... disappointed ...

i dun wanna think she is lying to me... & tt she din really wanna help me in this...

i wanna give her the benefits of the doubts... "maybe she din see properly?" ... but i actually called her another time to confirm...

but i just cant help but feel disappointed... i know we have drifted a bit... not as close as before... but i dun think i am asking a lot from a friend... i just need to borrow something which she has extras & she wun be using anymore... even if my friend who ask me of such a favour (not to mention closer ones).. i will help...

not tt i am stingy or what... i know i can easily get one from the shops... i just dun wanna waste money on something which will be with us temporary only...

arghhhhh.... dunno la...

... what a $#%$%@^%$ day ...

i am refering to Sunday 28th Dec 2008... before tt i would like to clarify first...the following post has no racism content k... it just happens tt the grp i am going to talk abt all belong to the same race...

I went ECP in hope of seeing the booth i saw on Fri night... but to my disappointment... there was none!!! Jeremy was nice to come pick me up to go meet the rest of FOC peeps for lunch & movie since he decided to drive... i knew it was a wasted trip on my side.. but i am okie with it... but bad things like to happen together i supposed...

Just when he came out of his car to find me at the carpark.. he met 2 of his friends doing canvessing for their hall... they are doing car washing to earn the bucks... though we were going to be late for our appointment... Jeremy decided to help supports the gals in their canvessing efforts... hence he decided to leave the car in their hands for 10 min & we went for a drink at the hawker centre... Being very nice ppl... we also bought some drinks back for them... Soon.. his friend walked over to inform us his car is ready...

After walking to his car... a few stupid malay aunties walked over & started taking down Jeremy's car plate no... we immediately went up to say we were leaving... but they claimed that they have been in the carpark for 20 min & they saw the car parked there without any coupon... so we told them the car is left there for them to wash them & Jeremy went to the toilet... but they carried on to say tt the students are not supposed to do car washing at the car park there & it is a fact tt the car has been there for the past 20 min... no use even if we are leaving.. threaten us tt we better accept the summon or else she will ask her head to come down & issue a more serious fine... the way she spoke to us is utterly rude!!! and none of us were even rude to her in the first place... when some of us helped to speak up.. she even retorted back saying she is just talking to the car owner so the rest of us should just SHUT UP! I really feel like bashing her up man!!!!

Then she suspected one of the students was taking down their names... again she retorted back & came up to tt gal saying she can take down her name & others all she wants.. asked her to look carefully at her name tag... then claimed tt she is very experienced.. did everything according to rules... scolded the gal stubborn several times... what the hell.. what has this got to do with stubborness?!?!? crazy old lady... so finally the leader of the student grp stepped out & say she shouldnt said tt.. & they will leave now... Jeremy also said a couple of times during the arguement saying tt he will just accept the 30 bucks fine so that idiotic malay auntie should just stop losing her cool & keep scolding the students... they got what they wanted so they left... & another Malay auntie did not forget to point a finger at us before leaving too... i so feel like breaking her finger at that time...

Jeremy's friends actually told the malay guy officier tt they were washing the last car & they will definitely leave after tt.. & he said okie!!! but that stupid malay auntie is his officer.. so there is nothing he can do also... only to watch how the arguement break out lo... sia right... but the students are at fault too la.. coz they dun have a permit to do car washing at ecp...

Jeremy's friends felt very bad abt the whole incident... coz he ganna those shit becoz of them... i felt worse la... if i dun go ECP to find tt stall.. Jeremy wun go ECP to meet me... then he wouldnt ganna all these shit la... though he said he is going to appeal for it... hence asked us not to worry... but i think i will feel bad for a very long time unless his appeal is successful la...

damn those stupid malay aunties... i wanna say this to them: if u are pms-ing... dun work k...

... updates ...

dunno where to start... so much had happened for the past couple of weeks...

went to Taipei for a biz trip with my boss... met Jackson there to pass him his surprise from his gf... super sweet sia... feel happy for him! I met him on my 1st night at Taipei... just did some walking ard & a bit of shopping... weather was super cool la!!! realli miss the weather man... coz when i was back in SG... SG's weather became hotter than usual... sianz... of course... did learn a couple of things from this biz trip... a good experience to have... =)

supposed to clear leave after i am back from Taipei... as end year are supposed to be quieter & freeer for my dept... but due to changes of the mkts... i can only start clearing my bulk leave after christmas... just took 2 days last week & 1 day next week for rest... super looking forward to my leave... felt pretty helpless at work... and demoralising too... efforts put in but no harvest yet at all...

