its just killing you

sometimes..this thing about girls..is that..no matter what you do.nothing seems to be right for them..really..nothing.

yeahh...我没有别人帅。。没有别人聪明，没有别人有钱，没有别人会打球，没有别人会唱歌，弹吉他每人家厉害，钢琴也比不过别人，没有别人那么讨人喜欢。。缺点一大堆。。

just kill me

no matter what you do, there'll always be someone there to criticise you..say that what you did wasnt good enough.emphasize on where you should have improved on and shit..aiya..just heck it la..if you wanna give a shit about what everybody says about everything you do, then really no point doing anything at all..some ppl just like to discourage one..im not aiming..its general..

lame la..i got do anything to offend you meh? say until like that..like in this world only you pro only lo.like you big shot..yeah la.you and your friends very zai *claps* very zai *claps*..i weak..

really thanks to jason and family for everything tonight.

hc played well..not to full potential.but well..jiayou guys!

choir tmr.

讲到好像人家欠你的。。干你的。谁欠你? 不爽就讲啦，在那边静静，别人背后说闲话。。

ciao

im just trying my best

haiz..i dont knw what to say.........zzz

sometimes i wish i sang better..i mean..singing better really helps when you wanna express your emotions..so many ppl tell me they cant hear feelings from my singing.its just singing pitches lo.

sian...haiz..i just want to sing a song that comes from the bottom of my heart and sounds like it comes from the bottom of my heart..maybe if it doesnt sound like its sincere, its really insincere...

i really dont knw why..i STILL dont knw why.some ppl cant understand..im just trying my best..im really just trying my best..thats all..

yeahhh.forget it..im tired again.next time i should blog in the afternoon.then can type out everything la..i kinda forgot what i wanted to say alr..anyway..anyway..anyway..

ciao.

i feel so damn pissed man..this whole week..

thanks to all who encouraged me to do my best for aji.thanks to all who congratulated us on winning cat champs.thanks to all who supported.yeahh.

ciao

zz

so i didnt get to meet the guys anyway..gah

monday wednesday friday.they're playing on all these days..i'll make it there on friday to watch you guys..hahaha.yeahh..i want to.

feel super sian la..past few days keep passing by paya lebar.then see SBC..remember all the matches and stuff we played..remembered many things that happened there la...clementi, sbc, ccab..all these places mean alot to me..really.A div playing at sbc..shall go and watch on friday..lets go jiayou k.daniel and hs.

meanwhile..im abit worried about auditions..quite worried la actually..

aji on wed..monday..which means tmr..gonna be a fagging long day..zz

hopefully..just hopefully..thurs and fri is e learning..hahaha.but i dont give a shit.e learning or not.im going to watch hc play on friday..

hmm..i guess everybody has their own opinions..alot of ppl feel that...its up to you to make yourself happy. i dont think so..the thing is right, when you make yourself happy, most of the time you are ignoring the "bad" maybe sad things that are happening.you just shove them up some hole, and pretend that nothing happened.wth?

its still there you know.you're just not looking at it.and happily you think to yourself.yay! im not affected by all these shit(s)..i can make myself happy if i want to.gahh.no way lah.

if something happened, it happened okay..no such thing as "i just dont care about it lo"..yeah.of course its right to not let it affect you till you're so down and all...but, i just feel that its not right to just forget about the whole matter and just smile it off and pretend you're happy.

btw.im not aiming..i just heard the phrase about the happiness thing a few days ago.and i felt that it was really.......wrong.want an example? lol.sure thing..i'll give an example.an example where the happiness doesnt only concern yourself..

your friend argues with you over sth.you two fall out.you tell yourself, its not worth it to get myself worked up over this shit.and i shouldnt feel sad that we argued.i shouldnt feel sad that we're not talking anymore...you continue with your life pretending you're okay with it cos its not worth it to feel sad over things like that....wth? this is really.classical case of shoving it up some hole la.matter not resolved.both of you walk away feeling real "happy" about it..because you both think you shouldnt get worked up over things like this.

