Christmas Eve

On the morning of Christmas Eve, we loaded up the car and headed down to Tucson, where Boss' parents live. Wow, our car was packed. We had so much to take down there and even more to bring home!

One of my children was not a happy camper and had a hard morning drive down there. But she sure did look cute in her Sparky jammies. :)As soon as we got there, the kids gave Paco (my in laws Chihuahua) lots of love...too much love by the end of the weekend. That poor tiny little puppy. For lunch, Petey tried sushi for the first time. As you can see, she didn't like it and Papa let her spit it into a napkin after a minute. Katie didn't like the sushi either and was pretty grossed out. Lucky for me, I wasn't pressured into trying any this time. :) I hate anything fish related.

As tradition, that night we watched It's a Wonderful Life and read the story of Christ's birth in the scriptures.That night, the kids opened their Christmas pj's from Santa, which are SO adorable. Remember how Santa got Buzz pj's for Spidey last year? He decided to go with Woody pj's this Christmas. :) And Petey, who has taken a liking to Jessie, got a pair of those. Lucky kids. Papa actually offered to let Petey sleep on the couch in their room that night and it worked out for a while, until we realized Petey was NOT going to sleep. :) So it didn't last and she ended up sleeping next to her brother on his mini couch.

And that's how Suze celebrates.

Hurt Feelings

Oh hi, hurt feelings. I had forgotten about you today. It's been almost an entire day since Lacey has made me feel stupid or worthless. And all because of some Facebook and Twitter posts?
Sure, you'd probably feel the same way if you'd read a Facebook status that asked for help watching kids and when you commented and said you'd love to watch the kids, she signed off.
Such pettiness. Why do I even try to stay friends?
Everytime I offer to watch her kids, she ignores the request but then goes and complains that she has no free babysitters nearby. You can understand why I get frustrated by that.
I was kind of sad when I heard they were moving but lately, I think it's a happy thing. I need space from that "friendship" or whatever you would call it. She is a pessimistic complainer and I don't really like people like that.

Im not ready

I thought I was ready to post about my PCOS right now. But as I tried to type on my other blog, I just couldn't do it. I feel shameful and less myself than I did before. I am the woman that creates babies easier than learning to count to ten.

I got more depressed today when I spoke to my dad. Neither one of my parents had what I would consider a "good reaction" when I told them about my PCOS.
Yesterday, when I told my mom, she immediately got worried about my health and being overweight. Talk about a self esteem killer. My feelings were actually hurt that she thinks I'd consider just eating what I want since I cant lose weight right now anyway. Contrary to what some may believe, I don't actually like being overweight. And having this diagnosis doesn't make losing weight easier---something I have had a very hard time coming to grips with.
Then today, as I was talking to my dad about it, he brought up the weight issues again and said I should stop trying to have a baby until I lose some weight. Goodbye, self esteem. Dont know if we will ever meet again. He thinks it would be a better idea to..."insert opinion here"...and though I love my dad and trust him on almost anything, I trust my obgyn more with this subject. I believe my obgyn is doing what he knows is best at this time.

One thing I am going to try is something my sister's friend, Angie, told me. She also has PCOS and knows much more about it than I do. She explained that because our blood sugar is now messed up (kind of like a diabetic), to regulate my system I should find out if it has become hard for my body to break down certain foods. She went on a sugar/lactose/wheat free detox and then slowly built each of those food groups back into her diet, to see whether she had an intolerance to any of them. I know it sounds silly but cutting those things out of my diet is going to be super hard. Like super SUPER hard. But Ill give it a try if it's going to help my body become and maybe even help us get pregnant.

Really, I just want to be pregnant...like yesterday. I know I'm being selfish and I have some more time before there is a huge gap between my kids but I'm scared for how many more times it'll be possible for me to get pregnant and part of me just wants to be pregnant right now to reassure me that it can still happen after being diagnosed with PCOS.

This just plain sucks. I cant think of another word that describes it so well. There's nothing I can do about it and that just sucks.

Dealing with these Emotions

I've told some people about our recent infertility battle. Reactions change among people but one thing is for certain; there has not been a single person that I feel has actually "said the right thing" when I've told them.
One person was confused and said, "Is that even possible after you've already had two children?" Why yes, yes it is. I would know because ITS HAPPENING TO ME!
Most other people have just not reacted at all. A quick, "Im sorry." and then the subject is changed.
For a while, I was feeling like maybe I was making a bigger deal out of this when it wasn't such a big deal. Was I being dramatic or insensitive to those who have a hard time conceiving even their first child? Was this not supposed to bother me because of th two huge beautiful babies I had already been given? I said this to a friend who told me to never apologize for the way I'm feeling. Just because someone else is going through this and they don't have any children yet does not mean that I have no right to grieve.
And then I think about the fact that I could be pregnant this very month, if my fertility drugs and my body work together to make it happen. Should I not have these feelings because it hasn't been along enough? Is there a certain time frame where you can now start complaining about not getting pregnant? I've never had to deal with this and I dont want to hurt the feelings of another person who is having a hard time conceiving.

