Struck by this. May this be the prayer for the next few months - Spirit, lead and grant me the faith to follow faithfully, to lay down all before Your throne and to fix my eyes on You alone.


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

such a lack of time, a lack of ideas - stayed up late not knowing how to finish the plan. writing crap, drawing blanks, then finally giving up. Rushing to print, rushing to finish the lexis analysis, rushing to come up with ideas... before class, during lunch, during breaks...

and then off to teach. 

once again, it's really all by God's grace, all by His power, His strength and His absolute grace. The best lesson yet, supposedly. not to me. but at least that's how it's being marked. and not a single moment of it was because of me. No, I would never dare to take credit for this. Truly seeing God work, seeing God's empowerment... 

I'm speechless. and just so incredibly thankful and grateful. 

All glory to Him alone for pulling me through so far. So much more to go, but with the blessed assurance that He has me here for a reason, therefore He will see me through. 

Eph 3:20 
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.  

Day 6 of the course (could have been day 12290817341 and it would feel about right) and 13 days into chiang mai...

Much to give thanks for, much, too much, to thank God for. He has indeed been faithful, merciful and gracious. He's pulled me through - oh yeah, even though it's only been the first week of this course. But the panic of the first day, knowing that I had a strange, mysterious lesson to teach the very next day (and having it not go too well); the craziness of lessons; the 2nd and then the 3rd lesson (oh thank God for how they went - truly He is the one behind it all!); the mad rush of the assignment and lesson plan and everything else over the weekend...

and yet, pulling me through, over and above what I ever imagined. And the reminders, oh the constant reminders, of His love, His presence, His grace and strength. Indeed, He has been merciful and faithful.

And then the opportunities to share... just being able to talk about my relationship with God being central to Christianity, and not about being devout through doing things or going to church. About being absolutely sinful and not being able to love God, but loving God because He loved me first and He calls me to Him. To be asked to explain what reformed theology is, and to show the difference between being called a Christian and every other religion.

Just a short 5 min, maybe less. An opportunity that arose with a fellow classmate while discussing about books we read (in class, no less!). I don't expect that to bring him to Christ, but maybe, just maybe, a seed will be planted that will cause him to think. And maybe, just maybe, that is how God will call.

Small opportunities like this, oh I am so thankful for. Use me Lord, in any way, in any small way. Let me be Your mouthpiece, Your vessel, through which Your glory may shine.

For indeed, we are but jars of clay containing this awesome treasure, to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.

I'm not expecting much for the course, but may God continue to be faithful, to show me that He has brought me here for a reason, to bring me through over and above what I expect - not academically, but in my actions and deeds, to redeem them for His purposes.

And being able to talk to one of the Thai Chinese students after class last Thurs (day 4) and spend some time going thru what was taught - indeed, that has been so encouraging. A great and timely reminder that I'm doing this not for self-development, not for job prospects, but this... to meet the needs that are crying out, the desperation in their eyes.

and if only they may know their own desperation for the true light, the Truth, the Way and the Light; if only they may break free from the spiritual blindness and darkness that has covered this land. 
God moved my heart that night to pray for this land, for this people, who so badly, so desperately need a Saviour.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

"To the glory of His glorious grace
To the praise of His glory and power
To Him be all glory
Honour and praise
Forever and ever and ever 
Amen"

had a short chat session with one of the students after class today. was able to clarify and run through some of the target language learnt today, because she wasn't able to catch it in class. Helped that I could speak chinese.

but seeing the desperation and intense determination in her eyes, as well as her hard work and strong desire... that really reminded me once more why I'm taking this course, why i'm putting myself through this. and it once again woke the intense desire to be able to somehow, in some way, meet that need.

and to think that not just her, but so many many others here, all the wonderful students that I have, all caught and and entrapped in an eternal darkness, never seeing the Light, with no hope. so incredibly heartbreaking.

Oh Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Pour Your love for them through me, that I may in somehow, in some small little way, be a tool for Your purposes. Even in this short and limited time here, send me; use me.

I've been so caught up in the doing, in how to craft a lesson plan, how to teach this well, how to pass the course, and even what opportunities exist after this. But this was such an enormous reminder about WHY WHY WHY i'm even here. about what God has made me tender-hearted towards. yes, I want to be a better teacher, but that's not the aim in itself. These people.. they are the reason I've been sent here.

Oh break my heart for what breaks Yours. again and again. Here I am. Send me. 

Another song that ministered to me today. Very apt, very encouraging, a great reminder that God doesn't promise us a bed of roses in our life's journey, but rather that there will be many trials, many heartaches, many temptations and many struggles on a journey fraught with difficulties. But His promise is that He is faithful and will see us through. His ways are beyond ours, but He is sovereign over all, fully fully fully in control. 
Indeed, "in every change, He faithful will remain".

 Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side. 
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain. 
Leave to thy God, to order and provide. 
In every change, He faithful will remain. 
Be still, my soul, thy best thy heavenly Friend. 
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end. 

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake. 
To guide the future as He has the past. 
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake. 
All now mysterious shall be bright at last. 
Be still, my soul, the waves and wind still know. 
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below. 

In You I rest, in You I found my hope. 
In You I trust, You never let me go. 
I place my life within Your hands alone. 
Be still, my soul. 

Be still, my soul, the hour is hastening on. 
When we shall be forever with the Lord. 
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone. 
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. 
Be still, my soul, when change and tears are past. 
All safe and blessed, we shall meet at last. 

In You I rest, in You I found my hope. 
In You I trust, You never let me go. 
I place my life within Your hands alone. 
Be still, my soul. (repeat) 

Be still, my soul 
Be still, my soul 
Be still, my soul