end of the day..you both just lose a friend.end of story.oh..and you feel miserable about it after awhile luh.of course...and then you tell yourself.i shouldnt feel sad about it.i mean.its over right?? and you smile =) *claps loudly* WHAT A WONDERFUL SOLUTION!!

shit man..this is not how things work.got problem.you solve and be happy..dont try to make yourself happy by not solving the situation at all.just keep thinking.i should think happy.dont let it affect me..

of course la.the example i gave.abit extreme.most of the time ppl will try to patch up first before giving up..YES it is up to you to make yourself happy..but to make yourself happy.you have to do stuff.you dont sit there thinking to yourself that its okay.its fine.i'll live with it.i'll find something new....really..you'll regret it at the end of the day.

sian..ji long post...anyway.really.no aiming.im not aiming ppl..just felt that i had to let it out..cos i just felt that..thoughts like those are too...shrugs.i cant find a word now.i just wanna sleep.im sick..shit man.

其实，这几天我也何尝不是常常回想着当日我们一起上场，一起欢喜，一起悲伤的那些日子。。我实在实在太想念了。。记得中二那年，我们享受了我们第一场胜仗。。那是多么痛快的一件事。从一群不会打球的小男生，教练把我们变成了比较大方可靠的男人。第一次赢球技的实几时吗？是对ws 的友谊赛。。我记得。非常清楚。。。当哨子响起的那刹那，达贤不知有多高兴。。我们也是在当时成为了朋友。。赢球，把我们两个从前似乎是冤家的人，变成了队友，变成是朋友。。。。几不感人一下喔！哈哈哈哈哈！

我真的好想念一切。。想念华中。想念球场。想念你们。。想念教练。。想念打球。想念跟你们一起拼命，想念跟你们一起英，一起输。。。太想念了。想念那种。七点多才慢慢地走出校门那种感觉。。。。想念假期一起练球，一起吵架，一起游泳，一起吃饭，看电影，去毅初家，喝酒。。哈哈哈哈哈哈。太想念了！

那时我人生中最美好的时光。真的。。谢谢你们。

ciao

haha

did i blog about yesterday? i cant remember lah.cos i was basically too tired to remember what i was doing.but anyway..yesterday was really kinda great.

i had.a great experience.

actually alot of things havent changed la..it doesnt matter what cca im in..i feel the drive to win and everything.just the same...i guess.its really just about how much effort we're willing to put in.

but really..i think..it was my best day..in the entire year..hahaha.up till now..really really.it was the best.hahaha.no joke.really.the best day.right after a shitty day on thursday..friday.rocked.

thursday really sucked man.no joke.but friday really..best.in the whole year.so far.

hahaha...you knw.sometimes right..despite what those philosophers like to say..i think leaving things up to nature nvr really works out luh.hahah.nothing is actually nature..because unlike econs..we dont study things in equilibrium..things are ever changing..different opportunities.different situations.they are happening all the time..there is never actually a ceteris paribus..so its either you plan for the future, you work towards something..or you just pray damn hard that the so called "nature" goes your way..its really about coincidences and choices..dont wait for it to happen man..you gotta make it happen..

or else, you'll just find that nature will somehow...SOMEHOW..always always go against you..and you just feel unlucky about it...and brood over it..take things into your hands..and go for it.

dont wait..time and tide and "nature" waits for no man..

ciao

eww

k la..today wasnt so bad..


tmr's gonna be a long day..... -.-


haiz........still havent met up with the bballers..........sian.

k la..i drink some vodka later.hahahah.maybe.i scared hangover

lets meet on sat pls.

ciao

i feel so dead

tired...and..tired..zzzzzzz..

hahahaha.

today was fun lah..really..not bad.

hope tmr will be fun too..

i wanna meet up with you guys soon

ciao

thanks man

i was in choir camp whole of monday till awhile ago...well.i didnt have a laptop and obviously cant use msn la.

today..i saw the offline msg that hs left for me..i read his blog luh..and i felt really really really touched..no joke.plus my fatigue and stuff right.i nearly cried out la..i've been thinking about those times also luh..just the other day i was trying to recall the smell of clementi stadium..the noise..everything..its so familiar and yet...i dont knw how to explain.its been..so damn fking long since i've been to clementi...gosh...

