feb 29th....
4 years ago, i was in the middle of sec 4....
8 years ago i was mugging for my psle.
i was born in a leap year and i've experienced 5 leap years...
i wonder what today will bring me.
i wonder where i'll be in 4 yrs.
hmmm.


anw.
shawn's place today.
ede came.
karmun too.
nad too.
=)

we all had to leave early though.

omg.
i slept for only four hours last night, or rather this morning then had to go down for "EIGHT DA BEACH" at tanjong beach, sentosa.

audrey, alan n shengjie were in charge of the event.
derek n i were initially early but we met andy ont he way n decided to wait for weilun w him.
poor andy. he's the only blk rep from 43 that went for the event.
in 43, the people that are the most "on" are the seniors.
esp the level 4 guys....shiming, eddie, heng wei, da xiong, kerry, alvin, qing xian.
they make me wanna be a part of 43 too.
too bad the freshies other than lynd, lauren n i arent like tt. oh. dency n grace r pretty sporting, but they werent free today.
anw. by the time we got to the beach, it was filled w banglas thanks to some dumb singtel party.
srsly.
it was teeming with them.
and most of the beach was closed off just for them too.
it was a major turn off but since we had more than 40 of us there we managed to have our own fun w/o bothering too much abt the surroundings.

ms S, Banana, jillene, weel. guess WHAT.
i played cather for Capt ball again today!!!!!!
and i was on form too.
=))))) (flashes a mega-watt grin)
haha.
as in. i managed to make more catches then misses, if u rmb our ex-practices. lol
it was pure carnage though.
this is what happens when there are two giant sized rugby guys (kerry & da xiong), one super tall bballer (qing xian), and other sports oriented guys who all want to WIN WIN WIN.
it became like some sort of wrestling match. not to even begin talking abt the girls, kat; who got down & dirty running after the ball & intercepting, and lynd was another story all by herself. haha. fatein too.
we first played against the 42 peeps who put up a gr8 fight but lost cux we scored real well in e first half.
then we matched against the other winner, blk 44.
ok man.
their grp wasnt tt huge sized or totally sports oriented.
they had musicians, cheerleaders, singers and a coupla rugby ppl.
but damn they were freaking fast.
the musician was the silent killer. haha.

ohhhh.
the game tt really got me pissed was human scrabble.
it was really badly organised.
the teams were all given different letters.
how is tt fair?
everyone should be on equal ground in the beginning.
why?
cux of the points for each letter.
all the vowels had the value of 1 pt, consonants 2pts and x,y,z had 3 pts, blank = 0 pts.
so if one group had x,y or z in the beginning while the other had 2 blanks naturally the former would have a higher chance of winning and tts wad happened.
i was really disappointed we didnt win.
cux i was hoping to at least win in this form of scrabble for eddie, since he's graduating this summer n we lost the interhall scrabble competition in dec.

then came the funniest part of the day.
the "xtreme makeover" segment.
each block had to pick out their most good looking guy and transform him into an ah-kua.
haha.
blk 41 chose our ex-hall king, vincent. who became "veronica", an "iron lady"
blk 42 chose derek, the current hall king who had "kiss here" written on his inner thigh.
blk 43, we sabo-ed kerry, who transformed into "tammy". haha. i got to design his costume n do his make up. haha.
blk 44 chose gordon, who called himself vagina-something. lol.
in the end though, "tammy" won... haha i'll upload the pics ltr.
banana, be ready to meet someone more well endowed than u, lol. for all that his are fakes.
haha.

kian yong was gna drive us to palawan so we could get a decent bath but he happily drove out of sentosa b4 realising it so we had to u-turn back.
then guess wad.
ALL 3 OF THEM DIDNT BRING SHOWER GEL.
so what happened?
i gave them mine.
then i settled for using shampoo =/
so much for zixiang being metro.
anw.
the queue in the toilet was pretty long but i managed to cut one person...
there were these twins who looked pretty scary...gave off an ah lian vibe...
then their fren came in and i was thinking like...oh man.... now i have to wait even longer...
but they were really nice.
like, they moved over on the bench when a 5th person came n made herself comfortable infront of me...
as in they like, indirectly kinda implied to her that i was first...
then the fren that came in late let me shower first.
so nice right??!!!!
i thanked the twins on the way out anws.
as expected, the guys were all sitting on the curb looking like lost sheep stoning into space.
that is, if sheep could stone.
=) lol.

sometimes things just don't turn out the way u want them to.

sometimes, the words that come out of your mouth sound wrong

sometimes, the way you act doesn't match with what you feel, but you do it anyway.

