The Throne.

No, no, no not the porcelain throne sickos. You see, we have this oversized chair in our living room which, since having JB, Brian has deemed "the throne" - my throne to be exact. And if I'm being honest, it's pretty accurate. Everything happens in this chair. It's where I enjoy my morning (afternoon and evening) coffee, do my meal planning, grocery lists, read my devotional, feed JB, get him dressed, change his diaper, burp him, snuggle him and where, at the end of the day, I typically pass out. It's like the perfect setup and definitely the perfect size. I'm pretty sure I'll never get rid of this throne and will definitely have to find a special place for it when the time comes to get a new living room set, though Brian might disagree :)

Zombie Mommy

Most people who will read this will probably be hearing this for the millionth time, but I am legit a zombie. I have literally been running on about 3 hours of "solid" sleep every night. And I swear that sweet little JB knows exactly when I lay may head down on any.single.pillow in the house because almost simultaneously he will start to cry. Seriously buddy, just 5 minutes, all I wanted was a quick 5 minute power nap. Ugh. But of course, such is life and this mommy is one tired zombified mommy. I guess 3 hours will be my new normal...at least until after our CO trip because when we get home from that it's on like Donkey Kong. It's a battle and I will win.

Anyway, I knew I hit a wall when the other night I fed Josiah, laid him down, said a quick prayer that he would sleep and then went to get some of my trusty friends...the nipple pads. I had hopes of maybe getting some sleep and didn't want to wake up to a milk-maid mess so the protection was definitely necessary. Just out of habit I grab my other little friend, the nipple cream. Ahhhh sweet relief. Except what is this tingling sensation? I don't remember this from...ever. Somehow my sleep deprived mind tells my sleep deprived body to turn on a light. Low and behold, that was not my trusty friend the nip cream, it was in fact...toothpaste. Nothing says relief like a minty fresh nipple. Refreshing.

Annnnnd with that I say to all, goodnight.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

JB - One Month.

Dear sweet little night owl Josiah,

Crazy. It's absolutely crazy. This has easily been the fastest month of my life...and yours! Mostly because our house has been pretty much a hotel since you came into the world (and before!) but also because I have been zombie mom for the last 4 weeks. Little man you have GOT to get your days and nights right. This whole sleep all day and party all night has to stop. And I know you're 100% Lohrey with that strong will of yours. Duuuude during the day we CANNOT keep you awake to save our lives. We have tried EVERYTHING! And I mean everything. I've stripped you down, I've given you baths, I've tried a cold cloth, I've tried I've cubes, I've even tried letting Kai play in your crib while you were napping. Nada. No chance if waking you up. When you want to sleep you just WILL NOT wake up. Good grief. It's an up-hill battle fo' sho. And you're just as stubborn when you want to be awake. You will fight sleep all night. But let me tell you, once you get your nights and days right, you will be a champ sleeper and this mama is PUMPED. Unfortunately even your pediatrician said I've tried everything and that you will eventually just get your schedule "right"...I'm skeptical.

Other than making your mom a complete zombie with horrid bags under her eyes, you are a peach. I could literally watch you sleep all day. Creepy, I know, but you're just so peacefully perfect and I cannot thank The Lord enough for the blessing He has given me. One day when you're much much older you will understand and I will tell you all about the number of prayers that went up for your safe arrival. You truly are a blessing and have already brought so much joy to our lives.

Now let me tell you about your older brother. Malachi absolutely ADORES you. He always asks about you and constantly checks on you to make sure you're okay. When we wake up in the morning (well, he wakes up because he actually slept) the first thing he asks is "Mommy how did my broffer sleep?" And the questions continue throughout the day. He immediately tells me you're hungry as soon as you start crying and the moment he sees spit-up he runs and wipes it. He does NOT like when you have a "yucky mouth" (that's what he calls it) Ohhhhh and its over if you poop. He wants you to have a new diaper, like yesterday. He is so sweet with you and loves you to pieces. He gives you a hug an kiss before all your naps and bedtime. If he goes anywhere without you he tells you he loves you and that he'll be right back. He'll also tell you "it's okay buddy" if you make any sort of noise and loves giving you your plug. Seriously, watching him with you melts my heart and I pray you guys have a great relationship when you get older.