i really miss those times..and..god knws why we dont have any time this march holidays to meet up as a team..i really wish we had the time lahh..maybe thursday? hopefully.not sure if you guys have training or anything..i was hoping we could have one of those sentosa outings like last year.but march,i think abit impossible..

yeahhh.choir camp was okay la..so damn tired..lol.choir camp can see different sides of alot of ppl la =P hahahah.

retarded..im really damn damn damn damn tired now.im going to bed.

ciao

thanks thanks thanks btw..all of you.lets meet soon =) the bond is there!

lol

tmr is camp day.i havent packed..sian sian sian sian sian sian..

zzz.today was kinda fun luh =)

went out with kng and jason...hahaha.

met alot of ppl in orchard.lol.its a sunday luh.

im training im training.try my best la.hahah.

sian..all the maps behind iro i play like shit.how to unlock bunta mode.sian...

k la.gotta go pack alr.like..100000 things i need la.

ciao

yesterday was my brothers' birthday.yay.happy birthday.and einstein too! and pi day.lol

i cleared akina =) finally.lol

cldnt play bball yesterday..hopefully meeting kng later.haha

its funny how things happen and ppl react.hahah.whatever la.cant be bothered to think about stuff alr..now i understand how ppl feel when they say they dont care alr..

ciao

why you all dont believe

i say quit alr ma..no one believe i quit drinking.lol...i know its nt good for health one.of course stop la..i nvr touch alcoholic products for super long alr..since.tiger beer at ec house...really..that was..feb or even jan lehh..now march alr.i really quit awhile la..

but i think maybe tmr i drink alr.LOL

actually..i cant feel the diff between drinking and not drinking.i guess its just that after you drink.you feel like you dont remember anything for the entire day..okay.not that bad.just that you do things without thinking so much.like things you normally wouldnt do or say, you'd do it after you drink alot..maybe i'll drink tmr..i feel like it.hahahaha.

anyway.tmr's gonna be a really tiring day..i dont think i'll like it alot.zzz..i hate it when there are tests on wednesdays..kinda spoils the whole thing for me because wednesday is supposed to be a super shuang day..then tmr the whole day kena push back for half an hour..sian.including choir.sian leh..just collect some thing only ma..need so long meh.zz

tmr chem test..i havent even studied yet la..preparing to die.i think i'll get 0 leh..gosh.cos im damn tired now and i doubt i can remember anything i study..pls let a miracle happen.hahaha.no la.never study then fail lo..simple as that.logic is simple logic.

k la.time to go.

ciao

irks me to think of it

no big deal really..

tears dry up..

look back.how many failures have you faced? freaking countless...

i feel so loserish..gosh.but i cant be like a person who sits back and just keeps saying i cant do this cant do that..

i want to make a difference..but its really not up to me...anymore.

ciao

quit drinking

actually i quit drinking alcohol for damn long alr..since cny.thats like..1 mth plus? arnd there.not bad what i think..hahaha.but i stop drinking then i get sick.wth..damn fair la.anw..i think i'll be alcohol free for awhile..at least till...march hols.LOL.

blah blah.alot of gp to do.shit man..

syf auditions soon.ci4 ji1 wor.

kk..off to complete akina..gosh.i completed first 3 maps.then iro..but i cant finish akina..shit.

ciao

what an uneventful day

seriously..i woke up and just played psp.watched tv and played piano all day.didnt step out of home..lame to max.

zzz..tired..

and again.i cant remember what i wanted to say..whatever la.hahah

found a goal alr.time to go.

ciao

再来一次

dont knw if i blogged about it alr.

aji auditions are over.lol.i dont knw when the results are coming out..in or out.hope for the best lah.

sat was fine i guess..went back to play bball..but i didnt play bball at all.haha..i just didnt feel like playing..zz..

went to town in the afternoon..got inspired and came home

everytime i get inspired right.i feel like being resilient...but..i think of the past and it totally discourages me from persevering..

thanks man..everytime i feel like giving up.you tell me the same thing..haahah.and everytime i believe it la..inspiring person..thanks for encouraging me..i'll try my best.

ciao

Dedicated to the number 14