what a day

went to minds today...to do a cleanup of the training shed..

reached home about 3...slept till 4.30..woke up and played piano all the way till i left home for carolling..

lol.there was an apparent lack of basses today...zzz.hopefully friday will be better la..zzz

didnt actually have dinner..just lots of chicken meat.wth.whatever..

haiz..i still havent finished learning those who fight.its a tough song...really tough..

but its fun..and it gives me a sense of..dont knw..just a....really.funny feeling.

i'll learn it as well as i can..

ciao

reflections..

past few days...daniel left sg..hs left sg..ec left sg.1 after another.lol..crazy peeps.

OH SHIT..AHHHHHHH.GOT CHOIR.

lol.shall continue..anyway.i wasnt late for choir.luckily.haha

i've been having really weird dreams these few days lahh..last night was bad..i hope i wont have a bad dream tonight..

now i feel like practising the piano.lol.i go learn a new song la..then can happy.

ciao

i feel liberated.

i had the weirdest dream last night.hahaha.totally not about me..but interesting nevertheless.

past few days..choir all the way lahh..today just stayed home all day to slack..

i want to go have some fun tmr.

i dont feel so bad, so sick, so tired, so empty anymore..

放轻松。。吸，呼，吸，呼。。世界更加美丽。。东忘忘，西忘忘。。烦恼慢慢消失。。逃避？哈哈。。这叫实际。。

ciao

you're this close to losing him..and you're unaware

本身。。。我已经认命了。。上天注定。。什么三分天注定，七分靠打拼。。。骗谁？很多事情都是天注定的。。你只需要走错一步，做错一件事。。。一切都没得回头。。一切就这样成了定局。。老实说，我觉得生命有点像下棋。。残酷的命运就是我们打不倒的对手。。很多时候，你为以为自己有机会掌握自己的生命，为自己作打算。。哈哈哈。别说笑了。。到头来，"命运" 只不过在暗中埋伏好，做到万事俱备只欠东风的局面。。。你走错一步就死无葬身之地。。

我倒是感谢上苍。。残酷的一年过去了。。希望明年会更好事不实际的。。希望明年不要更差就好了啦。。。

如果现在问我。。我一生中最遗憾的是什么？老实说。。我不清楚。。我记得。。两年前，我以为自己已经经历了我一生中最后会的事。。谁知道。。还早呢。。哈哈哈。。

not making it into nationals in sec 2..not making it into nationals in sec 4..not putting in enough effort for o lvls.not being able to go to hc with my team.....its neither of these..

i regret not using my brain together with my feelings..im retarded..

whatever..like theres any use in blaming yourself..i mean..no use blaming yourself when you're to blame in the first place right?

lets meet tmr guys..havent seen you guys for damn damn long..pity daniel and ah lu not in singapore..

ciao

after the last token is spent.the game is over

words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup.

nothing left in me to give alr...im telling the truth..maybe im useless luh..but this is about all that i can give..if i squeeze in another 30%, i might just collapse..

we'll be going off for camp real soon..like.next fri..ha.

sometimes..somethings..arent exactly true, or what they seem to be like on the surface...

im just going to...sleep for now.haha.

i cant wait for my birthday is a stupid sentence....the white strands on my head reminded me that im really getting old.like omg..and i dont see myself enjoying a memorable birthday. =/

ciao

im not the one

to be frank..i dont see myself ever getting rich..hahah.i dont wanna work for my future blah blah blah...

and i cant be bothered with the etiquette stuff..we wear slippers, with polo tops and shorts to orchard..whats wrong with that..got ppl say go orchard must wear designer meh? -.- comfortable ma...

im like so damn broke now la..start saving all over again..nvm.im damned sure i can make it through the hols without savings..im gonna try.

but not rich doesnt mean i cannt play piano..not rich doesnt mean i cannt play bball.not rich doesnt mean i cannt play guitar.

got minds tmr..i wanted to go out in the afternoon la..piang eh..if its whole day i'll really be damn pissed off tmr..lame shits.

time heals? it heals no shit man..its just that after time you forget about stuff..and just dont give a shit about them anymore..you find new stuff to give your shit about...what does it heal? tell me..got heal anything meh? no..nothing healed..really..nothing healed..just a hell lot of shit piled on you...and a hell lot of shit you have to pile on others..

god damned shit..i dont feel like playing anything at the moment la..no musical feeling rushing to me..i'd rather play bball now..i wanna play bball tmr.

forget it la..i tell you.it never benefits everyone..someone has to suffer.and seriously speaking..the person suffering is not neccesarily the "victim"..lol..win-win? theoretically can la..but real life no one follow de.everyone wants to win..theres normally only 1 winner..then the rest have to lose lo! how to win-win? someone has to get the "oh-we-fought-hard-and-lost-but-i-think-we're-still-the-best" kind of win..which is......actually not really a win..its just something to make you feel happier when you got owned by others..

dont you agree? i guess most ppl have been on both ends..the real win..and the fake win..tell me la..which one better..obviously real win better..who wants to put in their best effort and still lose? you wanna lose might as well dont fight la..

