Our first 'outing'

They are getting big! To the average person, they are just the size of a newborn, but to us--they are filling out and look so big. Their basinet is looking smaller and smaller. I snapped this yesterday when Sydney was awake (ready to eat) and Ethan wasn't quite there. She was sweet with him--but a little bugged that he was in her space.

Last night was a bit of a long night. Doug and I vowed to go to bed by 9 pm because we needed to be up early with Ethan to get his cast off and go get a new cast put on at 7:30 am. Ethan didn't quite cooperate. He refused to be comforted and was screaming and crying pretty constantly for about 2 hours. It was pretty tough because we didn't know what could be wrong. (We mentioned this to the doctor this morning when he got a new cast and he said that his cast may have been too tight because he'd grown a lot in the last 10 days he's had it.)

With a new cast coming we needed to soak off the old on. We began by wetting a rag in sugar water and wrapping it around his cast at about 3 am with a dry rag around it. After feeding him at 5 am, Doug held his casted leg in a basin of sugar water while I proceeded to cut it as best I could with some dull medical scissors the hospital gave us. My hand is still sore and I will be bruised. It was some tough work. After about 15 minutes of cutting, his cast was off and we stuck him in the bath to wash off the sugar water. His ankle and top of his foot were really red and sore looking--poor guy. I would be fussy too if my foot was jammed in a cast! His foot is actually slightly turned out right now but will come back to midline after the casting is over.

Here is a quick video of his bath time.

His new casting went well, though after a long night with Ethan being fussy and Sydney deciding it was noon-day between 2 and 4 am, I stayed home with Sydney and Doug took Ethan to the doctor. He had a good report from the doctor and he said he re-casted it in the same position with a much bigger cast than his last one. We will go back next Monday and see if he will move to a brace, get a cast for another week, or have the tendon release surgery. We are hopeful that it is not the latter.

At 2 pm, my friend Kayla met us at my parent's house to take photos of them. Doug and I love "naked" baby photos so we took them on their first outing. We needed a location with better lighting because we live in a basement with very little natural light. I was shocked how Doug and I left covered (literally) in their bodily fluids of all kinds after their 90 minute photo shoot. We laughed when Doug would yell, "he's throwing up!" and I would follow 30 seconds later telling Doug, "she's peeing!" Thanks Kayla for your time (and patience!) and my mom for taking the 'Green Machine' to her carpet after we left. It was really fun. I'll show off the photos soon.

After their stressful photo-taking experience, they are wiped out tonight (hence, I have time to write this blog with my mom here helping us tonight). I couldn't resist taking these photos of them when we pulled into our garage. It was only a 5 minute drive and they were OUT! Their little necks will hopefully get stronger soon to hold their heads up in their seats. I gave them another bath because they didn't smell so hot. I am overcoming my fear of being dirty--but it's hard to give up!

Things often heard at our house

"I am so tired."

"You are so cute."

"Is that binki clean?"

"Is she sleeping?"

"Look Doug, they're holding hands!"

"This is so hard."

"Oh no, now she's crying too."

"Do you think they're still hungry?"

"I feel like it's not safe for me to drive to campus because I am so tired."

"It stresses me out when I don't know how to make him feel better."

"Are they still asleep?"

"I am so tired."

"We love you."

Here are a few cute photos of Doug's latest 'experiments' he's done in order to be more efficient (daddy tummy time and burping)...most of them back fired.

On the other hand, my experiments have been a success--I can feed them at the same time and nearly by myself! It's harder than it sounds...

No sleep...no sleep

Pure exhaustion, but so worth it.

If you asked me last night at 4 am, I wasn't quite sure. They were on 2 different feeding schedules so I caught about 45 minutes of sleep between feeding each of them.

They are back on schedule today and so fun to cuddle. They had a doctor's appointment today and I think of must have been crazy--I took them by myself. (should've accepted your help Tonya) Heads turned everywhere I walked in the office building.

Doug's mom is here helping today, tonight, and tomorrow. It is amazing how a little 1 hour nap can make you feel so much better. Thank you mom.

The post I've been waiting to write

A few weeks ago, I started noticing the blessings that have come from the last weeks in the Intensive Care. This chapter in our lives wouldn't be complete without taking a moment to recognize the good things that have come from this and the miracles we have seen.

1. There are angels among us. We know there are angels that spent days and nights with Ethan and Sydney. We've felt the presence of Doug's father in Ethan's final week in the hospital alone, without his sister. This life is more than just our earthly experience and we have a stronger conviction of that since they were born. So glad they weren't really alone when we couldn't be there with them.
2. Prayers are heard. Many, many people have prayed for their health and our welfare as well. Prayers have petitioned our Father in Heaven from across the globe for our sweet babies. We know that those prayers were answered. Not only did Ethan and Sydney do so well, but we felt strengthened. I said to Doug countless times, "I can't do this another day" and would find the strength and courage to make it--for many more days.
3. We gained a great appreciation for the nurses and techs who took care of them. They have big hearts and were so kind to us. We gained many friends. Doug and I were sad to not have a reason to chat with them anymore on a daily basis.
4. People are put into our path when we need them. We met other parents whose baby or babies were in the hospital and we were able to share with them--in their victories and their struggles. I remember praying for other babies in the hospital almost as much as I prayed for ours.
5. We are not in charge. Not sure how many times throughout the last 8 weeks that we thought one thing would happen--and another would happen instead. I love to do things 'naturally' and nothing about their experience has been super 'natural'. We learned to give up our desires and rely on our Father in Heaven.
6. Marriage is a partnership. We cried together and supported each other as best we could. We knew we were in a bad situation when both of us would be crying at the same time. Usually, one of us would be the 'strong one'. So glad Doug is my partner in all of this.
7. There are angels on Earth. Not sure if we could count up all the kind things that have been done for us in the last 8 weeks. Our home is filled with gifts and hand-me-downs from neighbors and friends. We've learned to be so grateful for other's generosity and have a renewed desire to show the same generosity toward others.
8. There is strength beyond our own.

