all i want to have is all that you can give me

wasted one day...did some work..played piano.sang songs..watched tv..messed around with my own mind...rather stupid.

when something stays constant.and everything else changes regardless of the conditions and status..you knw that the problem lies with the constant...its not the variables.

so what? so what?

i dont knw what to do..feels like its time to be low again..

i just wanted one more chance..

to redeem myself..to....gahh.

ciao

i dont know why nobody told you.

there was nothing...i could do..

slow down...

im listening to the song..which pulled me through pure geog in sec 4...

no one should feel sad for themselves..but....shouldnt you feel sad if you screw up your life so bad that.....you cant even say a word.

you really need to pull yourself together....

is this even life? feels so dumb..like a retarded game..

ciao

fall on your knees

this week has been such a great week! yeah right..

i totally can understand why.....haha.but actually sometimes the more you think the more you think you understand..back to square one, you dont knw anything at all..either that.or you forget the importance of the matter you were thinking about in the first place..

chinese new year..well.i dont think its a very happy matter either.haha.

anyway...i dont knw what im doing..im learning songs at a slow pace..im not improving much for singing...i dont play bball that much anymore..goal setting time

1. finish page 7 of hungarian rhap before wednesday.finish the whole song by...may.okay..maybe april then..
2. try to improve my volume for singing by hissing like a snake permanently
3. play bball whenever im free

zzz.i dont knw what to talk about..oh..bball and ec house was great yesterday.lol.but i felt kinda errrr.lost throughout the whole day.lost in thought i guess.

i dont feel driven to do anything anymore..really..im just following my goals with a tinge of hope that something comes along to motivate me again..

its not tiring anymore..its just....boring.

woke up from a nightmare at 3.45 this morning...god save me pls.

一条路有多少分岔口?

loner

everything is just falling apart..im waiting for things to happen.im waiting for things to happen..nothing is going to happen.NOTHING is going to happen.

make things happen..its not up to you..its never up to us to make things happen......what we can do.is only try..things dont happen just because you want them to..doesnt that suck?

i cant be bothered alr la..its like killing myself over and over again..reviving just to kill myself again..its an analogy.because i didnt actually die....

nobody had to say anything..

its not even depressing..

its just pure..sadness.





i just wanted one more chance...and....i couldn't even get it..
just goes to show how useless i am...

im clueless..

i dont want to care anymore..dont want to think anymore..

its all your choices that make up the final decision..

its my fault.i mean it sincerely.

ciao

everytime i wake up from a dream..im so disappointed that it was just a dream..because my dreams are so much better than reality nowadays...

last year..i mainly liked it when i was awake..nowadays....i really hope that the dreams are real la...its so tiring and disappointing when you wake up to reality..it sucks so much..

running away from pain is all i can do..

face the truth.

can i?

the truth is no.

ciao

days get more sian..each day is more sian than the last....i dont knw why i go to school anymore..

does my future lie in school? i really have to ask myself..seriously..

gosh..its just getting despised day after day..not sian meh? wanna make a name for myself..cannt one la.too weak.good in nothing.good for nothing.zz..

and..i need to sleep..zz

ciao

sian.

new year new start la....hopefully..

well..what a day..well spent la..i feel so accomplished..i enjoyed the holidays..20 mins left till the end of the hols...

i feel so touched now..all of a sudden...feel like crying alot.damn weak la.

thanks all who said comforting words......thanks alot alot.

ciao..

tmr....haiz......whats the diff?

havent done any homework

today was a bad day...so sad..

so sad..

so damn sad..

so damn damn sad..

goodbye.....open house was a blast...a blast to my throat.

ciao

had class chalet for the past 2 days..

many touching moments...saw clem at amk hub on wed while eating.gosh.havent seen him in a long long time..hahaha.then..met marc at tampines interchange..he was looking for bus 72..haiz..he today go bmt alr..its like..i havent seen him for damn damn long also.

yeahhhh.i suddenly felt so..freaked out la..cos..i was thinking of borrowing the ankle weights from him a few days ago..then suddenly..at the hour when im so tired..and stuff..he suddenly appear..gosh man.i should have just slept and not played mahjong.lol.