shit man.i digressed.shit.i cant remember what i wanted to say alr..errr..yah it never benefits everyone....honestly..i can seriously swear that it pains me that things turned out this way...becoming this kind of..zzz..so...awkward kind of thing..gahh..

but what can i do? it was my fault..i keep getting nightmares la..piang eh.its my fault.gosh.although its my fault.i really have to stop telling myself that..its beginning to haunt me...shit.

its time for us to say cliche stuff again..or at least..for me to say it..i dont want to leave things hanging here..i really dont want to..blah blah blah..i dont want to just move on like that blah blah blah and a whole lot of crap.but when it comes down to reality.after time..we'll just forget and move on..which is freaking stupid..but you got no choice!!!! dont quote some wise man la...tell me what..you always have a choice..have a choice la.but not ALWAYS..oh..i can choose not to forget..but i'll forget anyway..its our nature to forget stuff..

this one most impt alr "what happens when trust is lost?" impt impt impt..when trust is lost..how do you gain it back again..seriously right..if i can answer that question.i dont have to sit here and type shit...ha...

ciao

lol again

free alr..im not thinking anymore..hahaha

sometimes ppl are just weird la..i mean..why they dont like to choose the better path when they can? always must wait until they lose alr then down there cry cry sad angry...earlier when ppl give you chance you just take ma

its so screwed la..seeing things go arnd in a circle..

my fingers hurt like some crap.zzzz..i dont care..i dont care if pianists werent supposed to play guitar..shit that man.im gonna play..play until my fingers bleed and feel pain like a shit.

ciao

lol

finally picked up the blade to shave....everytime i shave.i feel so sad.its like..i kept the beard for so long.then have to shave it away..but then again.it represents a new start..hahaha.wont be long la.1 week and it'll be back.lol..

i took so long to shave that my back started aching..omg..super long la..somemore the blade so useless..not sharp..then i shaved sideburn also...eww.i wanna change blade.

today..i think all plans cancelled le la...cant be bothered to play piano also...dont wanna touch the guitar....dont wanna play basketball...dont wanna do anything lehhh...haizzzzz..

i dont wanna think....ZZZZZZZZZZZ.very siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

ive been having bad dreams la...always dreaming of the same thing.i realised i've been having the same dream for the past few days..sick..

i hope tmr got things to do..be it choir or whatever..pls.let me have stuff to do.pls pls pls..

ciao

im back but not yours

hahahaha..

人生中，总有很多人叫你自强不息。。永不言败。却没人教我们几时放弃，几时看开。。那么这种东西怎么学呢？没人教，我怎么学？自己学？试验。。体尝。何时该放手，何时该放下一切，把过去遗忘。。这一切都是辛苦的。。如果这一切都是过程，该不该等？

k..tmr...nothing much on.just fun.yeahhh.fun.i mean..fun...yeah

have to practise piano, guitar.learn carols.learn pop songs.do math.do physics.do chem.do econs.do gp.then....time to slack again.

i cant believe it..just.......yeahhh.....yeahhh.yeah..

feels great to be standing from on top..looking at other ppl screw their lives up..they normally dont listen when others give them advice...then when they realise that they really made a mistake right..die lo...

lol..its too late...

ciao

lol

hahaha.dont knw la..actually i wanted to play in dnd..but also kinda good that can find replacement..i very tired..then stil have to learn quite stressful lahh..

hahaha.i have less and less to say alr..really..more and more sian..

the only emotion i have these few days are regret..is regret an emotion? lol.heckcare la.

ciao

theres no turning back for us

i think its really the end le..hahaha.i cannt take it...im such a wuss.

what can i do? nothing leh.actually..didnt think jc was gonna be so tough..gahh..

math peer tutoring was so lame...

today damn sinful can..we eat so much..sian la..then still say wanna train weights.lol.i think by saturday we gonna gain kgs..ewww..tmr really really cannt eat at all.will die one la.today omg...

confirm dio gan tmr..piang eh..havent even learnt the dnd songs...nvr learn anything else also..these 2 days damn slack la..nvr learn piano pieces.nvr practise guitar.haizz.

haiz..i dont think.....haiz..forget it la..

i got a birthday wish..hahaha.if you think you know what it is..im damn sure you dont..no one will.hahah.but since i said no one will..im quite sure you all can guess..but then again..lol.we wouldnt knw.hahah.i think its sth only god can give me...really..im not gonna say it.

i could use some help...someone to talk to..someone who can understand what im saying..someone who can give me sound advice..someone who isnt busy and can give me undivided attention..someone who is old enough..someone who can actually give a fk about me..pls..pls..im praying that when i wake up in the morning..there'll be a person like that there for me tmr.

