newsflash

MERdeKAaaaa!

*sings in patriotic voice*

"Tanggal tiga puluh satuuuuu...bulan lapaaaaan lima puluh tujuuuuuh!"

Right. That's as far as patriotism goes for me this August 31st. The school was having this Malaysian lunch during lunchtime, but you had to pay to get in. Being a Malaysian from top to toe and inside out, you think you'd at least get in free. My foot.

Anyway, I didn't even remember it was Merdeka Day until the announcement came over the PA system reminding students that there was the M'sian lunch going on. It was a little jolt to the system, not to sleep in on this day, wake up and find my entire family watching the Merdeka Day parade on TV, make Milo, and join them on the couch...as boring as it always was. Except for the part about trying to spot friends and Pheebs in the Girl Guides section of the march. =) The worst was always the military parade though. Watching camouflage tanks crawl across the screen can be quite mind numbing.

Went for swim trials today. And guess what? I've found a sport I cannot do!! Swimming. I can't swim 50m of ANY stroke under 1 minute. My stamina was worse than I thought it was. Which is pretty sad. Gaa. But I always have my badminton, soccer and athletics (and other sports) cushion to fall back on. *mutters to self consolingly* Makes me feel better. ^^

Year 11 camp leaves tomorrow for Marysville, a two hour drive away, so I hear. I don't want to GO-ho-ho-ho...*groan*...

Yah. Like that lor. I'm doing this during prep time, which is not a good idea. People are wanting the computer for homework now. Leaving, leaving...

Anyway, good luck for the trials guys. Y'all be awrite. =)

the many names of darkwinter

Gone were the days where I'd hear my own name, pure and unviolated, when people addressed me. Western tongues just simply weren't made for Chinese names. Especially the typical Malaysian three syllable one, with your surname first and name the last two syllables. Another concept which they couldn't really grasp. If I don't write my name Hui-Ying Ang, there'd be speculations about whether my surname was Ying, or whether I would like to be called Ying or Hui, or Ying Ang. To make it easier, I've taken to introducing myself, saying my entire name, and asking the other party to choose the combination they can pronounce. Here are some of the names I respond to. =)

1. Hui - This is used mostly by Connie, Rachael and Aditi, people I'm closer to. They'd say it in the kind of way people do when you get to know a person until the point where you're comfortable enough to shorten their name to one syllable. Oh and, Mr. Downie, my Physics teacher. He said once during class, how he just cannot imagine anyone with a name like mine, and had to call me Hui if he wants me to respond. I mightn't recognize any other attempts otherwise. The "Who? Me?" kinda thing.
2. Ying - One of the easily pronouncable variations, used mostly because it's easier to say than Hui.
3. Huey - One or two people call me this. Just a friendly nickname. It's pronounced 'hew-eeee'. ^^
4. Hiu - It's a mutilated version of Hui, only used by the school photographer Mr. Hankin, who just can't say it right. And I can't be bothered correcting him. I don't talk to him enough to make it worthwhile.
5. Hui Ying - I do hear it reasonably often, only sometimes people tend to stumble and fumble over the transition from the 'i' sound to the 'y' sound. But that happens back home as well, where usually it ends up sounding like Hwing.
6. Ang Hui - On the class attendance sheet. I nearly died when I saw that. "Ang HUI?" I cried incredulously. It still hasn't changed.
7. Ying Ang - On some sports lists and things.
8. Hiu Ying - Same problem with Mr. Hankin + ying. A fellow athlete, Cathreen calls me that.

Fortunately, there are some versions that have never been repeated.

1. Hoo Eengh Aenj - My Chem teacher, Mrs. Greenhill's first attempt at my name.

Yep. That's the story. And as expected, Ang is Aeng, not Ung, like it ideally should be. But that's okay, it's understandable that they'd say it that way. Anyway, time for homework now. Thought this post might amuse you.

Over and out, yours truly Down Under.

food for thought

Just sharing a news article I found interesting.

The Genius Generation

Eugenics (and related concepts) fascinate me. Whether it's ethical or not is a different matter, but the whole idea of potentially being able to manipulate nature to an agenda...it's kinda scary to think that we could have so much power.