And not only am I overwhelmed with the fact that it'll take fertility drugs for me to get pregnant now, I am also overwhelmed with such a huge diagnosis and what that means for the rest of my life. My sister gave me the email address for her friend who has had PCOS for a long time. After emailing her a lot of questions, she wrote back and was giving me tips on how to control my hormones and stay healthy. I came to a very scary resolution that this is not something that will just go away. This is something that I will live with for the rest of my life. And I hate that fact.

PCOS

Today was a sad day. After 2 months of not having a period and dr's trying to figure out why that is, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).
Last week when the doctor called to tell me they were suspecting this, I cried. I cried throughout this whole week. So when they actually confirmed that it is PCOS, I was surprised when no tears came.
The nurse, Linda, explained some things about what we would be dealing with, the biggest being that I would have to take fertility drugs if I wanted to get pregnant. Unfortunatly, that was one of the biggest reasons we had come to the doctor's office. We have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months now and when my period stopped coming, I was extremely excited that we would be welcoming another little one into this world. I took 3 pregnancy tests before contacting the doctor and starting this whole process. In my heart, I hoped that the answer was pregnancy and not a problem with my body.
But I was wrong.
It hit me hard the day my labs came back and Linda talked about PCOS. I was trying to listen and focus and all of a sudden, I heard her say, "fertility drugs". My heart stopped. This couldn't really be happening to me. Me, who gets pregnant the very first month every time we try to have a baby {until now}. This didn't make any sense to me. My body does pregnancy really well. My last pregnancy was as perfect and routine as they come. How could this have happened?
Linda didn't have an answer to that last question. She said it happens to women and they don't know what causes it. It doesn't matter if you've had 8 kids, it can happen at any time. But once you are diagnosed, it doesn't go away.
She talked about my higher risk for diabetes now, how it would be extremely hard to lose weight without going on a diabetic medication (because of the way my blood sugar is now out of whack), and how it would be harder to get pregnant with every year ticking by.
I was shocked. I am 23. I'm not even coming up on my 30's and you're saying it'll get a lot harder to get pregnant with each year that goes by?
The weightloss thing made sense. Three months ago, I started going to the gym. At first, I lost a couple of pounds but then all of a sudden, I had gained 10 pounds. I was so frustrated. Actually, I still am frustrated. It was hard enough to lose weight before.
A lot of angry thoughts have been in my head today. A lot of worries, still a lot of questions, and a lot of stress.
A huge part of me feels extremely blessed that this happened after I've had two beautiful children. I am so grateful that I have them. But a big part of me is confused because I feel like my body should just know how to get pregnant. There are pros and cons to already being a mother before finding out you cant get pregnant without modern medicine. I've been switching back and forth between gratitude and anger.

I know someday I'll look back on this day and Ill know the bigger picture. I'm grateful to be able to trust in Heavenly Father. I'm upset but I have faith that He knows what is best for our family.

Bye Bye, Wisdom Teeth

I got my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday morning. Ouch, ouch and more ouch.
The surgery went better than I had planned. I was beyond scared of the anesthesia but it wasnt as bad as I had anticipated. I remember hearing some of the things they were saying while they were taking out my wisdom teeth but it felt like it all happened within a matter of 2 minutes.
After getting them out, I was in no position to see my kids yet. My mom had them at her house and Davey suggested we go home and he would go pick up my medication and anything I needed at the store. I freaked out and told him I wanted to go to his aunt's house so that I wouldnt have to be alone at all.
Luckily, she was nice enough to let me stay there all day long while Davey was coming and going and doing things for me. He picked up the kids around 4pm and brought them to her house to see me.
Hayley has been such a doll and knows to be gentle around me. She tells everyone I had surgery on my mouth and they took my teeth out. Andersen doesnt quite understand the word "gentle" so I just have to watch what he's doing when he's around me. I slept from 11pm to 3am (waking up every hour in between then) the first night. It was horrible. My body would relax and I'd feel myself trying to fall asleep but my mind wouldnt shut off completely. I think I took this picture at 4am on Friday. I must've been pretty loopy to start taking pictures of my swollen face and post them straight to Facebook. :)

Davey's cousin, Kaitlyn, spent the night at our house Thurs-Friday so she could take Hayley to her summer movie for me. I was so thankful that she was willing to do that for me. It was such a huge help having her there. We ended up going back to their house for all of Friday because Davey had a bunch of homework and I was still in no shape to take care of my kids.

Last night, I actually slept for 10 hours, which was good and horrible. I'm glad I got a lot of sleep but when I woke up, I was in so much pain from not having any medication in my system.

Luckily, Friday-Saturday, Davey's other cousin, Gracie, spent the night with us to help out. I dont know what I would've done without her. Davey had left early to go golfing for Father's Day and I was in so much pain that I couldnt get up off the couch to feed my kids or get them ready. Gracie really saved me this morning. Davey's Aunt Ginger picked Gracie, the kids and I up around lunch time and we headed out to the Maughan's house for a BBQ after the boys were done golfing.

