Five Love Languages

I have been in a Bible Study since the middle of September and our subject in Love.

Specifically Corinthians 13:4-7

 ⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.


We have discussed Patience, kindness, being proud, rudeness, and demanding our own way. It is different in that I am used to the study being based off of a book with a study guide and all that but the study I'm in now is written by a member with some brief study questions to answer beforehand.

I am really liking it and it comes at such an opportune time as I have been thinking a lot about my family's interactions with one another.

In addition to the study I've been thinking about a book Chris and I had to read during our premarital counseling, The Five Love Language by Dr. Gary Chapman, we also took a class based on the book when we were at Center Pointe. Basically it says that there are 5 different love languages (hence the title) and that we feel love and "speak" love in these different ways. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

picture taken in May of 2001, I was pregnant with Zach

So I went to www.5lovelanguages.com and took the quiz, even though I know what mine is :) I asked Chris to take the test and had the boys take it too. I like the quiz in the book better but I sold my book a while ago...perhaps I shouldn't have.

Here are my scores:

Acts of Service 10

Quality Time 7

Words of Affirmation 6

Physical Touch 6

Receiving Gifts 1

I love it when I get help. Any help. I love help. Hence Acts of Service for me makes sense. For my birthday this year Chris made me a desk and the boys cleaned the house. Best birthday ever! The boys were a tad bit confused when there weren't any physical presents to give on my birthday morning but we talked about my love language and how I received exactly what I truly wanted. Hopefully they are getting it. I think one of the best things I can teach my boys is how to love. 

And how to clean a toilet, my daughters-in-law will thank me one day for that one.

Here are Chris' scores

Physical Touch 12

Words of Affirmation 7

Quality Time 6

Acts of Service 5

Receiving Gifts 0

Chris' is physical touch. He would much rather get a back rub than have his laundry folded. Even though this isn't my love language that doesn't mean that I shouldn't show him love in the language he speaks. I always think of the Golden Rule, Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. But in the case of love I think it's more like Love others the way they need to be loved not how you want to be loved.

Make sense?

Just for fun let's look at the boys....

 The family. Isn't Zach so sweet in his Christmas suit?

Zach's scores

Acts of Service 6

Words of Affirmation 5

Quality Time 5

Physical Touch 4

Receiving Gifts 0

A couple of things surprised me about his scores. I would have put Words of Affirmation at the top for him. He beams when he gets a compliment and words of correction or criticism can ruin his whole day. But acts of service makes sense too. That boy loves to have folded laundry.

 Aiden at about 4 months old

Aiden's scores:
Words of Affirmation 5
Quality Time 5
Physical Touch 4
Acts of Service 3
Receiving Gifts 3

I would have thought that Physical Touch would be at the top of Aiden's list but after thinking about it his list makes a lot of sense. He's still so young so of course he needs to be loved in all ways. Watching Mythbusters on the couch (Quality Time), while cuddling (Physical Touch), and telling him that he could do what they are doing (Words of Affirmation) makes up a perfect day in his mind.

Family picture taken last Christmas

Just a few last thoughts/observations....

I knew Chris and I don't "speak" in gifts but I was surprised it wasn't higher on the boys lists with all of their "Can I have that?" "I want that" Chris thinks that because giving lots of gifts isn't modeled in our house they don't put a high value on it, I guess that makes sense.

It seems I only need to fold my laundry and Zach's and can just put Aiden's and Chris' in a pile. Score!

We learned in class, and the book talks about, how the opposite of your love language is how you are hurt the most. Having people walk past messes in the house or see me working and chose to sit down instead of help, those actions make me feel unloved. And angry.

I'm hoping that by being aware of my family's love languages I can show them love in a language they understand and that by teaching them about it they can show love to those around them as well.

Menu Monday

Monday: Italian Chicken in the crockpot (recipe found on Pinterest from this blog The Driveway of Life) Zach is taking 2 hours of karate tonight. Last week he had 5 hours of class, 2 on Monday, 1 on Thursday, and 2 on Saturday!

Tuesday: Breakfast for dinner. Boys requested Blueberry muffins. Chris requested French Toast. I'm throwing in some fruit just to make sure there are plenty of carbs at dinner....