True, eugenics is not a new word to history. And many of attempts at eugenics have been quite morbid and Darwinistic, the whole survival of the fittest thing. In the times of Sparta, weak babies were left to die, and Hitler tried breeding his Aryan race. Not a new concept, eugenics, designer babies and the like, but I've never really thought about it until now.

On an unrelated note, oh gosh, the weather today was heavenly. I have not experienced such agreeable weather in a long, long time, if ever. It was sunny and cool, as oxymoronic as it may sound, and just the kind of weather that makes you want to stay outdoors forever. Only now I realize how the weather can really affect my mood. I haven't felt so cheery in ages. There is little cause to feel cheery here, mind you.

Year 11 camp is soon, and it's a cross country ski trip cum leadership camp. Have to go dig up snow and wet weather outfits somewhere, and my enthusiasm can't even spark a microbe. After today, I really don't feel like going back to winter again. I'm hoping all the snow will melt and we'll have to relocate to a warmer, less snowy area...I'm such a wet blanket. Heh. What to doooo?...

...Seasons should be swallowed in small doses.

'sup. Any requests for goodies you guys want from Aus? I got coupla packs of Squirms and the like, and an assortment of Tim Tams (since Phang Kit demanded it...pu-shy. =) Heh heh. Hopefully there's enough to go around. I can't cart back too many this time, cause I'll literally be living out of my luggage bag for the last week before I fly back, so I need to pack light *sigh* (you won't be seeing the ESP this time round ex0)...Ed-board stuff, eating into one week of my hols. Bummer. But all's well ends well I suppose. It'd be no fun being back with y'all in the middle of trials. Connie and Rachael has very generously offered me their place to stay for three nights each...and I'm forever indebted to them. Can't wait! It'll be like a million times better than staying in the BH I'll bet. =)

Anyway, homework calls. Nites!

the story goes on

My much treasured athletics involvement has been saved from a premature end. An end that was caused by the seemingly uneccessary construction of the CHS sports complex (I wonder how it's been progressing) and the consequent no-sports-day decision. Either way, I've been running and jumping my heart out more than ever on the track since I came, simply because there's been lots more opportunity to. But the parallels are there, and so they came to me as I was lounging about the Olympic Park stadium waiting for my next event in the GSV (GirlSport Victoria) Preliminary Track and Field Carnival.

I remember the blazing hot days in Stadium Kelana Jaya, where the plastic seats in the stands got so hot you couldn't sit on them without burning your bottom and you'd come home shades darker at the end of the day. There'd be those Indian guys on motorcycles selling ice-creams, cold drinks and stuff just outside the compound, and athletes, both guys and girls, stretching and warming up all over the place inside. Which reminds me, it was back in Form 2 then, my first MSSD competition. Word was getting round that some girl and some guy were french kissing on one of the less populated stairways, and I remember thinking, w-hoa. It was really alien, almost mysterious then, such blatant show of affection in a public place, but I was young and naive...I barely even knew what french kissing meant! *shakes head solemnly* (I wouldn't bat an eyelid now of course, heh heh, but we're going off topic. =)

Just yesterday, I was at Olympic Park Stadium, dressed in four layers of clothes and sporting a pair of gloves. Condensation was having a field time in front of my face everytime I opened my mouth. That cold. These days, I wonder what it's like to sweat, wonder how the sun feels on your body, wonder how it's like to not have stiff, icy fingers all the time. (But the sun came out later in the day, and from certain angles, you could actually feel some warmth. There was a huge screen on one corner giving the latest results and listing upcoming events. The stadium also came equipped with cameras mounted on the sides of the finishing line. Needless to say, I was impressed.

The people were obviously very different this time round. 8 girls' schools competed in the prelim carnival (equivalent of MSSD peringkat zon)...lets see. Lauriston, Sacre Coeur, Camberwell, Genezzano, St. Catherine's, Ruyton, Kilvington and PLC. I think that's it. Whole place swarming with girls, girls and more girls. Boring sial. (Until now, I will defend to death that single-sex schools serve no better purpose to entire humanity 'cept maybe encouraging homosexuality. Co-ed all the way!!) ANYway, it sounded so strange and unfamiliar to me after years of athleticspeak involving vocabulary like Taman Sea, Assunta, DJ, DU, Sri Aman, Juliana Johan, Elizabeth Tee et cetera.