Iris has already flew to US le... & Meizhi is flying soon the week after... white xmas... so envious!!! Enjoy yourselves k gals!!! =D

Went Starbucks @ One Fullerton twice recently... really like it there... the wind... the sea... a bit of scenery too & a lot of machines as the uncompleted IR can be seen from there too... i think it is a very good place to talk too... Jing will know what i mean...

My cousin just gave birth to a very cute baby boy... though i am not very close to her... but i still accompanied my mum & aunt to the hospital to visit the baby & my cousin... a very adorable baby!!! I foresee him to be a good-looking... cute... fine gentleman after he grew up.. haha... will be seeing the baby boy a few hrs later too... My uncle is giving us all a treat to celebrate his promotion... from a dad to a grandpa... =D

*yawnz*... think i should stop my blabbers le... got a feeling i will enjoy this long weekend... going out... chilling... celebrating... shopping... movie... mj... how i wish Tuesday dun come...

... surprise!.. 'surprise'....

dun pin too much hopes... my surprises are definitely not as sweet as Meizhi's... =p

was caught by 'surprise' this morning... din expect it to come early coz there was no symptoms of cramps yesterday or the day before.. but i can feel the cramps coming le... totally sianz by it... felt light headed too...

another surprise! was from my boss yesterday.. he has gotten the nod from our director to bring me to Taiwan for a business trip in Nov... having mixed feelings abt it... excited... but scared at the same time... think Pandans will know why i am scared... pls dun remind me of any ghost stories again next time we meet up k...

wonder if another surprise will come along... hope it wun be a bad one...

... losing them... or lost them ...

Just finished talkin on the phone with Jing for a while... guess both of us are feeling emo or pms or what-f... she took half day off to go home & rest... while i am supposed to get ready for tuition now... dun feel like going but no choice.. since i have already committed myself with it... more to come on weekdays & weekend... tired... realli tired...

A lot of times.. after you lost something... it is really hard gain them back... i know i need to do something abt them... but i am not sure even if i ever do something... will things recover to what it was or what i wanted it to be? "It always take 2 hands to clap".. heard this so many times... do understand the meaning behind it too... but knowing & doing... it is different...

sigh... maybe things will just never be the same again...

... 10km ReaL WaLk/RuN ...

Haha... supposed to run la... but i realli dun like the trail part... so sticked with my my female colleagues, Sue & Jo... we walked most of it... ran only when we see our male colleagues, Vish & Carl coming in the opp direction & whenever we saw professional cameras... of coz to aviod them... =p

Miracles do happen... we finished it in 1hr & 55 min... haha...

Went for Mac breakfast at Siglap Centre after the run... Vish's treat... since he was the one who persuaded all of us to go for the run... despite the initial objections & whining... we still signed up... he was indeed a good sales man... but it was a good experience.. =)

Went home after tt... supposed to take Carl's car back but he has to go meet his fiancee last min so he isnt going to the north area anymore.. hence told him it was okie & i had to ask Vish to drop me at Tampines Interchange so i can take a bus back... but Vish was nice to send me home even though he lives near Siglap... however we chatted too much till we missed the expressway exit to my place... then i gave him the wrong direction.. & we made circles till we reach my place... felt so bad abt it & paiseh..

Though i am not enjoying much of my job scope.. but my colleagues are realli nice... my office is at a strategic place... anyway the financial mkts are so bad now... i should just stick with my present job.. things wun always go ur way.. just have to learn & live with it...

3.30am le!!!!! Has been a long time since i stayed up till so late!!! haha... i took leave from work tmr/later... not to rest but to teach tuition... sigh... sad siaz... but all will be over in 2 weeks time!!!

Certainly need lots of "me" time & "friends" time.. cant help but feel tt i have neglected many of my friends ever since i started working... defnitely looking forward to my next leave... ^_^

FEELING FAT!!!

cant take it anymore... i feel like i have been eating too much from friday till today... i just got an eclaire from my female boss & kaya toast from my analyst colleague... this is the first time i feel tt i am overeating & i need exercise desperately... i must go for a run before dinner later!!! (hopefully i will just eat a little for dinner so tt my efforts wun go down the drain...)

oh... and i am the last one to leave office today.. when it is only 615pm... miracle... haha

... need something to look forward to ...

i think i ate a bit too much tis weekend... wanted to go for jog initially too but din eventually... FAT!!!

