Acres of Canvas

Campward Ho!
A Manual for Girl Scout Camps (1910)
Project Gutenburg

MrsM considers her new Sports Bra
and anxiously wrings her hands.

It has many necessary features
but it is not obvious how to get into it.
She wishes there were instructions
or at least an annnotated diagram.
MrsM always knew that
she should have paid more attention
when she was being shown
how to rig a bell tent.

There is only one solution:
it is humiliating but inevitable...

MrsM summons MrM.

pink hyacinths

At the start of the day
the insipid pink hyacinths annoyed me.
(I know it's ridiculous - don't judge me)
And it didn't get any better.

The Turkeys of Disgruntlement*
were rushing around my head,
squawking and gobbling,
and everything seemed difficult.

At the end of the day
the youngest academic passed my door
and then turned back to say goodnight.
He said "I'm going home...
it's been a horrible day...
too much to do and too little time."

Just those few words made a difference
because I felt very ashamed
of my miserable self-centred attitude.
The squawking and the gobbling
of the turkey multitude faded away

By the time that I had got home
the hyacinths had started to unfold
their fragrant blush pink spikes.
And I felt grateful for their pale beauty.

I'm allowed to change my mind.

*****

* The Turkeys of Disgruntlement
are Silverpebble's invention
but they are coming to live with me.

I'm off to France for the weekend!
See you next week.

Joie de Vivre

This photo was rescued by Granny
from the bottom of a drawer in her kitchen.

I am sitting with MissM on my lap
in a country churchyard after a wedding.
MissM is wearing a tiny pink seersucker dress
and I know that it is before she could crawl
because her knees are dimpled and clean.

I think of the photograph MissM has just sent
of new plum suede shoes with 4" heels.
She will wear them to two parties this weekend.
They are dancing shoes.

I am sure that if you had asked me then
what I wished for my tiny daughter
I would have been unable to articulate my dream.
There are so many sensible things to wish for:
happiness, health, intelligence, common sense.

But what I wanted, more than anything else,
was a daughter who had the confidence
to go dancing in a black Karen Millen dress
and pair of plum suede shoes with 4" heels.

I think you will agree that I have been lucky.

Shades of Red

What do red nails mean to you?

To me they mean
freedom from a lifetime
of biting my nails
and honouring my decision
to enjoy life.

But I didn't tell the nail lady that...
I just pretended
I wear red nail polish
all the time.

Even though it was the first time ever.

nihil novi

Pierre Bonnard (1867 - 1947)
Modele se deshabillant

MrsM looks in her wardrobe
and says to herself
"If only I can find ONE thing to wear
that is clean AND ironed
I absolutely PROMISE that
I will never ever EVER be so chaotic
about my laundry and ironing again."

And MrsM hears a stern voice
inside her head
which says
"You said that yesterday."

Party Tricks

MrM

Do you remember when MasterM learned
"The Owl and The Pussycat"
off by heart?

MrsM

Yes!
He was only 3!
He was SO cute!

MrM

We made him do it as a party trick
which is probably why
he never ever learned another poem.

MrsM

I know!
We were shocking parents!
I think I still have the book.

And MrsM found the book
and began to read to MrM...



***
with many thanks to
Jenny and the Young Academic
for technical assistance.

coda

over the past six months
I have discovered that
it is permissible
to have fun

did I ever know this?

perhaps I forgot it
somewhere along the way

maybe nobody explained it
in the first place

it feels as though
it has taken me
a lifetime to learn
what is almost certainly
perfectly obvious
to you

Appraisal

Miss Matilda Clevland
Johann Zoffany (1733-1810)

MrsM, it is time for your mid-term review.
Can you give me a summary of your achievements
over the past six months?

MrsM
1.
I refreshed my spice and herb collection.

This is about you, the person.

MrsM
1.
I have tried to eat one portion of fruit a day.

I had personal development in mind.
Let's think about the positive steps that you have made.

1.
I have sampled a mojito.
2.
I changed my hairdresser.
3.
I bought black patent wedges from Hobbs.
4.
My new nail polish is called Urban Trash
5.
I have Sleigh Bells on my playlist.