I feel like I'm living in a slideshow. Two slides, poles apart, one of KJ and the people in it, one of Olympic Park and its people in it. And there I am, standing there in the one thing that hasn't changed. My faithful Ascics spikes I got so long ago. (Though it's now missing a stud and the left sole is on the verge of coming off, much to my heartbreak. But they're nothing a little superglue won't mend, both the heart and the sole =)

Thus the day meandered, with me trying to stay on top and ready for my five events, and other times, watching the slides switch back and forth in my mind. Everywhere I turn, everything I see, a similar scene reenacts itself in my memory, mirrored here on foreign soil. I'm glad it didn't have to end so soon. I'm glad I'm still running. And I'm glad the story goes on.

[To Chun Yiao, though you don't read this, happy birthday! ^^ ]

if only i could

It's raining now. And it was raining this morning. In fact, it didn't stop raining all day. ARGH!

Fuck.

I needed to say that. I don't usually use profanities, there has been no reason to. A momentary lapse. People need to release whatever pent up frustration sometimes, and because I so seldom use this word, it gives me satisfaction to say it just once.

I don't think I'm mad at the rain. I love rain, just not so much in Melbourne in winter. It's like wading through crushed ice...the way my legs felt today as I shopped around the city with Charlene, Ruth and Sharlotte. It was pretty fun anyhow, despite my bedraggledness. Bought a black top, but that's of no significance.

I'm in a bad mood. For so many reasons only I know. Want so much to gripe to scream to cry to seek consolation, but I'm feeling lonelier than ever tonight. Which makes me even more sour. I think I'm getting mood swingy nowadays. I don't lose my temper, probably because there's been no occasion to, but I think it's also cause nothing can really get me angry these days. Annoyed, yes. But I don't think feeling annoyed is really the same as anger. In fact, I think my feeling annoyed is really more suppressed anger. Which brings me back to square one. I don't lose my temper, only because I'm suppressing my temper a lot. Only, I'm never really happy most of the time.

It's at times like these where I think. Damn. I don't want to be here. I don't like being here. Why did I have to be sent here. But I mustn't. It's too late for regret...that phrase is like a mantra to me. To help me stop thinking about it, until eventually, the doubts, the questions, the dissatisfaction, the unhappiness, ebbs slowly away. To say that I dislike living in Aus is not entirely true...but sometimes, it's not entirely false either.

And that adds to my frustration. I'm supposed to be appreciating this more. Other people haven't got such opportunities as I have, and I sorely wish they did. Because it makes me feel bad, that I have these opportunities mainly because I am financially able to. I don't want to be admitting this...that I am unhappy with how things worked out to be, sort of, and sometimes, but eventually it will come out. Saying this here gives me the impression that someone's listening, which is probably true.

But then, that is not the issue nor the reason for my bad mood, my being here. It's merely a thing brought about from me being in a bad mood. Either way...this little rant has gone a little way in alleviating whatever uneasy, unpleasant feeling that I'm feeling right now. I'm not homesick. I'm not the type that gets homesick, in the way some others do. Sure, I miss aspects of life in M'sia, like the food, the company, the atmosphere. But that's not what homesick means. Homesick, to me, is being unable to handle very well the separation from family for a period of time.

But tonight. Tonight, I just want to be home.

Physics camper reporting! Sir!

I'm back from Physics camp. It was nothing short of awesome! I don't think I did any Physics at all. I mean, sure, we talked about it, but we didn't have to write up or calculate anything. Yet. The giant swing was definitely the highlight of the cold, windy and wet day. Oh gosh my ears felt like they were going to fall off from the cold. Raining too. And wind strong enough to blow me and Aditi back up the flying fox route. (We had to be pulled a third of the way =) Not exactly ideal for outdoor activities, but we survived anyhow. And had to stay indoors for a spell building spaghetti-and-glue bridges. We were supposed to apply our Physics knowledge while building it, but I sure didn't see that happening.

No matter. Made new friends, some of those VCE people are actually quite a fun lot. The drive was about 2 hours, and Mr. Downie drove us in one of the minibus thingy. We arrived, had dinner then watched a movie, all of us. It was very cosy, some of them got their blankets, sleeping bags, pillows, and there was hot chocolate all round. The movie was goood. Contact. Granted, the title doesn't sound very impressive, but for a sci-fi movie juggling the theme of faith vs. science, it pulled it off pretty well, pretty convincingly! I recommend it.