Photo Shoot

Ethan and Sydney had their photo shoot yesterday and we thought they were pretty adorable. Sydney was posing before Ethan even came out with Doug from the Special Care. The first video is the first time they were reunited again...and Sydney remembered that her brother is a bit of a loud boy that's pushing her around a lot.

This is so like them--Sydney is chill and quiet and Ethan is awake and somewhat restless.

Here is Ethan's personal photo shoot. They both did really well. It's amazing that they were on an office chair in the hospital lobby.

'

Now, we want to know what you think of the photos that were taken. We can purchase them from the photographer. Doug really likes them and I am thinking that our babies are cuter that these photos (sounds silly to type that). So, you can be honest...please tell us what you think. Leave a comment or email us. We'll be watching. Click here to see them.

A piece of heaven

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words...we would say this one is worth 5,000.

It was so great to see them together again in the hospital lobby today. They had a photo shoot and posed so nicely.

Ethan seemed a little stressed and trying to figure out what was going on. He slept on the car ride home. We've discovered that both of them don't mind their car seats or the car ride. That's great news.

We put them in their matching outfits (thanks to Doug's sister, Natalie) and prepared to take them on their first walk. We couldn't resist taking a photo. Sydney's hat was adorable.

They are lacking in calcium and vitamin D, so we tried to expose their faces to the sunshine on the first day of Spring.

Hey there birthday boy. Doug was very patient with the busy-ness of the day. I had hoped to cure my own mastitis with naps and vitamin C, but opted for the antibiotic tonight. I was pretty tired and needed extra rest today, so I took an afternoon nap after we got home from the hospital. It was great to have them in the basinet next to me.

My mom made his cake and I made his birthday dinner at 10 pm tonight. He's told me repetitively that this is the best birthday he's ever had.

Yup, didn't have any candles for his cake, but he was a good sport to make a wish and blow them out anyway.

Doug discovered that my nursing pillow is great for bottle feeding as well. I am glad he's learned that skill!

Best birthday gift ever!

So, crossing our fingers tonight, Ethan is still scheduled to come home tomorrow. Yesterday's echocardiogram did not reveal any new concerns with his heart. His PFO (the opening between the left and right atria (upper chambers) of the heart) continues to be open, though this can still take a couple of months to close off, apparently. He passed his car seat test tonight (he has to sit in his car seat for 90 minutes while maintaining adequate oxygen levels and such before coming home to us) and has been Brady-free! We are so excited to have our boy home, tomorrow on my birthday.

Unfortunately I (Doug) am typing this blog because Heather is not feeling well. She believes that she is getting Mastitis on the right side. She is really sore and started feeling very nauseous tonight. She felt sick enough that she worried she would be able to come to the hospital tomorrow. We are hoping to take Sydney with us so that a photographer that rounds the hospital can photograph them together. We can't bring her into the special care, so one of us will have to wait with her in the lobby or something. Hopefully Heather is feeling better to come.

This afternoon Heather met with Annie to get help in feeding Ethan. He has been fed by the bottle too frequently and wants instant gratification, so he is not patient when he nurses and can become very agitated. Heather said this was really helpful and that he did a much better job nursing with her help.

Though most will never see this, Heather and I want to say a big thank you to the doctors, nurses, and techs that have helped care for Ethan and Sydney at Timpanogos Hospital. Though we have had some frustrations, overall they have received excellent care and we have also made some dear friends after 8 weeks. The nurses have been especially sensitive to Ethan's needs since being left alone and it has made a BIG difference for him. Thank you, thank you.

Got milk?

I had a reality check today.

I met with the Nurse Practitioner, Cari, who had told us that Sydney needed to have fortified milk for the next 6 months. BACKGROUND: The human milk fortifier they'd been given at the hospital had made both Ethan and Sydney miserable--upset to their stomachs and so gassy. After Sydney came home, I said, "forget it" and took her off the fortified milk that we mix and give to her in a bottle. We told the pediatrician and he gave us another formula that had no dairy--alimentum. I guess it's partially digested and nasty tasting. Sydney showed us how nasty by refusing to swallow one bit of it two nights ago.

Cari told us today that babies who are not caught up in size to other kids their age by 18 months have a risk of a lower I.Q. She also said that without the extra calcium, they have an increased risk in bone fractures because their bone density is poor. Bummer. She gave us some specialized formula for premature babies and told us to add 1 tsp to 4 oz of my milk and then bottle feed them. Sounds simple, right? Logistically, that is going to be tough. I already feel like a milk cow. She wants us to do this 3-4 times per day. Sounds a little more complicated, right? She then said to do this for 6-9 months! Yes folks, that's until September.

Then, I started looking up the cost of the stuff. They gave me 3 cans and I did a little google-ing and found out it's $16.99 per can. If I were to have to give them bottles of this stuff (if I weren't feeding them my milk), it would cost us $600 per month to give them 8-8oz bottles per day. Isn't that a little crazy? Thank heavens I don't have to do that (at least yet).

My reality check was that my life has gotten a whole lot busier. People tell you that it will be tough, but I don't think they had premature twins. So, family and friends--you may not see much of me until September. Good thing I have this blog for my connection to the outside world!

I asked about taking them out for walks in the sun to increase their calcium absorption (getting vitamin D from the sun helps absorb calcium). She said it was a great idea. Those will be the times I will see the sun, I swear. It makes me laugh just thinking about it.