I can see that you are making a real effort
although I am not sure that last one is a positive step forward.

Is there anything which is acting a mental barrier?

1.
The ironing.
Especially the secondary pile which is waiting
for when I finish the primary pile.

What are your objectives for the next six months?

1.
Change my gym time from first thing in the morning
when the medical referral posse works out.
2.
Buy grey merino wrap dress.
Or maybe teal.
3.
Review options for change of handbag.
4.
Consult with Sue, the Chanel Lady
to identify the hot lipstick shades for autumn.
5.
Relocate books from staircase.

I think that the last item is a longer term project
which should be considered under Health and Safety
rather than Personal Development.

Thank you for your time.
We will meet again in six months time
to consider the spiritual and emotional challenges
that you are facing as an Empty Nester.

MrsM
Errr...that could be rather a short conversation...
can we talk about my plans
to refurbish the bathroom instead?

MrsM goes wild

"Emily Anderson: Little Red Riding Hood"
Sir Thomas Lawrence (1769-1830)

MrsM is stepping out of the Department
into the Big Wide World for the day.
She is visiting an excavation!
She is very excited!

How fortunate that she has walking boots...

Her basket* will be filled to the brim
with fruit cake and flapjacks
because it is hungry work excavating...
especially if you are looking for wolves.

*I'm not going to lie..
it is a Berghaus day sack.

MrsM reveals all...

Dear Friends,

I have been writing for nearly three years
but there is so much
that remains hidden in the shadows.

Today is my birthday
and it is the perfect opportunity
to open my heart to you.

Here is a character analysis
from an impeccable source:
Here is a portrait;
Fulvia has much work still to do
but you can see that my spirit is undimmed:

Here is a statement from MrM
who declares that he still loves me
despite my advancing years:

I am truly blessed.

And now must dash...
busy, busy, busy...
cake to eat...
xxx

shade 79

Hashiguchi Goyo (1880-1921)
Woman applying makeup

MrsM is afraid of the ladies in white coats
who guard the displays of makeup in smart shops
and the ladies in white coats sense her fear.

MrsM tries to pretend that she is buying makeup
for her beautiful teenage daughter
but the ladies in white coats know that
beautiful teenage daughters
buy their own makeup.

MrsM is reduced to asking for help
from a very bored lady in a white coat
who was thinking about what to cook for supper
and, almost absentmindedly,
recommended the shade of lipstick
MrsM should be using this Spring...
even though it was out of stock.

MrsM left the smart shop with a light heart
and went into the next shop down the street.
She walked up to the makeup counter
with a firm and confident footstep
and the lady in the white coat snapped to attention.

MrsM said:
"Do you have shade 79 from the Spring Collection?"
as though Chanel had contacted her personally
and told her that this shade
had been created especially for her.

And then MrsM kindly allowed the lady in the white coat
to wrap her purchase and left the smart shop
feeling very empowered.

Fulvia says...

...it is vital to moisturise your décolletage.

I'm on the case.

MrsM and the Optician's Assistant

MrsM is choosing her first pair of spectacles.

She asks the Optician's assistant for advice

MrsM
Well, I wondered about this pair...

Optician's Assistant
Oh Yes!
Those are VERY NICE
they are classic and elegant,
lightweight and not obtrusive
and I can easily imagine you wearing those.

MrsM
What about these...

Optician's Assistant
Well!
Those are VERY different!

They are ...
errrr...
younger.

Yes, they make more of a statement.

MrsM weighs up the alternatives
which seem to be classic vs. statement

Opticians Assistant
If you were going to pin me up against the wall...

MrsM
Yes?

Opticians Assistant
...I would say the second pair

And suddenly, there was a multitude of bloggers saying:
"Go on! Go on! Go on!"

And so MrsM did.

The Mirror, It Speaks The Truth...

MrsM looks in the mirror...

W.C. Drupsteen, 1885

She has not been sleeping well recently
and she does not like what she sees...

Bess Livings, 1938

the effect is not so much that of
the charmingly dishevelled
Princess and the Pea...

