Media and the iGen

Have you heard of the iGen? It is considered the generation born between 1995 and 2012. The generation that has never known life without the internet or the iPhone. These are my kids...not that any of them have an iPhone, but they are growing up with the expectation that they will have one someday. I love the iPhone. I have easy access to information, maps, weather, music, movies, LDS tools and library, instagram, etc. I'm not into games but I usually will keep one on my phone for a kid if we are in a sticky situation. That being said, at home we have a TV, but no cable, and we usually just stream Netflix or Amazon. We don't watch it during meals, or when we are working to clean house or just for background noise. We don't use phones at the dinner table, nor at restaurants. We have never been big into the screen however, we recently invested in some inexpensive Kindle Fire's for the kids as they are now preferring to watch completely different shows or play games instead. We placed parental monitors and prohibited social media and we are able to see any apps applied to the device. Time limits were set but near the end of summer we found ourselves getting a little lazy and not always enforcing them.  Actually, it was kind of an experiment seeing the changes that occurred when each child became immersed (or isolated) by their private viewing experience. Olivia would take it upstairs to the open loft and close all the bedroom doors so it became dark as a cave and she'd stay up there for hours, forgoing meals and socialization with friends or even pool time. She preferres to watch series TV shows and she has no access to social media. I know I've blogged about some of the struggles we have had with her already, so this is been on our radar already. Ben and Rachel liked to play some games but also a few short cartoons and they weren't quite as antisocial. They would interact with one another, recognize their hunger and come to meals, and swim when we swam. However, we noticed listening and obeying became more of a struggle. We also noticed more irritated behavior when kids didn't get their way, mean behavior. This definitely was not OK. We remember experiencing this with Olivia when she was much younger and she really got into Minecraft. It actually got so bad we had to prohibit her from playing. Anyway, recently Adam and I read an article, excerpted from a book call iGen: Why today's Super Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy-and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood* and What That Means for the Rest of Us.  It is written by a psychology professor from San Diego State. Wow!! They article just spoke to us, so I bought the book. We are just starting it but the implications of this generation  just floored me. Just to name a few: less drinking, fewer teenage homicides and fewer teenage pregnancies (sounds good right) are a side effect of this generation, but so is less dating, fewer teenagers working part-time jobs, delaying getting drivers license, more depression and anxiety, and more suicides. Adolescence is being delayed, childhood stretching into high school. Kids are not becoming adults! WOW!   I don't want my kids hanging around any longer that necessary. Not because I don't love or want them, but because I know what a joy independent living can be as an adult. Making our own choices, being free of the financial dependence of parents, etc.  What else are we supposed to do as parents but help our children become happy, kind, productive adults. Really? What else? If the media storm of this generation continues that future looks bleak. I can't have that.  So, we decided to start a new experiment. School started two weeks ago. We decided no screens for two weeks and from then on only on Fridays and Saturdays (we already decided no Sundays) with limited time. It was amazing the first two weeks! Olivia came out of her cave, talked to us...pleasantly, treated her brother and sister more kindly and didn't give us crap when she was given chores, and she read multiple books too. Her attitude toward social interactions improved and she was super motivated in applying herself to her school work.  Ben and Rachel's transition was easy as well. They played lots of games and played with neglected toys. They were imaginative and fun and nice to each other and also quickly obeyed. There was less anger and frustration in the house. I loved it. I could have don't this forever because I never watch TV anyway but realistically I don't think it has to be like that. So, fast forward two weeks later and the kids were super excited to use their devices for a couple hours on Friday. All seemed well. Saturday came, we did chores and got out of the house for a bit. After lunch the little kids had two hours of screen time and then we had friends come over to swim for couple of hours before we barbecue'd dinner. Olivia had an agreed three hours of Kindle time. Now the little kids had tons of fun, but Olivia refused to come socialize and when she finally came for dinner later she had to be called multiple times, missed prayer and was generally a jerk to all of us. Nothing bad had happened, just normal everyday life and yet she was extremely unhappy. Well, the rest of the evening seemed to kind of fall apart for no good reason. The little kids weren't being kind, they kept asking about movies and screen time and I just felt so deflated. I was so floored by the change of behavior after just a couple of hours of screen time.  Now here it is, Sunday morning and I'm listening to kids quietly playing games and getting along and I know in my heart that the influence of media is a strong and pervasive one. One that I have control over nonetheless. Can I find a balance that will allow us to use some media for entertainment without allowing it to overshadow the spirit that we desire in our home? Obviously it starts with me. My example, my responses are also within my control. OK, I'll do my best. As for the media...I think we're going to hit pause again for a little bit.