Wednesday:Smoky Corn chowder (not sure where I got this recipe) and Grilled Cheese for the boys.

Thursday:Scampi It is a late karate night so Chris needs something easy to make for dinner.

Friday: Pizza. We are going to try Naan pizzas on the grill.

Saturday:Gyros/Tzatziki sauce/Greek Pasta Salad

Sunday:Fend for yourself/leftovers

Funny Aiden story, this Sunday he asked what was for dinner, I said fend for yourself and he threw himself down on the couch crying. I ran over to him thinking he had hurt himself or something. When I asked what was wrong he wailed "But I don't know how to fend for myself" :) I did reassure him that I would help him with his dinner and he was ok.

This week is another busy one for us (what week isn't?). I have Bible Study tomorrow, A psych appt for Aiden on Wednesday(he will be there with us so I need to write something up for his psychologist so we don't have to say a lot in front of him), Thursday I am having a friend over for some coffee/tea, Friday is an OT appt for Aiden-he won't be going to this one it's just paperwork so I can get him on the waiting list....All spare moments will be spent working on my niece's birthday gift. Oh, and Aiden's birthday invitations (EEK! I need to get those out!)

Hope to be back tomorrow! If not, have a good week!

Aiden

These pictures are in no particular order. There are a lot of them and ordering them would surely drive me over the edge this morning....

This past Sunday Aiden came into our bed super early with a fever. Poor boy. He recovered quickly and was feeling better after sleeping in until 11am. He's still trying to get over the cold that has hit everyone in our family except Zach. He's so peaceful when he's asleep.

Silly boy modeling a mustache from Papa.

I lost some lids behind the lazy susan......

Apparently Aiden can fit back there......

First Day of Second Grade. 

Doesn't the backpack look huge on him.....

Happy Boy. He had a rough start this year. 

We have already had two conferences with his teacher. 

One on the 3rd or 4th day of school because Aiden was coming home in tears. Chris went in and talked to the principal and the teacher. 

And one almost two weeks ago because I was getting the impression that she hadn't read his IEP. I wrote up a long packet for her including all of his "initials" (ADHD, SPD, and dyslexia), how they manifest themselves, what we do at home, what was done in Ohio school, and what we want to happen for him in second grade. It was all color coded and I included direct wording from his IEP about what she HAS to do for him. 

Chris and I are still debating asking for a different teacher but Aiden has settled in fine and he doesn't want to change teachers so we will probably not request a different teacher but you better believe that at the end of the year I will be in the principals office "clarifying" what kind of teacher Aiden needs to have.

Getting on the bus.

Part of me is always sad to see my boys ride away in the big yellow bus but the other part is doing a happy dance in the middle of the street.

Demonstrating his karate skills.

Aiden has been enjoying karate too. Not as much as Zach but he's still happy...most of the time.

Aiden is in a different program than Zach, still the same class but he is a Little Ninja so he doesn't have to test for his belts he just gets to move through them. When he's ready he'll test for his solid yellow belt and then be in the same program as Zach.

Another promotion for Aiden.

Look at those ribs..... 

Aiden lost 2 lbs in 6 weeks. Not good.

We have lowered his dose of medicine and we are hoping his weight goes back up.

We are also seeking out behavior therapy and an OT for him. The process is long and tedious. Right now it's killing me because I'm getting the run around and all I want is help for him. The medical/insurance system drives me absolutely insane.

We do feed him....see.

Aiden found an old kite in the garage. I love that he can run up and down the street trying to fly it without worrying about getting hit by a car.

New haircut. 

A couple days ago he took the scissors to his bangs. 

They are no more.

He built the ride Soarin' from Disney (see the lego feet at the bottom). 

No idea why he felt the need to put it on his head to model....

All in all Aiden is doing well but we are going through a bit of a rough patch with him. He is getting older and more defiant. In recent weeks we've had to deal with biting, kicking, destruction of property- his own and other peoples, "running away from home" (I knew where he was and watched him go, Chris and I split up and cornered him), spitting out his medicine, chasing people with a long metal pole, and general crazy defiant behavior. 

Hence the desire for behavior therapy. 

Sigh. 

