Bedtime

     The girls all sleep in one bedroom.  This particular night, Julie was insistent that Tucker come with them to bed.   When I walked in the room, she had him laying on her bed under the sheets.  It made me laugh, and I went to get my camera.

     As soon as I was back, all the girls had jumped on the bed.  Amazingly, I actually got a good picture.  Even Tucker was smiling!


****just so I remember...Julie is an awesome babysitter.  I realize she is not quite 8 yet, but her maturity is far beyond that.  She always helps with the little girls and with Tucker, and is more responsible than any child should probably be at 7.   What a blessing she is in my life. ****


     I really love this picture.  I want to frame and hang it, so I can remember that I DO love these kids when they are screaming...pulling hair...unbuckling seat belts and standing up in their car seats as I am driving...pinching...coloring on my walls...dumping all my brand new cleaner all over the carpet...etc, etc, etc.

Yes, I think I will hang this picture up.

   

September

While my big kids are in school, my little girls LOVE to swim.  They both learned to swim this summer...Yippee!

Annie was usually pretty cautious, so I didn't worry about her too much.  she was quite diligent about always wearing her life jacket.  :)  Norah, on the other hand, was a crazy lady.  She had fallen in the pool a number of times, and she never seemed to be too disturbed about the whole thing.

One time, when she was barely two, she fell in and had to be rescued by Landon (fully clothed).  Scary....but that experience made Landon grow about 6 inches with pride.  He was thrilled about his life-saving actions, and often talked about it.

He is a good kid.

Anyway, once Annie learned how to swim, Norah stopped loving her life jacket and got busy swimming herself.  Their skills have improved rapidly with all the swimming they do.  I love it.  It is about the only thing you can do out here during the summer heat.

And just for good measure...Tucker.

How I love this little boy.  He is the BEST baby ever.  So happy, takes a pacifier, sleeps so well;  I have no complaints.  I love me some babies.

The aftermath

We came home from the hospital on a Sunday.  Brian was going to come get us, but I HAD to get out of there.  Annie was feeling better, and I was completely overwhelmed.  For the next few days Brian's mom stayed with us to help.

Help with what though?  I just needed time and information, and I really wanted to be alone so I could grieve privately.  I would go to bed each night in tears.  I lived for bedtime.  I could go to sleep and dream of a completely alternate reality.  Waking up was awful.  It was living the diagnosis over and over again with each sunrise.  I wanted to sleep and not wake up.  Yikes...actually putting those words down on paper is frightening.

I was depressed.  And I hated Texas with all my heart.  Dumb Texas and its weird germs and viruses that somehow contributed to my little girl having diabetes.

Norah was only 9 months old.  She was an awesome baby...not demanding at all, just went along for the ride.  I'm grateful for that.  I'm sure she will have issues later.  ;)

It was so hard.  My showers became my sanctuary.  I could stand in there, and cry, and pray to my Heavenly Father for help.  And after a bit, I would get out and go on with my day.

Anyway, my neighbor out here is a wonderful woman named Kathi.  I love her dearly.  And...her daughter is also a Type 1 diabetic.  She has helped me so much...she completely understands our new life.  Kathi provides help, advice, understanding, babysitting, you name it.  She is an angel.  Of all the houses we considered buying...how could it just be coincidence that we felt THIS house was the right one?

It is not coincidence.  Heavenly Father knows us, and what we need.  And it is just sometimes hard to acknowledge His help in our lives.

The last two and a half years have probably been the hardest of my life.  Every day seems to bring a new challenge with one kid or another.  Brian and I often laugh about how good things were in residency!  I thought that was hard.....how funny.

But I now rely on the guidance of the Holy Ghost more than I ever did before.  I used to feel pretty wise, I suppose...and now I know I don't have any idea how to best help these children of mine.  So I pray, and I ponder, and I ask for help.  And in these few short years, I can now recognize how much inspiration we can really have EVERY day.  For ANY problem.

Amazing.  I must be growing up.  :)

Annie has diabetes

Annie was barely two when we moved to Texas.  She seemed to be having a hard time adjusting.  She cried a lot and was super whiny.

As a side note, one  of my children started wetting the bed when we moved to Utah.  This was very odd, since this child never had worn pull-ups at all.  And had never wet the bed in the three years since that kid was potty-trained.  It was so weird that I decided to do some research on the internet about suddenly wetting the bed.  I ended up reading a lot about symptoms of type 1 diabetes.   I decided that this child might have it.  Thankfully, one of my good friends in Utah also had diabetes, so she checked this kid's sugar for me one day at church...totally normal.

Anyway, this kid eventually stopped again.  Weird...and yet I think it was a tender mercy from my Heavenly Father that would come into play a while later.

