hey!

First day of school for me =) Wanna hear all about it? No?

Too bad.

Well we started off with assembly...wow...we get nice comfy chairs (well, comfortable enough in comparison to the *lovely bricks we sit on at CHS, nonetheless I miss school =) in the hall, i can't remember the name of the hall...uhh...uerhh...nevermind. We started off with some hymns, and there was a lot of praying and thanking God and all, and a few brief speeches and a video (on 2004's activities). Not bad huh? The video is like one big promotional ad. =)

I still have to get used to the whole school system here, it's very different. You just keep walking around! I mean it's so weird. First you've to go to your Form class (I'm in 11Lab2) to take your attendance, then you disappear to your subject classes. Oh and did I mention that they gave us custom-made timetables all printed out nicely? Everyone has one, and each of it's different. Talk about efficient. Oh and we have lockers and this stupid padlock. I got it today, and it took Caz (a friend) many times to explain it before I got it pounded into my thick skull. It's one of those locks you see on safes you know, turn right then left then right and with a few conditions to go with that instruction as well. But I can do it now. Yay!

And everything is so relaxed! I still feel strange having to lounge around so much in between periods. A day for me would be like: Period 1,2 <> Recess <> Period 3,4 <> Lunch <> Period 5,6 <> and that's it! And ooo Feebs...remember how we're always so happy to get a relief period by some stroke of luck? I have them arranged INTO my timetable...relief periods are part of my timetable! How cool is that? They call them spares. Anyway, effectively I've only had Physics and Mandarin today.

Speaking of Mandarin, I promise to bring some of that stuff back to M'sia...you've all gotta have a laugh. I mean it's not like i'm underestimating it, but geez, I couldn't help laughing. Think...Standard 5. Yeah. We did a comprehension passage today, and the title was . Ri-ght. Y'all know the story lah, it's like this crow has a piece of meat in its mouth, the wolf sees it, tries all kinds of helah to make it open it's mouth so that the piece of meat will drop and it can get to it instead. Stuff like that. And we get questions after that. So difficult...I mean I took ages to get it done. "Why did the crow keep quiet even when the wolf spoke to it?" and "Why did the wolf praise the crow saying it had a beautiful voice?"...you get the idea? Y'all take ages to get it done too, cause you'd be laughing so much you couldn't write. Except PK and H lah...they'll never get it done like it or not... =) Hahahahah.

PHYSICS. I love Physics and I love the teacher. Mr. Downie. He's really good, and even during lessons, we don't sit around much, either we're walking to say hi to the lab techie, walking to see the Physics section in the library, explanation on suitable reading material and all. And a lot of Q&A, discussions and the sort. I like this sort of teaching...It's really a two-way thing. Oh and did you know the chem labs have an eyeball washer? I'm serious...I think my friends were serious too when they told me that. It's this small metal basin with two spouts curving outwards then inwards facing each other. You put your head in between, at just the right level so that the spouts are level with your eyes, and turn the tap on! Who-a.

I thought today was going to be rather unenjoyable. I mean I felt that way at the start of today, cause I didn't know what to do, didn't know how to work the padlock, no one knew how to pronounce my name (this is a damned problem I tell you), didn't know where to go, when to go where, but in the end, as the day progressed, it got lots better.

And after school, I went for an audition for the House concert. I tell you, the House concerts are really a big thing for the first three weeks of school. It's all everyone's thinking about, talking about and making plans for. It's a really big production, lots of acting, singing, group dancing etc etc. Yeah, so I signed up for acting and dancing (but I'm not half as keen on dancing now since apparently it's a dance at a scene the Tofu Hut and the dancers all dress up as great big hunks of tofu, hahahah!) Well, if you think that's odd, we get odd themes anyway. For Stirling it's Sand Dunes and Classical Music. And you gotta write a script that incorporates both of those elements. There was another one...erm, rock 'n roll and the galaxy or something. The rest I can't remember. Anyway, the audition went well, I've gotta check up the house boards really regularly. There are rarely any announcements on this tinny sort of stuff, everything's all on boards you gotta see for yourself, or printed out and distributed to classes. Very very effiecient.

Boarding house food seems to be getting really good, I don't know why. I mean I'm looking foward to meals all the time, and they're pretty satisfying. Lunch today was 6 different types of foccacias and lots of other stuff...NoW I see where the money goes...

Bored already? Anyhow, it's all pretty new to me so that's why I'm like writing it all down, for those of you who's got sibs studying abroad and stuff, all these are probably old news eh? No matter, as I keep trying to drill into ex0dus, you don't wanna read it, don't! =)

That's all for now, the coms are really slow, I can't even upload my blog site without hanging the com. What was that about Macs being oh-so-powerful, H? =)

Over and out, yours truly Down Under!

Hey...

