Traveling Heart

When I purchased my ipod nano online a few years ago, there was a promotion which offered online customers the opportunity to get something “engraved” (in reality, it’s more like printed) on the back of your ipod for free. Given that it’s a device designed to go with you wherever your travels take you, I selected a quote that had become one of my favorites, and seemed fitting:

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart”

Well, for better or for worse, I do. To every place I visit, to every event I attend, to every relationship and every job that I take on, I go with what my friends and I have come to refer to as my “wide open heart.” I say ‘for better or for worse’ because sometimes this exposed heart of mine leaves me rather susceptible to heartbreaking sadness, disappointment, frustration and even anger. Although my closest friends seem to agree that this ‘wide open heart’ of mine is one of my finest and most endearing qualities, it is also their greatest cause for concern for me. So often I have looked into their faces after announcing a new love (be it for a new job, a new person or a new place) and spotted a distinct fear, lurking of course behind a veil of genuine happiness for me, but nonetheless they are afraid. They are afraid on behalf of my heart. You see, they so sincerely want nothing but happiness for me, and have witnessed how hard the fall from such great heights of love and joy can be on me.

Rest assured though, I’m no dummy. I know my heart is my greatest liability, but I believe it is also my greatest strength; My ‘wide open heart’ allows me to form true connections with a wide variety of people, in a wide variety of contexts. I also feel that the pain it sometimes causes me has enhanced my capacity for compassion and empathy. But most of all, I feel that my wide open heart has enabled me to live THE most incredible, joy-and-adventure-filled life that I could possibly live!

So as I sit here writing this (in a Word doc, to be posted to my blog once I have internet access later tonight), I am at the Atlanta Airport en route from Florida (my home for the last four months) to Vermont (for my best friend’s wedding this weekend) before heading home to Toronto for the summer. I am feeling both filled with loving gratitude as well as a little bit heartbroken… Heartbroken simply by the sadness, or more aptly the bittersweetness, of the goodbyes I’ve had to say over the last few days, but comforting myself with the adage that every little ‘heartbreak’ merely cracks my heart just a little more open.

Much more powerful than the heartbreak though, are the warm, fond memories of all of the incredible experiences that have brought me to this moment now:

As often happens with me, I seem to have recently come through a phase during which I did not write on my blog very frequently. (And, as is often the case, I hereby declare that I intend to blog more frequently again!) In any case, to bring you (my dear readers) up to speed, I have just completed a four month contract working as an actor in a kids show at The Kennedy Space Center in Titusville, FL. I worked and lived with two other actors – Julia and Dave. At this time, I simply have no adequate words to describe what each of them has come to mean to me, but suffice it to say, they will each forever hold a very special place in my heart. And in addition to my roomies/co-workers Dave and Julia, I also came to be friends with a few other special people who work at The Space Center. And it is the memories of all these unique and remarkable friendships, and the fun times that we shared, that have me smiling right now.

Oh yes, I am smiling. Sure, at times today (and over the past few days), my smiles have been through tears of sadness (I hate goodbyes). But just now, I caught myself smiling and laughing to myself, getting lost in the abundance of good memories that I have to keep me company during this transition time. I am happy, I am thankful, and I am confident that the love that I have put out in to the universe is reciprocated.

So, for the record, I’ll keep my wide open heart just the way it is. And I’ll keep going, seeking out the next great adventures and the joy, and wherever I go you can be sure that I will go with all my heart!

BLASTOFF!

Yes, it has been forever (or at least too long) since I last wrote a blog entry - what else is new?

I just watched my first (and likely my only) space shuttle launch in to outer space! Yes, I am still here in Titusville, Florida. Still performing 'Mad Mission to Mars' for families at the Kennedy Space Centre. Still living and working with Dave and Julia at our apartment in Titusville, conveniently located just across the river from the NASA launch pads.

