My crystal ball...

*(read at your own risk...its LONG, EMOTIONAL, BASKET CASE, CRY BABY HEAD.)(also sorry this probably wont make any sense to anyone, but its my way of being able to get stuff out and read it back to myself looking for answers i guess)

Sometimes i wish i had my own crystal ball so i could look in it and see exactly were my life should be. I wish it could tell me what i was suppose to do and when. It has been a really ruff week for me and I am so stressed out and my brain is about fried,i lose it over just about any and everything. i don't know how we have managed to live the past year and its all catching up to me now. I am the type of person that holds and hides emotion very well, I'm pretty strong, I don't lose it very often which it a good and a bad thing. Nick and everyone else maybe sees me cry about three times or less a year, i hold it together and bury it down deep and seal the lid tight, but the past week has made me break down and the bottle inside pretty much shatter and let it out many times, the stupid thing is that at times i have no idea why I'm crying or angry, why i lose it and how i can even let my self get like that. I know its very unhealthy to bottle your emotions up but i have learned that's its like my armor, no one gets in, no one breaks me, and therefor i don't get hurt (if that makes sense ). I feel like a complete failure as a mom, wife, daughter..etc. I cant get a hold of anything and i definitely cant control anything which is what i like to do just so i know what going on and know that I'm not going to get hurt in any way. I feel like I am holding certain people back that are in my life and that hurts. Its hard to look at your self and know that 90% of your problems are because of you and the stupid things you do. I have so much to be grateful for yet i still seem to find things I'm ungrateful for, even knowing that i have to have trials in my life to get to the better outcome i still get so angry over many things. This is why i think life would be much easier with a crystal ball. I do want to say I am SO GRATEFUL for my Two Boys and my Husband (who i feel horrible for having to put up with me right now), they are my world and life would be so meaning less right now with out there handsome faces helping me through the hard times. When i look in to my crystal ball at this very moment i see THIS....

When life is hard (like now) there is only one thing in my eyes view THIS...

and THIS...

These are the only things that make my whole world, that make me love, smile, cry, laugh, i would do anything for them, i love each of them so much, way more then i show them (mostly nick), i hope they truly know how much i care for them even though I'm tough to be around and to love sometimes. I truly would give my life in a second for any of them.
Thank you to my crystal ball for showing me what really matters!

My Chunky Monkey turns TWO Months Old...

From this cute LITTLE baby boy....

To My Handsome CHUNKY MONKEY BOY!

I LOVE his cute little expression in this picture he's just so "CHILL", i love his hands they are so perfect just showing he is two months old with two fingures, or maybe he is trying to hit on the ladies early in life!

This is one of my favorites i have been able to go (ok well i actually have many favorites but dont all mommy's) He is just so Handsome in this picture and looks so much like his brother.

Another one of my favorites i have of him but this one is one of the few i have of me and him that I LOVE.

L.O.V.E the chunky Chubs!

He is all full of SMILES all the time.

His big brother sure loves him lots, he has to have pictures with him everyday.

Kiptin at TWO MONTHS: has the cutest chuby cheeks and legs, Loves to smile and be talked to, really study's your face when your talking to him, sleeps pretty good at night only waking mom once or twice, loves to be held, hates being swadled, has to have his ALONE time when he is sick of being held he just wants to lay down and observe whats going on, falls asleep when i put him in is bassinet and put his blanky on (mom loves this), he is really paitent, does not cry at night when he wakes to eat he just makes cute noices to let me know he is up and ready, gets hot fast, loves to see his big brother, trys to make the same cute "cooing" noices you make at him, laughs in his sleep!
We love you Kiptin, your a perfect part of our family!

The many things we've been up too....

REPELLING:Nick had to do something he had never done before for his english class and write about it, so i told him he was going to go repelling with me, well nick is DEATHLY afriad of hights, really he wont ever go to the edge of anything. so this was perfect for him to "Sieze the day" as his teacher said to do. So i told him he could let is wife show him up and that he had to go, i have been a few times with my brothers and i love it, i knew nick would to if i could just get him to go over the edge since thats the hardest part.
We started the day at Chuckawalla cliffs since they are the smallest and are for beginners...I went down first.

over i go!

down down down (this one was a little boring for me..hehehe)

Nick went down after me, he did really good better then i thought he was going to, but he had to do cause there was a 5 yr old girl who was going down the same spot so he knew he had too.


After Chuckawalla cliffs we headed over to the Dixie cliffs which are twice as high, i had never done these ones before and they were pretty fun, a little nerve racking with all the cars driving by right under you and people all over watching you.

I was funny hearing and seeing nick do these cause he was kinda freaking out, if you know nick he is one that doesn't swear, well looking over the edge and walking him self over made some bad words come out of his mouth, it was funny cause you will never hear him say that so he must have been pretty freaked, but he did it, twice i might add!

Hanging on the side of the cliff with one little rope was freaking him out but once he got moving down the cliff he said he was having fun...im so proud of him.

I was belaying nick at the bottom cause i had gone down before him, i told him that he better not mess up cause i didnt know if i could hold him if something did go wrong and it was along drop..hehehe i know im mean!
Really though he did great and at the end even said..."honey i may have found a new sport"!!!
Next cliff stop is going to be Cugar Cliffs those are about 170+ feet, nick will really love those...watch for those pictuers around spring break!