At last I managed to have some access to the net. It's so hard to communicate once you're in boarding. I don't know what day it is, I don't know how long I've been here, it just feels like a long time. The orientation is over now thankfully, but it's been really packed the last few days, just activities non-stop. I'm really tired out. Everything's pretty new here, takes some getting used to, obviously.

Even the coms are different. The whole school and the boarding house are flooded with eMacs. Those white ones with no CPU no nothing, just a keyboard and a monitor. Everything is hidden somewhere and blended in all over, and it's really dumb. Why don't they just make everything nice and conspicuous? Well, and the layout takes some getting used to as well. Windows is the best. Oh and the school has a wireless network too. The facilities are pretty good...

Oh...and you know what? I'm in the ORANge house. (Who ever heard of an Orange house?!) It's called Stirling. All the houses are named after Scottish castles. I was really hoping to be in Atholl (no prizes for guessing which colour...you know where my loyalties lie back in CHS =) but after the house meeting, I began to feel, hey, Stirling's not so bad after all. The House Captains are pretty cool too. PLC just has SO many sports activities...this is where I live...you know, like.. *LIII-vve. I'm planning to take up tennis, athletics (duh) and rowing. Rowing sounds kinda interesting, thought I'd give it a try...though I hear you get wicked blisters on your palms after that... =)

I'm rooming with 2 other people, a Jap and a honky...Hopefully next year I'll get my own room. The boarders are really fun, most of them, and we have game rooms and the like, so you can pretty much keep as busy as you want during spare time. PK'll be interested to know there's a pool table in the games room...but wait..there's a catch (there's always a catch to anything that seems too good to be true =) yeah, it's a scaled down pool table, the balls are so small, table's so small, one ball's missing and one working stick (with a plastic tip, *groan). But something is better than nothing eh?

Anyway, good luck to the Forensic-ers, fill me in on everything, and win something back yeah? How's the duet going HL? How's school? I mean nothing's burnt down or anything has it? Hahahah, anyway. Strange, you'd think I'd have lots to write about, but that's about all I can muster. It's not a very good nor interesting entry this time round, but hopefully it'll look up later on. Must be my mind...it's really mussed up and stagnant right now. Can't think properly...I just wanna settle down properly.

Bout time to go unpack I guess. See ya guys. Sigh.

The Next Step

You try to convince yourself to be tough, but when the inevitable time comes for friends to say goodbye, all your defenses come crashing down, and you don’t care anymore that the tears are flowing freely from your face, you don’t care anymore if they see you cry, because there is nothing else you can do. You try to speak, your voice comes out in cracks and whispers, and you know the second you try to say something, it’s just going to make you cry even harder. So you keep quiet, you bite your quivering lip. Yet you’re bursting to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you’re going to miss them. You try to stop the tears from flowing, but they come anyway. All your fumbling attempts at maintaining composure breaks and you turn into a sobbing, sniffling wreck.

That was how it was. It was a crazy emotional day, one minute I’m laughing my head off, the next minute I’m fighting back tears. I’ve spent all the weeks leading up till Tuesday, my last day at school, fending off all thoughts of departure. Cause if I don’t think about it, I manage to hold out a little longer. I won’t deny that I’m a little afraid, afraid of what the coming days might be like. After all, I’m about to completely uproot myself after four years in this comfortable cocoon surrounded by familiar faces and places. I’m sure I’ll be able to adapt to life in PLC, but for the moment, I’ve to get over leaving my secondary life here in Malaysia. Let me mourn a little, dwell on it a little, then, a short while later, I'll move on. There’s a bit of regret that I have to leave prematurely, especially when everything is running so smoothly. I try to put things in perspective, you know the “Yeah, so I’m just leaving three quarters of a year earlier than everyone else. Big deal.” But the other side of me argues constantly that in this case, being the only one leaving, compared to graduating and leaving the school along with everyone else, the former never fails to seem more formidable. Like they say, you find safety and comfort in numbers.

…Life’s like a flight of stairs. You start at the bottom, and slowly make your way up, one step at a time. Along the way you’d encounter all sorts of challenges, maybe a missed step, a loose board, and sometimes, you even trip and tumble a little way down, and pick yourself up and re-start the climb: a second chance. On and on you go, until at last, after a long and fulfilling ascent, you lift your weary foot one last time – and arrive at the gates of heaven.

For me, well I’ve barely even mounted a quarter of the steps. But where I am now, it just seems so hard to raise my leaden foot to make that next step. Not because I’m tired, but perhaps it is a mixture of doubt and worry and trepidation that makes me hesitate. That is, only until I remember, I’m on a staircase, and if I don’t continue up to the rest of the steps waiting for me above, the only other way is down.

…Life’s like a flight of stairs, a one-way ticket with no return. There is only forward.

Hence forward I shall go. =)

I went for my last guitar lesson today. ...shit, I feel like crying.