On a lighter and much more fabulous note--Ethan is still brady-free. He also had his Echo tonight and the tech said that the hole that was there when he was 1 week old is still there. But, he said that it is still common to have it open. It should close over the next 2 months or so. Yeah for nothing wrong there!

The nurses tell me that he is getting 'bored' in the nursery lately and is too old to be there. They are having to stick him in a swing to keep him entertained the last few days. Doug is down there still tonight (nearly midnight) feeding him and keeping him company. We can hardly wait until Saturday! It is getting so close. I meet with Annie, the occupational therapist, tomorrow at noon to help me with Ethan again--he's been fed too many bottles and is struggling to eat when I visit him.

Sydney continues to do well from home. If you didn't know better, you'd think she was a normal newborn (just forget that she is 8 weeks old this Saturday). I check in her basinet about every 30 minutes to make sure she is breathing. This is an improvement from every 10 minutes when she first came home. She is so adorable and Doug and I are loving cuddling her whenever we want. She is our favorite girl.

Saturday is one day closer

Wednesday is nearly gone and that makes 2 complete days left until Ethan is home. We spent quite a bit of time with him today and loved it. I could tell he was struggling today. I arrived and found him in a swing at noon. That usually means that he was so fussy that the nurses didn't know what else to do. Today was different. The Nurse Practitioner came for his daily check up and said he looked bored laying in his bed. That made me sad--he has no sister to play with in his bed. I was told that he loved the swing. It's broken, so it's not really a swing because it doesn't 'swing'. He loved the change of scenery and looked around the room. I found him in it asleep. So adorable.

Doug and I got to be there together today at noon and cuddle him a bit after his feeding. He still melts into our arms.

Sydney was home spending time with Grandma Marchant--thanks. She was awake most of the afternoon wanting to be held. I think she was wondering if I was going to leave again. It felt good that she knows that I am 'mom'. That was a big fear I had in her being hospitalized at the beginning of her life.

I went back to the hospital to help Ethan while he got his new cast. When I got there, he seemed a little more stressed, even through he was asleep. He spit up a lot and doesn't really spit up at all. He had a brady while I held him waiting for the doctor--but he self recovered again. I felt very worried for him. The doctor didn't show for nearly 90 minutes, so when Doug arrived, I went home to relieve my mom and Matt (thanks again) and be with Sydney (she is so adorable and doing so well). Ethan's casting went well and the doctor said that his foot looks great.

Just want to say that I have such generous people in my life. Tonya dropped my car off to be repaired and Karen picked it up for me. My mom and Matt dropped everything on short notice to be here so I could be with Ethan. Doug's mom spent time with Sydney today to I could be with Ethan as well. So grateful.

The anti-don't stress-day

Today was a bit stressful.

Sydney had her first doctor's appointment this morning. After taking her measurements, we discovered that she has broken 7 lbs! Just when we thought she was really big, they gave us a printout of how she compares to other 7 week old baby girls. She is in the .68%tile for her weight. I thought for a second that it was the 68th percentile...nope, she is less than 1%. For her head circumference and height she is the .06 %tile. She is now 19.25 inches long and her head is 13.6 inches around. They took her hematocrit again and she has dropped to 30. She was 35.6 about 1 week ago.

After her appointment, we stopped at the hospital to see Ethan. I ran in and said hello while Doug sat with Sydney in the car. On the way home I rolled down the window to grab a breath of fresh air. It was really hot in the back seat with Sydney. Conveniently, the window did not roll back up. We need to get that repaired because the babies car seats don't fit in Doug's car. (in our spare time)

Doug dropped us off at home and went back to see Ethan. While he was gone, Sydney thought it would be great to keep me on my toes and skip some breaths and gasp for air while I was holding her. After a few minutes of listening and rubbing her back to get her to breathe, I laid her in my lap and her breathing normalized. Didn't need that Sydney.

I went to see Ethan tonight and discovered that he and Sydney both have increased their feedings at the same time, although separate. They are both taking about 4 ounces each feeding. A few days ago it was 2.5 ounces. Wow. Amazing how they are in sync when they are miles apart. Ethan melted into my arms while I held him after feeding him. I can tell he misses us and Sydney. My heart aches for him feeling to alone there. We are visiting him as much as possible and yet it doesn't feel like enough. I've thought on more than one occasion that I'll keep this blog as a record to show him that we visited him as much as we could!

When I saw him this evening, he looked bigger to me. He has moved back downstairs into the Special Care nursery. He is still on target to be home with us Saturday. He had another brady tonight when I was feeding him, but he recovered marvelously on his own. We don't have to weigh him before and after feedings anymore because he doesn't have any issues with getting enough to eat. He's one to give himself a belly ache from eating too much!

Here is a quick video of him tonight. We take videos because they don't require a flash. They are pretty startled by camera flashes.

Still on the countdown

Ethan is still having more bradys. He had one today while I was with him holding him. The good news is that he is recovering on his own. The bad news is that he is still having them. We found out today that the doctor ordered another echo on his heart. This time, the heart doctor herself will come vs the tech that did it when he was 1 week old. They hear heart murmurs occasionally which we are told is quite common with premature babies. The doctor will come Thursday to do the echo. Until then, we have a few days to worry about his heart--if something could be wrong. Lucky us! He is still on target to come home this Saturday.

Sydney had a great night last night. She seems to have settled into her basinet and doesn't look so lost. She has slept quite well today. Here is her new bed....

And here is Ethan's new bed. He doesn't have as much room anymore. Doug and I took shifts today going to visit him. We are going to go together tonight. Thanks to my mom and dad for sitting with Sydney.

Sydney had her first 'tummy time' with dad today. Annie, the occupational therapist, told us to do that in order to teach her how to lift her head. Doug was pretty excited that he was supposed to have them on his belly for 30 minutes every day. (Doug thinks he looks drunk in this photo. I told him that he looks like this in photos a lot...)