Dim sum was good yesterday... but Yuxin cant join us last min coz her company's amazing race ended late & she only reached home at 530am... poor gal... looks like we can only meet her after she is back from her HK company trip...

tuition will officially ends 2 weeks later for me... it is realli tiring to juggle btw work & tuition.. practically no life too.. maybe i should just look forward to the end of my tuition in end Oct...

actually there was supposed to be something i can look forward to in work.. but now with the extreme volatility of the mkts.. i cant help but feel pessimistic... dun wanna pin on hopes anymore...

Oh!!! I can actually look forward to the next meet-up with the Pandans which they suggested it to be a pedicure session!!! Never been to one before but after hearing Iris, Lydia & Meizhi's descriptions... sounds interesting & fun... looking forward to trying... no harm paying for pretty toe nails... =P

... feeling ... super ... lazy ...

stayed out late on fri night so decided to just stay home & juggle tuitions this weekend... so decided to organised my messy piles of photos & songs in my lappy.. but in the end.. din do it... just cant move my butt to do them & so just watched TV in between my tuitions...

so many nice songs recently.. but just haven got the time to go listen..

another i haven do is to go explore my new phone.. it has been in the box for 2 weeks le.. i told myself i will charge it this weekend.. yes i did... but i decided to put it back to the box again.. dun ask me why i did tt... i am just too lazy to go explore it...

with regards to tt video... meizhi... if tt video is from a guy who is going after you... yesh... it is a very sweet move...

however.. tt person who did the video is supposed to be my "jie mei"... the moment i saw the video.. the first thing came to my mind is... is this a memorial video for me?!?!? i am serious... not kidding k... anyway.. what is done cant be undone.. i still dunno what is on his mind.. i dun really have time to care too...

feeling the monday blues seeping thru... & the routine starts again....

... randoms ....

hectic sat but i ended it by rewarding myself with some clothes & shoes... the demand for them seems to be forever there dunno why... realli need more clothes & shoes... for work.. for wedding dinners...

i know lots of ppl have seen tt video already... after all fb is such an open concept... seriously i dunno what my "good friend" is thinking... dun think i will care also... only asked him to stop publicising this video on his msn nick... & let him realli know tt i am not the kind of person who is okie with EVERYTHING he does (those related-to-me stuff) and he should learn to consider other ppl's feelings sometimes... not just doing things always & forever his way...

finally able to rest more & find time for myself tmr onwards... just ended tuition with 2 kids for this academic yr... 2 more to go... though giving tuition is tiring.. but i dun find them a chore.. maybe becoz mixing with young teenagers make me feel younger too... it is fun when they share with you what happened in their schools... 1 kid just complained to me abt his classmate who cheated money out of some pupils in the class... promised to help buy jerseys but din buy & din return the money back... then my tuitee just blurted out DBS... i was like.. DBS?!?!? what has tt got to do with DBS Bank? Then he told me DBS = Dua Bui Sai (Fatso in Hokkien)... hahahahaha... best ah the youngsters nowadays... but it also kind of brought me back to the old RV days during lower sec... haha.. those were the days ..............................................................................................

... the day my immune system gave way ...

felt like saying this for a long time... finally can say this now...

it has been a long time since i fell sick... & now i am...

my 1st time in my 23 yrs of life to get a stomach flu... i was quite lucky coz it was not a serious one... mild infection within body leading to slight fever but till now nothing is purged out... felt super duper BLOATED... even though i skipped dinner & breakfast this morning... the feeling sucks...

at first i thought it was indigestion... but after seeing the doc i think i know what caused it... i drank a bit of contaminated lemon tea on tueday afternoon... it felt weird after a few mouthful... so i went to read its label & it says "Keep refrigerated after opening" which i din for more than 24 hrs... thus quickly threw it away but still... too late...

nvm... i am more or less okie le... just hope tt toxic within my body can be purged out soon...

sianz... totally no mood for work even though it is friday tmr.. kind of lost the momentum le...

... MAF... Bad Monday ... Slack Tuesday ...

i finally "forced" myself to go jog on sun evening!!! But i din jog for too long... coz it was MAF & kids are lighting candles & sparkles everywhere.. making the estate a bit smoky... kinda missed those times when i was younger too...

Yesterday was a BAD monday... due to some major happening in the US financial mkt... i feel quite sad for the 158 yr old US investment bank... guess there will be more coming up & it is quite obvious asia will be affected too but no one knows how's bad things are going to be... sigh...