second night was so dead for me la..totally like..sian diao alr.hahahah

anyway...yeah..congrats to those who passed retest..

im so tired..haha.

ciao

aimless

when you lose your aim for certain things..you tend to lose the rest too...its like....suddenly your life is a mess..total mess..

suddenly..i feel that playing rhapsody isnt all that impt..but i'll learn it la anyway..finished 3rd page finally..4th page is a technical killer man...suddenly..i just feel like..not going on to j2...shrugs..

haiz..maybe it would be better if i left lah..and just..wasted my life away..

i clearing my wallet and my cupboard today..wow..found lots of stuff..so many movie tickets...i found the one for stay alive..super memorable.because..its like...one of the few movies i watched with yuk and kl, and since now they're nt in sing anymore..i guess.thats kinda memorable...and..its also the first movie i ever watched at vivo.....i can remember la.we went to yuk's hse after that..at clementi..but i left..and faced the long way home on the 151.yeah..hahah.fond memories..seriously.

i found the watch that raj gave me for my birthday the year before last..i..or was it the sec 3 year..its spoilt la..but im keeping it anyway..found all the beer/breezer/blah blah bottle caps...i kept all of them..and they're all in my cupboard..all the impt receipts..all the notes of encouragement ppl gave me..all in the cupboard...lol..great time...

yeahhh...hopefully.tmr will be better..still havent done my homework....haha..crunch time.take the clutch shot man..copy

ciao

在月光下一直找寻那想念的身影

sian..like half the high school team went to taiwan with college team..ok..maybe not half..last week of holidays..super unhappening..

haiz...sian la..i dont knw what to believe and what not to believe..and that sucks....

be careful what you wish for..it just might not come true...and you can just end up being extremely disappointed.hahah..yeahhh.

i dont knw how last year turned out to be like that..i mean.2008...yeahh.

some things..i can keep saying right.but ppl will never understand one..cannt be put across using words lahh..

really hor..i feel super sian now...should have packed more vodka from ec's house la..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...barely finished learning third page..want to finish it up tmr..

someone .............BRING A PS PLS..

what the hell man.....

i'm so sure i'll get over being sad..really..im very sure..very very sure.

ciao

here without you

its such a great song....seriously.

things pass so quickly that you can barely look and say "hey, thats not what i should have done.." yeahhh.its so sad...

by the time you say..thats not what i should have done..you've committed a mistake and you're on your way to greater mistakes..

why did men invent sorry...haiz..i feel lost you knw..like..really lost..dont feel like doing anything......gahh....

ciao

dont long for yesterday..

dont think.dont hope.just..just..just leave it be..

i realised that thats the most useful rule to follow..follow it.nothing goes wrong.even if nothing goes right...yeah.

没有期望，不要希望，不会失望...easy rule..follow can le..no hopes.really..it beats everything else...hah..i still remember quite clearly.not even a year ago...when we were in j1..esp before jae..i was so....like..following the philosophy of: 有希望的人可能愚蠢，可是没希望的人是超愚蠢....now right..im not sure i want to follow that..

i watched rocky on hbo..he said..its not about how hard you can hit..its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving on....lol.im weak la..i cannt get hit anymore..surrender.....lol.i feel so loserish..haiz..cant even perservere...

say yes to life? this is life man...this is life...you get hit..you fall..you stand up.you get hit again.you fall again..until you feel that you dont want to stand up anymore..thats it.

ciao

hurray...its 2009....wow.

new year..lol

k..im dead..procrastination at its best...havent done any homework.*claps* left friday till next sunday..gosh..clear as much as possible la..to finish is near impossible alr..unless i give up everything else and just focus on doing homework..dots..really i will la..blehh.

remember when we said sung's favourite song would be 9 crimes..hahahah.cos he'd go..ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! hahaha..and poof..its 2009..

sometimes when it comes to singing..getting the pitch and the tone and the whatever technique stuff....end up.maybe..not enough also..because...it requires alot of heart lah.to sing a song well...depends alot on how you're feeling...i guess.

well..ec's house was kinda fun..except that very few ppl turned up..4 of us..really can sustain the whole night..abit impossible...anw.thanks ec...haha.tired la..tired.

ciao

Dedicated to the number 14