As much as I love you you need to please stop peeing and pooping all over me. That...and I need to stop being so over confident that you won't pee or poop on me. But seriously, you pee on me at least once a day and have had 2 straight shot explosive poops right at me. Nothing like a good mustard seed bath from your bum. Nasty. Luckily you have the cutest little face and you are instantly forgiven. I'm guessing you'll use that precious little face to get away a whole lot, just like your brother. I can see you boys causing a lot of trouble in the near future!

Baby boy, you are so very special and there are a whole lot of people that love you. Now get your sleep schedule situated or your 2 month post is not going to be as glorifying :o) Love you nugget.

Love your one and only,
Mom

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Postpartum Pre-eclampsia

Yeah that was fun. Except it wasn't. Not fun at all. It was terrible. I legit thought I was going to die like Cybil in Downtown Abbey. As crazy as it sounds, I would literally keep myself awake as long as possible at night because I was convinced I was going to die in my sleep. It was pretty bad. Really bad. But don't worry, now I realize it really wasn't that big of a deal, but when you combine an ER visit with the possibility of hospitalization with a newborn and 3 year old at home PLUS all those postpartum hormones running rampant through your body you get one freaked out mama. Holy anxiety attacks. For realz.

So honestly, I think I knew somewhere deep in the back of my brain that you could get this "postpartum pre-eclampsia" but it never really crossed my mind that I would get it. I mean, less than 1% of pregnant women do so why would I be one of them? But then again, why wouldn't I be? Ohhhh that's right...I would. So my whole pregnancy was actually pretty smooth. No trouble with high blood pressure, absolutely no swelling (chunky, but not swollen) and no real issues or cause for concern. I mean, I had my weekly/bi-weekly testing because of my history, but nothing that would raise any red flags. After delivery I did have some swelling in my hands and legs, but the nurses wrote it off as my body just getting rid of that access fluid that I was retaining during my pregnancy. Made sense to me so I wrote it off and went on my merry way. Except a week later I was still swollen, which apparently is not normal. I wasn't terribly swollen, but enough that I could push my finger into my ankle and my print would stay. Gross. But other than that I really felt fine and had no other symptoms. Until I did. I started having these upper abdominal pains. They started off minor and then became extremely painful. My mom thought it might be gallstones since those can be common after pregnancy and we have family history. So after a quick call to my doctor's office to see what they recommended, (I had to leave a message) I popped a Zantac and a couple Tums and waited to feel better. Except I never did. Eventually the "cramps" got so painful that I was in tears on the phone with Brian asking him to take me to the ER. The Hobbs ER. You know it was bad if I ASKED to go the Hobbs ER. And seriously, not to pat myself on the back, but I'm not wimp when it comes to pain and I was literally in tears. Partially from the pain, partially from the hormones and mostly from the stress of having to leave my kids and thinking something terrible was going to happen. Pretty much a hot mess...minus the hot.

Brian comes home from the office and we drive to the good ole Hobbs ER. The whole 2 minute drive there I am literally in the mindset that I'm either going to die or I am just wasting time and money because they're going to tell me it's gallstones, to pop a couple more Tums and send me on my way. They call me into the back and check my vitals. WHAT THE...??? My blood pressure is 132/78, which really isn't terribly high, but considering when I was pregnant and in delivery the highest it ever got was about 120, so in the 130s was kind of high. The doc comes in and immediately tells me I have "PPPE". Brian and I immediately start to question (literally asking him a bunch of questions) everything he is saying. I mean, after all, we are in the HOBBS ER. Not very reliable in my book...or anyones book for that matter. Turns out this doctor is one of the good ones. After getting me all set up and getting tests started my doctor (my OB from Lubbock) called me, immediately asked to speak with the doctor and demanded that if scenario a, b or c were to occur I was to be immediately transferred to Lubbock...and he agreed. Plus, when Brian and I questioned him, he actually took the time to explain every little detail without showing one sign of frustration. Dr. Perales (my OB) even reassured me that he knew what he was doing and to call her if I had any concerns. Seriously I have the best doctors. Anyway, thankfully a, b or c didn't occur and they ran some tests, gave me some blood pressure meds and a diarrhetic and sent me on my way for the night.

Intermission: They gave me the diarrhetic to help flush out some of the water I had been retaining. I think I peed about 3 gallons in 3 hours. I kid you not. And no joke, in 24 hours I lost 10lbs in water weight. I wish that happened every day. Geesh it was amazing.

