thought catalogue

Then there was a moment. The moment when I saw what I had been doing to myself. The cycle and recycle of try, try, trying again. Picking up the weight of two when I couldn’t even carry myself. Trying to forgive, trying to understand. Failure. Becoming someone else. Always me becoming someone else. Only succeeding in becoming the person you rejected because you made me into that person. So I would be easier to reject; so I would be easier to leave.

My strength was gone. And that is how I became the shell I was.

You left me. But it was only after I left myself.

all i really want to say to you is sock you and your delusions.. although i suppose you are quite the innocent bystander. but still. fuck off

you've got to be kidding me. after everything, any efforts that are miniscule shall be ignored

so it all started then. and this was the place i came to. now that it's ended, it only seems fitting that i make mention here as well.

am still pretty much in disbelief, at the way things unfurled and at how they did. and even more so at the action after, or the lack thereof. am i really that worthless to you? was what we had really not worth fighting for? really.. after finally getting somewhere after all this while. i thought we had something. if we did, well then, it doesn't seem like there as much to get over. this has made me question pretty much everything i thought was true, as well as the honesty and intentions behind words spoken. people lie through their teeth and still have their smiling faces on- it's quite a scary concept, really. how do you know who to trust anymore? what is love, and what are words?

clearly, you've made your choice, one that isn't spurred on by 'obligation' or 'responsibility'. and i am not going to fight that or for you any more.

This is love, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?

– Jonathan Safran Foer

don't ask

If you love someone, ask him for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny. Don’t keep him from going off in search of his own answers. Don’t ask him for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask him for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come. And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should he not return to you, then life hasn’t cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing him has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of him not returning. But always remember that you found him beautiful precisely because he was free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options.

— Ala Paredes

limousine eyelash

paperweight on my back
cover me like a blanket

for what it's worth

I tear the sun in three
to light up your eyes