Lean and Green!

So, I'm leaning into this new lifestyle of an anti-inflammatory nutrition plan. I'm really trying hard not to be too dichotomous (all or nothing) as I approach this whole thing. I'm making small changes every day...focusing on ADDING instead of RESTRICTING.

Some of the things I've added:

• Wheat Grass Juice...I found some frozen wheat grass juice at Wegman's. I was so excited. After hearing Dr. Perricone rave about "Green Foods", I was contemplating buying a juicer and some seed and growing my own. SOOO glad to be able to try it first and it is so much less work. It doesn't taste horrible...doesn't taste good...but after watching Fear Factor it's downright easy to drink. They say to mix an ounce with 8 oz of water--but I find that throwing back an ounce or two straight is much easier and easier for my band.

• Goji Gold (Goji concentrate)...yet another antioxidant super food--the Goji berry. I found this at Wegmans too--bought it and drink a shot of that every morning too.

• Salmon. I got some smoked Wild Alaskan Sockeye salmon and have been eating an ounce of it for as many meals as I can get it down. I've never been good about the band rule of eating protein first--and when I have it hasn't seemed to really help--just get stuck easier. But this salmon slides right down and amazingly controls my appetite. I am forgetting all about meals again and my band is really working.

So...things that I've noticed since I started these small things. Incredible energy. I'm not sure how much is just in my head at this point and how much is attributible to these changes, but you have to remember I have felt incredible fatigue since all this neurological crap started.

Saturday night I had six eight year old girls over for a surprise slumber party for my daughter's 9th b-day party. Last week after the family party (20 people over for home-made lunch) I was completely exhausted--nothing left--bone hurting exhaustion. I was really worried about the slumber party because I thought I would feel even worse. I slept on the couch in the living room--they were all in the basement. Some of them were up until 3:15 and they ALL woke up at 7:30.  Sunday evening--instead of looking like a Dali clock draped over the chair--I was starting to pack up Christmas decorations. Monday--MLK day--I manicly organized all the Christmas stuff, and colored little holly berries on the boxes.

I've been getting A. LOT. DONE.

I've also lost four pounds in three days. I think it's water weight and don't expect the trend to continue, but it is a delightful side product of all this. Of course weight loss is always my goal, but with this new way of eating, my goal is decreased inflammation and better sense of well-being. I've had to make some adjustments to accomodate the band. I'm tight right now because of my period, so salads and bulk vegetables and fruit just aren't going down easily. But taking the shots of antioxidants and wheat grass is giving my body incredible amounts of phytonutrients that I should be getting from all the fruits and vegetables that I can't eat. Actually, even alot more. So this is all very band friendly.

Tomorrow I go for my first mammogram. I'm feeling pretty optimistic about it. The lymph nodes that were very swollen and sore under my arm are much better now. They are still tender and noticeable. They ache from time to time and I can't sleep on them. My breast isn't red anymore. Looks just like the other one..just hurts every now and then.  My PCP's nurse called with "good news" that it looks like I don't have an infection in my breast because CBC was normal and MRSA test was negative. I told her that I was still having problems and that AN INFECTION would have been good news...so now what? She said she would talk to my DR and call me right back.  That was Friday. Monday, she called me back and said that the PCP has ordered a diagnostic mammogram to be done as soon as possible. So, that's where I am. Like I said, I'm fairly optimistic. If it was red and hurting as bad as it did a week ago--I would be scared to death.

That's it for now!
Rebekah

MS? Guillain-Barre? Cancer? The Band?

I don't even know where to start. 2011 was a crazy year for me! It started out having problems with my band. I got EVERYTHING emptied from my band the first part of January. I gained 14 pounds...lost a few gained some more. Got fills and unfills and never found the sweet spot all year! Major frustration!!