Came to school today looking like an idiot...cause I had to carry this huge unsightly ELS board for Hari Gerko. Yellow on black some more, the most arresting combination of colours. It's true, read it somewhere. If I could run without making myself seem even more like a fool, I would have done so, just to get into school as soon as possible and dump the board on someone. So instead, I walked as fast as I could...still couldn't avoid people turning their attention on this strange girl with a huge board in one hand, a big paper bag in the other, like she just came back from the pasar or something. =)

Anyhow, whoo...what a day. I was totally spent. Been on my feet for most part of the day, right up till four. Mind you, PBC's running a conspiracy. It's absolutely not right the way they get so many people queing up in front of their booth. The crowd there is comparable to those queues at GSC for the LoTR screening. I'm not exaggerating. Okay, maybe a teeny bit, but you get the idea. At the end of the day, my estimate is they've got thou, 2 thou members ++. Grr.

ELS did fine I daresay. Managed to rope in about 71 members. Not bad, considering we're in CHS. Dunno if it's just me, but the Form 1's this year seem especially Chinesey...You go up to them and try to explain the virtues of joining ELS (in English of course) then they give you this terrified look and either mumble or shake their heads and hurry away like you're a ghost or something. Feebs was telling me about her experience.

(big stupid smile) "Hi, would you like to join the ELS?" (offer them a flyer)

(eyes wide open, lips start to quiver) "I don't know English!" (hurries away)

Ironically, this whole 'conversation' was in Chinese. I bet now I sound like this anti-chinese activist...but REally. It's just too much. And some come to the booth making enquiries in Chinese. Poor me. I could barely answer their questions, all that jabbering in Chinese, sounded like Swahili for all I could tell. I kept trying to say "Our meeting is every Friday" but I had no idea how to say meeting' in Chinese. So my lines were mostly consisted of extremely broken Mandarin and a smattering of English words. Stress betul.

Worse still, 3 came back to the booth after registering, and asked if they could pull out. Not even 15 minutes! Two of them haven't paid their membership fee yet, so no big deal. But one guy came and asked for his money back...me and Feebs were like staring desperately at each other, then I started staring desperately at Pn. Evelyn. Who came to the rescue. Actually, the word rescue is somewhat questionable. I felt like just returning the guy his money and never see him again, but Pn. Evelyn started off in this reprimanding tone - "Why do you want it back?" "What else are you joining?" "How come you cannot make it for the meeting?" "What clashes with it?" etcetcetc, until the poor guy staggered off, pretty dazed and shaken. He didn't get his money back.

I stayed right till the end of Hari Gerko. I was close to dying already then. But we battled it out. What a relief it was to get home and have a good long bath. Hari Gerko's actually quite a good idea, I salute Pn. Kok for that, but I'm happy that it's my first and last. And having to deal with such Form 1's...

Hahahah, and PK told me something funny. One of the junior ed-boarders tried to recruit him and TP Wong.

"Would you like to join ed-board?"

(One kind look) "Uhh, do you know I'm your AG Director and he's your Language Director?"

Mann....

Thankfully, the night took a turn for the better. Went for farewell dinner at 1U, supposed to go to TGIF, but the place was packed to the brim, settled for Roadhouse Grill instead. Dinner was okay, company was good and the presents were seriously cool. Thanks for the teddy, H. ;) It's absolutely adorable. I love it. Then CY gave me this HUGE present...i was like...wow. No wonder he asked me in class that day whether I knew who Squall was. FF8 guy I said. And further quizzes on Renoa and how they both looked like. It's hung on my room wall now, hung it up the minute I got home. It's a framed up 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle with a picture of Squall and Renoa against his shoulder. And a few words. Somehow, the picture and the words are like...like...I don't know. I don't quite know how to describe the feeling I get when I see it hanging on my bedroom wall. Thank you CY.

Conclusion: Life is sweet when you have such great friends.

Damn, it's half and hour to Friday and I haven't practiced my guitar yet. Lesson's on Sat. Now what? Oh god, i'll be in school the whole day tomorrow. And tied up for the night. This is worse than I thought. Saturday morning will be spent in KLCC hunting for my "black, low heeled, lace up" school shoes. Bah. It'll be another wild goose chase, mark my words. Just like the other wild geese chases all over 1 Utama, Jusco etc etc. Why won't my parents just listen? BATA HAS IT. Let's go to Bata can't we?! But no, you never know when Bata shoes might just decide to fall apart into a zillion pieces. But oh well, shan't complain too much. It's good that they bother at all taking me around to search for my shoes. My dad suggested buying them there, but I refused. It's gonna cost like crap. And school textbooks, each one of them will cost more than RM 120. EACH, mind you. It's so weird. It's like I'm the one worrying over the finances of our household. Albeit unnecessarily, it seems. Actually I'm not even supposed to be bothering about it. It doesn't fall into my responsibilities as a member of this family. But somehow, that's one of the things I think about. I think it's cause I'm not used to seeing such a huge cashflow go out so quickly like that. Don't sneer, ex0dus, it's true. My dad appears pretty calm about the whole thing, I get so confused sometimes. Maybe he just doesn't show it. I don't know. All the loads of money spent, or bound to be spent scares me.

