My Baby is Four!

Claire Bear,

We adore you; you add such spunk and sass to our lives.  Your silly faces, crazy dance moves, and amazing staring skills have us in stitches.  The Lord brought you into our family to lighten us all up.

In many ways, I feel like I blinked and now you are four!  Somehow four seems so much older than three.  You are officially a pre-schooler on your way to Kindergarten.  I'm not sure this mommy is quite ready for that.  I often tell you to stop growing, but you remind me that you will be five on your next birthday.  There is no slowing this train!

I love your heart for family.  Whether playing with your dolls, animals, or drawing a picture--you always want to make sure that we are all included.  Some of my richest memories this year have been watching your drawing skills explode.  You draw us with such detail--down the the texture of our hair, our clothes, accessories, eyelashes, and chins.  I love that you are a creature that enjoys and celebrates beauty.  I hope that you will continue to pick flowers and enjoy the satisfaction of a beautiful picture.  I love to watch you dance!  Every song is your favorite song, which makes me smile.  You create moves to match the tempo of the song.  You've got skills, little one!

Thank you for being such a wonderful compliment to your brother.  You encourage him; you come alongside him.  Often times, you follow his lead but I love that you now are becoming more confident to lead him.  As you both are quite opposite, I love that you challenge and sharpen one another.  I'm grateful that I can watch your relationship grow.

I love the way that you pray and mispronounce words.  You're always trying to keep up with your brother and parents and I adore how your words often take a time or two for me to understand.  I know someday I'll miss this, but you'll be happy to master it and be a "big girl".

May this year be full of new experiences and growing in grace and beauty!

Mommy

Living Outside

I have found that our family thrives when we are outdoors.  The explorer/adventurer in each of us emerges.  It's refreshing to find something that we all enjoy, and even more rewarding that the hobby is one that John and I enjoyed long before the kids were born.  I find that I'm most at peace and am reminded of who God is when I watch the sun rise or sit and watch the leaves blow in the trees. There is a peace that comes from being surrounded by his creation, not tethered to my phone or iPad.

In September, we headed to Callaway Gardens with our dear friends, the Branscombs.  Our men were fraternity brothers at Auburn and we've been doing life together for the last five years.  The kids experienced many firsts on the trip--their first Hot Air Balloon Festival, their first putt-putt game, and their first Cabin Party with friends . We played hard while we were there--naps were optional, but fun was a necessity.  It's good to try new things, to be reminded of the beauty of nature, to do life with friends.

Something about Summer

There is just something about summer that is altogether wonderful.  I think it's the lazy mornings, the escape from the routine, or the adventures of trying new things on our bucket list.  It feels great to be foot loose and fancy free.  I'm less of a structured gal these days.  I thrive in the moment.  I find that I'm a better mom and wife when I'm not running my family from here to there and barking orders.  I like myself more when I create space to sit and to listen or to be able to serve someone that is in need.

As I get older, I'm learning that less is more.  In a society where busyness is esteemed and crowded schedules signify importance, I chose to limit our time and to chose wisely when and how I invest my time.  For now, I'm helping my kids chose what is important but soon enough they too will be making those important choices.  I know that the beauty of life is often seen in the simple moments of cuddling while reading a book, watching my kids play in the sprinkler, or letting our morning activity be a trip to the donut shop.  Life is good when we simplify.

Summer Bucket List

I love the summer. I enjoy the slowness of our schedule. On our "home" days, you'll often find us in our PJ's at eleven. We're watching our morning shows, I'm sipping my coffee and quieting myself before the Lord, and we're crafting at the kitchen table. On our "go" days we're visiting the zoo, playing at a splash pad with friends, or spending the day with Grandma and Grandpa.

This year we've been exploring new places and working at completing our summer bucket list. This summer has been especially wonderful. John Parker and Claire are at the ages where they are equally content to be at home or to be out exploring. It depends on the day. The only set thing we've participated in this summer is a Creative Arts Camp for John Parker. We've never been more spontaneous in our lives. We're learning to live in the moment as much as we can, to let the Lord lead and guide our days and our interactions with others. I love that my kids are learning to "roll with it" at such a young age. It's a skill that I still struggle to do well in my thirties. Here are a few snapshots of our summer.