Blogging, what's that?

I'm going to give this another try:  blogging. I quit Facebook years ago and this was my only social media outlet, but then I discovered Instagram and I could post without any real thought, time or effort. Of course, I only post the good stuff and pretty pictures and there's no real connection to real life, cause real life is hard and sometimes it sucks!  Well, not really, I'm super blessed but the day to day can get old and frustrating. I can feel overworked and under appreciated. I can get lazy or I can be super motivated but then no one else is. What I always felt blogging did was allow me to think through each situation and find the meaning in it, instead of tucking the hard stuff away for no one to see. I've never shared to create inspiration in others, mostly just myself. I'd like to find that again. I don't mean for this to sound like a yearly Christmas letter

Those who would read this are likely family and a few friends and already know we live in California and have three kids, with no more coming. I work nearly full-time and my husband stays home with the kids. I've likely bragged about how amazing Adam is. He does laundry, cleans, shuttles kids, deals with homework and teachers, shops, and occasionally cooks. Plus, he loves me! He and I get to spend a lot of time together since I usually work two double shifts a week. This allows me to spend a lot more time at home versus working more days but shorter shifts.   He does most of the chores on my working days so my days off are spent cooking and spending time with the kids, gardening, taking care of my chickens or just having fun. We like to run and go the gym together and are always looking for our next childless getaway (few and far between).  Our ten-year anniversary is this year and no trips are planned :(

Olivia (13 in a week) has entered those precarious years of adolescents and I hate it. There, I said it. Nothing like truth. She has struggled in school for years, had a diagnosis of ADD, tried medication with abysmal results and now she's been pulled from public school to go to a Independent study charter school. She goes to class twice a week and basically homeschool three days a week. We don't actually teach her, she just completes her work. This has been helpful because she's so slow and she's held accountable to incomplete or poor work. Public school just let her get away with it, despite it being their responsibility to educate my child. Even after multiple evaluations, educationally and psychologically, it seems her difficulties lie within her lack of desire to succeed. I see my constant interventions to help her with everything as a child has stunted her ability to be independent and learning to do that now has been a struggle. Pair that with the general adolescent attitudes and behavior and you can guess most of our interactions are tortuous. She also struggles socially and my heart breaks for her on that, but it is her own fault as she doesn't reach out in kindness to others. Plus, according to her "Life sucks!" because she doesn't have an iPhone and has to do chores. Wow! I love this child but sometimes I can't believe she's mine. It can be so emotionally exhausting! She's beautiful and has some sweetness in her somewhere but I think her idea of reality is impaired,  possibly by movies or TV.

Ben (6) is a dream child. I do not love him more than the others but I'm most impressed by him. He's kind, honest, usually helpful and fun. He is a little whiz at school too! He is a little obsessed with Mario Bros. but he's very motivated to do well and get the things he wants, even waking us up early on a Saturday to work to earn money. After our struggles with Olivia we took some parenting courses (should have done those before having kids) and we applied those techniques with the little kids and saw almost immediate improvements in their behavior and our ability to "control" situations. Letting kids choose and learn from their mistakes has been invaluable in our sanity and their independence.

Rachel (4) is my little sidekick. She just wants her mommy, unless she's in trouble and then wants her daddy. She just finished preschool and loved it. She's confident, sassy, silly, fun and loving. Not that she can't throw a major fit. She wants to do everything I do: gardening, chicken care, and cooking. All the kids will be school next year. I can't believe how time has flown.

Speaking of time, it was my 20 year high school reunion this year. I didn't go or even see if there  was a reunion taking place. I don't think you could pay me to go back to North Dakota and I've only kept in touch with one friend from HS.

Well, maybe I'll get better at this. In the mean time I have to go tell Olivia to find something to do instead of harassing the little kids.

So...it's almost Thanksgiving...