We had a great time giving her the first bath in our house. She didn't have such a good time though. She had so much fuzz in her hands and feet. She used to have sticky monitors there, so all the lint has something to cling to.

Separation Anxiety

What a day. Sydney had a bit of a rough night with an upset belly and we were up most of the night. We mostly left her in the basinet, but tried to comfort her. Needless to say, we are quite tired today. It was so worth it to have her home though. She hasn't been herself today, but we know she is missing her brother. She keeps looking around and has seemed pretty stressed in her basinet. She is not used to having a bed all to herself.

Ethan has been distraught most of the day. His nurses agree that he seems to be missing his sister and looks upset to have been left behind. Doug visited him this afternoon while I stayed with Sydney and took a nap. He called me saying how hard it was to leave him because after 90 minutes, he still wouldn't calm down. At 7 pm I went to feed him and was surprised to notice that Doug had not exaggerated. The nurse was so excited to see me and said, "oh good...he's been wanting to see you."

He would settle down for only a few minutes and then seem to remember that he was upset and begin crying so hard. He was grabbing onto me so tight--both hands around my finger. He pinched me the whole time I was feeding him and the nurse said, "he doesn't want you to leave." That was hard to hear, and I think I cried every time the nurse walked away. Poor guy--feeling like he was left. He was sleeping when we took Sydney home last night so he is a little unsure of why he now has a small bed all to himself. My heart aches for him. He had a brady last night but he didn't require any assistance, so it doesn't 'count' against him. He recovered on his own. He also gained 51 grams last night and is now 7 lbs 2 oz (with his cast). The nurse said that twins that are separated react this way and it takes about 72 hours before they get used to being alone.

Sydney is home!

Three words we have been waiting to say for 7 weeks as of today. At 10:00 pm tonight we walked through our front door with our favorite little girl. She seems a little out of sorts without her brother tonight, which we've spent enough time staring at her to know. She passed her car seat test at 2 pm today and we got the word that we could pick her up at 8:30 pm. We ran a few errands picking up some last minute needs before spending time with my family this evening. We walked out the door of my parents' house at 7:45 with cheers and clapping. We are on 'cloud nine'.

It was tough to leave Ethan. Doug and I were thankful he was asleep and not looking up at us and seeing us leave with his sister. We hope the next week passes quickly. As of today, he will be coming home on March 20th--Doug's birthday and my due date. We are so excited for that day.

Thanks for your love, kindness, prayers, and support.

Here is a quick video of Sydney in her car seat for her test this afternoon. She looked so tiny in there!

We needed this one

I turned to Doug this morning and said, "it's so great that we have two babies because when one isn't doing well, the other one can be!" Today was a good day, even with a few speed bumps.

Ethan started the day at 1:30 am with another brady where he needed his back rubbed in order to breathe again. This puts him back to next Saturday, the 20th (my due date) to come home. We'll see if he stops here. We are hopeful, but our hope is waning...

Sydney, on the other hand, was placed on a 'room air trial' last night (a.k.a. they took off her oxygen) at 8:00 pm and is still off of oxygen tonight!! This is great news. We are not staying at the hospital tonight because they are watching her for 48 hours to make sure she can stay off. If she does, she will come home without oxygen. We may bring home oxygen just for feedings...we'll see how she does. Even if she fails tonight (after 28 hours being off) we will be excited that she has lasted this long. It gives us hope that she won't need to be on it very long at home.

We visited them twice today in between the wedding festivities. My sister, Christine, was married today in Salt Lake. In our afternoon visit, Sydney was wide awake and SO fun. We loved every minute of it.

For Ethan's cast this week, we've decided to turn it over to the nurses that have taken such good care of him. We have had a great time getting to know that great people who spend time with our babies.

We went back tonight after the reception and they both took record feeds (Ethan over 2 oz--65 cc and Sydney 3 oz). They got a new change of clothes tonight and they were matching. They looked adorable. We got their new weights (taken at night) and Ethan is 7 lbs almost exactly and Sydney is 6 lbs 10 oz--she is starting to catch up with her brother.

Doug and I both said today, "We needed a good day. We really needed this."

Man-o-man

Just when you think you're getting somewhere...

The nurses spared us of the news until 3:00 this afternoon, but at 3:30 am Ethan decided he wanted to spend more time with the great nurses that take care of him and had another brady. He required oxygen which means another 8 days (7 plus today) in the Special Care for Ethan. This also means that he will be without his sister for nearly 1 week and the earliest he can come home now is next Friday the 19th (just 1 day shy of my due date and 8 weeks in the hospital). Bummer. I was sad but grateful we didn't know until 3 pm because I was able to get a nap in and catch up on some much needed sleep.

Ethan got a new cast this morning at 8:30 am. He was visibly upset about not having a cast on his foot when we got there. He was really fussy when we touched his leg at all. I fed him before the doctor arrived and he spit up a lot--which he never does. Dr. Faux examined him and was impressed with his progress. Here is a photo before the cast...

Sydney is doing well and we were trained today on the oxygen and apnea monitor that we will be taking home with her on Saturday. We brought her car seat to the hospital tonight for her car seat test. The test will last 90 minutes and they watch her to make sure her oxygen levels don't desaturate. Where she will be on oxygen in the car, it's doubtful that she will fail. We are so excited to be bringing her home so soon. It will be hard to leave Ethan behind and even more difficult to spread ourselves thin in visiting. We won't be able to visit him together anymore. We are pretty nervous to leave Sydney with someone who doesn't understand the monitor or know what to do if it alarms. We also were trained in infant CPR as a precaution as well. That is a skill I never want to use.

Doug and I are a little down tonight preparing our house to bring Sydney home. We will be sleeping at the hospital tomorrow night with her (and maybe Ethan) in the room with us.