Keep Walking

This morning, I went for a walk. The path I chose took me down a winding, wooded road near our home. Today, I've found myself lingering on the idea of my life's journey. We can all agree that at some point we draft a plan of what our life's journey should look like--when we'll get married, how many kids we'll have, what our career will look like, where we'll travel, what type of home we'll live, and the list continues. Some of us prefer a leisurely walk in the park knowing exactly how far we'll go and with minimal bumps in the road. Others long for adventure and an uphill course that challenges them with every turn.

Life is funny, because we think we are in control. We think we know what's best for us. We do everything that we can to write our stories according to our plan and to keep them on track. And by we, I really me "I". However, rarely if ever, does our journey actually go the way we had hoped. As I walked this morning, I was held captive by three truths. We often can't see where the path leads, it's a mystery. The road curves up ahead, which can be very frustrating. I want to know what's up ahead, but that's where true faith lies. The unknown curve leaves us needing more of Jesus, which is a good thing. We rely less on ourselves because we don't know what to expect. The second observation is there is beauty along the way and the light shines even in the unknown. The sun peeked through the trees as I walked down that wooded path. Beautiful wildflowers lined the way. I could chose to be frustrated that I don't know where the path is winding or I can chose to smell the flowers and bask in the sunshine. This is a practice of reminding ourselves that He is good. I'm definitely not great at trusting the Lord, I had hoped that cancer would have caused me trust Him more fully. I still have a lot to learn about resting in His faithfulness. One thing I do know is that He desires that I keep walking...knowing that He knows my journey and He is good. Finally, our journey will end. I believe the goal of the journey/life is to know the Lord more fully and to honor Him while we journey. The only way that we can know him more fully is to keep walking and not let our fear hold us where we are. So, I choose to keep walking.

Life's Celebrations

Life is good and full and rich! We are choosing to celebrate the time that we have together--whether it be an hour, a day, or a year. This year, we celebrated three whole years with our precious Claire Bear. She continues to add such spice and joy to our lives. She can dance... oh, that girl can dance! I'm convinced that some day we may just see her on "Dancing with the Stars". She prefers upbeat, pop music when we're cruising around town and how I laugh as she closes her eyes as she waltzes to "ballet" music.

This year, we had a small party for her at Miss Mamie's cupcakes. She and her cousin, Harper Ann, got all dolled up for the occasion. She loves anything princess and any jewelry. Man, we are in big trouble! She wore heels to the party and came home with a purse and more bling. She is something else, but I love that little munchkin to pieces. I could eat her up, just like my red velvet cupcake! She's sweet and full of life!

This year, we also celebrated my 29th birthday. I know, I don't look a year over 25! This birthday was hands down one of my favorites. John made me feel so incredibly special and honored. My parents and in laws also went above and beyond to make this year special. We did all of my favorite things--breakfast at Starbucks, planting in the yard, a Spring Festival with the kids, and a dinner on the town with our close friends. I teared up that night, as I reflected on how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by family and friends that had walked with us in the valley and now have come alongside us as we scale the mountain. God is faithful; He is good; we celebrate life in this family!

I Did It!

Yes, Cancer may have left my body weakened for awhile, but my spirit continues to rise and my body is getting stronger each day. Thank you, Lord--to you be the glory! I have enjoyed running since college. I started small. Initially, I ran around our school loop and then increasingly build up my distances. Having a cross country runner for a roommate and dating a track athlete helped fuel my passion. Little by little, I started to develop a passion for pushing myself and running further than I imagined. In 2001, I ran my first half marathon, the Indy 500. It was amazing; everything I had hoped for and more. I loved the runners' high, the feel of the crowds, the exhilaration of pushing myself, and the satisfaction of completing 13.1 miles. In the next couple of years, I completed three more half marathons in Indianapolis and Nashville, each time a new memory was made and a new accomplishment was attained. However, my long distance running ebbed once I started having babies and then when I was about to pick it up again, I got cancer.

