Warning: Long post ahead.
I haven't slept a wink tonight, and don't plan to by the looks of it. I thought I recovered a-okay from the UK trip, but my current insomnia proves that my biological clock is hopelessly, terribly messed up. My sister, the lucky devil, has succeeded in falling asleep circa 5am. The time lag hit us both pretty hard, and I guess it didn't help that we practically kept each other up all night trying in our pitiful ways to tire ourselves out and finally fall asleep.
Believe me, pitiful (and laughable) it was. From about 1 to 4.30am in no particular order:
1. We played spelling bee.
2. I taught her how to say supercallifragilisticexpialidocious.
3. I impersonated a creaky door and a falling block of metal.
4. We sang the Malaysian national anthem, the Selangor state anthem, our primary school song, teacher's day song, children's day song, graduation song and my secondary school song.
5. She sang Chinese pop songs that I don't know.
6. We sang Chinese oldies that I do know, and threw in a Hokkien song (my dad taught us) for good measure.
7. We talked about her juvenile love life and the boyfriend who's too embarassed to speak to her now that they've gone 'official'. (To which I chanted: Break up! Break up!)
8. I sang Just You Wait, 'Enry 'Iggins.
9. I recited half of Pi Pa Xing (some long Chinese poem), and forgot the rest of it.
10. I tried to take advantage of any possible insomnia-induced delirium she might have to feed her Elliot Smith. (To which she responded: Yuck man! What a sucky song.)
I'm sure a lot more went on, but I won't bore you, dear reader, with more of this ridiculous drivel, except to say, the night ended after she went downstairs, stunned the maid who was awake and doing the laundry at 4.30am (Maid: "Kaget!" means, I am stunned to itty bitty pieces, in Indo/Malay), found a carrot we both suddenly started craving for, brought it upstairs, ate said carrot and she went to bed while I went on the com.
So I spent the night trawling through the rich, untrammelled beauty of the internet (No, not porn ok! >_>), reminding myself that I had wanted to renovate my blog, and finally settled on rereading my archives. In the words of Nelson Mandela, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to discover the ways in which you have changed." I recall this quote quite frequently, finding it really relates to how I feel when looking back on 2004's posts, or each time I come back home. The blog now comes in handy as an unchangeable embodiment of my past self, infinitely more reliable than my hazy memory. It was very interesting, observing me through the past two years and evaluating me now.
And what have I concluded? Well, I'd like to think (just humour me okay? I hear the exasperated sighs from you already =) ...I'd like to think I've become a bit more outspoken, a bit more interesting as a person, a bit more daring. Very vague, I know, but that's how it feels like - a general idea. I've become less narrow-mindedly focused on grades, disposed off my "work hard now play later" mentality, because I have found out, there never is going to be a later. Or at least, the kind of later I envisioned - a solid months long chunk of freedom to do anything and everything I want without any nagging thoughts of future obligations.
But of course, with a mysterious but constant supply of money to finance those many activities.
As long as there's a future, there's going to be obligations that won't step aside while you have your hiatus. So I think, what I need to learn is to try get rid of the notion that everything else apart from study that I do during these student years is wasting precious study time. Then again, I don't think I've played the perfect student part much, having procrastinated a lot of the time.
Actually, what I really want is to get rid of the guilt I feel when I'm doing something else and not studying. Heh heh heh. (whether it's a good or bad thing) ...after all, doing stuff you like (reading, sport, music etc etc nonsense I indulge in and have come to regard as very, very important, however my grades turn out) should make you happy.
Hmm. I won't be surprised if my wanting to handle my life one event at a time stems from my hyper-inability to multitask. *narrows eyes*
You know, the whole - let's have a study marathon now. Once I get it over and done with, I can have a play marathon. Then a learning Japanese marathon. Then a learning dance marathon. Then a... - which is obviously very impractical due to time constraints (only ~60 years left of which the last 20 I will be old, creaky and immobile) and the fact that life just doesn't let you do things one by one.
Goodness. I wonder how I make it from one day to the next. Or how I am ever going to work on the fast-paced side of the finance industry. 8 simultaneously open MSN chat windows reduces me to a tottery, bewildered mess.
...
Great. I just went off on a hugely tangential tangent of tangentially epic proportions and I will now attempt to end this post by going back to my initial point which I may or may not have lost. It was something about change. Me changing, that's it. Well, in a nutshell, apart from some barely discernible improvements, I am still weird, occasionally insecure and not tall enough.