Wow, I haven't blogged since Easter. I can't even begin to say what's new with us. Well, nothing really. Olivia is 11 and in 6th grade, Ben is 5 and started transitional kindergarten and Rachel is 3 and in the first year of preschool. I'm still working about 40 hours per week. Adam is taking an EMT and Fire 1 course with the hopes of getting into a local fire academy. He's lost over 65 pounds since last fall and I've lost 10. The secret: we don't eat grains anymore-for the most part and got rid of the simple carb snacks for the kids cause we were eating them too.. I ran a few fun races this year, including a 120 mile 8 person relay, a half marathon in Lake Tahoe and a 68 mile 3 person relay. Adam still is the venture scout leader and I am the RS pianist. We now have 10 chickens that lay three different color eggs. Our grass is totally dead from the CA drought. We went to UT in June to see my folks while they were in Provo from FL. My mom is going to Nurse Anesthesia school in Naples. Then we went to the beach in July with Adam's mom. Then we took short trips up to Tahoe multiple times. Olivia is struggling in school and we are considering home school to help her catch up and look forward to helping her gain a little academic self esteem. She's otherwise social but middle school standards have really accented her weakness. She did do cross country this year and swam on the city swim team. She loves activity days and has a few friends and if I let her she'd spend days playing Minecraft, but I"m a mean mom so she doesn't. Ben is loving school and is very social. He is spelling and writing everything he can. We let him play the Wii once or twice a week. Wow, the obsession, but at least he stands and jumps around when he plays. I have a love/hate relationship with electronics. Rachel loves school but is NOT potty trained and shows no interest. I'm getting tired of changing her crappy diapers. She's quite a little drama queen and I've had to fight with her about brushing teeth, brushing hair and getting dressed. Good thing she's cute! We have officially shut down the baby making factory and look forward to the kids being a little more independent is some things. Of course I'll miss the snuggles and the openness little ones have with you but I am loving more full nights of sleep. I keep busy with work and kids and garden and chickens. Adam still plays softballs and has class all day Thursdays, plus scouts Wednesday night. We haven't encouraged a lot of activities(soccer really) this school year and not needing to be somewhere three days a week is nice. I will try to be a better blogger, although I still need to fix my old computer to get older pictures and figure out how to use the new computer (Mac). I'll attach a few pictures, although they are not in particular order.

Alone...on a Plane

Sounds mysterious, but actually very boring, the plane I mean. I went to visit my sister sans kids in February and that was really fun for me. Juliana just had #5 a few months ago and is very busy with kiddos and house and music lessons and soccer practice and church and preschool and etc. Her husband Ammon had to go out of town for a week and so I took the opportunity to visit/help out. Her kids are adorable and well mannered and pretty self sufficient and talented and helped me realize my kids are totally normal-all kids throw fits and fight, even when they are intellectually superior to my own. Hehehe! Actually they were very good.  It's a lot easier to get out of the house during the day when two can tag team. We went to the zoo-free and amazing, a children's discovery museum, soccer game and a small local airport, where my brother Jake flew in on his plane (Air Force) from Oklahoma and then had lunch with us. Turns out my brother does actually fly planes, I saw him land it and get out with my own eyes. I haven't seen him for a couple of years and had no proof before. It was cool. I had a lot of fun with Julie, watching movies or talking after the kids were in bed. Julie introduced me to sweet potato burritos-my new favorite-and I cooked a few meals to freeze before I left. For me it was a great week, especially playing with the little ones-her two youngest are 17 months and 3 months. It was so fun to snuggle and cuddle that baby. I hope there are babies in heaven because nothing is much sweeter then that.

Father Daughter Dance 2015

Olivia's school does a F/D dance every winter, this years theme "Under the Sea".  It's the only other time of the year, besides piano recitals, that she will let me primp.  She looked cute of course with her handsome date. Adam enjoyed it and was a little sad when he realized it would be the last time Olivia will probably dance with him until her wedding.  Middle school is coming and it just won't be cool. 

Warmest Winter Ever!

So California is screwed. No rain, no snow. We gonna be thirsty this summer.  We are letting our lawn die in the back yard and are replacing the front with rock and bark and a few drought tolerant plants.  I'll be saving pasta water and cold shower water for my garden, which by the way has had a banner winter on account of all the sunshine. Cabbage, kale, carrots galore, and I ate the most fabulous golden beets and parsnips fresh from the garden tonight.  Hope it doesn't shrivel up and die when I plant for the summer. I'm thinking...instead of an oil pipeline we need a water pipeline to transfer all that east coast snow they don't know what to do with out west. 