We have dates!

It was a great birthday present today to hear that we can room in and take Sydney home. I did something I never thought I would do--I postponed her coming home. We don't want to leave Ethan there alone without his favorite sister. It would be so sad for us to leave him. We've taken a lot of comfort in the fact that they have eachother at night for company. I asked if we could 'room in' Friday and take her home Saturday and was told that would work! We are so excited that they will only need to be apart for 1 night. Ethan is scheduled to end his countdown on Sunday. Hooray!

Sydney will be coming home on a minimal amount of oxygen. We will be trained by Praxair tomorrow afternoon when they bring the equipment that we will have in our home. It is standard that the home health company come to our house and exchange the tanks about every week. It is also standard that they don't test her to come off of it for 1 month! I was told that we can take her to our doctor and see if he is okay to test her to come off a little earlier. (That is definitely the plan!) With the oxygen, we legally have to have a monitor. We've been told it's louder than a smoke detector when it goes off and that it goes off an average of 4-5 times per week. Mostly those are false alarms--her leads may come off her skin. We've dreaded this...so I didn't mind leaving her at the hospital until Saturday with hopes that she may surprise us and come off. We'll see if we get lucky. If not, I'll make a public apology here to our upstairs neighbors for the times they will get woken up in the middle of the night (and their 2 small kids). Sorry Mandy and Adam.

Doug and I went to dinner for my birthday and then swung by the hospital on the way home to say goodnight. They woke up for their feeding while we were there and I opted to give them a bottle. Doug fed Ethan and the nurse fed Sydney. It is astonishing to me how much guilt I have felt through this process. It feels wrong to have someone else feeding my babies. It took me a few minutes to make that decision tonight but I knew I was low on sleep. I've had a headache all day today and had some blurry vision this morning that was a little wake up call for me to take better care of myself. Ethan will get his new cast tomorrow morning at 7:30 am and we want to be there. So, it will already be a short night's sleep. So tough for me still.

We love their nurse tonight. Christina took care of them last Saturday night when Ethan had his brady--so we could tell she was a little anxious about having that happen again. She's had her own baby in that same NICU in the past 5 months, so it's so nice that she's 'been there'. She is extra sensitive and it's so refreshing.

Ethan seems to be doing better with his post-feeding trauma. We're getting better at putting him to bed and comforting him in his bed and he's fallen asleep a lot faster. He is pretty high-maintenance compared to his sister...isn't that backward?

Here's a few videos from our late night visit.

Countdown: Day 6

Yes, 6 days until Ethan is 'eligible' to come home. Sydney is still in there and will be until at least Thursday now. It was a birthday present in many ways--she will be keeping Ethan company for another day and I won't have to be feeding two babies in two locations. Also, Sydney has another day to try to get off oxygen. We're praying that she will be able to do that.

I discovered yesterday that I haven't posted their middle names. We chose them the Monday after they were born. After a lot of thought, we chose to name them with our middle names. Ethan Scott (almost was Ethan Alexander) and Sydney Marie (almost was Sydney Kate). Thought it was pretty great that our first babies could have a part of each of us.

Ethan weighs 3138 grams or 6 lb 15 oz, Sydney weighs 2862 grams or 6 lb 5 oz.

I've had some questions about the bradys that Ethan has had. A brady (bradycardia) means that his heart rate drops (below 80 bpm) and his oxygen saturation level drops as well. One can trigger the other. To leave the intensive care, babies must be free of severe bradys for 7 days. A severe brady means that, in order to recover, the baby is given oxygen or stimulation (i.e., rubbing the back).

I really didn't take any photos or video of them today--I can hardly believe it. Ethan and Sydney moved downstairs to the special care last night (late) and then they had new babies born last night and they needed to bring them back upstairs (the overflow for the Special Care). We requested to go. They have a large window and it's must more quiet. There is one other set of twins in the room with them and that is it! The other twins (girls) were born a week ago at nearly 32 weeks.

We have their car seats in my car but left them there today. We didn't want to bring them in because we were hoping that Sydney stay there until at least Thursday--better for Doug's school schedule and we are still finishing preparing our house. It's been really fun finishing their nursery today. It's hard to believe that two babies will be home this weekend. Everywhere we go in the NICU or Special Care, we run into nurses saying, "I hear good things! They will be going home soon." We are getting more excited...

We met with Annie, the occupational therapist, today and got our discharge information. She explained how to best take care of premies at home. Even though they are now bigger, they still need to beat some statistics. Premies have a higher incidence of ADHD and learning disabilities. She showed us some things we could do to make sure they beat the odds. Doug and I are really committed to helping them continue to develop at home. A few things she told us to do are:

- Make sure they have undisturbed sleep between feedings. REM sleep is so important.

- Keep noise low so they can achieve REM sleep. Even though they will sleep through noise, they won't necessarily get into REM sleep...so important for their brain development.

- Daily exercises with them to stretch their low back (tight in premies) and between their shoulder blades.

- Don't pick them up from their bed until they are able to calm themselves. Give them a binki, put their hand to their mouth, etc.

- Avoid too must stimulation so they can also have property development. Premies get over-stimulated. (A precursor to ADHD)

Annie has been so great to work with. We've learned a lot from her and feel more confident in taking care of them and their unique circumstances.

I didn't go to work today because I needed to get our house ready (wash their clothes, pack our bags to sleep at the hospital, etc.) and now they aren't going to be home until Thursday or Friday. It's been a day-to-day thing.

Countdown: Day 7

Doug and I spent the afternoon and evening at the hospital today with our favorite babies. Ethan lost 40 grams last night (just over an ounce) and Sydney stayed the same. We think Ethan wastes so much energy being hungry. He seriously fusses after getting a full belly (and falling asleep eating) for hours. The nurses usually end up bottle-feeding him more food because he doesn't stop. This could get interesting when he comes home...

