its not too much to ask

k la..i feel kinda relieved....like..finally..i can let it go.hahahah.well..it'll do me some good!

yeahhh..syf in 1 week's time..im going to sing my best..the same way i played my best for every single match..the same way i gave in my best in every training..

i know we're going to regret after its over...no matter how hard you work.you'll have regrets one.unless you knw from the start that it was never possible..for us, it is possible...but if we dont put in enough.its our fault..

i think i've realised..throughout these 17+ years..that i cant mug..and i totally..got 0 interest for studying unless its induced by something else..normally i only study when it concerns my pride la...put simply..i dont normally find the need to excel in my studies because it doesnt prove anything..lol..thats my personal view la.i mean..other ppl may find joy in studying and excelling in their studies.not saying that its not good..just saying that i dont want that..and i probably cant get it.hahah.wow.imagine me sitting at a table for at least 2 hours a day studying and revising.nahh..no way man.all my life, i dont think i even have an average of half an hour of studying outside class per day...ahahaha.thats kinda sad.

but i put in alot more for music and tv la..that one.cannt deny.hahaha.

haiz..when syf's over..i'll study la..i'll just study k..i must promise myself that i will study..gosh..why am i even studying lol..omg..i cant believe it.im studying..

yeah right..its gonna be 2 months from a lvls when i finally start..zzz.that sucks man.im going to fail.real bad.

zzz..its times when you feel like you really need ppl arnd for you..its in those times, when your true friends really become extremely significant...

and if you end up having no one arnd with you.its really sad.i mean.it may not be your fault luh..but its really sad..yeah.

ciao

等待竟累积成伤害

fell ill on friday night...dragged myself to choir..had a bad experience..crawled home..lay in bed for half the day without falling asleep because a splitting headache was killing me...

managed to fall asleep at night after 2 panadols and lots of water..the fever's back again..seriously..get lost man..dont bug me..

but this has taught me not to be complacent..i always thought i didnt fall sick easily...but i fell ill twice this year..which kinda..sucks..

i want to recover by tomorrow so that i can sing well..

step back..take another look..think far....dont let little setbacks take me down..

i gotta do my best..no regrets.

after so long...they finally completed what we didnt do...congrats juniors..though you guys may feel disappointed (i hope you dont)..i feel really proud of you guys..damn fagging proud..well done..i bet coach must have teared when you guys made it

i feel ashamed that i made no contributions after i left hc..i really feel ashamed of myself..

sometimes, you win..sometimes you lose.hence the "win some,lose some"..

i dont like to believe in "no chance at all"..but sometimes..........the truth is you stand no chance at all for certain stuff..and its not really your fault..circumstances are such that you dont stand a chance at all..at all.just admit it and fight harder for other stuff..

there are many things i regret it life..i think this is one time..i tried my best..if it was not enough..i just have to say.i tried my best.i really did...i always asked myself in the past..when is it that you have tried your best? is there a definition for that? like..100m.how'd you know you ran your fastest..it may not be your fastest possible..like.theres no certain limit as to how much you can do...thats what i thought..

but this time.i know i've tried my best.and i know the feeling.its the feeling of doing everything you can..doing everything you think you should..you did even more than you could actually manage..but you still end up failing..that kind of feeling..sucks.its bitter.to the max.

thanks to my fever and stuff.i teared today..not really cry..but i teared..not the kind of tearing which happens when you get eye infection, but i teared because i felt really sad.really disappointed..that at the end of everything..i end up with nothing...1 year ago..and 1 year later..i didnt gain much except for pain..no pain no gain?? why do i feel like i've gained nothing..

ciao

i know i've gained experience..im more aware of stuff now..im ready to handle stuff like this in the future..

and its not like i want to give up at all..but theres just nothing i can do anymore..and i really need to let it out...because im not that strong to keep everything in me..and im not that strong..to keep on banging against a wall..keep bleeding..keep smiling.keep recovering and telling myself that i can remove a solid wall..then repeating the cycle again..im not that strong..

im only posting..because i think i cant keep on walking against a wall much longer..of course.i dont know how much more i can endure..but i promised that i'll keep trying..and i will, till i can bleed no more..till i can endure pain no more..till i truly know for myself that there is no way i can remove a solid wall..to mend a weary heart..till then..i'll just keep trying with all my heart against a rock wall...

its really this time of the year

i feel like shit..really..i feel very sian these few days..

haiz..shit it man..shit it so much..i feel sian in school..i feel sian for everything that happens..pissy..irritated.irritating..gosh

i miss everything..

but theres nothing i can do about it anymore..at least not for now.