The next day Brian and I headed to Lubbock to meet up with Dr. Perales while the boys stayed at home with my mom. Dr. Perales wanted to re-run the tests to make sure I was on the down slide of PPPE and not getting worse. Plus she wanted to redo the ultrasound of my liver because she "doesn't trust small town hospital testing" - can't say I blame her. Thankfully everything looked great and I no longer had protein in my urine, which was a huge sigh if relief for me because that meant things were getting better. This is not to say that I didn't have some sort of big huge giant meltdown in her office admitting that I was convinced I was going to die, because I definitely did. Seriously, looking back I'm surprised she didn't have me committed because I'm sure I sounded like a complete psycho. She really is great though, listened to all my concerns and reassured me that though it is extremely rare all my labs looked good and that I was on the mend. She did offer to admit for observation if it would help me feel better, but I declined (to my own surprise).

So here I am today. Clearly I have yet to die and I am feeling much better. Thankfully I am over that big hormonal hump. I have been put on BP meds until my postpartum check-up just to keep things in check. She did give me a prescription for some anti-anxiety/depression meds just in case but I have yet to fill those and hopefully won't have to. I have had my share of anxiety attacks, but what I had with this has been by far the worst. Thankfully...and hopefully...all these shanannagins are over, but boy, this pregnancy was quite the trip. And worth every bit.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Josiah Benjamin. The Delivery.

So Josiah Benjamin is here. Finally! And of course I am writing this post in a "fashinably late" form. That's just how I roll these days. What used to take me an hour to get ready, say for church, now takes me three. Not that I have actually been back to church yet. I know, such a sinner. My only excuse, and an extremely forgivable one at that, is that dear mister JB has his days and nights completely mixed up and so the idea of waking up and trying to be out the door by 8:45 makes me want to puke. Actually, thinking about it just makes my eyes extremely puffy from all the sleep deprevation. Okay, okay, I MAY be exaggerating a little...but really I'm not. I'm completely serious. I'm exhausted. I look like a zombie until about 2pm and even then I may look a little "off" - but hey, I got a newborn and yes, I will use that excuse until he turns one. Ha! But in all seriousness, and to get off my rambling about how fantastic I'm looking these days, I thought about sitting down to the write this post for the last 3 weeks. Yep, pretty much since the day I got home from the hospital. The thought of sitting down to write suuuuuch a loooong post made me cringe so I kept putting it off and putting it off until now. Now he is 3 weeks, almost 4 weeks old, and though I am still a sleepless zombie I have come to my senses and realized this actually won't be a long post at all. So here it goes...

Disclaimer: this is the abridged version. Kinda.

I was supposed to have an amnio on June 11th to see if little JB was ready to meet us. Amnio was cancelled because Dr. Atkinson couldn't find a "safe pocket" to test the amniotic fluid so I got to be put on bedrest in the hospital for a week. It was great fun. On June 17th I was transferred to Labor and Delivery. Woohoo, big day folks! That night they started me on Cervidil, which is pretty much this long string they shove up into your cooter box to help "rippen" your cervix. This all sounds great until the nurse explained it as a "$1,300 tea bag" - awesome. Anyway, they shoved that little sucker up there at about 9pm Monday night. That got to "marinate" (these are my words, not the nurses) for about 12hrs before they came in and started good ole Pitocin. Ahhh my friend. Let's get this party started RIIIIIGHT!?! So the Pitocin was flowing, I got my epidural and I rode that gravy train all the way until noon. Well, actually I rode it longer, but around noon Dr. Perales came to "check me out" and I still was only at about 4cm so we pretty much agreed that JB would not make his grand entrance until probably 5ish. I was kinda bummed, but took a nap and hung out. What else could I do? Nothing. I could do nothing. Around 2ish my Mom came in and just hung out with me and I started feeling the contractions and getting that urge to push. It actually came on me pretty quickly. I told my Mom and then called the nurse, Stacy. I literally told the nurse, "I am getting that 'I gotta poop' feeling" and she checked, looked at me calmly and said "whatever you do, don't push and don't laugh" and said I was completely dialated and ready to go. She then put my legs down and told me to keep them shut because I was so ready that she didn't want me to laugh the baby out (I was laughing at Brian because he kept making these wise remarks...typical) She called Dr. P, who made it over to the hospital in record time (I kid you not, I would have thought she was down the hall had she not said she was at her office.) Once Dr. Perales was there she took a look, told me I was definitely not having another ginger and with that next contraction I pushed. Badabing-badaboom I pushed twice and popped that sucker out! I literally pushed for 2 contractions and he made his way into the world, peeing all over everyone. Lovely. I immediately started crying and couldn't get enough of him. Instant love. So perfect. God is so good. We are so blessed. And boy oh boy was I relieved.