So Annie also started eating a LOT.  She was eating more than Julie (but that wasn't hard because Julie hardly ate anything).  Then she was thirsty.  REALLY thirsty.  When I was getting ready in the morning, Annie would come in and turn on the faucet and put her head under it, just gulping down water.

The next thing I noticed was that she was soaking through diapers in about 4 hours.  It must be related to how much she was drinking, I thought.  She was waking up wet every morning as well.  Now Norah was about 9 months old, and her diapers were not as full as Annie's diapers.  Still, I was troubled, but kept trying to rationalize it.  I decided to buy overnight diapers and try those.

Meanwhile, Brian and I did not have insurance.  His job had just recently started, and we had no benefits, so we were researching insurance companies and pricing things.  We were delaying because our monthly premiums were coming back so high...even though we picked a very high deductible plan.  We figured that was a good route for our family since we were all healthy.

One day I had to be at the church setting up chairs and things for a youth activity.  Annie and Norah were there, and Annie could not have been more miserable.  She followed me around crying nonstop.  One lady saw this and said..."Could she be hungry?"  Then she pulled out a king size Nut Roll, and Annie devoured it.  But instead of being happy, her behavior stayed the same.  More crying, more tantrums.

I had a very distinct feeling that day that we needed insurance.  I called Brian and told him I was just going to start the insurance plan that day.  He agreed.  I called, and we were set up.  Two days passed.

One night I put an overnight pull-up on her.  I still remember texting Brian in the morning, telling him that the pull-up had worked!  She was dry!  I was thrilled.  It was nothing after all....  but I was still unsettled.

It was Friday morning.  I put the three little girls in the bathtub.  And that is when I knew something was wrong.  Annie was so skinny!  I could see each little rib.  I immediately called the doctor and got an appointment for that afternoon.  On the drive there, I knew she was diabetic.  Her wetting so much, soaking through diapers at night...I had researched all of this before.

Her appointment went well, and they said she looked great.  I asked them to test her blood sugar because I wondered about diabetes.  They did.  The meter registered her as HIGH.  The nurse came in and told me to take her immediately to Childrens Hospital in Dallas.  Please, no.

I quickly made arrangements for my kids...my second cousin also lives nearby and took them all, texted my family, and headed to Dallas with Annie and Norah.  To say Brian and I were devastated is putting it lightly.  I had known two diabetic kids growing up, both who had died by the time I was in 7th grade.  My aunt was also diabetic and had recently been in a coma.  She barely survived.   Brian often treats patients who have diabetic complications...ulcers, amputations, etc.  We were in the depths of despair.

At the hospital, they tested her again.  Her blood sugar was about 560.  They were actually surprised I had caught on so quickly to the symptoms, since most little kids end up extremely sick or in a coma before diagnosis.  That hospital stay was a whirlwind of information, but Annie was the happiest I had seen her in a while.  She was feeling better.

That very same weekend, Brian's mother and sisters were in town.  They get together once a year, and this particular year they picked Dallas.  Why?

Miracles were happening all around us at this time.  Why had one of my children suddenly started wetting the bed?  I believe it was so I would recognize the symptoms of diabetes early.  Why did my in-laws pick Dallas to visit?  (seriously...why?  Dallas is not really a destination city, you know?)  Another miracle since I needed them so badly.  Brian had to work that weekend, so his mother came and stayed with my other kids.  Why did I feel like we needed insurance right NOW?  Again, so we could be protected when Annie was in the hospital just two days later.

I learned so much that weekend.  My favorite lesson was that the Lord is in the details of our lives.  He really is.

Our Texas Move

I have been feeling badly lately because of my lack of documenting our life.

So here I am.  I need to write things before they disappear into the abyss of my brain, never to be recalled again.  I thought that happened when you were older, but apparently not.

When we moved from Utah to Texas, the movers came to our little house the day (or maybe two days?) after Christmas of 2010.  We had taken all the Christmas decorations down.  And then we watched as a crew of men came and packed our little house completely up.  It was incredible.  And sad.  And really fast and exciting...all at the same time.

Anyway, we drove away the next day.  Our things would take about a week, they said.  We were to expect them about the 3rd or 4th of January.  Great.

I had arranged for all of our utilities to be turned on December 30.  So we pull up to our house, and discover we have no running water!  What?!  So I try calling, and calling, and calling...but to no avail.  The office is closed, and will not open until after the new year.

that is kind of a problem. :/

So after much frustration and getting nowhere, we ask some friends of ours here in Dallas if we can stay with them.  They say yes, which saves us.

So...we have a fun New Years Eve, and are having a great New Years Day relaxing and watching football, when Brian gets a phone call.  The movers have arrived!  uh---today?