Our chickens are laying about two dozen eggs per week now that there is more sun during the day. The yolks are so dark yellow from all the garden scraps we feed them they scramble almost orange. We got four new chicks to add to the brood.  The yellow chicks will lay white eggs and the brown chicks will lay blue or green eggs. Our others lay various shades of brown, sometimes pink and occasionally spotted. Spring is my season, I love new life and new plants. The blueberries are already developing, as are the apricots and plums, but only one cherry tree has blossomed. It still may be a couple of years before we get any of those.  The raspberries are coming back. There will be potatoes and more carrots soon, plus a new plantings of lettuces, chard and spinach. I hope my dreams of a flourishing garden won't be burned up in the summer heat.

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years...

Thanksgiving was quite the event at our house. My dad came into town the morning of and my cousin Ericka was getting married in the area on Saturday so my Auntie Em, Uncle Bob and Aunt Christine, plus my cousins Ericka, Greta, Vanessa (plus husband and her three kids), Lydia, and Oliver, plus my brother Jared came to our house for Thanksgiving day.  Normally we have it with Adam's family, so this was my first attempt at hosting.  The day was easy and relaxed, but the hour before serving was such a whirlwind, trying to get everything on the table at the same time.  It was easy until it wasn't and my aunties swooped into help.  Of course since I was busy I took no pictures. The weather was nice enough for outside and I made three pies: sweet potato with a marshmallow meringue topping, coconut cream, and pecan. Turns out there was a GI bug running through my visitors but fortunately we escaped without getting it.  The wedding was super pretty and it was fun to see everyone!  My Auntie Em is moving to Utah and I'm a little sad to see them go. We usually make it up at least once a year for visit.
Update: Pics from my Aunt Christine just added

 

My dad stayed for a little visit. He had been in Utah the week before helping take care of my grandparents, who are ailing a bit.  He was glad to have been able to spend that one on one time with them.  The kids adore my dad. He is super fun to play with and climb on and jump with and have tickle fights with.  We went to the railroad museum and played at the park and even played some tennis. It was too short and can't wait to see him again soon, hopefully with Grandma too, who had to work Thanksgiving, so she could try to be off for my sisters delivery of #5. Of course, my mother is going back to school, again, and they are moving to Florida so she can begin anesthesia school.

Olivia had her Christmas recital and did well. If I can get the video to upload later I will. Before she sat down after she was done she stuck her tongue out at me. She needs to see that when she's older so she can see what a punk she can be.

 Her best friend Alara came to the recital.

We took the weekend before Christmas to spend with our friends and their kids at their house in north Lake Tahoe.  There was some good snow over the pass and little less at lake level, but definitely enough for the kids to play in. It was Rachel's first time in the snow. She and Ben had a great time, Olivia too, with her friends. I enjoyed watching the kids and playing with them, but for the most part the adults just sat around and ate, played card games, ate, watched movies, ate and read and I got no real sleep.  I left feeling extremely bloated and in need of exercise and media deprivation, but I got cute pictures.

 

I'm one of those downer people at Christmastime and since I had to work through the holidays it was hard for me to get into the spirit. Not that I don't love Christmas but I have to try really hard to be happy. I don't know why. I could care less about presents and eating goodies. I wish I could just enjoy the true meaning of the season without being affected by the commercialism.  If I had to do over again there would be no Santa at our house, only Jesus. Maybe one day I'll get it right.  Anyway, I know the kids had fun and I did purchase a new camera finally so my pictures won't suck so bad from my iPhone anymore.

New years...What can I say, the only reason I was up at midnight is because the little kids woke up. Another holiday I can do without...Well the truth is I hate making a New Year's resolution. I suck at them. But, I'm always in need of improvement, so I made a January resolution, which I have kept so far.  Then I will reevaluate and pick something new in February.  We'll see how it sticks. Mostly my ideas are to develop new habits that can benefit me spiritually or physically or relationshiply (not a real word, but you know). Also, get rid of bad habits that benefit me none whatsoever. So good luck to me and all of you who have resolutions. Hope your holidays were a blast and uplifting!

Wow, I just reread my post. I think I need an attitude adjustment!