Took leave today to rest at home... going back to work tmr lo but the drive is just not there... no choice.. just hope tt everything will be smooth & fine... wanted to go jog earlier just now too but i haven recover from my muscle ache & ligament-pull from sunday's jog... painful when i walk... esp right leg... hopefully it will be okie soon...

so sick of my wardrode... need new clothes & shoes... but in order to get those i need to have time & money first... so many things i wanna buy... think i will get Nokia 6600F this weekend...

... ants sucks ...

supposed to write this on weekend... but i was soooooooooooooooooooo tired tt i din have mood to switch on my lappy to write abt it...

THE BUNS I BOUGHT ON FRI EVENING WERE ATTACKED BY ANTS!!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrr... waste my money.... stupid ants...

~* HaPpY fOr JinG *~

congrats JinG!!! haha... sweet leh... heez....

looked back at my list... onli 1 thing done... and i think i need to add 1 more in... SHOPPING!!! i am so SICK of my wardrobe... but i just cant seemed to fit tt in in the coming weeks... all my weekends are burnt due to tuition... no choice.. O levels & yr end examz r coming... i feel like as if i am working 7 days a week lo... sigh... all right... i just need to tahan this for another 1 more mth....

looking forward to my 1-day break next week...

... i am beneath a pile ...

so mani things i wanna do... but i haven do...

1. load songs to my shuffle... which i just charged it...
2. d/l new songs... coz i onli have old songs in my lappy...
3. "pack" my photos from travel & convo...
4. upload photos in facebook...
5. have some photos on blog...
6. do my accounts...
7. sell my facial pdts online...
8. EXERCISE!!! (working makes me FAT!!!)

so mani times i wanna blog abt something.. but will be either too tired or too lazy to be online...

i miss the holidays i used to have after examz & before work.. but yet i want to have the financial ability... haha... impossible to have the best of both worlds man...

actually i realised i am kind of stuck... or should i say lost... not sure of my next step... not sure of what i should do.. i am always like tt... waiting for things to happen... a passive characteristic of mine... it is bad i know... but i cant change this part in me overnight...

i realli cant find the motivation for doing something abt it...

... sad ...

i finally got the rejection letter from dfs... sigh... guess i am just not gd enough... or maybe this is my karma for saying too mani lies coz of the stupid situation i am stucked with... guess right now i dun have a choice but to stay on with my present job... still can tahan for now... after all it is onli 3 weeks... will see how again....

eyes super pain + reddish now la.. dunno what stupid thing went into my eyes... recently my eyes are getting "polluted" easily... could be the mascara ba...

shall stop now.. need to wake up early for tuition later...

... lazy + aged + fats ...

onli going into the 3rd week of work n i am feeling all of the above... it is scary... so mani times i felt like blogging.. i can be even too lazy to switch on my lappy...

after going home from work... after i bathe and eat my dinner... it is 830pm already... after abit of surfin net n a bit of tv... it is time to hit for the bed... and the routine repeats... things onli slightly changes on fri evening... meeting up n chilling out with friends... TGIF... though i still can hardly find time with myself during the weekends...

my weekends are mostly dedicated to my tuitees n friends i realised... oh but i did some shopping for myself yesterday... needed more working clothes... but i realised they seemed nv enough...

expectedly... i still couldn take time to upload my photos this weekend... ahhhhh.... I MUST DO IT SOON!!!

must start exercising soon too... haven been exercising for ages... can feel all the fats le... yucks!

work tmr....... sianz.... but at least my monday blues felt tonight wasnt as intense as last sun night...

...djngkjankrnfkhgsnfmhnsm...

feeling veri gibberish right now... a lot of thoughts going thru my mind... but i just cant seem to pen them down properly... supposed to be in bed now... since i have tuition early tmr morning n late afternoon... but i guess the caffaine effect from the cafe latte earlier on hasn realli wear off yet... anyways... had a great peanut-shells-throwing session with the PaNdAnS plus Jennro & Yanjie at the Long Bar... sorry for bringing u all to a pub with slightly steeper prices in the drinks... coz tt is the onli one i can think of nearby... maybe we all should just stick back to our favourite Starbucks next time...

CoNVoCaTiOn!!!

running out of time... frantic... at a loss (nt sure what to do or where to go)... bored... fidgety... nervous... busy taking photos... HAPPY... finally tired...

basically... the above describes my feelings for 25th July 2008... the day of my convocation...

