Annoyance, guilt and gratitude are not a pretty mix. But after some sleep I am reminded again that a hot head inflates problems, makes them larger than they really are.

I guess it's time I put up that sign reminding me to pause for reflection. I'm notorious for forgetting important things like these. =)

I love you and all, but...

Sigh, parents.

Yeap. The 'rents arrived in Melbourne this morning, here on a 4 day sorta-business trip. I was quite looking forward to meeting up with them, because you know, I'm such a good, loving kid. But after spending half an evening and dinner with them, I realize I was looking forward to their visit partly because I've forgotten how tiring it is to be with them.

I mean, it was good to see them for the first...oh...5 minutes? Then the usual, persistent, interrogation about work, performance, work, achievements, work, exams, work, assignment scores and, will you believe it, work.

Not too long later, I felt as though I've spoken far too much for one night, I felt like my ears were going to fall off from all the well-meant but ill-placed advice and I felt like someone had put a steel skull cage on my head and tightening the screws, twist, twist, twist, twist, twist.

They did bring over a luggage bag full of an extremely specific list of stuff I asked for, and I delved into its contents when I got home with the excitement of a 5-year-old kid. But alas, my worst fears came true. No matter how specific a list I give my mom, there'll always, always be (undesired) modifications. Best of intentions, I know. My mom has the best of the best of intentions all the time, but arghhh...I wish I could appreciate it.

I asked for a bedsheet from the abundant stock we have back home, but I was greeted instead by a brand new, unwieldy RM 75 bedsheet which will be a hassle to wash. I asked for my old, simple, low-tech guitar cable at home, but got instead a brand new RM 85 circuit-breaker cable which I will never use, especially since I don't have the electric guitar with me. I asked for my ratty bolster (yeayea) but found my bolster encased in a new cover *hand-sewn* (until past midnight, according to my dad) by my mom, and the decade-long familiarity of it...gone.

I could go on.

After rifling through the luggage, I found myself surrounded by expensive, unneccessary items which I hardly value and almost dry-heaving at the thought of all that money and effort she wasted on them. What a shame, what a shame that my mom shows her love in ways that I wish I could, tried and never learnt to appreciate.

She the is kind of mom who buys extremely expensive ginseng and roots and boils Chinese tonic and brings it all the way to Melbourne in a thermos bottle for me. She is the kind of mom who spends so much time and effort painstakingly making little peanut cookies despite the busy lead-up to the flight. I even had to pretend I didn't really like those home-made pineapple tarts just so she wouldn't make them, because I know those are the most difficult and time-consuming to make.

She is the kind of mom who wants to make sure everything I get is the best, who wants to prepare me for any and every eventuality. I wished I valued all those things she does for me, but the truth is, I don't. All I want is for her to relax, enjoy her life, stop worrying, be happy and give me some space.

It makes me sad. I don't know whose fault it is; mine for not knowing how to appreciate those things, or hers, for not knowing when to let go and loosen up. I hardly reciprocate in any way that she recognizes, and it pains me to think that she could be and probably is unhappy because of me.

ARGH.

AAARGHH.

recharge, please

That I managed to drag myself around uni today, despite heavy-lidded eyes and dark circles that suggest an unfortunate accident involving monkeys and eyeliners, is a commendable feat.

It makes no sense. I mean, I slept around 1.30am. Which by my standards, is fairly reasonable. It's almost as if 2 weeks worth of sleep deprivation and fatigue that I didn't know I had hit me all at once today and knocked me out cold.

Thank god for Rowden White, a somewhat hippie-atmosphered no-study library that provides the one thing I always wanted at schools - a place to lie down and sleep. (The operating word here being 'lie down') I had two consecutive lectures this morning, but after the first, I knew I had to get myself to Rowden White asap before I stretched myself out right on the carpet in the lecture theatre. It seemed like a very good idea at that time.

And you know what they say. The more you sleep, the more you need to sleep. I spent the rest of the day back at the apartment drifting in and out of a haze of drugged stupor and semi-formed dreams.

Ultimate frisbee featured in a lot of those dreams, interestingly, one more absurd than the next. =P I dreamt about Frank, our UF prez, telling off those who haven't been attending training.