Edmund Dulac, 1911

but closer to
the terrifying apparition of
the Wolf in Grandmother's clothing...

Paul Woodroffe

MrsM sighs and reaches for the phone...
MrsM needs the 'Shock and Awe' Facial package.
She needs to visit Fulvia ...

Changing Perspective

Westminster Bridge on Lord Mayor's Day
Canaletto (1697 – 1768)

MrsM considered the bridge.

She thought of the energy and bustle of the crowds,
the noise, the smell, the warmth
and the sense of purpose
as you crossed from one side to the other.

And then MrsM thought about
walking from the safety of the bridge
onto the unknown side of the river.
She tried to imagine what it would feel like
to be in less familiar territory,
possibly without a street map.

And then MrsM realised
that she had made a fundamental mistake.

She had always assumed that
the direction of travel
was from the north bank of the river,
full of grand buildings and extravagant ambition,
to the quiet residential streets of the south bank.

But there was no reason why that should be the case.

No reason at all.

And, suddenly, the prospect was much more enticing.

I wish, I wish

Anne Hayward
The Ides of March

I wish I could
sit in the afternoon sun
with a book and a mug
and feel the breeze on my neck
and breathe the soft autumn smell
of damp leaves and ripe apples
and hear the subdued flap
of white linen drying
instead of
the hurry of emails,
and anxious students
and hasty academics
who rush past
to lectures.

I wish I could...

but that was another life
and I know in my heart
that the sun did not always shine.

MrsM as Role Model

Thank you for your thought-provoking comments
on my last post.

MissM and I discussed the post
and we agreed that it was carelessly written.

She complained that it was unfair
because she can sew and knit
and has made some lovely things to wear.

I explained that I wanted to contrast
my sewing experience with hers
and said how much I regretted the fact
that I did not have the opportunity
to teach her to sew as I had been taught.

We agreed that, while it would be delightful
if we could spend more time together doing crafts,
it is not very realistic at the moment because
she is preparing for university entrance
and I am working full time.

MissM pointed out that it was more helpful to her
to learn ways of combining work with family life
because that was the world that she would be living in.

It was a new perspective on my role as a mother
and I am very grateful for it.

It also has the advantage that anything I can contribute
is equally applicable to MasterM,
who is highly unlikely to make his own clothes
however much time I spend with him.

A Silvery Story with a Happy Ending

This story has a beginning
in which MrsM struggled with her conscience...

flower charm with small ivory freshwater pearl

but then inspiration struck
and MrsM wrote secretly to SilverPebble

fish

"Can we talk charm bracelets?
I really want one
but it must be different to MissM's."

butterfly with small ivory freshwater pearl

And then there was a flurry of emails
about charms and enamel
and pearls and crystals
and it was all very exciting.

house with small sterling bead

And now the story has a happy ending
because the bracelet has arrived
and is utterly delicious.

Especially the Magpie.

Magpie with small sterling beads

Thank you, Emma
I am absolutely thrilled.

MrsM and her therapist

MrsM is going to Italy at the end of the week.
She has decided that her toes must look their best
and so she is reclining on plush towels,
breathing in the scent of ylang-ylang
and relaxing to the sound of whale birthing music.

Fulvia picks up the right foot,
sighs deeply and says
"Well, I will do what I can."

MrsM sits up straight
- which is very difficult on the slippery plush towels -
Her toes will never be those of a super model
but she does have regular pedicures.
She is outraged.

Fulvia says
"Do you do anything to your feet?"
MrsM has visions of flossing between her toes
and says wildly (and untruthfully)
that she moisturises regularly.

Fulvia says
"You should remove the dead skin every four days
and exfoliate regularly."
MrsM says with a light, tinkling laugh
"Goodness, you make me feel guilty."

Fulvia says
"Well, they are not the worst I have ever seen
because I have seen some terrible feet."
MrsM considers escape routes but
Fulvia has both feet in an iron grip.

Fulvia says
"I am surprised.
At least you can carry off this polish.
I thought that it would look quite anaemic."
MrsM is crushed.
She is a foot failure.