We've gotten a kick out of Ethan's hunger--here's a funny video watching him panic a bit when he decides "it's time to eat".

Our nurse told us to bring our car seats tomorrow for their car seat test. They put them in their seats for 90 minutes and watch their oxygen levels. Ethan can have his test early even though he will be coming home second. We were told that Sydney will most likely be home on Wednesday. Embarrassing to admit--I thought my birthday was tomorrow (in a previous post) but it is Wednesday. Doug had to remind me. Our calendar in our house is bizarre and it looked like it was on Tuesday. See? Doesn't it look like Tuesday? For some odd reason, Sunday is after Saturday on the right-hand side on this one...

I even told the doctor it was birthday on Tuesday. Oops. Sydney may be my birthday present. We can't really believe it. Both of them had labs done (Sydney yesterday, Ethan today) and their hematocrit levels (red blood cell count basically) are still up after their blood transfusions last Saturday. Sydney's is 35.6 and Ethan's is still 35. At least they are not down.

Day 44

We spent most of the afternoon in the hospital today with the babies. They did a great job with feedings again and met their shift minimum. They both gained weight--Ethan up 15 cc to 6 lb 13 oz and Sydney up 35 cc to 6 lb 3 oz. If it weren't for the bradys, we would most likely have taken them home today or tomorrow morning.

Sydney gave us a little scare tonight in that she turned blue while sleeping. Her chin was slightly down in her chest so we adjusted her airway and she was fine. I'm going to talk to the doctor tomorrow about that--a little nervous that could happen at home. She was even on oxygen when it happened.

Ethan had no bradys today--hooray! We also made a significant discovery today. Ethan is officially a red head. We think it will be more of a strawberry blonde at this point, but who knows? He has so much personality. The nurses talk about how vocal he his. He is constantly making grunting noises, humming sounds, or something. Sydney on the other hand is very quiet.

The doctor made no new changes to the orders for either of them. We are hoping that Sydney does better off oxygen tomorrow. I think they gave her a day to recover before trying again tomorrow on a room air trial. We'll see what happens. Doug and I are gearing up for bringing her home with monitors, although we are not thrilled about the idea.

In between feedings, we head out to the lobby for about an hour and work on our computers (Doug-school, me-work) and eat...something I do a lot of lately. Thought I'd show you what we were doing today.

This is Ethan getting his temperature taken. We do this every time we feed them--diaper change (we report if they pooped and what color before giving it to the nurse to weigh), take temperature, weigh them, and then feed them (then re-weigh). It's quite the ordeal, but we love doing their 'cares' as the nurses call it.

Another countdown begins

Ethan and Sydney are 6 weeks old today. We had a great time visiting our babies. Friday didn't seem so far away because we were now 'less than one week'. They both gained weight--Sydney up 50 grams to 2795 or 6 lb 3 oz. Ethan is up 55 grams to 3070 or 6 lb 12 oz.

They were doing so well on their feedings that their tubes were pulled again and we entered 'feeding on demand' again. They both did well.

Sydney is on her room air trial and her oxygen levels were great. The day was going so well. Here's a funny video of our two hungry babies before the 10 am feeding.

It's 1 am and I just called to check on them so I could sleep. The nurse said that Sydney was back on oxygen--she had some dips in her oxygen levels tonight. She also said that Ethan had a brady again tonight. That was pretty crushing news. We are beginning another countdown now to have 7 days free of bradys.

Sydney is doing well and will most likely be home mid-week this next week. We're struggling with the thought, but insurance is king and they make the call in some ways.

So, on a brighter note, we're taking a poll. Please click on the comments link below this post and let us know what you think.

Who do Ethan and Sydney look like--me or Doug? I am including our baby photos to see if that helps. (Too bad I cut mine when I was scrapbooking)

Countdown: Day 8

Another 'family photo' we took yesterday. I forgot to post it. We were both so tired in this one.

Ethan is free of bradys today, so we are on day 1 of 7 until he can come home. He will come home the following day after 7 brady-free days, making it 8 days total.

They both gained weight again.

Ethan gained 25 cc and is approaching 6 lbs 11 oz with his cast.

Sydney gained 20 grams and just 1 oz shy of 6 lbs.

Sydney was awake for all 3 feedings while we were at the hospital today and nearly took her whole feeding every time. We joke about wanting to sabotage her success in order to keep her with Ethan, but there is not much we can do. She will have her room air trial tomorrow and we're hoping she passes so she can stay 2 more days off oxygen and come home without oxygen and monitors.

Ethan was pretty sleepy today--awake for only 1 of the three feedings. He does really well when he is awake...but it is literally impossible to get him to wake up and eat. We've tried everything we can think of.

Not a whole lot of changes today. This was a day for them to recover after we pushed them too hard the past few days. It was fun to spend time with them after a good night's sleep.

A short video I took today. I noticed that we're hard to hear in these videos and it's mostly because the room is usually fairly quiet and there can be several other babies and parents in the room. There are 3 or 4 other babies in the same room as them, but we're in our own corner with lots of space. It's so nice.

Spoke too soon

Didn't think I would be writing this: We are leaving the hospital and going home today without babies. Nope, not one. Instead, we will be hanging out with our favorite little people here in our Penthouse Suite with a view...

At 4:30 am this morning, I woke up to a familiar knock at the door telling me to get up and feed my babies. After a short feeding, I put Ethan in his bed. About 30 minutes later, Ethan had a brady. His nurse, Mariah, and I watched the monitor and his coloring for about 10 seconds and then watched him start to turn blue with his oxygen saturation go to about 60%. We gave him some oxygen and I knew exactly what that meant. He will not be going home with us this weekend. Doug and I have had emotions pretty close to the surface today. It is likely that we will be leaving Ethan here and taking Sydney home with us. The thought makes me sick--Ethan is struggling and I take his sister home and leave him alone? Seems wrong.