Josiah Benjamin. 2:45pm 6lbs 9oz - 19.5in long and one cute little nugget. He is one special blessing and looks a whole lot like his brothers, but even more like his Papa. Oh, and Kai is absolutely in love :)

Hospital Stay Day 2: GET ME OUT!!!

Okay, so day one was cake. Yes, I refer to cake a lot because I love it. I love cake. And day one was indeed, cake. Day two, yeah, not so much. It has been TERRIBLE! So, maybe not terrible as in you aren't fed, you have no running water and have an infected open wound with no medical treatment type of terrible, but when the doctors orders are "bed rest with bathroom privileges" it's pretty dreadful. Yes, I should be grateful because I know 3rd world countries don't even have hospitals, let alone bathrooms, but I'm going to be a little bit of a diva right now. And let's be honest, I really don't think my "diva-ness" is anything compared to other people, so just deal. But you know it's bad when you stand up and do the "mommy sway" for an hour watching TV, and then read standing up for another hour because that is just about all there is to do. Although, the nurse did tell me that her longest patient had to stay here, with strict bed rest for 4 months, so I guess a single week really isn't all too bad. Which makes me think I really shouldn't complain at all, so I won't. Instead I'm going to "give my insight" on how my hospital stay has been...and it is only day 2 and I'm ready to check myself out of this joint. This morning Brian even said, "you look like you've already been here a week..." Golly gee, thanks. I would say "he'll be sleeping on the couch for that comment," but since he's 6'5" and sleeping on a rock solid cot that his feet hang off of with a pathetic excuse of a pillow, I guess I'll cut him some slack. And he really has been a trooper, even though it's only day 2. Maybe I should wait and sing his praises after day 6 haha! But seriously, he's staying in a hospital for a week, when he could go home (I gave him permission) AND he's being an all-star dad (like always) since I literally cannot do anything with Kai except go explore the hospital, watch movies, color and take naps with him. And for a little 3 year old boy who only wants to run around, climb on everything and wrestle, the things Mommy can do with him just aren't cutting it. Daddy on the other hand is limitless! Brian even scoped out all the pools in the Lubbock area to find the best one! He's pretty awesome and is being super supportive. I mean, not to keep praising him, but he even offered to give me a pedicure since I can't leave to go get one. Though, I'm pretty sure his definition of pedicure and mine are MUCH different, but hey, it's the thought that counts. We'll see how it turns out :)

Amnio FAIL.

Sooooooo yesterday definitely did not go according to ANYTHING I had planned. Go figure. God has a sense of humor...I suppose :) I had an amnio scheduled for 9:30a with my high risk doctor, Dr. Atkinson, which of course did not happen until 10ish. Actually, the amnio testing did not happen at all. See, the plan was to do the amnio to test for lung maturity. If it came back positive, BAM, sent straight to labor and delivery for JB's official eviction notice (aka: Pitocin) and if it came back negative then sent straight to antepartum where I would be monitored for a week before being induced (without further testing) on Tuesday June 18th. So going into this I always knew there was a possibility of having to stay in the hospital for a week, but what I wasn't prepared for was for Dr. Atkinson to NOT do the test. Don't get me wrong, they did all the prep work and everything and then as soon as he found a little pocket of fluid to test the little squirt (JB) moved and took the spot away. This happened a couple times before Dr. Atkinson said "there is no reason to take any risk" and then gave me my "marching orders" and pretty much, what I realize now, was my prison sentence. Yes, at first I was disappointed. Not because I had to stay at the hospital, but because in my head I had my mind made up that I was having Josiah yesterday. I knew that's what was going to happen...until it didn't. It wasn't until after it didn't happen that I realized what a relief it was that it didn't. HA! I literally think I was convincing myself that I was going to have him because that was the route that scared me the most and I wanted to be prepared. Staying in the hospital getting tests done every 4-6hrs is cake compared to giving birth!! Hmmmm what's easier? To watch movies all day and twiddle your thumbs or push a baby out of your vagina? I'll take option 1, thanks. I mean, not really, but after all that has happened over the last year I think it made me finally realize how afraid I am. I'm scared to meet little Josiah, I'm scared of disappointment, I'm scared of hurt. This should be one of the happiest moments of my life, and yet, I'm fearful of it. Brian's grandmother sent me a text message (yes, she is in her 70s and texts almost weekly!) of Psalm 56:3, which says, "When I am afraid, I will trust You" and continues to encourage me by saying that "when the fear of the unknown attacks it is so good to repeat over and over" - how amazing is she. See, after Brian's mother was born, Gram Meline also had a stillborn and then had 3 more amazing daughters! She knows exactly how I'm feeling and clearly knew exactly what scripture I needed. Yes, I am afraid, yes I do not know what is ahead, but through it all I will trust the Lord. In my opinion there is really no other option. So until next Tuesday, I will sit in my little hospital prison cell and trust the Lord, enjoy these last few days with Malachi, Brian and my mom and HOPEFULLY get some rest, though when they wake you up at 4am for testing, that seems a little difficult. Good news is, they said they would get me some ambien if I so desired........tempting, very tempting.