We pack up the car and drive to our house (about 40 minutes north) to meet the movers.  Well, not really movers.  More like one guy and his skinny 16 year old son!!!

Ok.  Seriously, how many things are wrong with this situation?  They came early, which normally would be great, but arriving on New Years Day???  And then, surprisingly, the main guy can't get anyone to come help him.  Of course not.  So he brings his son to help.  His son.  Did I mention he was scrawny?

We open the front door...and the house alarm goes off.  The REALLY LOUD ALARM.  REALLY LOUD.  I immediately call the alarm company to get help.  But they cannot help because the contract is in the old house owners name, not mine.  And no matter how many times I try to explain how we just bought the house, it doesn't change the situation.  I must turn the alarm off myself, with the code I do not have.  Nice.

Meanwhile, man-mover and skinny son are moving stuff in as quickly as possible.  That, as it turned out, was not really quickly at all.  We have pounding headaches at this point...and hearing loss.  I decide to call my realtor and tell him to call the sellers to see if they can give us the code...but just then the alarm goes off.  I have no idea why.

As a side note, it does make me wonder about the value of a home alarm.  That thing had been going off for at least an hour, and no emergency vehicles of any kind came to our home.  No police.  Nothing.   hmmm...

We felt bad watching man-mover and skinny work alone, so Brian and I offered help, but it was refused.  We could not help.  Liability and all.

We watched them move.  S.L.O.W.L.Y.  Still no water.

When they were done, we went back to our friends' home, and stayed one more night.

The water was on the next day.  The utility company did call and apologize.  The reason our water had not been turned on was because the office was closed on December 30.  Oh.  Doesn't that seem like important information to share with someone when they ask to have it turned on ON the 30th??  It does to me. ;)

We arrived.
We live in Texas.

I sometimes cannot believe the life I am living.

A Day of Reflection

This week has been an emotional one.  We heard last week about a friend out here who had found a mass on her liver.  She was going in for surgery to remove it and see what was going on this Tuesday.

Tuesday night came, and we heard bad news.  She had liver cancer, stage 4.   It was a slow growing kind, so chemotherapy and radiation wouldn't be effective.  She was given approximately two years.  This woman has five children, four girls and a boy.  Her oldest is in high school, and her youngest is a 14 month old little girl.

I have thought so much about her, and what I would do if given such limited time on earth.  Then today, I hear the news that she suddenly passed away this morning.

My heart is broken for her and her family.  All those little kids.

I know that we will live again.  I know that Jesus Christ lives and that our very lives go on through his redeeming power.  However, this causes me to reflect on my own life.  Am I ready to go?  How much time do I spend on frivolous things that really don't matter at all?

Do my children know each night how much I love them?  Does Brian?  I've grown up knowing death is a part of life, but it is so hard anyway.  I have some changing to do.  We all do.  That is the purpose of our life....to change and become perfected in Christ.

A Story

   About 2 1/2 years ago, I was headed to the hospital with painful contractions.  One completely panic-y doctor later, I had myself an emergency C-section.  Norah had arrived.

   That is not the story today.  That is old news.

   So, in that day after Norah was born, I knew she was not my last baby.  I just felt like there was one more.  It was an unwelcome feeling, especially at that time.

   Fast forward to several months ago.  I kept feeling like I should have another baby, but had no desire.  NONE!!  Brian and I often had conversations about our family being complete, but I just didn't think so.  Frankly, neither did he.

   So we jumped one more time.  What?!  I know!  Even as I write it down, it feels crazy.  It has never NOT felt like a totally crazy move.   Anyway, so here I am, 21 weeks pregnant.  I'm due in May.

   But guess what?  I'm having a boy this time.  Landon is thrilled, and Annie is devastated.  I, on the other hand, feel weird.  I expected to be SO excited about getting another boy, and yet I just feel nervous.  I have a lot of girls, and I am a bit freaked out at the boy.  Plus, Brian wants to name him Brian Jr, which is not going to happen.    (I'm thinking of having a secret baby blessing given by my dad just so he won't change the name we REALLY pick ;))

   I wonder about this baby.  I wonder if this is how all women feel when it is their last.  Did they want it to be?  I feel too old, too tired, and am too mean all the time to have any more.  I want to be done.  I want to schedule some permanent procedures for myself as soon as this boy arrives.  Seriously, like same day stuff.

   "Yes, could you just take the whole uterus with the baby?  Really, I won't be needing it anymore." That's how I feel.  And feeling like that makes me feel guilty.  I try to get excited, and I'm sure I will eventually, but so far I'm not.

   19 weeks to go...and counting.