Fast forward a couple of years, I set out this January to distance run for my health, but more importantly to remind myself that I would run because I could. I would run with purpose and with heart. I would run for those who had lost their cancer battle and for those who were still fighting their battle. It was an honor and privilege to run again. This half marathon, it wasn't about my time or how well I had trained instead it was about sharing this experience with my close friend, Katie Weber. We challenged each other to run, to not give up, and to honor others we loved each mile. It was beautiful, it was a new beginning. It was so rewarding to see hug my family on the fifth mile and to see them all cheering us on at the finish line! I'm back, and I will keep running!

15 Months and Counting

This week marks another milestone; I'm meeting with my oncologist on Thursday for my 15 month check-up. While that may not seem long, the months following my one year remission mark have really been beneficial. I'm finally starting to feel like I am putting some space between cancer and myself. I still think about cancer each and everyday, but I'm not paralyzed by the fear that it's coming back as I once was. I've started to let go more and to just allow myself to really be present. However, in the days leading up to my appointment, I find myself growing increasingly anxious. Nervous of a bad blood count, an unexpected nodule that they detect, anything that would signal cancer. I know where my hope lies, I know that my future is secure, yet I worry. I was reminded this week in an excerpt from Jesus Calling that worry is "rebellion against God". The weight of this truth really hit me. When I chose to let worry reign, I'm telling God that He is not enough that I can fight this battle on my own. I chose to trust Him and experience His peace rather than worry and feel defeated.

Missing this Outlet

With the best of intentions, I wanted to revive this blog last fall after a long hiatus due to cancer. It just didn't happen. All good things--more time at home with the family, more investments in friendships, more lounging while watching HGTV, less doctor's visits, and more time to exercise. I've realized just how much I enjoy writing my thoughts out on this blog. It's an outlet to share my thoughts, to remember the sweetness and challenges of this season of parenting, and to celebrate the small successes of making it further and further from my cancer diagnosis and treatment. We've had a wild winter here in the Georgia. I never imagined that my kids would experience 3-4 inches of snow not once but twice this winter. We usually get a dusting of snow most winters, but it's 1/2" to 1" tops. As you know, it shuts down the South...the grocery stores are packed, the bread and milk aisles are bare, schools shutdown, and traffic is ridiculous. It doesn't hold a candle to my Northern friends and those who are covered in snow for 6 months of the year. It's fun for us to be couped up for a couple of days and then to emerge only to experience a 60 degree day just a couple of days later. We've made the most of our snow days. The kids are ready to go first thing...to sled, to build a snowman, to just experience this winter wonderland. It's amazing. It's breathtaking to see the trees covered with the splendor of fresh snow. It's funny to see the make-shift sleds that we create to have a faux sled ride. Here are some of my favorite pictures from Southern Snowmaggedon--Sledding, Movies, and a Warm Fire.

The Reality of Cancer

My heart has been heavy the last couple of days. Allie Armstrong, a college friend and sister in Christ, lost her battle to Leukemia on Monday. It's hard to put into words the emotions that I have been feeling. I've been very raw...realizing that cancer really does suck! I'm not one for language, but that adequately conveys just how I feel about cancer. It just doesn't make sense. Cancer really does take dear loved ones; that reality breaks my heart! My friend Allie showed such strength, such hope and resolve in the Lord despite a dim outlook. She battled hard and continued to do life for 18 long months--in and out of hospitals, living at MD Anderson getting treatment and trying different trial drugs. All this while being away from her three young daughters and husband while being treated. I remember the feeling of isolation and the guilt for not being able to be a mom or wife. I remember watching the world go on around me and feeling so disillusioned by my body--wanting to be in the moment, but unable to physically do it. I imagine that is likely how she felt, but to a much greater extent. I know she is free of the intense chemo drugs, the awful side-effects of cancer. For that I am thankful, she is able to sit at the feet of Jesus!! My heart still mourns deeply and desperately for her husband, her sweet, young daughters--only 8, 5, and 3, her parents, and her friends. This just doesn't seem right in my head. I know that the Lord can handle our broken hearts. He is in the business of caring for widows and orphans. He is celebrating Allie's homecoming. I'm glad I serve a God that can deal with my raw emotions and remind me that He is still God. His ways are not mine. I will trust Him still. Please pray for the Armstrong and Kura families! May Allie's light continue to shine and her faith in Jesus inspire others.