The Name Game.

I must admit that I was going to write this post awhile ago, then I realized it was almost a year to the day that I had posted the same thing about Xavier. Seeing that made me a little emotional so I ditched the idea and wasn't going to write a name post at all. Then I thought that maybe I should. When I am old and senile and all I have left are my blog books to look at and read I will remember why we named baby JB what we did. In my senile years it will hopefully bring a smile to my face.

When we were naming Xavier we had a pretty hard time. We couldn't agree and went back and forth on different names. Even after we chose his name other names would always pop up and be a "contender" and we were never quite convinced that we wanted to name him that until a couple weeks before he was born. His middle name, Josiah, Brian kind of just let me have since I have always LOVED that name and he has never liked it. He never hated it, but he just didn't want to name Xavier that so we decided to use it as his middle name. I was content with that.

This time was a whole different story. When Brian and I found out we were pregnant at the end of October we were convinced it was a girl. Not to mention that I wanted a girl for the first time ever. And I mean EVER. Not because I really wanted a girl, but because I wanted this pregnancy completely different in every way shape and form. Pretty simple. We thought we had a girls name picked, which ended up changing multiple times before we found it was a boy. Honestly though, about 3 weeks before I went in for my ultrasound I told Brian it was a boy. I had an epiphany (in the shower if you must know). I have officially been right on every single pregnancy. Boom suckers. Anyway, though we went back and forth on our girls names, I was adamant that if it was a boy we name him Josiah. Like I said, I always LOVED that name, it was Xavier's middle name and it means "the Lord heals/saves"...perfect. Absolutely perfect in every measure of a name. Now, I wish I could tell you a whole lot about Josiah the king without looking it up in my Bible, but I can't. I honestly haven't done my research (minus the meaning), but I do know he was the King of Judah, son of Amon and became a king at a very young age. He was also considered a great king, from my understanding. With all that, Brian and I were happy with our choice.

From that point on, once we found out it was a boy (obviously), we started referring to him as baby JB or JB. We were hesitant to tell Malachi his name at first, though now that we've told him I'm not really sure why we waited for so long. Part of it was that he is still a little confused about Xavier (and in every sonogram would say "look there's my little brother Xavier!" - very upsetting, hard to explain and made my heart hurt for him) and I think part of me thought that if something did/does happen it would be easier on him if he didn't know his name. Annnnd if I'm being completely honest, I think if Kai started calling him by his name it would make it more real for me. Up to this point it was still easy for me to separate myself, protect myself from reality just in-case something did happen. I told myself it was to protect him, but in the end I think it was to guard myself. Anyway, at one point I told Brian that I had really started to like the name Jacoby. Without really knowing the meaning, Brian and I considered it...until I looked up what it meant - "the supplanter" aka the replacement. And with that Jacoby was tossed out the window. Not to mention I had this weird dream that I had gone into the hospital and asked where Josiah was in the nursery, which made it even more convincing that we were supposed to name him that. Crazy pregnancy dreams, I'm telling you...

So with all this said, this baby is officially named.

{For those interested Benjamin is his middle name. It is Brian's father's middle name. We did consider Douglas for about 2 seconds, Brian's middle name and his father's first name, but I am not a fan. Sorry boys...}