Today Dave and I performed five fabulous and fun shows for excited space-geek families and then busted out of work to make it home in time to watch the launch from our balcony. Julia returned triumphantly from her personal fitness trainers weekend course in Orlando and the whole 'Mad Science Family' was home together to watch six astronaughts blast off in to outer space. Launch time was scheduled for 7:40pm and it all seemed to go off without a hitch.

I made a conscious choice not to waste my attention on capturing the experience with photos, because I have recently become enamoured with 'that which we cannot hold on to' - as in, moments and memories that are not 'captured' in digital images or even words (though I do realise I am writing about this now, but anyhow...). So I didn't really take pictures (I took a few once I lost sight of the shuttle... the smoke was beautiful!) but I experienced the moment. It was beautiful. I couldn't help but be completely awed by what I was watching...

Six men, astronaughts who had been preparing for years for this, strapped in and being launched away from our planet... in to space... They left our planet. Not a lot of people can say that. How incredible.

It was truly a beautiful sight and I know that it is one of those precious experiences that I will always remember. I am so thankful that I got to be here, now, for this. I am thankful that this incredibly fun job - that has me spending my winter in sunny Florida on stage performing for kids and their families - has allowed me the experience of watching a space shuttle launch!

I know that if there is actually anyone out there still reading my little blog, you are probably wanting me to give more of an update on my life these days too... and hopefully I will feel inclined to do such a thing sometime soon... and if not, know this: I am lucky and I am thankful and I am still here... in Florida until the end of April and then...

who knows?

"to infinity and beyond" ?

The Blogdate Thus Far

Update time! Alright, this is my life so far... Just over two weeks in to my gig working and living in Titusville, FL, love my co-workers and roomates (LOVE 'em!), love my job (it's SO much fun!!!), am meeting some new peeps and making some new friends, and slowly starting to find my own way 'round here...

The tally so far is as follows, I have:
- seen several dolphins, one very special one in particular that I have decided is 'my' dolphin
- seen an ARMADILLO(!), a family of wild hogs AND a wild eagle's nest (SO HUGE!) all in one day!
- held a wild chameleon AND watched a rocket launch in to the sky (also in one day)
- seen waaaay to many 'gators (that's the abbreve for ALIGATORS, fyi) than I can count
- made two edible dinners for my roomates, in addition to two batches of apparently delicious brownies (!!)
- partied at The Clarion Hotel bar in Titusville, two saturdays in a row
- discovered a yoga studio that I plan to visit regularly
- performed a fun, 30-minute show about the science of space travel, for families from around the world, approximately 24 times so far
AAAAAAAND...
I have said "I love my life" more times than I can count, and more times than most people seem to feel is humanly possible.

But it's true. I'm lovin it!

So here I am in my role as "Kelvin" (the zany side-kick to 'Professor Pruvitt' in our awesomely fun show here at The Kennedy Space Centre Visitor's Complex - 'Mad Mission to Mars!')

And here I am with my co-star, Dave:

And here is Dave at the 'Veteran's Memorial Pier' in Titusville - one of our favorite spots to enjoy some sunset photo-taking and dolphin watching (have I mentioned that I love my life?!?!):

(One of my favorite sights)

Well, I realise this blogdate is a little succinct, but to be honest, I'm not feeling hugely motivated to be writing on here right now. But I wanted to keep y'all updated on the greatness that I'm livin and lovin these days. I will write more again, and soon, I promise.

But for now, bon soir.

And NAMASTE.

XOX

Dream (And Be Thankful) Every Day

"Would you rather be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?"
- Jimmy Johnson

The above is a quote from the page I wrote in today of the lovely journal that my dear friends Mark and Christie gave me for christmas (despite my requests for no gifts, I did get some this year, and they were all ridiculously thoughtful and perfect, I must say!) This journal is rather special, in that it is quite pristine looking and just so, so, soooo appropriate for me! It's far too special for me to use it merely as an every day/morning pages kind of journal, so I've devised a special purpose for it: Each page on the left has an inspirational sort of quote and each page on the right says "Dream Every Day" in the lower righthand corner. So I write each day on two pages; I read the quote of the day, write down the date and then fill up the lefthand page with gratitude - listing all that I can think of to be thankful for on this day. I then proceed to the righthand side page and fill that one up with my hopes and dreams and intentions and plans... for the moment, the day, the week, year - for my entire life! It's great. I love it. And it makes me think fondly of my dear friends Mark and Christie each morning when I write in it - a definite added bonus!

