Woman with the Tatoo

 Enter woman on the edge of being a white trash crack head. Putting her life back together... She gets a tattoo of all her children's names.
"see I love them so much I have had their names tattooed on my back", she says.

Little do you know she lost the first because she couldn't provide food and left her at her mother's house for weeks at a time.
Little do you know the next two she gave up for adoption, the new parents deciding not only to refuse to allow the mother any contact, but also the grandmother. Regardless of their declarations of love. Grandmother abandoning all three of her kids at about 12 years old, mostly because the kids poor behavior was interfering with her finding a decent man... Of course dad ... both of them were pedophiles. But... she loves her kids. CPS took those two after abandoned them to go on a crack binge with dad.
  The next two... well after managing to stop cps from taking them. Dad and his father decided that 3-4 years old was good enough to satisfy their sexual desires with the young girl.... Those two children are now with dad's mother. Tattoo woman's mother exclaims with no irony, "but she is the one who let her kids get molested in the first place".....

The jaw dropping irony... the kind that can only make you sit stupid and drool.... "I know how to be a mother!!!" but two of your kids are in jail for felonies... and being child molesters....

She couldn't take care of her kids, couldn't feed them, Couldn't keep them safe, couldn't be bothered to watch them on the weekends.... but she loves them.... She has a tattoo.

musings on life and limb

   I went to bed early last night. Woke up this morning, I think I was hoping to wake up with a renewed sense of life or excitement. I just woke up refreshed but with the same pain. I don't deserve this. Yes save me the platitudes about how we don't get what we deserve. Yes, I should stop settling for less. I should demand more out of my life. Well that was easily said.

To look back on 40 years of life, to even reflect on other lives. Even say accomplished people and say, "is that all" This is what we are here for? That is life? I have had more sex than anyone I know in the past 3 years. Yet it's been miserable. I remember what it was like when I wasn't dating. I think, that wasn't that bad, it was at least more pleasant than this. or it was less unpleasant than this. .It doesn't make sense that life should be like this. I sometimes reflect that some peoples lives are more like bacteria, or fungus attached to this planet. They just kind of grow and consume what they can. I'm not sure you can call that a life. It's not surviving it's just consuming.
That being alive is so unremarkable, that it is so pedantic. It makes me sick to my stomach... makes me be even less interested in this thing y'all call life. Whooo hooo your toddler pooped in the potty.... Wow... we really are reaching for the moon there. Worse, to have such a low bar and be bad at it.

cure cancer.... but what will be the result of that? more bacteria.

I'm trying to make sure that there is some kind of reward for showing up to this blog. The Oscars... Wholy crap, 2 ScienceFiction movies, and an action movie were nominated. When did the Oscars become "The Peoples Choice Awards". I saw "A Serious Man", it was a good move and a solid theme. I also saw"Up in the Air.", the theme was good, but it's hard to identfy with a guy who lives on the road, in hotel rooms firing people and likes it.

I need to tune my bike, it wouldn't stay in gear on a big climb yesterday... and by big I mean little.

*chuckle, shaking head*

Obviously there is a story.

I can't tell it.

First, I don't know the whole story and can only guess how it played itself out.

Second, I have no idea how to write it...... I'm at a loss.

 

Not only does my muse seem to be missing, but I'm starting to suspect it's dead.........

Now which one was it? Melpomene,Thalia,Clio

 

In other news, I owe an apology. Which I can't seem to write, can't seem to formulate, into any form. Always nice when this is the case, maybe that it's not one that can be done in email. I'm at a total loss. I didn't want the new year to start without doing what I could do, to 'Own' up to it.

 

Definitely me, and this is all I can manage......

I am very sorry.

Not, asking for forgiveness.

 

Sometimes you just 'step' in it, but that's no excuse...

I just don't have the words.

Happy Holidays!!!!

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time!!!!

No idea how you people do this all the time......

Today I went out in the Friday afternoon Holiday nightmare, and dropped off some packages.

Some of you I'm trying to fatten up so your just a bit slower next year......

If your nervous, I'd taste it, then wait 24 hours.....

Sorry, you're out of town Turbo....

Here is my escape out of downtown.

Happy holidays everyone, try and forget the Money, and the commercialism. Remember what is important. Cause family and friends actually are.. and seriously it's not the end of the world.... and if Y' all could drive just a little bit more cautiously... I'd appreciate it... Nothing wrong with going around the block......

To those of you who were off my list (you may still have a chance.)...

I'm serious..... Be good to eachother......

Compassion

Compassion is the finest weapon and best defence.
If you would establish harmony,
Compassion must surround you like a fortress.
Therefore,A good soldier does not inspire fear;
A good fighter does not display aggression;
A good conqueror does not engage in battle;
A good leader does not exercise authority.
This is the value of unimportance;
This is how to win the cooperation of others;
This to how to build the same harmony that is in nature.

Holy shit!!!

I guess, I'm going to get right to it.... For some reason, that none of you are going to understand, I think I'm done with the blog. It's hard to explain, I say "Think I'm done". The issue isn't one of thinking, it's just that "I Feel like it's done". I'm ready to move on.... This is really Fucked up, But sometimes in life you just feel something and you have to go with your Gut. My meditations today, kept hauling me here till I just couldn't turn away.

     I always knew this would come to an end, it was inevitable, But I'm psyched to have it be on my terms. I'm really excited to get back to my regular quiet life. That quiet Mellow Life I have, wants me back.

    I've been asking myself for Months, the same question, you all have been "Who is The Mop?". I looked in the mirror the other day, and was happy with what I saw. More than that I think I recognized him, I little more wear in the Leather, but I know that guy. It's probably time to share him with the Real World. That was never going to happen through the blog, thank you all for trying.

    I've never know what I was doing with the blog. I always tried to stay positive, and encourage each of you as best I could. Promote cycling. I'd like to encourage each of you to do a similar thing, But as you will . It's such a beautiful and healthy sport, be as good to it as it is to you.

    I want to thank all of you for being my friends, it's been nice. You all have inspired me, included me, and I've always felt great about being a part of this group. Maybe this means I'll show up out there, more like a regular person. I'll defiantly still be out there on my bike.

    I'm not sure yet, what I'm going to do with the "physical, or Tactile blog", maybe I'll decide to keep up with Poetry Friday, Probably not.

   Holy shit, I'm going to do this. It's not for lack of love BTW. I am still going to get the salsa out, I just haven't been psyched to send out a box with my cold this week. What makes me chuckle, and is particularly poetic, and apropos is that this was one season of my Garden, It started with my seedlings, in February, and transitioned until fall harvest. Then the finally, "The salsa".

 

Thank you, One and all.

Don't think this has anything to do with anything but my own personal Journey.

 

This time it's about me.

Boat Man Love.

One love :)

Some Zen Goodness and Badness....

    Obviously I want Zen goodness.

    Can one say that it's either good or Bad?

    Not really, but the good Zen is neither good nor bad.... which is what's good about it..... Shit, the combination of Niquil, my cold have me deeply down the rabbit hole.....

..... This post was supposed to be about how there is good Mediation Music and Bad..... The bad stuff is called New Age music, and places me Plumb stuck in "chime" techno bubbly hell.... and the good stuff helps me stay focused.

Stephen Kaske... My review Zero stars. No hate on my end, but if you please, don't call it "Meditation" call it "New Age".... Or is "Meditation" the New "New Age"

Today's focus:

• Humility
• The four noble Truths
• Being Grateful for my ability to spend the day, in Meditation and quiet contemplation.
• With some luck, the greater love of the universe.