the love that is Honey and Papa--Sunday morning french toast, your very own gift corner in the living room, new pj's for every occasion, and books, books, and more books to read with them and to them when you're ready.

But here's the thing, for Aida to be here with us, she would have to know what a broken heart feels like. Adoption just doesn't exist without broken hearts, and I will let mine break 1,000 times over than for hers to even once. She's home. She is loved so very well. What more in this entire world could I ask for?

God, the ultimate Father, has cared so beautifully for His girl. He knew all along what she needed. He knew all along what we needed. There is something really liberating about living a life of "yes," and while this time it stings to stop writing what we thought would be an exciting chapter in our family story, we are no worse the wear for loving Aida. Would we do it again knowing what we know now? Yes. A million times, yes.

Not winning any awards

I had such good intentions of being a blogger again. I had even better intentions of winning the prize for being the fastest ever home study and adoption dossier preparer. Only to fail at all of the above.

The home study is done-ish. I'm just plagued by a police clearance for the few months we lived in St. Thomas, USVI. "Island time" is a very real thing, so getting a person to feel urgent along with me about a form isn't easy. We didn't commit any crimes while living there except exercising super poor judgement to move there in the first place, but for some reason the USCIS believes there should be  actual documentation of our good standing.

The dossier isn't even close. I don't want to discuss it. Aida is there--all turning 1 and stuff--and we're here missing her, talking about her, praying for her, and as odd as it might sound, loving her.

Our wonderful friend, Karis, traveled to Ethiopia in February. She carved out some time to visit Aida, and I'm so happy she did. What a sweet one headed our way! I've done this adoption thing enough times to know that what you or others observe about your child in her environment doesn't pack itself up neatly and board the plane to the U.S., but it still feels good to know that she is content, happy, loved, engaging, and most definitely eating. All of that means she has the capacity to be those things here, too, someday.

Have I told you that Aida is really tall? Her caregiver said she tried to put her in an exer-saucer, but she kept tipping the whole thing over because more of her was out of it than in it. My basketball loving boys think she's destined to join them on the court. I'm fast forwarding to clothing discussions knowing that every skirt and pair of shorts will look way shorter on her than her shrimpy friends.

Happy birthday, sweet Aida. May your next big day be spent here with us smothering you with hugs and kisses.

More soon, eventually.  

Surprise! It's a girl!

And you thought we had closed the ark and set sail as a family of 5. Funny thing--we thought we had closed the ark and set sail, too. Well, sort of we thought it, but deep down neither Jake nor I could honestly say there was just no room for another Stum. Turns out, there is. Room for an eight month old, almost crawling, bunch of sweetness girl who is being loved on every day until we can get to Ethiopia to bring her home. 

We knew in our hearts that if the Lord opened the door for us to expand our family again, it would not be as a result of us actively pursuing an adoption. This is a bit of a long story, so it will take a few posts to unpack. First let's just get giddy about a GIRL. A GIRL! 

The boys are excited. Genuinely so. Jake is petrified. Genuinely so. I'm in full on home study/paper chase mode, so I'm only seeing life in lists and sticky notes. I do get easily distracted by handmade headbands, dresses with chevron patterns, red mary janes, and footy pajamas. 

Just wait 'til you see her. 

More soon. 

Daddy Bob started it all

People for Care and Learning--or PCL as those in the know call it--began with the vision of this man, Bob Pace. Bob didn't launch this vision in his wide-eyed 30's. He did it after he retired. This was his plan:
PCL is “Inspiring hope and Empowering Potential” for orphans, widows, broken families and persons with little or no hope. In addition, PCL is giving the poor a working chance by the establishment of vocational training and micro-enterprise development. www.peopleforcare.org 

PCL operates a beautiful, vibrant orphanage in both Sri Lanka and Cambodia. These images of "Daddy Bob" were taken last month. The children had not seen Mr. and Mrs. Pace in a few years, and their faces tell the story as they gather to pray over him. These children are loved! Because Cambodia is not open to adoption, when a child is accepted into a PCL home, they have a home until adulthood. It was during this visit that the orphanage was named in honor of Bob and Clara Pace. Now THAT'S a retirement benefit!

I am 9% of my $3,000 PCL Run for Hope goal. Visit http://www.active.com/donate/pclrunforhope/mstum if you are able to participate, too.

Going nuclear.