The rooms slept 6 each, but we had 4 in ours. Very comfortable place. It was a shame to have to pack up and leave...it felt like we just arrived. Too short, the camp was. And cause of the rain and all, not everyone got a go at the giant swing and the flying fox (which was really mild and boring and no great loss) and we didn't have time to do Bomb the Teacher and some other planned activities.

But it was good. It was good for what it was worth, the company, the break from school, the activities, the food even. Not much I can wax lyrical about regarding the weather though. Wet and windy and wintery. Brr. And for the last blow, just as we were done loading the luggage and piling in the minibuses - out came the sun.

Sigh...nature can be so cliched sometimes.

for the next two days

Physics camp departs tomorrow! How exciting! You're all probably giving me the looks already and thinking "Who are you and what have you done with the real Hui Ying?!" I like Physics y'know, just can't seem to do well in tests and exams, I don't know why. But I've heard Physics camp is really fun from those who went the previous years. It'll be in Phillip Island. Apparently it's going to cold, windy and wet. Oh well. But Mr. Downie showed us a video of last year's (I think) camp and it looked like fun. It's a short camp, I mean, how much can you possibly do in two days and one night? But there are the three parts of camp (all incorporating Physics into it obviously), the giant swing thing, which is really high up, some flying fox route and The Bridge, which involves a teacher walking under a bridge at a certain velocity and we have to calculate the exact moment to drop a water balloon on his head. A successful experiment would presumably be managing to drench the teacher (who was wearing a raincoat and looked quite silly =) And the rest of the time, I suppose we'll be having discussions and other Physicky stuff.

Either way, I'll take photos and maybe post them up here when I get back. I got my English commentary back today, finally, a good score! Well...relatively, considering I haven't been doing all that fantastically for the past few. And I finished all the bits and pieces of Hamlet homework we had to do. Man, I've seen the word soliloquy so many times if it goes on like this I'd be wondering what soliloquy meant. Headache betul. And we have to do a practice oral commentary on Hamlet soon. I'm stumped. How am I possibly going to spend 20 minutes analysing a soliloquy (or a passage from Hamlet, I think) and then speak about it for 10 minutes?! Well. I suppose it can be done. It's just that 10 minutes seem such a long time when your not like trying to prove a case or presenting a speech or something.

Even more exciting, I'll be going to the city this Saturday! At last...my long awaited excursion to the city. Melbourne's CBD is just beautiful...not the best of places to stay, but the best of places to lepak-lepak for sure. I hear it's even more beautiful at night. =)

Here's a link for you guys to check out. Connie introduced me to it this evening, it's not bad. I'd like to see you try it without external help. Hahah. It's a flash game. If you can find entertainment in hitting bloodied, decapitated heads and trying to get it to bounce the furthest, maybe this'll interest you. Though I think this is one step higher (intellectually) than that. ^^

The Crimson Room

And if you escape from that, they've got The Viridian Room. =) And if you would like to pay 500 yen, you can get The Blue Room too. Hahahah! If you give up, there are walkthroughs on the net. But hey, I think it's pretty cool. And if you can escape without help of walkthroughs, I will sembah at your feet. Anyhow, I'll be back by Friday night...till then, enjoy!

camera, lights, action

I have recently rediscovered the joys and sheer convenience of jotting down little inky notes on the back of my hand. Unfortunately, at the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be surprised if I end up with a permanent blue G1 ink patch on my skin. Oh well. It's the new fad, I'll say. Aesthetic value.

Strange y'know, after staying in the boarding house and getting used to what ever little privileges you have, a treat I would have thought insignificant before seems so much more an event now. Like the Boarders' Parents Association's gifts to the BH. Proceeds from the money they raised at their stall during Sports Day. We got a foosball table, a treadmill AND a DVD player! The foosball table, especially, was a big hit. Thankfully they've moved it out of the foyer and vicinity of my room. Try doing work with four (or more!!) wildly shrieking girls and the repeated sounds of rock-hard plastic foosballs clonking about on plasticky wood. A bit the annoying.