Ethan got a new cast today. Some good news--his foot nearly looked straight. We forgot to get take a photo before he got a new cast on and the nurse woke us up at 7 am after Dr. Faux had already started casting. He said he anticipates doing 3-4 more castings before we'd know if he will need to achilles release procedure (cutting the achilles tendon). I did a little decorating today. Here is the latest.

Next thing we know, the social worker comes to our door to tell us that we cannot board tonight and the hospital is out of rooms. We packed up our things and vacated the room around 3:30 pm.

Sydney had a 'room air trial' this morning and afternoon (twice today) to see how she did without her oxygen. She failed both trials. The nurse practitioner, Cari, came into my room around 3:00 today and sat down to update me. She said that she would need to count Ethan's brady as severe and the soonest he could come home would be next Friday--if he has no more bradys. She said she thought we had pushed them too far. She said that Sydney will do another room air trial on Saturday and if she passes, she stays for 2 days of monitoring and she will go home. If she fails, she will be discharged with oxygen and monitors (yuck!) Sunday or so.

Here she is without her nasal cannula on her face.

A quick video of her without oxygen.

Around 4 pm today, both Ethan and Sydney got their shot of Synagis--an RSV vaccine. Ironically, it isn't really a vaccine--it is synthetic antibodies. It lasts for 28 days and we will be going to our doctor's office to get another one when they are home from the hospital. They made sure our insurance would cover it because the one shot is about $1,200 or something. They wailed for a second and then sucked really hard on their binkis for a while. There are a lot of RSV kids and babies coming to the hospital now, so they decided to do it a little early.

I call this our "jail break" photo--they were both looking out the window sucking their binkis after their RSV vaccine shots.

Later tonight around 7 pm, Cari called us saying that both Ethan and Sydney have not bet their 'quota' of milk intake for the 12-hour shift today, so Sydney's feeding tube is back in and they will only be taking 5-6 feedings per day by mouth. The rest will be in the tube again. She said, "I don't consider this a set back. We're just going to have them around anyway, so we might as well." I plan to have them do the tube feedings at night (yes Linda, the tube looks white because my milk is in it. It's mostly clear. It stays in it because they'd have to put air in it to get the remaining milk in every feed.) and then go to the hospital during the day for feedings from 10 am to 7 pm. I will do my best to get good sleep at night.

Overall, not a stellar day. Doug and I have been sad, but encouraged that they are still together keeping each other company. At least they aren't alone with the doctors and nurses--they have each other. (Not that those nurses are bad--thanks Rena.) In a strange way, we were excited about Sydney not making her feed quota because this could keep her there even an extra day (or more).

Sydney is not crying here--I think she must be yawning. I thought it was great the way Ethan was stretching himself out. It's funny--Today I've felt so sad they are in the hospital, but so excited that we are parents. They are so great. Can't wait to bring them home, but in the meantime...so glad they are ours.

Brief Update

This will be brief tonight. Both babies are on different feeding schedules, so I am constantly in the nursery (a.k.a. Special Care) feeding them. Sydney lost 50 grams last night (almost 2 oz) and Ethan gained 30 grams. This is to be expected from Sydney after her first day without eating through her feeding tube. Her tube is gone! It was pulled out this morning and she has met her feeding quota for 2 shifts now. She is doing well--just needs to be weaned off that oxygen now.

Ethan has struggled a bit on his feedings but was moved to 'On Demand' tonight around 6 pm because he was constantly wanting more food even after he'd eaten. I am relieved because I can try to get them on the same schedule tonight and get more sleep. I am a terrible napper, so my limited hours at night is what I get until I can figure out how to nap.

Can't believe how fast everything is going. We just hope and pray that Ethan can keep up so he can go home with his sister. She is doing so well and he's about a day or two behind her.

Is this really happening?

We came to the hospital at 7 am this morning to feed the babies. My day has been busy ever since. Sydney took 50 cc again and Ethan 25 cc. I jumped in my car and drove to work (with my pump running). After missing yesterday, I had a bunch of stuff to do. I walked out of my office at noon (I've been working 9 am to noon at the office) and drove to the hospital again. When I came in the door, the nurse told me that Sydney had been moved to 'on demand' feedings and Ethan to 4 per day (instead of 3).

I was stunned.

On Demand: This means I feed her when she is hungry and they don't use her feeding tube. If it goes well until tomorrow at 1 pm, they will pull her feeding tube! In addition, I will be feeding her throughout the night--so I am staying in the hospital. The doctor ordered that she needs to get a minimum of 163 cc per shift (about 4-5 feedings). If she does that, I will be here boarding until I leave with 2 babies!

At 1 pm, Sydney got an estimated 50 cc (long story--the scale showed she lost weight, but the nurse didn't believe it and gave 50 cc to her credit) and Ethan took 35 cc. I ran home and grabbed some food. I started packing and came back for the 4:30 feeding with Sydney. She took 50 cc again.

I ran home again through traffic and finished packing in 20 minutes--food and all. Hopefully I have everything I need. My heart feels like it is still racing. Sydney's 7 pm feeding wasn't as good, 30 cc. Ethan took 50 cc and then 10 cc that Doug gave him in the bottle. The doctor came in to talk to us tonight and said she thinks Ethan will go 'on demand' tomorrow. We discussed a few things with her:

1. Sydney's oxygen. We don't want to take her home on oxygen, but we'll do it. She assured us that she can be weaned of oxygen and is confident she won't need it when she goes home.