I had the privilege to hear Dr. Walter Kimbrough, the President of Philander Smith College, during a Presidents' Panel at a higher ed conference last month. He is known as the Hip Hop Prez, and the guy had me at "hello." He told a story about getting his daughter into a particular public elementary school in Arkansas, and if he didn't get his way, he was "going nuclear." Well, folks. Here's me. I'm going nuclear.

What now, you ask? I'll make it short. My goal is to raise $3000.

On April 30, People for Care and Learning is hosting the Run for Hope--a fundraising opportunity during the Country Music Marathon. The CMM is a hugely popular marathon and half marathon in Nashville, TN that I've enjoyed running with dozens of Lee University alumni and friends, but this year I'm running for PCL. I have never witnessed an organization do all that this one does, especially for the people of Cambodia.  Because it would take me 27 days to tell you about it,  I'm going to take 27 days to do it. For the month of April I want to tell you about the Herculean efforts of People for Care and Learning. Jake has traveled with this organization twice in the last year, and he can testify to the genuine care and integrity of its leadership both locally and in Southeast Asia.

We're all stretched and committed to many, many projects, but if you would like to help me reach my goal, here are few amounts to consider:

• $13 - I'm running the half marathon. I've been training like it's my job, and I'm expecting a PR. 
• $26 - Run for Hope is a Country Music Marathon thing. That's 26.2 miles. It's on my bucket list. 
• $5/mile - It's a nice round number. ($65)
• $100 - You would be astounded at what $100 could do for a community learning to utilize a tilapia pond and a pig farm. 

I've created a giving website at http://www.active.com/donate/pclrunforhope/mstum.  If you want to send a good old fashioned check, that works great, too. Checks can be made directly to People for Care and Learning or to me to pass along.

The Stums
134 Woods Trl NE
Cleveland, TN 37323

Okay, one day down. 26 to go--nuclear style.

And it's only Monday!

It's spring break week for Luke, so that makes it spring break for all of us at least a little especially since Jake is in Cambodia. These fellas are all boy and ROWDY, but they are always up for a car ride and a day out together. One day they won't be, so I'll document it while I can.

These two have such a funny dynamic. Competitors, friends, brothers, opposing forces... and that's all before 8am.

Vismay loves to swing. He really loves the "papaw swing."

This one is a little generous. In his mind it was high altitude. In reality, not so much. I'm totally okay with a cautious 8 year old who enforces safety codes for his bros, though. Makes me look so laid back.

Have we ever mentioned that WonDOSEN means "brave man"?!?!?! Yowza.

















Vismay: Dear Lord, why? Cardboard and a hill. Have you nothing with sides and padding on flat land?








Brothers: Just do it!!

 

Oh how I love this one. No one has to know Dosen flew ahead of the others, hit a bump, and landed on his head.

Witnessing them cross over Jordan

I do not do this very often, but I just MUST share my friend Tracy's most recent post about celebrating one year home with their sibling group of four from Ethiopia. Add these most precious children to Levi, Nash, Elle and dad, Jimmy and you get one completely alive, loving, amazing, faith-FILLED household. 

Here's an excerpt from the post. You'll see why this woman is hero in my life:

The little boy who wanted to throw himself into the fire-- is my child--- and he is healed.

Matthew 17:14-21

The Mary who poured perfume on Jesus' feet from her alabaster box lives here--- and her box never runs low on oil.

John 12:1-8

The lost sheep who Jesus leaves the 99 behind to search for and brings back on his shoulders---has been restored.

Luke 15: 3-7
The dove that Noah sent out to look for land, has found a place to build his nest.
Genesis 8:12

More than once I've heard the question, 

"Do you ever wonder what you've gotten yourself into?"

Well, I did not get myself into it.  God did.

And I can honestly say that I have never doubted that AT ALL-----not even once!

It was His hand that stopped the flow of the Jordan for the Israelites to walk over on dry land.

And it was His hand that 

caused our eyes to fall on these sweet faces, 

released them from their chains, 

led us across the ocean to get them,

and has provided for our every need---- abundantly!

What does give me a sharp pain in my heart is the thought of what if I had just passed on these kids and said we'll choose others when the situation was looking hopeless. 

And the most beautiful part about it is that He used His Body to do all this.

When I think back over the past year, what stands out the most is how we have been so incredibly supported by His Body living out His truth in word, in prayer and in deed.

 

 

Honored to walk with you even a few steps, Tracy. You are a beautiful person raising a beautiful family in a home so warm and comfortable you cannot help but leave being a better person.