ciao

we dont win all the time

sometimes i listen to what others have to say..i ponder over their words..

dont aim luh..i mean..sometimes..people dont see what they've done wrong until they're really wrong...you cant fault humans for that..if humans didnt feel bad only after they've failed, there wouldnt be regret....dont make sweeping statements...

i kinda feel angry when people blame others for not cherishing their friends blah blah blah blah blah..those kinda things.sometimes..its not as easy as just...i didnt appreciate my friend...behind the scenes, many things can happen..dont just say stuff like.when he/she was there for you you didnt appreciate..this kinda things..hard to say one..

but i still gotta emphasize the same point..dont commit that kind of mistakes to the best of your abilities..

you can kill yourself trying to gain redemption..you may never attain it..you can work alot harder than anybody else..but..sometimes

see your luck la.

ciao

its just views thats all..

im becoming a very pissy person nowadays..its the time of the year..along with.........many other stuff la..

i notice how much i dont care about the things i dont care about anymore..i dont simply just dont care about it leh..i really dont care until an extreme level...sometimes i feel bad..

on one hand, i'm telling ppl how to get past their problems..relating my experiences to them..on another hand...im committing these sins myself..over and over again..is it just me? i try too much to make everything i do faultless..so that i can always tell myself.it wasnt my fault..i didnt play a part in this..im just going to set some rules for myself, or else im just going to screw up everything in life..i dont want that..

i need time to think...there is not enough time..i need time to think luh..seriously..everything seems wrong..i tell people to give chances..why am i not giving any? i feel like a.....i dnt know..shit...

that only applies for certain situations luh..for many situations i really dont care alr...hahaha.i can swear i tried and tried until im really so tired..and im not exaggerating..i dont want to give up.but i have to..yeah

ciao

只要你开心就好

haiz...im really really really damned confused now..shit la..its always this time of the year.

i dont wanna make similiar mistakes again..no more.twice in a year is enough..

sometimes alot of things are not up to us to decide..but still, we can do alot to make a difference...never think no..

but im tired.really..not physically..not mentally.i dont knw..just worn out i guess..one of those.growing up things....so many things you have to accept when you knw you dont want to..have to brace yourself..smile and move on.smile and move on.smile and move on..

its these kinda things..that really..make you worn out.smile and move on..

actually..alot of things.whether or not it is your fault...someone has to pay for it lahh..and normally.you pay for it.and other parties pay for it too..somehow..somehow.people like to take the lose-lose way..i dont knw why..somehow la..they just dont like to think of alternatives.

okayy...im really tired now.need to sleep man.gosh..i was really damn tired last night..thanks to someone...leave us outside his house in the rain for 10 mins ahhh...on the phone still keep asking us to screw off.*ahem ahem*...yeahhh..make us stand in the pouring rain..and dont believe that we are standing outside..wanna play punk lehh...hahaha

but thanks for all the alcohol and the few hours of entertainment at your house..i think...it made me feel..slightly....better..hahaha.i dont look sad meh? seriously..im damn sad leh..sian.......thanks for the dinner..lol.damn nice (y)...

"i never say anything ahh....i never say" hahahahaha.does that sound familiar??? hahahaha.sounds like sth someone said when she came home to find her favourite alcoholic beverage reduced..LOL.LOL.LOL

sian..just like that.i ended my streak of the longest period of time i went through without consuming any alcohol.regardless of strength or taste..nearly 2 months...nearly 2 months..zzzz.since cny.i really didnt drink.then within 1 week i drank twice..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

discipline ah..i think gg..hahahah

ciao

yeahhh

almost screwed up..when my father wiped the hard disk..zz.lucky lucky..

yeahhh.anyway.kinda tiring in school nowadays..nothing much to look forward too, pretty much to dread...

syf auditions are on thursday..hahaha.kinda fun.i like it.pw results are released on thursday.kinda fun..

friday is good friday..good or not.really depends on thursday luh..yeahh..

its so tiring man.its so so tiring..zzz.i cant fight alr.just wanna stay like this for awhile..

im very sure of my own feelings..yeahh.im very sure.

ciao

havent been blogging for the past few days..mainly cos.busy with fun stuff luh..hahaha

have been waking up early for the past whole week..including sat and sunday..went to nyjc for exchange on sat..had family day on sunday.and had siglap prac today..tired sia.

thanks CH for bbq and stayover and lots of fun.hahahah..and the beer la.but actually.i quit drinking alr..abit la..ahahaha

zzz..other than that..nothing much to blog about..

kk.i wanna sleep early.

ciao

Dedicated to the number 14