Oh dear OH DEAR! I can't believe it has been so very long since I last posted. Remember how I was going to blog more and enjoy my bath time? Well I have seriously been enjoying my baths!
I also have been enjoying my baby too. My sweet duck turned one ONE last month and although he is not yet walking or crawling, I am all over the place trying to entertain him and get him to eat and sleep and learn. It's a huge job and one that I love...most of the time. And while I still want to finish Logan's birth/life/93 days in the hospital story, I am going to take some time to brag about his life now.
Over the past few months Logan has been growing like a weed. He was in 3 month clothes forever and I had a mini celebration when he graduated to 6 month clothes. I was confident he would stay that size for quite a while so I was shocked when only a couple weeks later his pants were too short! He gains weight very slowly but he is growing longer by the minute.
He is way more social now and vocal too. He usually makes his feelings known with his mouth wide open and has mastered his mama, dada and gaga sounds. He has no clue that I am actually 'mama' but it's cute to hear him jabber and try to figure out new sounds. Sometimes it seems like he is speaking in complete sentences. It's amazing how he picks up on little things like how I talk with my hands and make faces. He'll watch me closely and then shake his arms and blabber very seriously about who knows what. I just can't help but laugh at perfect those moments are.
Each day is full of new discoveries and I love watching him process things. I have to hold myself back when he gets frustrated because I know he needs to figure things out. I guess I just got so used to doing everything for him and now he is getting independent. It's hard to see him grow up but it is such a blessing that he is doing so well.
I honestly can't believe it has been a year since Logan's freak entrance into my life. I was so scared for so long and there were moments when I wondered if this day would ever come. But it has and now I need to learn to back off a little and hover less.
I remember one day in the NICU shortly after Logan was born. The nurse on duty was very intimidating and made it very clear that I was to leave Logan alone. I sat in an uncomfortable office chair and stared at my baby. He was twitching and cringing and seemed to be in a lot of pain. All I wanted to do was put my hand on his little body and make everything better. I got tears in my eyes and was getting really overwhelmed. Before long I was crying hard but quietly trying not do draw attention to myself. I couldn't comprehend how I ended up there with a small sick baby. My mom came around to where I was sitting and told me to touch my baby. I was so terrified but slowly I opened up one of the little side panels while the nurse wasn't watching and put my hand on Logan's body. Pretty soon both Logan and I relaxed and my tears slowed down. It was so peaceful to be able to just touch him and I felt like things would be ok. Of course things got must worse after that but in the end Logan healed and grew into the sweet boy he is now. And I get to hold him and cuddle him and love him all I want.
Logan is such a joy. I never knew that one mini man could make me love so much and so fully. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am actually here, living in this moment. I thank my Heavenly Father each day for the miracle that Logan is and the happiness he brings into our home.
If I forget to count my blessings, there is a small little dude by my side who squeals or bites my finger to remind me how truly lucky I am. The days are sometimes hard and the nights are long while Logan continues to struggle with his breathing but I am pretty sure I wouldn't change anything. In fact I know KNOW that I wouldn't change a thing.