there have been many times, when i thought i was going to fall..because i faced problems..problems which were caused by myself...but...i nvr fell..because..i was never actually at my limit..and there was always someone there..someone who told me comforting words..someone who said sth like "i'll be there for you always..you can talk to me whenever you feel like it..call me if you need someone to hear you out"

this time..i feel so alone..probably because i distanced myself from everybody..to emox alone in the corner..but i really feel alone.the ppl who can help me are busy helping themselves *ahem* *ahem*..if they arent busy helping themselves, they're not around currently *ahem* *ahem* kkkkanggg....and of course..those who alr gave up on me..i dont blame them leh.actually..i would give up on me if i were them..

the holidays not doing me any good also..too much time la..even after the tutorials and stuff..too much time for me to think..think think..think until go mad.then alot of times im just alone..sitting there..even worse........save me..pls.

ciao

im not that greedy

我不需要一首歌的时间，连两分钟都不用。。

went to malaysia yesterday..most of the time was spent on the roads lah.hahaha.didnt do much.just went for dinner with uncle and aunt...siao eh.eat lobster..abit not ex only..really quite cheap.

hmm..i learnt a lesson yesterday la..it was through a convo between uncle and dad..they were talking about sales...they were like..the quality of the goods you supply dont really matter...its about the demand..about what the consumers need..demand and supply.hah.how dumb

yeahhh..very true..i like what they said.

sian..this week will be a sian one..kang kang you quickly come back lehh...

看开一点。。对自己好一点。。。一切更加美丽。。深呼吸。。。笑一个！
自强不息就不必了啦。。这样也不叫坚强，叫做逞强。。叫做勉强。。。
放开一点。。海阔天空。。。。。。。。好美。。。

ciao

so bored..

aimless..im feeling so bored.

guess im quite sober now..havent drank alcohol in the past 24 hrs.hahahah.not feeling very tired..not under the influence.lol! okay la.im feeling fine now.

had the stupidest dream last night.hahaha.

anyway..the thing is....i dont knw why i keep getting revelations these few days..i guess its cos i have less on my mind? yeahhh..welll...its not that bad..at least.....yeahh.its still early.

some stuff...just cannt be explaint i guess..dont..

going to msia tmr.

ciao

fatigue.

went to minds today.

watched qos with jp syaz and zc..lol.tiger! hahhaha..show wasnt that good.

my body not tired luh.but my brain abit tired..dont want think for sometime...

dad managed to get rid of the bee nest shit..its very disgusting..eww.

tired alr la..im gonna go sleep now..

ciao

i feel as if im wasted

wahhh.one year..really..finally..finally came to an end today.

i guess..its the end of a year long journey..although..it wasnt actually 1 year lah..hahaha..after one year in class..i still feel like..i havent known the class for a year...nono.i mean.it feels like a long time alr..feels like its been years since ive been in aj..but i feel that i dont knw ppl very well..isnt that a drag?

sadly...i hardly slept last night..or this morning rather....surprisingly.im not tired at all..dont knw..2 or 3 hrs of sleep..i should be feeling damned tired la...i dont feel tired.at all

dont knw lehh..feel like....hahahah

dont knw how to describe this feeling..maybe..can use....nah..cannt describe..actually can..but i dont knw how to only.hahahahaha

sometimes..its such a dumb cycle..some ppl should understand what i mean...whats the whole point huh? i dont get it.ahhahaah

hahah.remember what i told you all? better hope theres no smile..remember? hahahah

no matter what..only im going to knw how much i regretted doing some stuff..i try to put it into words..but no one else will understand except me.i forget about trying to put it into words.i try to put it into action..but no one else will understand except me..hahahaha

nature will always go against what you want...this time is no exception.hahaha.i did what i think i should have done...

dont worry la..i'll be fine de.

if i ever have a school..i'll make the motto: perserverance knows no limit..but we should know our limits.

ciao

wow

damn tired damn tired..i wanna go sleep now..zzz.damn tired.

lol.im so dead...

finished i and r at long last..super sian..i just realised that im quite dead..no time alr..haiz..sian sian sian sian sian..cannt procrastinate alr..must be fast...sian..cannt finish cannt finish..

today was so crappy..i woke up at school time just to go get my entry proof..lol.but it was quite fun la..dad dropped me off at marsiling mrt.like wthh..how long havent i been at marsiling mrt..its like......its been...................damn long.yeahh..i took the train to kranji..got off...its been damn long since i stopped at kranji also....ever since dad got a car, i havent stopped at kranji.haha..then went to yew tee..k.i havent been to yew tee in a even longer time..it was so cool..i remember sec 2.went to yt to play bball with hs sh and mark.haha.then damn long nvr go le..thx alvin...

took mrt home..suay man..after i got entry proof, the train started to get crowded.i got on the train quite crowded le..stood at the opposite door...then got damn crowded damn crowded, so i got off at braddell since the door opens on that side.walked home from braddell..wah.damn long havent walked home from braddell also.it was great ba.

afternoon went to nokia to collect my phone.yeah man..you're back..then shopped arnd awhile before coming home.slept..really too tired.shit la.i damn scared now..havent finished yet.

tml chiong alr.yeahhh..

ciao

Dedicated to the number 14