"Friends"

How bloody blind I was....

I thought they were my friends. I really did not foresee this situation to happen.

So yeah, 3-4 years of friendship out of the window, just like that. Yeah sure, I always believe that although uni is just another phase in life, I thought I would be able to have friendships I could hold on to, even after years after uni. And boy was I so wrong...

I was living in a lie for 4 years. 4 years of nothingness when come to think of it. What have I learnt about this? That no matter what, trust yourself and no one..

No more sharing problems. Why should I share when they don't share theirs. What is the point when they don't even care about you, or don't even acknowledge your existence unless they need something from you. Or when they're bored and lonely and their friends are not around. Well well, there's always Mei Yuin to entertain me! No worries, no matter how crappy I always make her feel, she'll always be there for me! Like a puppet I can play around with, or a loyal puppy that no matter how many times you abuse it, it will always be wagging its tail, waiting for the owner to come home...

Don't hate me because I'm like that. YOU made me who I am today. So don't come running towards me, asking me whether I'm ok like as if you care so much. Stop pretending and just tell me in the face what the bloody hell you want from me. I'm so sick and tired of acting and pretending that we're friends. Yes I do care for you, but because of all these... I start to realise that it's a waste of energy on someone who clearly doesn't care for me.

Used, taken for granted.. I hate these two terms...

I never felt so abandoned and hurt in my life... 

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT INVOLVES YOUUUUUU!!! ARRGGHHH! WHY DON'T YOU GET IT?!

End

The year of the rabbit is almost over...

2011 has been a roller coaster ride for me. A LOT of challenges were met along the way.

Problematic people to deal with...
Family issues to deal with...
Finding out who your real friends are...
Figuring out my own attitude problems...

Didn't blog at all (sorry!) Too much drama too pen down, and all too personal to broadcast them.
I think I haven't been a good person this year, have I? Everyone would able to answer that except me.

Hmm.. Let's see how the dragon year goes.

Fuck

everything i do is wrong
everything i say is wrong
what's the point of living when im in everyone's way.

fuck this rabbit year

Fatima

mun ai: dududududu~
Fatima: izit chinese? Its so easy.. I can learn it
Mei: no... Its the reverse alarm
All: wakakakakakakakaka~~

Dusty

At the back of my head....

I knew I have neglected you for too long.
I'm so sorry my dear old blog.
Although I wasn't there for you, you were always by my side.
Even when you're covered with dust now.

I shall clean you up one day,
and revamp you once more,
to a simple layout,
no more complicated outlooks.
... unless I'm super bored, lol.

I kinda lost my passion to express myself.
Maybe due to the fact that I'm lazy.
But hey, it's the holidays!

Gosh, I better get some sleep.
Damn, no matter how hard I try to sleep early,
old habits die hard >.>

I might consider opening this blog out to the public again some day.
Oh wells, I'll sleep on it. Good night, world~

Near

15 more hours...

and I'm free.

Of projects.
Of sleepless nights.
Of deadlines.
Of eating Centrepoint food.
Of crazy routine.
Of stupid/crazy/irrational people I have to cope with.

But then again...

Don't get to see him, lolz. Hope to have someone like him in my class in 2nd year. Or I shall die of boredom for another year, nothing to look at, sigh.

Damn, so need a massage right now ><