Frank: When we signed you on (for the unigames UF team presumably) we expected you to come to training. I even signed off on all your forms with this. *brandishes a piece of paper from nowhere*



Frank: See this?! That's the ultimate frisbee seal of approval. That's my guarantee to the organisers that you'd show for training!!

Everyone: *nods as if he's making perfect sense*

At this point, I became more conscious and was all like "What the hell..."

Yeah, I know. XD

now that it's over...

I can tell you that event organising is one of the most educational things ever.

For the past three, three and half weeks, I've been helping to organise FMAA's inaugural International Careers Evening, which is an intimate, cocktailey networking session for international students with firm reps. Thanks to this, I haven't been to badminton in weeks, haven't cooked a proper meal in a week, have gotten even more behind in accounting and amassed an impressive backlog of work. (Although, I have to admit, this is mostly due to my incurable tendency to procrastinate. One day I'll change.)

But, but. After yesterday night, and all of the inevitable last minute hiccups (very amusing ones, I might add), the event turned out absolutely fantastic!

Evidence here










here



and here!



Unfortunately, I didn't get in any photos. Bugger.

I came on the committee when the project was halfway through, so a lot of my job was just following up on leads, establishing a few new ones and helping out in general. Ezien (some of you may remember her, 2 years our senior in CHS, and EIC of ed-board I think) was the real star and the most impressive multitasker I've ever met. You won't believe the workload she's been juggling the past month. The thing about FMAA projects is, most of them are pretty much a one-man show, so to pull of something of this scale really says something (we had >120 attendees, well over the initial plan of 100 and had to turn down many, many people) The event started at 6pm; at 4pm we were still getting emails/calls from students asking for tix.

Interestingly, 3 out of 3 international students who made it on to the FMAA committee this year and the 2 years before were from CHS. And there seems to be quite a number of PLC alumni too. Either I've been going to the right schools, or these schools have been producing the right people.

Anyway, lots of men in business suits! *ahemyeah* The venue was lovely, the atmosphere was lovely and overall the response and feedback from firms and students alike were very positive. All in all, a very rewarding experience, and a great opportunity to apply what I've learnt this sem, in relation to costs, marketing, management etc. Especially marketing, since ticket sales were slow to pick up.

And I should sleep now. Early tute tomorrow morning and then an informal lunch with the Dean and some nobel prize laureate. Don't look at me, I'm just going for the food. =P I hope it's good. I need a real meal.

pixfest

Having ranted so much about my apartment view, I figure its high time I let you guys see for yourselves. =)


The general Carlton neighbourhood.


Night time. Pretty lights.

I'm sorry about the hurriedly taken photos. No matter how long I charge those batteries, they're always low. At times like these, I always think back longingly about TP's old cam that I was so sorely tempted to buy. Is it still around, perchance?

And while we're at it, mmmrosenbaum.


*melts*

At last, Unimelb has paid me my allowance! One month late, but what the heck.

While I've just been sorta meandering through uni work, procrastinating and what not, ever since FMAA work started a coupla weeks ago my productivity levels just spiked. However, the procrastinating persisted, which meant I was cutting back on sleep. I slept at a record 5am yesterday pulling an all-nighter to start/finish my 1500 word IM assignment. I could have finished it earlier, if only I hadn't wasted time playing the guitar, reading clex and doing anything but the assignment.

*dubiously* I hope I've learnt my lesson...

I'm also cutting back on meal times too. My average preparation time for meals has now dropped to about 1 minute. Here are some examples:

- Take Weetbix. Pour milk. (30 seconds)
- Make ham, cheese and cucumber sandwich. (1 minute)
- Make tuna sandwich. (30 seconds)
- Make vegemite sandwich. (15 seconds)
- Eat chocolate. (0 seconds)

You can see I'm getting creative here. I really should get round to grocery-shopping.

I really should get round to a million things, but right now, while I listen to Jack Johnson, admire the pretty lights from my 8th floor window and appreciate the beautiful, beautiful autumn season, I can't help but feel, "What's the hurry?" =)