THEN in September I had the first of several "episodes" of neurological attack. It started--weirdly enough--in my left ear. I thought I had a hideous suddenly very acute inner ear infection. I was dizzy and in crazy pain. The PCP asked if I'd been swimming...said everything looked perfect, gave me ear drops and told me to let her know if it doesn't clear up in 3-4 days. The next day things had gotten alot worse. My lymph nodes swelled up like hard olives on the left side of my face/neck/behind my ear. I got electric shooting pain in my jaw--worst pain I've ever had, and the left side of my tongue started going numb. She referred me to an Ear, Nose & Throat DR, and he said he had no idea what was going on, but suspected Ramsay-Hunt Syndrome (Shingles in your Trigeminal nerve). He dosed me up with Doxycycline (in case it was Lymes Disease) and Valtrex (in case it was shingles).  Over the next week, my whole left side of my face was paralyzed (Bell's Palsy), half of my throat was paralyzed (couldn't swallow easily) and my little fingers were numb in both hands.

They took what felt like a gallon of blood for tests of ALL kinds, did CT's, MRI's, Neurological nerve testing, and a Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) and a blood patch to fix the problems the LP caused! They gave me LOADS of Prednisone--I gained 12 pounds in ONE week!!!!! But eventually everything cleared up in about a month.

I saw neurologists, immunologists, ent's...etc. They think I had shingles in the trigeminal nerve. The shingles triggered a autoimmune attack on my nerves called "Guillian-Barre' " and it all went away so not to worry. They found a "spot" on my brain that they want to keep a close eye on and have another MRI in April--but it wouldn't have caused any of these problems. They also found out that I have some immune deficiencies. I don't know how I can be autoimmune and immunodeficient at the same time, but apparently it happens.

All was going along fine until December 20th...I had horrible aches in my shoulders--as if I had done P90X. I didn't have any strength in my arms. I mean like--couldn't blowdry my hair...couldn't WASH my hair...couldn't hold on to a Valet ticket because my thumb couldn't squeeze my index finger enough. I broke a glass pitcher, 2 glasses and a bowl just by getting them out of the cabinet and dropping them. I couldn't carry a plate of food to the table. Had a hard time driving, typing, existing.

That's when the mental stuff started. I was fine with the first attack. I was able to regain all the sensation and functionality of everything.  I had a diagnosis that I could point to...it was a one-time anomoly.  But the second attack rocked my world. Suddenly, this could be chronic. This could be degenerative, debilitating...my whole life could change. My PCP told me to start getting my head wrapped around the idea of having MS or CIDP. I just couldn't. I didn't feel like I had the capacity to do that. I was deeply depressed and cried every time my daughter wasn't around. The soonest I can get back in to see my neurologist is Jan 20th...so I don't know what he'll say.

By Christmas I had all my feeling and strength back just as quickly as it came, it went. I felt WONDERFUL!! I got some fight back and felt like I could mentally grasp the chronic disease diagnosis if it came. I would just carpe' diem the good times when I felt good--exercise, etc--and whenever I have an episode I just retreat, get rest and get thru it. 

I had been noticing it hurt to shave my left underarm. My lymph nodes were getting swollen again--this time around my breast. And my left breast just throbbed when I took off my bra--like I was pregnant--but only one side.  January 3rd, I was in the shower and looked down and saw a patch of redness, about 2 inches by 3 inches...it looked like a million tiny capilaries all dark--like a drunkard's nose. I googled that--and it scared the crap out of me! Everything I read said that if I wasn't a nursing mom that Inflammatory Breast Cancer was suspect and should be ruled out. After reading about IBC and it's agressiveness and poor prognosis--suddenly a chronic autoimmune degenerating disease would be ok. At least you have time for it to be considered 'chronic'--as in years left.

The redness left in about three days and hasn't come back. Some of the swelling and pain is gone. My lymph nodes are still big and achey. I went to see my PCP and she said that it wasn't Breast Cancer because 1) there is pain (cancer has no pain)... 2) the redness wouldn't come and go...and 3) my skin would have an orange peel texture. She suspects MRSA infection in my breast or some other bacterial infection. She took a CBC and a MRSA test up my nose. They called...my CBC is normal...havn't got results from MRSA yet.  I saw a House episode where a patient was having neurological problems and it ended up being cancer somewhere else in the body. Your immune system tries to fight the cancer and ends up turning on the nerves instead.  That freaked me out.  I am trying to decide whether I should get a second opinion or not.

I'm fighting internally with what is being hypochondriac and what is being "watch out for yourself because doctors miss stuff". I don't want to be a hypochondriac. I don't want to be an annoying patient that reads the internet too much. I'm not a doctor.