Oohoo. Did I tell you guys about the 'promotional video' they made of us girls from M'sia, China, HK, and Singapore? I think I mentioned before but not in detail. So what happened was, that day lunchtime, we got seated into our respective countries' tables, with gaps in between the seating (of which reason will soon be revealed.) Turns out those places were for the three blonde haired girls who moved from table to table after each 'the girls from your country happily eating their wholesome lunch while mingling with foreign cultures so come to PLC!' scene. I didn't even realize they started filming at our table, and sad to say, it was one of the better lunches (sweet chilli chicken in tortilla wrap) and I was hungry, so I ate kinda gelojoh. Only when he moved away then I realized filming was over. *groan* I must have looked like such an ass.

After that was over (and mind you, I didn't even have time to finish off my last bites) they shuffled us off to film the 'bedroom' scene. For some strange reason, when Mrs. Fearn-Wannan asked me if I could do the Bedroom Scene, wild and unwholesome thoughts were running through my head, and I was like glancing around desperately, thinking oh god and mustering an "Uh.." in the end. Man, it just didn't sound right! For some stranger reason, she took that as a yes. So there I was, having to grudgingly change out of my winter uniform (which is so inconvenient it's not funny) and pull on some casual clothes. Then all representatives from each country filed to someone else's room to film the same scene over and over, with just the faces in each take different. Save the blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl we had to pretend to talk to while cudding cutesy soft toys and exuding a body language that screams 'the girls from your country happily sitting in their rooms cuddling their favourite soft toys and mingling with foreign cultures so come to PLC!!' As the filming guy said, "Be happy, smile and giggle a lot." Or something to that effect. They decided not to record voices this time. Charlene was telling me how they made her do the bedroom scene last year and there was talking involved. According to her aunt who watched the video, Charlene said:

"Goodnight!"

And I quite literally laughed the BH down. Fortunately, I was spared having to act all chatty and happy and huggy with a soft toy. I was the one who sat at the study table paying rapt attention to the laptop in front of me, engrossed in my work, an occasional pattering of the keyboard, a little furrow of the eyebrows, in an attitude that says 'the girls from your country are hard at work in an institution that makes giving the best education your daughter can possibly have its top priority so come to PLC!!" [insert thumbs-up sign and cheesy grin]

But at the end of the day, it's a private school that wants to go international, and it plays all the marketing strategies it can do. It wasn't so bad, the day of filming. Gave me an insight (as if I didn't have one already) behind the scenes of making a promo vid, or any other film for that matter, even documentaries. There's always an agenda. Everything so made up, so...created. Media bestows such a power of manipulation to a person or party. And those people back home watching the video, none the wiser.

the could-have-been's

Yurgh...I need to whine about my Maths and Chem test today. The feeling of knowing you can do better but didn't is worse than knowing you didn't study for it so you're not going to do well. It's like the feeling when you make careless mistakes y'know. I must have went too slow on my Chem test cause when Mrs. Greenhill said 5 more minutes, girls, I still had a page left undone. So I abandoned the calculations I was in the midst of doing and flipped over and scrawled any answer I could to questions that didn't need much thinking or calculation, which unfortunately for me, wasn't exactly in abundance. I'm questioning the wisdom of that move now, having a page of properly done calculations and a page blank or two pages of hastily done calculations and half (and probably incorrectly) answered questions.

Maths test was okay, questions and time wise, besides I like calculus. BUT. Careless mistakes. *sob. I lost a definite 8 marks already. And we've to give some leeway to other mistakes I'll probably make along the way. It's out of 50 too, so 8 marks is whopping big. Sigh...I suppose everyone else who did the tests will have their own version of gripes. It's not about 'You call that bad? I did even worse..." or "it's not THAT many marks lost..." - but about not meeting up to your own expectations. And frankly, I expected much more of myself. It's a hard thing to satisfy. In retrospect, there will always be something I could have done better, something I could have done more carefully, something I could have done quicker.

I might as well make the most of whatever remaining shambles of today, ride this wave of blues and let it carry me through my homework which I wouldn't have done so readily if I wasn't feeling kinda down-ish right now. Sometimes, disappointment is the best form of motivation.

Meanwhile, here's another two to toss into the ever-growing pile of 'could-have-been's.