So here I am: living a life that I feel many can only dream of living... My job is to perform a high-energy kids show for families who have travelled from all around the world to The Kennedy Space Centre in Titusville, Florida. I live and work with two positively amazing individuals with whom it is not just a total pleasure to be on stage with, but also a wonderful adventure to be living and hanging out with! Both Julia and Dave have worked this gig before, so they both also come with their own set of friends here and their own ideas of what life here is like. Which is nice for me, in some ways, to be able to tag along on their already-established good livin'. But I also feel like now that I am a little bit settled here, I am ready to find my own way a little bit, and discover and develop my Florida life and style!

Today is my first day off. Dave and Julia just left for work which means that I have a few hours here at the condo to myself. Oh, and Big Plans, Big Plans... Ha! I think actually I will spend this glorius day at the apartment doing a little bit of writing, a little bit of reading, a little bit of solo-dance-partying with my music cranked up nice and loud (though not too loud 'cause we do live in the land of senior citizen retirees!), a little bit of long-distance phone call making, aaaaand... (drumroll please) I am going to practice this thing on Dave's guitar that he showed me because some people here have got it in their heads that I am going to learn how to play bass. Yes, me. Oh my.

You see, both Dave and Julia are very musical - Dave with the guitar and Julia with piano and vocals. And Dave's friend Jim, who also works at The Kennedy Space Centre, plays the drums and is all about getting together for jam sessions. So we went over there the other night, and it was lovely. We didn't have Julia's keyboard so mostly she and I watched and chatted as Jim and Dave jammed, but then Julia tried out the drum set and the three of them played together a little bit while Jim's partner Della and I watched happily. It was lovely:
So Jim's all about me learning to play bass guitar so that we can all jam together. We'll see. Might as well try, right? In any case, I am super-duper thankful to be where I am right now and with who I am with on this adventure... so on it goes!

(Will get around to taking and posting more pics on here soon, I promise!)

NAMASTE

This Is How I Roll:

I've been deliberating for a few moments now about whether to write a blog entry right now or not... You see, it's been a busy few days, and I want to tell you all about it, but I also want to SHOW you... Alas, I lack the particular energy and motivation right now to run around taking photos of my new Florida bedroom, my new Florida apartment and it's beautiful view... I promise I will take some pics of these things, as well as of me all costumed up for my new show and with my new colleagues and roomates... Later.

For now, let me tell you this: I am happy to be here. It is a crazy-full swelling of happiness and joy that I feel to be back doing this work that I love, to yet again be living and working with some truly lovely and talented people, and to be discovering yet another new place! It is so great, so great! I also feel full and brimming and overflowing with a sense of love and gratitude (and maybe a little nostalgia too) for all of my wonderful dear ones that I had to leave behind... in Canada, and elsewhere. I love and miss you all so much - THANK YOU for all of your lovely little messages via facebook, blog comments and emails!!!

It's been a typically whirlwind first few days here for me - but that just seems to be how I roll with these things: minimal sleep coupled with maximum exposure to all sorts of things new and unfamiliar (new living arrangements, new roomies and co-workers, new show to learn, etc!) Yes, it's been busy. My main focus since we arrived on Monday afternoon (yes, just two and a half days ago!) has been on learning the new show that I am going to perform for the public (here at the Kennedy Space Centre Visitor Complex) for the first time ever tomorrow!!!

Today will be my last day of watching my colleagues and roomates Dave and Julia perform their version of the show, then I will get a few rehearsals in with Dave this evening, and then tomorrow... it's ON! I'm super excited, but I feel like I want to get on with my day and get prepared for all this excitement. So here I go...

Again, I promise to write more again (and post some pics) reeeeal soon!