Guitar! Guitar! I've to learn up Creed's Higher pronto...I hate going for guitar lessons without any practice done the week before. Dunno why, but I don't feel good if I don't practice Nizam's work. He's the coolest! And of course, getting a huge 60% in red ink on the top left hand corner of my page is definitely undesirable. I wish I had someone to jam with. I wish I could take up drum lessons. I wish. I wish. I wish...

Hahahah, after playing Typing of the Dead so many times today (pretty fun game I tell you), I've fallen into the habit of typing words without spaces. Wasting my time, need to keep backspacing. You'll understand if you've played the game. It's not too far gone yet thankfully, or else you'll see my sentences as a long chain of indecipherable letters. Just got the game today you see, thanks to HL. I'm ecstatic. Always wanted the game...She really knows what I want. Such a nice present. Yeah!

Eep. Better sign off now, I'm getting awfully jumpy. It's wayy past my curfew and if my dad finds me still on the com, I'm screwed. I just get this feeling he's gonna burst out of his room..."WhAT are you doing? STILL on the com? GO. AND. SLEEP." *shudders* Freaky thought. So there, people. Ciao for now!

I'm typing this as Satriani's Love Thing plays in the background...ex0dus!!! Look what you've done, I haven't stopped listening to this amazing song since yesterday...what business have you huh? To barge into my life, give me this song and render me incapable of doing anything else. You shall pay. }:-)

On a different note, I can't believe I've grown to love school so much. Perhaps it is the impending departure that lends a hint of poignancy to everything I do at school, perhaps it is the thought that I haven't many days left in CHS that makes me appreciate it more, perhaps...I don't know. I've come to enjoy little, little things, doing homework even. (Except Chinese Homework of course, that one, even if I'm bound leave for Alaska and never come back, I'll still feel the same way about Chinese HW - "Ugh." ) And rushing to get to the corridor every morning, just for those 10 minutes...I suppose I'm being pretty sentimental. I guess I am such by nature, I wonder whether it's a good thing. Less sentiment makes leaving easier. And since life is so much about a continuous cycle of meeting and parting, overall, it makes living easier too. Less heartache. Well, ultimately, it goes to prove I'm human, that's all, though emotions can be somewhat of a bother occasionally.

(Why does this song magnify so much the melancholic mood that I'm currently iN?! Hurgh, I'll snap out of it soon, don't worry. If not just give me a slap the next time you see me.)

To tell the truth, I can't help having mixed feelings about the school's No-Sport's-Day-this-year decision. Every year, as soon as it's over I'm waiting and waiting with bated breath and a strange sort of impatience for the next one. Thus you can imagine how I felt at the prospect of not being able to participate this 2004. After screwing up last year's with terrible, terrible mistakes of mine, I so badly wanted a chance to redeem myself, in my eyes if not in others. Now, it's apparent that whether I go or not, there won't be a Sport's Day. On one hand, I'm disappointed, just like all the other athletes, but my selfish side heaves a sigh of relief. A kind of sick, twisted relief and consolation that "Right, I can't win it, good that no one else can either." Is it natural? I'm kicking myself for thinking such, it sounds so selfish.

And the school competitions and concerts. I had my heart set on doing something for one of the school functions this year...and Forensics...no, no I don't feel that way about forensics don't worry. Only an overwhelming regret that I won't be able to participate with y'all. It'll be crazy fun, I've had a taste of it, and I'm dying to satiate my yearning for more. But I can't. Can't because of this great barrier that is the ocean. ARRRRRRRRRGH.

I bet if I were to really sit me down and make a list of what I could do if I stay back, those trifles on their own...once crammed together in a list, would give me enough reason not to go. Knowing this much, I haven't made a move to do so, instead I merely entertain the thoughts one at a time, as and when they come to me. I'm sure to others they appear as trifles. Things you can do away with; things you can live without. But it is those particular things that I live for every year and which makes secondary school life sweet. Especially friends. My irrational mind, driven by sentiments, leaves me grasping at straws, grasping to accept the reality that my parents and everyone have been trying to pound into me. That going to Aussie is better than staying back. Is it reality anymore then, or something else?

But of course, what I get out of Aussie depends on what I make of it. And I will make the best of my time there, to make every pocket-burning 3 RM to an AUD worth the while. I will come to enjoy PLC, I know so, just that now, my heart is feeling the painful wrench of someone who's not quite ready to leave.