It was hard to watch everyone eating such yummy looking food but after a while, I got brave and munched on small chips and even ate half a hot dog. Tonight, I even went 8 hours in between my Hydrocodone, instead of the regular 4 hours. I know the healing is happening, it is just taking time and soon enough, Ill be back to normal.

I am so grateful to have such wonderful family nearby. Davey's Aunt Ginger is one of the most amazing people I know. She is always willing to help out when she can and my kids love her and her family so much.

I am so grateful for everyone who hs helped and continues to help with my recovery.

Davey's mom was such a help today in getting me anything I needed to eat during the BBQ. I will say that I don't always like to be waited on because I feel helpless and slightly dumb but she really made me feel cared for today. Thank you, Annette. And thank you to my mom and Ginger. We feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives who are always there for us.

Arizona Museum for Youth

On Tuesday, I went with my friends to the AZ Museum for Youth. I happened to be watching my brother so he got to come along also. Andersen loved these little screens that colored pictures when you touch them. Each screen had a different design it would make.

Does anybody else remember Light Brights? They had a giant one that the kids could play with and make designs.

My favorite part of the museum is the kids section. They have such a fun little place for kids 4 and under where you can build with these soft blocks...

...play in the dress up room (this was right before story time was held so they were getting ready to sit down and listen), and they also have a cool kitchen and garden section for the kids to play with (all fake, of course).

Here are the kids, all crammed into this little bubble window.

Mary cracks me up all the time. Look at all that personality in that little girl!

Afterward, we went home and played some more with Will.

Isnt he just adorable?

We had so much fun at the museum. I am so grateful to have wonderful friends who invite us to do such fun things. It's a great way to get the kids out of the house during this summer heat.

Swim Lessons

I signed Hayley up for a 2 week swim class through City of Mesa this summer. It was something fun to get us out of the house and it helped her feel more comfortable with the water.She did great on Day 1 and didnt cry until they made her lay back and try to float in the water.
Day 2 was horrible. She cried the entire 35 minutes but I stayed positive and got her excited to go back the next day.

After that, she did just fine. She got to take the class with her friend, David.

Here she is, happy to be at swim lessons.

They made up a song to "Ring Around the Rosie" that ended with, "Splashes, splashes, we all go under!" Hayley never was brave enough to go under with the rest of the kids but she really liked the song.

She loved her swim teachers, Ryan and Tyler. I think this was the last day of her lessons.

Concentrating and NOT crying. :)

It was a successful two week program. They didnt teach her how to swim but I got what I paid for. :) Within the past week, Ive been working with Hayley in my parents' pool and she is already swimming on her own. She isnt very good at it yet but she is getting better each day.

So proud of my girly and all of the things she is learning and doing!

Craft Day with the Newmans!

The next craft day was held at our house a couple weeks ago. First, just a cute picture of my Andy Bubba with his favorite thing in the entire world...his blankey! He is SO attached to this thing.

For our craft day, I let the big girls go out on the trampoline and spray each other with the hose.

They had such a blast!

Brookie's therapist actually ended up coming over and doing therapy since there was a mix up with the dates. It was so fun to be able to watch her in action, learning and getting strong.

We finished the countdown blocks for Christmas...

...and for Halloween! I think they turned out adorable. And that bottom piece of wood has Chrristmas on one side and Halloween on the other so they are interchangeable.

Craft Day with Newmans!

Davey's sister, Juli, and I have been trying to get together once a week to work on tons of craft projects we have been wanting to do. A couple weeks ago, we met at Home Depot to get all of our wood cut out for our projects.

Silly Hayley kept putting her feet up like this...

...so Annalie decided to join her. :)

Then we stopped by Michaels. Juli took the big girls to the potty and the little kids waited patiently with me.

When we got to their house, Andersen went down for a nap and the girlies all got a popsicle.

The big girls made a mess with cereal so they cleaned it up together.

And here is proof that we got a lot of stuff done. We sanded and painted tons of our blocks for probably 4 different projects.

Juli, hard at work.

At the end of the day, the kids all got to sit on a blanket and watch a movie while eating their dinner.

6th of 7 Maughan Graduates!

Davey's second to youngest brother, Aaron, graduated from high school this week! His graduation was at ASU and these are the people who attended. :)

Beautiful Brookie waiting for everything to start.

Annalie waiting patiently.

I was surprised at the amount of people there for a high school graduation. It was pretty full.

That is Aaron, getting his diploma on the left.

Brookie and I, waiting for Aaron to come outside.

Proud Mama walking with her son.

Annalie gave Uncle Aaron the flowers she picked out for him.

Yup, these brothers are WEIRD!

Davey, Aaron and Ben {and Brookie}

After Aaron's graduation, we went back to the Maughan's for a bbq. With the way things worked out, we ended up being there until 10:30pm and all 4 of the grandkids were wired. Uncle Ben joined in on the fun and jumped on the couches with them. Silly Andersen faces.Andersenw as acting hilarious. It was so funny to watch.

Congratulations, Aaron. We are so proud of you!