Aiden is an amazing, creative, energetic, loving boy.

I just wish all those traits didn't also include mood swings, outbursts, no sleep, and defiance.

Busy

So busy. This is my to-do list this week.

Feels good to be crossing things off.

Honestly this is last weeks to-do list but due to a migraine on Tuesday, nausea and dizziness on Wednesday, and a head cold the rest of the week I didn't get much done.

Luckily I'm feeling a bit better this week so things are getting done. One of the things for today is to post an Aiden update....it's a long one.

Zachary

Here's a brief update of Zach's life since the end of August....

Although his birthday was in July, Zach waited until August 20th to have his birthday party. He invited 3 friends over to spend the night and they had a blast playing video games, having water fights, and eating....lots and lots of eating.

Zach has to wake up at 7am to catch the bus at 7:30. Needless to say it is a busy, early morning. These pictures were taken after school as I just couldn't get my act together so early in the morning. At first he wanted me to go to the bus stop with him but when none of the other moms were out there he changed his mind.

Zach is loving 5th grade. He is so happy to go to school everyday which is quite a change from last year. He enjoys all his classes and lunch is no longer his favorite subject. After school he is participating in fencing. And he's in Honors Math and hopes to be in Honors Reading next year. He is also in band....playing percussion (!) just like his dad. I'm so proud of the young man he is becoming. Although the hormones are starting to go crazy I still see my sweet boy 80% of the time.

Karate is still a huge part of his life and on September 21st Zach tested for his next belt (orange). He had to demonstrate all of his white belt skills as well as all of his yellow belt skills. He is doing so well and is very dedicated to getting his black belt, sometimes going to class 3 hours a week plus practicing at home.

Here he is line sparring with a classmate during his test. (At this stage they are not allowed to touch each other, it's all about perfecting your kicks and punches).

I have no idea why I don't have a picture of him receiving his belt but here is a picture of him during class in his official Master training shirt. He's on his way to reaching his goal.

On September 24th he participated in a school wide tournament. He did very well especially because it was his first tournament. I'm so proud of him for going after what he wants even when it involves new experiences that he would ordinarily avoid.

Menu Monday

My friends have been posting their menus on Mondays and it has given me such good ideas that I decided to pop in really quick and post ours for the week.

The picture is really bad, sorry....

Monday--Spaghetti and Meatballs/garlic bread/corn on the cob (The recipe is from my mother-in-law and it is yummy. I always make extra so on busy nights we have an easy meal so this is in my freezer ready to heat up Monday night)

Tuesday--A new recipe from Sarah. It's a salad with avocado, tomato, and a homemade dressing. We can't wait to try it.

Wednesday--Tacos.

Thursday--Beef Stew in the crockpot. The boys have karate twice a week so on those nights I try to have one crockpot meal and one freezer meal. It just makes everything easier.

Friday--Pizza. Every Friday we have pizza. Every. Friday. It was a great idea at first and now it's getting old. We alternate between ordering and making with a frozen pizza thrown in every now and then. I am trying to come up with quick, easy, and different alternatives for Chris and I. The boys are thrilled to have cheese (Aiden) and pepperoni (Zach) pizza every week.

Saturday--Baked potatoes in the crockpot. The fall has proven to be very busy for us house wise and we are exhausted at the end of the day so I really don't want to cook so this is easy and fast.

Sunday--Leftovers/Fend for yourself. The is clean out the fridge night because I grocery shop on Monday so we eat anything that is still in the fridge or you are welcome to make yourself a PBJ or heat up some waffles but I do not make anything I can't heat in the microwave. (The boys are becoming quite good at making toaster oven grilled cheese.)

Well that's the plan for this week. With school here I've been better about eating/making what I buy and the leftover day has helped. I just hate throwing away food that I have bought.

**More about my sanity saving chalkboard in another post. I LOVE it!!

**I just synced 200 photos from my phone and that's not counting the other 400+ that are on our camera. I'm hoping to get some time this week to get some more posts up, including the boys first day of school, karate updates, kitchen updates, color question, bathroom curtains, family room curtains, a dresser makeover and the list goes on and on :)

stay tuned....