Anyway.....a nagging question in the back of my mind has been whether having the band makes people more prone to auto-immune issues.  Is having a foreign substance in the body making my immune system freak out? I asked the Immunologist, and he didn't think so.



So, all of this has prompted me to do alot of research into nutrition (specifically that supports the immune system, reduces inflammation, complements the band restrictions--etc). I want 2012 to be a year that I reengineer my nutrition to give me the best shot at combating whatever it is that I have.

I know that nutrition isn't everything, but it is something that I can control--and I need something like that right now. I'm hoping I find the ever elusive sweet spot again some time this year. I'm glad I'm not pregnant.

I thought about starting a new blog for the nutrition overhaul, but I've decided to keep everything in one place. I'll be rolling it out soon.

Tight....tight...tight.

This morning I woke up in a pissy mood! 4:55--have to be up at 5...and I dug thru my boxes of medicine---I have a pharmacy, I'm telling you---until I found my bottle of Protonix. Burping like crazy--or trying to. Feeling TIGHT and ticked off.

I decided that today would be an all liquid day. I feel like my level is really optimal in my band--but I irritated it yesterday. I know that an unfil it is the best thing sometimes, but I also know that this irritation WILL go away if I treat it right and I'll be back on track again without going thru the drama of an unfill.

HOW can there possibly be so much AIR in one's digestive track??? Seriously! Why is it before the band or when there isn't anything in it---I never seem to burp, but now it is every 3 seconds.

And....still falling

I got my fill 8 days ago and have lost 4.8 pounds of the 14 that I gained after my unfil. I feel SOOOO good about it. Finally feeling back at the sweet spot and the relief from hunger. 9.2 pounds to go to get back to where I was. My goal is to reach that by April 20.

My mom flew out from Illinois and we painted an ocean mural in my daughter's room, so I haven't been blogging. She was asking questions about the surgery and if I would recommend it "even with all the problems that you've had". I was kindof suprized, because I don't think I've had alot of problems. I guess the stories my husband was telling her about me running to the bathroom at Longhorn Steakhouse (and NOT making it)...and pulling over on the side of the road---she thinks those are "problems"--whereas I think of them as me screwing up or not chewing enough.

I told her that I ABSOLUTELY would and have no doubt that FOR ME this has been the best tool that I've ever had to lose weight--and keep it off. I wish my sister would get the surgery--I wish my aunt would get the surgery.  The last couple months reminded me of the deep sense of defeat and helplessness that gaining weight/trying to lose weight brings on. I just found myself unable to stop the trend. Soooo thankful for this tool.

Relief....

Ok, three days of weight decreasing in a row. Not a lot, but I've lost a little over a pound...The tide is turning...I'm feeling the sun starting to come out a little.

Hello, restriction again!!! Welcome back uncomfortable feeling of needing to burp!! Yay for crazy air noises in my pouch....I have SO missed these boundaries!! Robert Frost said that "You have freedom when you're easy in your harness". I feel that today.


I obviously have some head issues to work thru as I reflect on this latest fall from grace. By the way---- I wish my stomach didn't feel so "billowing-over-my-waistband" in these pants. How can I reflect and center myself when THAT is rubbing the desk and the only word I can think of is jellyfish.

Nevermind--....-returning to the watcher self.

Where's my emergency brake?!?!?!

I don't even know where to start...because my intention for this post is to try to reset myself somehow and get myself back in the mode of purpose and calm.

By way of update: Christmas vacation back home in Illinois/Iowa was great. I was at all-time low 168 and had worked my way to being in good cardiovascular shape with all the crazy exercising---so I FELT great too. Then I ate a salad while I was talking to my friend and swallowed a chunk of ham before I chewed it all the way. STUCK---five days of nothing but liquids--hideous heartburn--doctors "not taking new patients" and then back to VA. On Jan 3rd, my DR took everything out of my band. He said that I had 2 ccs and he took 1 out--but it felt like EVERYTHING was gone.  I ate whatever I wanted while I stressed about moving and packed every spare second of the day. For the first two weeks I didn't gain anything. I felt REALLY good too. I decided that my plan would be to focus on high-fiber whole veggies and try to clean out my system.     Major fail with THAT plan!!! :o) 

Feb 26th was the first day that I could get in to have a fill. That is about 8 weeks after my unfil. I weighed 178 that day. Felt horrible about it. He put .8CC in.  Still felt like absolutely nothing was in my band.