2. Ethan and Sydney leaving separately. We are nervous that Sydney will be ready to go and our insurance will 'kick her out' and we'll need to leave Ethan here alone. The thought makes me so sad. She again assured us that they should be going home together. She said it's possible, but not likely at this point that they would leave separately.

3. She said she wouldn't promise, but said she is pretty confident that we will go home by the weekend...possibly Friday! That will make for a great birthday next Tuesday. That's my goal--home by my birthday.

We can't believe this is happening. It was great to call Doug and give him the news and hear him be just a shocked as I am. We can't wait to bring them home. Funny how I was 'nesting' a bit last night and started cleaning out my bathroom cupboards (didn't get far). My house is a disaster, their room is nearly ready, and life is bliss.

Day 38: Rounding another corner

We almost can't believe it's been 38 days since Sydney and Ethan came into our lives...and yet we can. Time has gone by fast and slow at the same time. Today we rounded a corner.

We went for the 7 am feeding after a short night's sleep and had a decent feed with them. Ethan took 10 cc from me and then was too sleepy to take a bottle from Doug. Sydney did okay--can't remember how much she took. It was somewhere in the 20s.

Both Ethan and Sydney lost weight from yesterday. I spoke with the doctor today and she confirmed my thought--it was the fluids working their way out after the blood transfusion. It's the first time they've lost weight in weeks. Sydney is 2696 grams or 5 lb 15 oz. Ethan is 2896 or 6 lbs 6 oz (with the cast).

We moved to the 'penthouse suite' as the nurses call it, on the third floor around noon today. I asked if there was a window and was told there was. When I got there at the 1 pm feeding, I realized that the window was to the outside. This means no more window visits. That made us sad, but there is a lot more room for visiting and feeding and we can see the outside world! My sister came to help me with the feeding (thanks Tiff) and Ethan got about 16 cc from me and the rest from the bottle Tiffany gave him! Then, Sydney got 50 cc again...wow. Both babies had belly aches after the 7 am feeding and still again after the 1 pm. No more dairy for me. I ate a little cottage cheese last night and felt awful watching them squirm and cry. I had a belly ache all night last night, but felt so bad that 3 people had belly aches because of my choice.

I got a call from the doctor on the way home with so much good news:

1. Sydney would be moved back to 24 calorie milk (they fortify my milk with additional calories). This means less belly aches and less stinky diapers.

2. Both of them no longer need to have iron--less belly aches.

3. Sydney was moved to 4 feedings per day. The fourth is at 1 am--so I gave the nurses permission to give her a bottle at that time. They said it won't make a difference in her coming home earlier. I am torn--wanting Sydney to slow down so Ethan can catch up with her.

4. The discharge nurse will call our insurance to see if they would cover a vaccine for RSV (can't remember the name) which is basically not a true vaccine. It's an injection of synthetic antibodies. I'm going to do some research, but from what the doctor says, there are very few side effects.

5. We will start preparing for discharge! They will pull their feeding tubes as soon as they are doing better with their feedings. It is quite possible we could be breaking out by the end of the week and bringing them home. Woo hoo!

We went back for tonight's feeding and Ethan 10 cc from me and 25 cc from a bottle. Sydney got 50 cc again. She is a big fan of that round number. The funny thing is, her feed is set at 53 cc. They end up giving her a tiny amount in her feeding tube every time.

The sad news of the day? We didn't take any photos today. Nope, not one. We had focused so much on getting them to eat, that we forgot to snap a photo. Bummer. We'll take a photo of their new home in the 'penthouse suite' tomorrow.

I'm so excited

Today has been a good day. Ethan and Sydney have a lot more energy thanks to the extra red blood cells. We can't believe how pink they are! At the 10:00 feeding, both of them were awake and Ethan took in all his feeding between me and bottle! That is amazing. Sydney also did well with 28 cc. We were thrilled. We went back to our hospital room to get some sleep and grab a bite to eat before the 4 pm feeding rolled around.

At 4 pm we went in to find Ethan really sleepy. He'd already had 2 successful feedings that day, so we couldn't be too disappointed. Sydney on the other hand was wide awake. She is a little difficult for me to work with than Ethan. I ended up having our nurse, Nancy, weigh her to see if she would wake up again...and she did! After 10 more minutes, we weighed her again and she had gained 50 cc! Her full feeding is 53 cc! Nancy declared that she got a full feeding and Doug gave me a kiss on my cheek. We left to run to my parent's house for dinner high-fiving each other on the way out of the hospital.

It doesn't seem unrealistic that they could be home in the next week anymore. If they continue this trend, we would move to 'feeding on demand' quickly. That means I would live in the hospital room for a few days and the nurses call me when they are awake and ready to eat. Our friend, Emily (the other mom of twins in the Special Care) is rooming in tonight and they are doing their car seat tests--this means they will most likely both go home tomorrow. Doug and I are so excited for them and so sad for us! She has been an answer to my prayers--helping me to laugh, have someone else to cheer for, having someone cheer for us, and venting to each other. It will be a bit lonely in the Special Care tomorrow.

We went back for our final feeding at 10 pm tonight. It's amazing how we spent most of the day with them in the hospital and yet, we are so excited every time we get in the car. Tonight Doug said to me as we got in the car, "I am so excited." Ethan got a full feeding again using the bottle chaser after he got 18 cc from me. Sydney got 44 cc. We can't wait until we get permission to do the bottle chaser with Sydney as well. This means that they both got 75% of the feeding by mouth for 2 consecutive feedings. They do this for 3 days and we may be in good shape to go home this weekend.

They also gained weight. Sydney is up to 2758 grams or 6 lbs 1 oz. Ethan is up 60 grams to 2930 grams or 6 lbs 7 oz. They are nearly the size of an average newborn.