The performance out there just clearly showed just how much I was still affected by the truth. I did try to just give my best and give my all but the fact that I lost focus and decided to just have fun was something I would never think about. I never did well in almost everything. Not to say that I've given up but sometimes the feeling comes and goes and that is what hurts time and again. One moment it's forgotten, the next moment it's here to stay. It's kina hard to stay out of the picture because I would never want to be out of the picture in the first place. Sometimes even words that are related to the picture makes it even harder to forget.

I had a dream that was similar to the truth and I was really upset. I thought I failed again. But then again, it's just a dream so...

I guess all these are part and parcel of life and such are bound to happen. It's all about how you would want to deal with it. So, it's all a Challenge by Choice. I've decided, have you?

Keep Fighting,
Marj

The whole retreat was more exciting and energizing than what I thought it would be. All activities made up for the uncomfortable sleepless night.I never thought I'd be able to just make the jump off into the calm quarry below so quickly and furthermore, I managed to do it on the 2nd time without any hesitation. With full confidence and lesser fear on the 2nd try, I took the step forward and tried to take a big leap and the next 2-3 seconds, I was there afloat on the fresh water, enjoying every single second of it. I sure was slightly afraid on the first jump but I knew that I had to overcome that and that the shorter time I took, the faster it'll be done and over with. In addition, I had nothing to lose, especially when you're out in the sun for so long.

The whole retreat took my mind off many heavy things and made me realize that there's so much more for me to enjoy and get focused on. If you'd ask me, I would tell you that I enjoyed the water activities the most followed by the massive and multiple shining stars at night, apart from the cooking competition. I never wanted to leave the waters and wish I could just lie there forever, keeping a relax mind and not having to think about anything else. But the thought of not being allowed to pee in the quarry is kina worrying.

I definitely had plenty of takeaways from this whole getaway and they are sure a great addition to my learning book, something that I'll never ever forget and will always continue to be learning.

Keep Fighting,
Marjory

Sometimes it's really so hard to just stretch those mini muscles to smile when you're so near yet so far from your goal. It's also so hard to lift up your head and look forward knowing that all your hard work have resulted in only so much achievement. Sometimes it haunts you that it'll will always stay with you like a memory.

But I guess, dwelling too much won't help either. We have to move on though it's hard. It's all about making the choice, the next step or move.

I hope the short getaway over the long weekend will make things better or even brighter and make me see things in a better perspective...

It will be harder, if we stay at the same situation...

Keep Fighting,
Marj

When you work so hard towards a goal that you've set, only to know that that goal have been stretched further for you to reach is 1) demoralizing and 2) disheartening. It's news like that that sometimes kills one but sometimes, we got to learn and take it in our stride and accept the fact.

Of course, it is easier said than done. Not everyone is able to do the same and move on. There are bound to be people who feel different, people who feel that it should be the other way. Each and every higher authority or management have their own way of doing and running things and deciding how choices are to be made. There isn't really much that one can say about the final decision but to only respect that decision. Sometimes, we just have to agree to disagree, as much as we want our feelings to be known.

I was looking forward to it so much but only to know that I wasn't part of the plan. There's nothing that I can do but to just know that, perhaps somewhere sometime maybe, there would be something that I could or would be part of. It's a long way ahead and all I will do is to keep working on what I can do and to get better in time and show what I'm more capable of as compared to now.

I hate to be in the same situation time and again. It gets very tiring and at some point of time it becomes a routine. To give up is to show that you're no longer keen and that isn't what I set out to achieve. I want to get better, improve and just prove naysayers wrong. I'm never about allowing others to feel that I'm less capable on the field, never.

Sometimes it isn't only about passion but also about putting your heart into it.

The journey ahead is a long and winding road and only time will tell just how long more before I reach the finishing line. It isn't the end yet and I've not stopped. For awhile I was lost and didn't know how to react but now, fighting for my chance is what I'm focused on doing.

I'll try and keep trying, till I succeed.

Keep fighting,
Marj