It is a sick and slipping feeling to see the scales going up each day. Yesterday, I went in for my next fill. In those three weeks I had put on 4 more pounds. I weighed 180 on their scales--but 182 on mine.

I still feel pretty empty. I have a hint of restriction now--felt a little this morning while I drank my cold coffee. I'm hoping that is a good sign and that this one will at least freeze the scales.

So....wow...just when I think that I have a handle on things and that I have figured a few things out! Reality moons me. How the heck did this happen?!?! Feeling hungry again--wow. Being able to eat potato salad again. Being able to eat WHATEVER I WANTED again...hamburgers on the grill. Pizza. Strombolis.

14 pounds in 12 weeks.  How long will it take to get those back off???! The cold fingers of fear are creeping up and fretting about this summer and being at goal by my two year bandiversary and that wedding I have to go to August 6th...and all of that panic and feelings of failure welling up inside. Being within 18 pounds of goal--steady going down without even trying...to now 31.8 pounds from goal...no 32.2....no 32.4 AAAAGGHH.

So, back to blogging. I need to down-shift and get centered. Writing it down always helps. It helps to see it in black and white. It is time to get my power back and get back in the groove.

Battling old monsters--and debating whether to make New Years Resolutions.

Last year was the first year in my whole adult life that I didn't make New Year's resolutions. I've had a great year with no goals. ha ha But seriously, it has been so good for me to decompress from the self-inflicted pressure and constant obsession on weight, calories...etc.

A few of my friends (one is my band-daughter--a friend that got the band, I would like to think "because" of me) and I did a Biggest-Loser-esque type of challenge at the local gym. It was SOOOOO great to get back in the gym and exercise hard again. I love exercise and love what it does for me. I HATE taking the time to do it. The worst part of the challenge was the journaling. Every week we were to do a detailed food journal and turn it in to our trainer. I really think that, as a former chronic dieter, I could go head to head with most licensed dieticians when it comes to nutrition, RMR...etc. So, it was an extremely frustrating experience. First, because my trainer was so dogmatic about certain things---very ANTI-Starbucks regardless of the drink and ANTI- all things peanut butter because of the "fat". Second, because she hadn't been formally trained in nutrition other than reading Muscle and Fitness magazines.  ANYWAY. I got weekly lectures about how to improve my nutrition plan and it just got old hearing about stirring mustard into a can of tuna and eating that.  Trust me, Chickie, I paid those dues for years!!!!   I did my best spreadsheet ever on tracking veggies (by color mind you), fiber, fruits, MUFAs, water...etc, so I'm proud of that and once I finish rebeling against the chains, I'd really like to start using it.

The whole journaling thing raised old monsters from the dead for me. I was at a really good place with the whole food addiction and it was finding it's rightful place in my life. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't thinking about food except when I was stuck...and I was to the point where I wanted ONLY to focus on nutrition. Food literally has become no longer an enemy but a means of life for me. I eat because I need calories. Journaling made me eat cheeseburgers because Krystal told me I shouldn't. I am warped. But that is how it is for me.

I guess that's why I stand at the precipace of a New Year and seriously question whether goals and resolutions are even a positive thing for me. As a former trainer and addict of self-help books, that sentence is blasphemy. But it is what it is.

I THINK I've lost 20 pounds this year. (more blasphemy) I really don't know how much I weighed last year. Trust me it's on my tracker spreadsheet so I can find it. What I DO know is that I'm really happy when I look in the mirror.  I'm happy that my size 10 jeans get too loose to wear twice without washing AND DRYING them. I'm happy that Christmas is Saturday. I'm happy about a million other things that don't have anything to do with weight or food. That is freedom---and hidden in all those past resolutions with 40 million action steps--freedom has been my goal for 15 years.  I am  deeply grateful that I have achieved this plane.

Maybe I need to listen to that Martha Beck audio book again about four-day wins.

It's been a LONG time since I posted!!! Here's some updated pictures....




My daughter and I eating funnel cake! Mmmmm....



Good times at the lake with a camel toe! :o)



Toby Keith concert