Oh my. I just revisited this site after a few months and I smiled. A lot of things happened ever since my last entry. The major ones would be A level results and NS.

Well, what's different about me is that now I'm bald. And I'm getting fitter (people say that I'm getting fatter) and generally healthier. I'm not really complaining but if it wasn't mandatory, I would not choose to go be where I am now.

The reason why I guess that I'm not really psyched about being in NS is that I have the opportunity to be able to run away from the problems at home. True enough some might say that the problems would be here when I come back during the weekends. If this happened a few years ago, I would be thrilled at the option. I used to be the kind of guy who would run away from everything that hurt him. But not anymore. I'm beginning to see things in a different way. I have to change my way to be a better man. One that is more resilient towards problems (and germs. HAHA). But I guess that I'm tired of avoiding things anymore. I'd rather face it head on. Being in camp provides me with the opportunity to keep running. And when I come back during the weekends, I feel even more helpless with the situation that is going on. But I push on. I guess "fighting spirit" has been growing in me. *pardon for the SAF core value*

Family members asked me how I am able to tolerate his presence. I couldn't answer the question initially but it finally dawned on me. I know that what he did was wrong. It broke my family apart. True that. But who am I to hate. Who am I to judge for what's right and wrong when I'm not even perfect. Who am I to criticise one of God's being. I do feel resentment and bitterness but whatever he did is between him and God. Not me. So I grew to tolerate him. Not accept but merely tolerate. Mum seems happier than ever. So maybe it's for the best albeit his methods were unethical and morally screwed but who knows. Who are we to judge for what is going to happen. Not me, not anyone.

So I choose to live day by day. Not merely idling by or just going through the motions of what's happening. But I choose to be an active participator but it's all undercover. I should totally be a spy. Haha.

Some nights I still think of how things might have been if they stayed the way they were. And how much less hurt we would feel. But I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason and God would not put his creations to fail.

Amin amin yarabbal alamin.

I know that I haven't been updating and sometimes I wonder who even reads this. Haha. But oh wells. I have been extremely stretched out with work and life and other personal issues. But that's typical for a 20 year old huh.



The rumour has been going around saying that the release of the A level examination results is going to happen next Friday and that rumour seems to be materialising. In exactly a week from now, I would be sitting in the hall waiting for that piece of paper which will determine the next step of my journey. I kept telling myself, over the course of last year, that this examination will not be the defining factor of my success. People keep saying that there are other ways and other paths to succeed in life. But the truth is that, I feel that it does indeed determine where I end up. Cause my life is not exactly at its best and I heavily depend on this to get out of this shithole I am in. If not, I would end up in deeper shit. Sucks balls.

But nothing is set in stone yet untill THE day. So all I have to do now is sit and wait.

And pray.

Life has been pretty hectic with work and issues in life to think about. I am currently in a zombie state cause I have not had my breakfast and am starving.

kalsdhfgasjraesdfjkasdfasd.

That was me attempting to eat my keyboard. Okay lame.

Hunger does weird things to me.

Lazy to update.

kthxbai

Well, this past few days has been an emotional turmoil for me. But the irony is that I have not let it shown. This is the only form of release that I know. I'm sorta suffocated by all that is to come. How our dynamics will change. Or how our lives would be different. People say move on and take this as a lesson in life. But I say "screw that". How can one move on from someone that used to be a huge part of your life. That one person who has been your pillar of strength. I know that things with her will never change. But you didn't see his face when she left. The pain almost killed him. Yet, he was strong enough to hold it in.

He didn't come home yesterday night. I don't blame him. 21 years and now its all gone. Poof. With a gust of wind, the building blocks of his life just came tumbling down. I guess yesterday was the day that it finally dawned on him. I feel you. I really do.

All we got to do now is runaway and never look back.

Cause we will try to open a new chapter of the book.

Tomorrow. The day when 1 becomes 2. The day where everything will change. The day where things might be better. Or it might get worse. Who knows?

All I know that I cannot do it alone and I need you to be here with me. Along the way.

It has always been you

This post might sound utterly pretentious so for those of you who actually read this insignificant piece of webspace, please bear with me.

So there has been recent events, no, more like incidences that happened to me that made me realise something. The social decorum of the supposed "in-crowd". Let me start off with a question. This was taken from the movie "The clique" directed by Tyra Banks.

"Would you rather be a friendless loser or have many friends who secretly hate you?"

Well, it does put someone at a loss, don't you think?. I personally think that you really do need friends in this life. This is due to the fact that this world is relentless and everyone needs at least someone to be there for you. To pick you up and dust you off. They need to be there to be that figure where your deepest darkest secrets can be safe to be told. You need friends to celebrate the good times and the bad. You cannot survive this shark tank of life without at least a friend.

Many people now have loads of friends. Good friends, best friends, casual acquantainces and the list of friends go on for miles. But how many of these classified friends are true to you? I realised that many people who have friends who secretly hate them and what's more troubling is that they actually know that people detest them. So why, why do one put oneself into such a situation? Could it be due to the basal need of Man to be accepted although not sincerely? Could it just provide solace to be included, be a part of something that is significant in their insignificant lives? Or does it boost their self-esteem to be seen hanging out with those who are deemed as popular? Who knows the exact reason why? I bet those who fall in this category don't even know why. Trust me, neither do I.

This is just something that people search for the answers in all over but they just need to stop and look into themselves to find that answer.

Oh and on a random side note, you do not crop out a person from a group shot and make it into your display picture. To sink that low is just despicable. You might have issues with a particular person but you do not deny his existence and contributions for that particular group. And you forgot who was also supporting you to get to where you are. Top 3 position.

Just saying:)

Happy Chinese New Year to all my Chinese and part-Chinese friends.

I want shops to open:((

Cause I need my oreos.

Wheee