"I'm still alive but I've been mostly dead"

Hey guys. I'm back! =) I should have mentioned earlier that it is (well, WAS) exeat weekend again. Which translates into another pack-up pilgrimage to my guardian's place. Just arrived back in the boarding house. They had wireless in their house and all, but it was a private network so though my laptop picked it up, I couldn't use it. Unless someone would like to teach me how to hack into private networks. (But nah, my guardians are fantastic people. =)

Either way, I managed to survive 4 days and 3 nights without internet, so there. Most of the time I spent studying for my Maths and Chem test tomorrow, and watching Foxtel (cable TV). Hahahah, it's amazing how much extra time you have when you take TV out of the equation. I don't watch TV at all in the BH, due to many unavoidable reasons. Like we have to be in our rooms by TEN. (That's when all the shows worth watching start, you dongs!!)

Sigh...when the car drove into school just now, I think the heavy sinking feeling was my heart. The BH marks the end of Foxtel and good food. (Did I mention that my guardian is also an awesome cook?) Oh well, if I had stayed any longer at their place though, I'd feel awful.

I forgot to bring my Chem textbook with me, and with the Chem test tomorrow, any sane mind would know that that is not the smartest thing to do. I guess I got my work cut out for me tonight. I did what I can with the notes I DID remember to bring, but it is nowhere near enough.

Have you ever watched the Jerry Springer show? Gawd. The first time I watched it on Foxtel, I'm like do those idiots who make up the audience actually enjoy such humourless entertainment? Is it even entertainment??! My mind keeps thinking, "Americans. Americans. Americans." as if that word is some sort of justification for the pulp that goes on onscreen.

On a happier note, I'll be going for the 5S1 class trip!!! Thanks Pheebs! I don't think I've ever been to a class trip in all my secondary school life. Save the Kinabalu (*sighs dreamily*) one, which wasn't exactly a class, but infinitely enjoyable nonetheless. My flight was initially booked for the 8th, in which case I would be going for PLC's speech night on the 7th, missing the class trip and sleeping in the streets for the night on the 7th because the BH will be closed. Isn't that considerate of them?

So I say, screw it all and rescheduled my flight to the 3rd, in which case I'd be going for the class trip (in which island again? *blush blush* Pangkor?), missing speech night (which really is nothing more than stodgy old people droning out speeches, I would think), missing a day of school, gaining a weekend Malaysia and generally, making me a much happier person.

A wicked good alternative, eh? Now, all I need is permission from the school. Of course, they could hardly deny me the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend my most beloved cousin's wedding which so conveniently falls around that time, could they? =) I mean, wedding! And beloved cousin!

Hahahah, well, time to catch up on my mail now, left cold and neglected in my inbox, withering away. My apologies to those concerned. =) Goodnight, and see y'all in December!! (When SPM's over and I wouldn't have to keep worrying about whether I'm bothering you guys. =)

does this make me a rebel?

I've taken the breaking of rules to a new level. It's so deceivingly obvious I wondered why I never thought of it before. I'm thrilled to bits nonetheless, at the thought that I now have internet access 24/7, albeit illegally and at the expense of my sleep. But who cares?? *insane laughter* I have been empowered!

Aside: What slaves the internet makes of us humans.

So, back to the topic. A midnight rendezvous with my laptop and the library's (bless the library!!) wireless network. The adrenalin and excitement's pretty much worn off now. What a moment's inspiration! And when I was squelching through the quagmire of Maths setwork and assignments too. What a brilliant yet simple idea ever conceived. *dramatically* Sigh, will there be no end to my greatness?

Okay, admittedly, it is a reasonably low-risk breaking of rules, but if I ever do get caught, the consequences will be very, very grave. But I've got it all rehearsed in my head, see?

Boarding house staff (who would have to be stumbling about at midnight, which would be remotely possible, and more so if it's Fernie and Ferno): What in heaven's name are you doing out here at this time of night? You are supposed to be in your rooms.

Me: (apologetically) I'm sorry, but I have this urgent assignment due tomorrow and I had to get it done by tonight...and under all that stress I started getting all claustrophobic in my room, so I thought coming out here would help clear the clutter. And it has really, simply working wonders.

Do you think that'll work? =) Hahahah, hopefully the opportunity to use it never arises. *gleefully* Look at the time on my post...isn't it wonderful?

And that's it. Day 1 of my new-found power. Rest assured, my friends, that there will be more to come.