I think ex0dus summed it up best with a rising inflection - "What the heck did PLC do to you?! You go there for two years and come back with a taste for gay men...!"
Believe me, pitiful (and laughable) it was. From about 1 to 4.30am in no particular order:
1. We played spelling bee.
2. I taught her how to say supercallifragilisticexpialidocious.
3. I impersonated a creaky door and a falling block of metal.
4. We sang the Malaysian national anthem, the Selangor state anthem, our primary school song, teacher's day song, children's day song, graduation song and my secondary school song.
5. She sang Chinese pop songs that I don't know.
6. We sang Chinese oldies that I do know, and threw in a Hokkien song (my dad taught us) for good measure.
7. We talked about her juvenile love life and the boyfriend who's too embarassed to speak to her now that they've gone 'official'. (To which I chanted: Break up! Break up!)
8. I sang Just You Wait, 'Enry 'Iggins.
9. I recited half of Pi Pa Xing (some long Chinese poem), and forgot the rest of it.
10. I tried to take advantage of any possible insomnia-induced delirium she might have to feed her Elliot Smith. (To which she responded: Yuck man! What a sucky song.)
I'm sure a lot more went on, but I won't bore you, dear reader, with more of this ridiculous drivel, except to say, the night ended after she went downstairs, stunned the maid who was awake and doing the laundry at 4.30am (Maid: "Kaget!" means, I am stunned to itty bitty pieces, in Indo/Malay), found a carrot we both suddenly started craving for, brought it upstairs, ate said carrot and she went to bed while I went on the com.
So I spent the night trawling through the rich, untrammelled beauty of the internet (No, not porn ok! >_>), reminding myself that I had wanted to renovate my blog, and finally settled on rereading my archives. In the words of Nelson Mandela, "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to discover the ways in which you have changed." I recall this quote quite frequently, finding it really relates to how I feel when looking back on 2004's posts, or each time I come back home. The blog now comes in handy as an unchangeable embodiment of my past self, infinitely more reliable than my hazy memory. It was very interesting, observing me through the past two years and evaluating me now.
And what have I concluded? Well, I'd like to think (just humour me okay? I hear the exasperated sighs from you already =) ...I'd like to think I've become a bit more outspoken, a bit more interesting as a person, a bit more daring. Very vague, I know, but that's how it feels like - a general idea. I've become less narrow-mindedly focused on grades, disposed off my "work hard now play later" mentality, because I have found out, there never is going to be a later. Or at least, the kind of later I envisioned - a solid months long chunk of freedom to do anything and everything I want without any nagging thoughts of future obligations.
But of course, with a mysterious but constant supply of money to finance those many activities.
As long as there's a future, there's going to be obligations that won't step aside while you have your hiatus. So I think, what I need to learn is to try get rid of the notion that everything else apart from study that I do during these student years is wasting precious study time. Then again, I don't think I've played the perfect student part much, having procrastinated a lot of the time.
Actually, what I really want is to get rid of the guilt I feel when I'm doing something else and not studying. Heh heh heh. (whether it's a good or bad thing) ...after all, doing stuff you like (reading, sport, music etc etc nonsense I indulge in and have come to regard as very, very important, however my grades turn out) should make you happy.
Hmm. I won't be surprised if my wanting to handle my life one event at a time stems from my hyper-inability to multitask. *narrows eyes*
You know, the whole - let's have a study marathon now. Once I get it over and done with, I can have a play marathon. Then a learning Japanese marathon. Then a learning dance marathon. Then a... - which is obviously very impractical due to time constraints (only ~60 years left of which the last 20 I will be old, creaky and immobile) and the fact that life just doesn't let you do things one by one.
Goodness. I wonder how I make it from one day to the next. Or how I am ever going to work on the fast-paced side of the finance industry. 8 simultaneously open MSN chat windows reduces me to a tottery, bewildered mess.
...
Great. I just went off on a hugely tangential tangent of tangentially epic proportions and I will now attempt to end this post by going back to my initial point which I may or may not have lost. It was something about change. Me changing, that's it. Well, in a nutshell, apart from some barely discernible improvements, I am still weird, occasionally insecure and not tall enough.
I think ex0dus summed it up best with a rising inflection - "What the heck did PLC do to you?! You go there for two years and come back with a taste for gay men...!"
Labels: Life