I love this picture of kaylin on his quad, he finally is really liking going out and ridding his quad now, is was fun to see him just drive all around. He still has some work to do before he gets to just go off on his own though, he forgets to look where he is going so nick ties a rope to the back just in cause he needs to stop him!

I love that kaylin LOVES his little brother, he is always wanting to give him hugs and kisses, these two are from valentines day!


Kiptin has just started the past few weeks getting such a fun personality, he smiles and laughs now when you talk to him, he really focuses on you and sometimes try's to do what you are doing to him. i love it. this was a cute picture of the boys all laughing together one morning.

Kaylin couldn't be more like his dad, i woke up one day and looked over and kaylin and nick were sleeping the exact same way, and yes kaylin does sleep with his eys open sometimes its a little creepy but cute!

I love moments like this one...it got really quiet in kaylins room so nick went in to check on him and this is how he found him, he was reading a mario game book and fell asleep!!

Im such a daddy's girl...this past month and for the next few months forward, have been and will be pretty hard on me..my dad has had one major surgery so far getting the arty in one side of his neck cleaned out, then this next week he goes in for a qaudruple heart bypass surgery and after he heals enough from that he has to get the other artery on the other side of his neck done as well. Im pretty close to my dad so this is really scary for me to think something might go wrong and him not be here anymore, but thats the good thing about faith it has comforted me and i feel like everthing will go fine.
My dad and me after his first surgery.

This is our Family Valentines Day picture!

Nick and I at the Anizazi Resturant (sooo yummy) for our Valentines Date Night!

We got a new addition to our Family, this is Jaida, she is a 5 month old great dane (yes that means we will have two big beautiful danes), and im so happy that sampson has a friend to play with now, he is much happier!

This is such a cute picture i got of kaylin hugging on sampson, kaylin loves him and is always wanting to love on him and sammy is so good about letting him do what ever he wants, he really is the BEST dog ever.

My Valentines...

Please be my Valentine,
Not only on this day.
But every day throughout the year,
You're my best friend in every way.
You are my box of Chocolates,
In each piece a sweet surprise.
You shower me with diamonds,
With the sparkles in your eyes.
You are my Valentine candy,
With the loving words you say.
You're like my dozen roses,
You are my heart's bouquet.
You touch me with a tenderness,
That gently warms my heart.
You truly are my life,
I pray we'll never part.
You've given my life meaning,
Like none other throughout my life.
You always bring me comfort,
When my heart is filled with strife.
You are my ray of sunshine,
You're truly my best friend.'
Our souls are joined together,'
In a closeness that'll never end.
You'll always been my sweetheart,
Beyond the end of time.
You give me so much happiness,
MY LOVE, MY SWEETHEAT, MY VALENTINE!

To the 3 boys in my life, i love you!

Kiptin's Blessing Day...

February 7, 2010...

What an amazing spiritual day. Kiptin was blessed by his daddy and it was such a great blessing, we made sure to record it this time so i could have it to write down in his book for him to always have and to always remember the things his dad blessed him with. After his blessing when testimony meeting begun kiptins grandpa haslem stood and bore his testimony and he said "during the blessing i felt impressed to open an eye and peek at kiptin while his dad was blessing him, he had an amazing glow about him and was just staring up at his dad and also looking around as if he knew what was going on and was still in that heavenly place where he just came from."
He truly has such an amazing grandpa who is always in touch with his Father in Heaven, we always know we can get great advice from grandpa haslem.

During the week i knew i really wanted to stand and bare my testimony, my heart was pounding since the second we walked through the church doors, i had planned it all out during the week and that day to make sure i said everything i wanted to...well testimony meeting begun and i didn't want to be the first one up so i waited and kept repeating the things i wanted to say...next thing i know nick stands up and walks to the pulpit, i got a lot more nervous after he bore his so i sat there in my seat even longer, i kept looking at the time and telling my self "just go, your running out of time" they give you until 2:10 for testimonies and i finally made myself stand at 2:00 and once up there i had forgot EVERYTHING i was going to say and what order i was going to say it in. I knew i would forever regret not getting up there since i felt the spirit so strong the whole week to bare my testimony....I'm so glad all my family was there when i stood as well...It was big for me and nick cause we have not stood and bore our testimony once since we have been married...i know that's a LONG TIME, and i really wanted to when kaylin was born but i REALLY hate to stand in front of people and talk so my fears have always gotten the best of me but this time i was going to get the best of my fears and stand, even at one point i remember saying never mind i cant do this i really cant, but Im so happy i just did it cause i know it would have haunted me for life.

We had a little lunch at our house with our family and friends who really are like family to us so i consider them family too, it was a good lunch provided by our parents and grandparents SO YUMMY...kiptin had been crying so much that week that we thought for sure he would cray the whole time during his blessing and after but to our great surprise he was the most calm and quiet he had been all week, seriously not a peep out of him the whole day until night time and even that wasn't bad.

I was such a beautiful day and so peaceful and awesome to have most all our love ones with us to share in the beautiful day, thank you to everyone!