I'll be back soon. So much to tell you all about! I've been busy with school starting, house projects, mice in the attic--ick! There has also been a lot of yard work, some beach visits, homework, karate, lots of laundry, and even some cleaning thrown in for good measure.  I hope to be able to post some pictures of all that has been happening around here on Friday so stay tuned......

random and family room

A bit of random and then some pics of the family room.

On Saturday Zach took his yellow belt test in Karate.

 And passed. Yay Zach! He has worked super hard and is extremely excited about continuing. I'm excited that he has found something active that he loves doing.

 Remember how I said the boys were doing well keeping their rooms nice.....well last week Aiden threw a tantrum and decided to "rearrange" his room, including his bed, he pulled down the curtains (this pic was after Chris put them back up), and all of the pictures in his room got taken down and rearranged. 

Sigh.

 It is 1:25PM and Aiden is still asleep. The sweet boy is sick today so instead of doing anything on my mile long to-do list I am hanging out in bed with him. (the white streaks in his hair are paint...he helped me with some projects this past weekend :)

And now onto the family room....

Before pic one.....

 blurry before pic 2.....

 Ta-da. Here it is now....I painted the walls a very soft gray/beige (a color the boys helped pick out) it's almost white but not white. I also painted the beams white so they would blend into the ceiling and make the room appear bigger, thankfully it worked :)

 This is looking into the kitchen....more on the kitchen later, we are making progress but it is so not done yet. We keep the family computer in here instead of the playroom because I want to be able to monitor what they are doing and this is the best place to be able to do that. The white slip cover is from www.uglysofas.com. I got it for $30 and it is a "lottery parn" slipcover. (I can't say who it's really from because the tag has their name crossed off but you get the idea.)

The big open doorway off to the left leads into the sunroom...more on that room later too.

 This is the couch wall, pretty self explanatory. I did just buy new end tables from the Thrift Store for $5 each. I plan on painting them yellow, or maybe red to bring some color into this very neutral room.

 Another of the couch wall.

 Chris built these shelves. I love them but they are full already so I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I start scrapbooking again....

Chris also built these shelves for right around $10 a piece. I am excited to be able to fill them up with all of our family photos once again.

 A reminder of before....

 ....and after!

With the exception of the beams this was by far one of the easiest rooms to paint. 

A break down of what we have done so far:

*replaced all the outlets and lightswitches

*replaced the sconces beside the fireplace

*painted the walls and beams

*replaced the heating vents

*built bookshelves

*built photo ledges

Still to do:

*make curtains (my mom helped me pick out the fabric and I'm SO excited about making them and getting them up, hopefully next week but maybe not until the kids go back to school on the 31st.)

*paint the window trim

*there are quite a few places on the walls that I need to touch up

*order large family picture for above the fireplace

*put more pictures on the photo ledges

*paint new tables and get them into the room

I'm very happy with how this room is coming along and with all the work we've done. Yay us!

Aiden's room before. 

2 wallpapered walls. 2 painted walls. Lots of spongebob.

We kept as much sponge bob as we could.

Here is his room now.

Like Zach he was allowed to pick most things himself. 

I left his fan alone but I still may spray paint it.

The walls were painted blue "like the ocean"

The curtains are orange "like spongebob's pineapple house"

I bought him a spongebob poster.

I need to hang up family pictures between the window and closet. I have them framed, just not hung up.

 He also has up some artwork from school and some posters of animals.

For his original artwork he spray painted the background a color that almost matched his wall and then traced fish shapes that I made. He painted the insides of those some fun colors.

While spray painting the canvas it was moved and I accidentally dropped it in the grass. Aiden decided to keep the grass on because it looks like seaweed.

For the closet I lowered one shelf so he could reach it and added a higher shelf for extra blankets and such.

Another before:

And the after:

His room also took a week to complete. 

1 day for wallpaper.

1 day for painting.

1 day for carpet removal.

1 day for clean-up/set up and closet.

The boys have been in their rooms for almost two months and they are both taking very good care of them. Their rooms are the most completed of all the rooms with just little things left to do.

Up next: the family room

the construction zone kitchen

and maybe some help me pictures....this house is full of projects and some still have me just tilting my head in confusion about what to do......