CoNGraTuLaTiOnS tO NTU MaTeRiaLs ScIeNcE & EnGiNeeRiNg cLaSs oF 2008!!!
It was a tough 4 years but WE HAVE MADE IT!!! HURRAY!!!

ThAnKs a MiLLiOn to JiNg iRiS LyDia & YuXiN for coming down to my convocation!!!
especially JiNg!!! So sweet of ya to give me a nice stalk of flower!!!
I am so touched to see you all there this afternoon!!!
Sorry if i have been neglecting u all coz i was running around n taking photos...
& sorry tt u all have to help me take photos with my fac mates too...
U all are simply the best!!! =D

i will add photos here as soon as i uploaded them.. my blog seems so boring with onli words...

... those were the days ...

it is amazing how much me and this grp of friends have chatted over supper for 2 consecutive nights... reminiscing the RV days... updatting one another about how the common friends are doing... suaning one another... basically... just chatted like no one's business... i think it is fun... i love meeting up with old friends n know how they have been doing... =)

another RV4J gathering coming up this sunday evening... i wonder how is the response this time... hope we are able to see those ppl whom we din see at the previous gathering...

... SwEeT ...

it is kind of sweet to receive concerns from someone whom u haven contact for a long while.. or whom u haven seen for a long time... esp when we were veri close when young... but time and age just pulled us apart unknowingly.. guess this is part n parcels of growing up...

anyway.. thanks lots Zhi for asking on me... after hearing what happened from ur mum... din get to see u during family lunch gathering last mth... hopefully we will able to see each other soon... =)

... 2nd thrashing out session...

all right... i have started talking to my mum a bit le... friendship recovered... misunderstanding cleared...

I guess ppl will tend to do things tt hurt ppl ard him/her unknowingly... a lot of times.. i try to be sensitive towards the ppl ard me.. however in the end i will unknowingly neglect some... i thought i was sensitive enough... but guess it turns out i wasnt...

anyway... i am also back to square one le.. in terms of job search... i rejected tt MA job this morning... sad but i have to... sigh... next week.. i must GANBATTE NE!!!!!

super broke... =(

... rebuttal ...

i am still quite sore abt what happened this morning... not becoz of the person... but becoz i felt accused.. betrayed.. n maybe backstabbed...

To: the person who blasted at me earlier on...

If i dun treat u as my friend.. why would i even bother to msn u to congrats u on getting a job??? n the best thing is.. u din even bother to reply... i know something is not right le... so i decided to sms u to ask u join us for lunch and not think too much... i wanted to know why u are reacting this way... and u told me i was shutted off from u and i treat u more of an acquaintance... i dun understand what i have done.. the onli thing i can thought of is tt i din tell u tt i am going taiwan with my friend.. but u r not the onli person i din say too.. zh din know either... so i asked you... then u blasted at me w/o telling me what i have done to make you feel tt way... fine... if i was insensitive as a friend.. have u thought abt urself??? if u haven... then i think it is time u think abt it too...

n the best thing is.. what u said have came true.. i can no longer treat u as a friend.. dun blame me for tt...

phew... finally let it off my chest... i am still not talking to my mum... i am still upset by her words... i know i shouldn.. but just let me be 任性 for a while k...

ThAnkS LoTsSsSsS peeps for accompany me for tonight...
thanks to Jing for eating dinner with me...
thanks to Jackson Charles Clarence & Bryan for the drinks & the chat... oh.. not to forget Bryan's nice story! hahaha... *wink*
thanks to the staff at Liquid Kitchen too.. so nice of them to treat me to cherry shots when they know i was sad... so touched...

so what is the use of msning me after saying so much harsh words...

... double blow ...

i dun mean to start my blog with such a note/tone.. but i think i should let everyone know how i feel...

i got a blow from my mum last night... within 24 hrs.. i got another from this friend of mine...

i received this sms from a friend (i wun mention who) this morning...

"I wun bear grudges n i dun mean to blast at u. I must say u r a really nice gal, but i hope u can be more sensitive when u treat ur friends. I am not talking abt me. Sometimes ur good friends are upset with u, they dun wan to risk their friendship to confront you, but yet they tell me abt it. What did i do? I keep putting good words for you till i am sian already."

I just wanna let all my friends know... if u are ever upset with me... pls confront me k... I feel that if there is no confrontation.. i wun know what is my problem.. i dun need anyone to put in good words for me...

i feel like an idiot...

sorry if i have made u all upset.. i know i haven been a very good friend...