sometimes, when you want to say what you feel, the words just don't come.

sometimes, when you want to shut up, you can't, and you make a huge un-redo-able mess.

sometimes, you get sad for no reason.

sometimes you get happy for no reason.

sometimes you feel pressured when you needn't be.

sometimes you behave like someone else because you feel people may not like who you really are.

sometimes, its harder to be what you are because you don't know who you are yourself.

sometimes. sometimes. sometimes.
sometimes its more like many times.
but it never ends.....

had dinner w weel, jason aka pinky, jeremy, ji-bean n eugene @ Olio in Suntec.
haha.
ji-bean, as usual, couldnt wait to place her orders.
was a tad bit worried when i found out weel has been having gastric problems
the weirdst thing is she eats her meals pretty regularly.
like, she eats breakfast everyday!
i only eat one meal a day on average, sometimes two.
lol.
we played at the arcade for a bit (something i havent done in AGES)
then decided to catch a movie @ cathay
we originally wanted to watch juno but the timing was xtreme so we settled for "PS I Love You" instead and bloody hell!
i cried my eyes out.
its a mixture of ups and downs n the humours n whims people go through everyday.
although some parts are predictable but hey, isnt life predictable in the very sense that it ISNT predictable?
lol.

anws THANKS A MILLION FOR THE PENDENT & TIRAMISU!


this weekend of mine is gonna be totally burned.
tml, sat, or is it today? i have to go for the sing n strum concert.
tts in e aftnn.
then i have to start work at 7!
till 2 am at that.
then sunday, 12-6pm is the hall 8 beach out! thing.
aft tt mayb gg out w mum they all.

busy much?

its late but i think i shall record my new poem first.
=)
ciao!

ps. CONGRATS TO SRETHGIE'BEWITCHED, HALL 8 DANCE FOR 3rd PLACE!!

the shades of grey....

Keep you in the dark
You know they all pretend
Keep you in the dark
And so it all began

I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It’s been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Send in your skeletons
Sing as their bones come marching in...again
They need you buried deep
The secrets that you keep are at the ready
Are you ready?
I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
That whole...defense

Spinning infinity, boy
The wheel is spinning me
It's never-ending, never-ending
Same old story

Well I’m not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you’re standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You’ll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?

those two songs make me wonder why i was so hooked onto RHCP sometimes.
haha.
lynd has encouraged me to continue writing songs or poetry.
which, i havent been doing for sometime now.
the book i used to use for songwriting has began collecting dust.
i think i stopped cux i felt that with every new song n poem i wrote the more useless it became.
especially after i submitted my entry into epiphany's writing competition.

sometimes i wonder where people go wrong.
why they make mistakes they usually wouldnt make
and why they cant find the solutions to the problems like they usually do.
then i realise, that its possible that when a person falls,
they'd rather STAY fallen, then be right back up to where they were before.
sometimes, just sometimes, its easier to live fallen then to continue living standing for all the world to see.
i dont think its laziness or defeatist attitude anymore.
for me, seeing this is becoming as real to me as living.
or dying, if u wanna look at it a slightly more morbid way.

i suppose we have to die to live and fail, in order to learn.
but after learning, what we decide to do is entirely up to us....
to accept, remain sitting down and getting on w life peacefully, perhaps taking a different direction, may just allow us to be a step closer to attaining happiness rather than struggling and fighting all the time, being unhappy, dying unhappy.


ok. i think im getting OLD.

14th FEB, VALENTINES DAY - the night before n on that day itself... this is wad the dinner n dance committee did for canvassing....

while lovers enjoyed the roses, the thorns bit our fingers...
the very first bouquet i made....
19th FEB - Rock it! concert. hall 8's band, 7IC totally rocked our socks! they sang "the Pretender" by Foofighters, "i dont love you" by MCR, " Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven.....and a few more i forgot...
Edmund n Wang Chin Skipped lecture to get me the cake...from "Awfully Chocolate". =)

ok. this entry is specially for pics from the past few days.......

the invisible lines
they decorate my wrist
waits for time
to pass quick

rivulets of red emerge and spill
they overflow
theres nothing like this
the bliss i feel

the pain ebbs
my heart flutters
my brain mutters
again.

four and five
ten and two
what do you get?
thats twenty for you

four equal lines
running side by side
its one for every five
years i've lived

every mark life has made on me
every mark i carve deep onto me.
the chapter closes,
the next one blossoms

as the red red rain falls
tears come less and less
my heart begins to freeze
since when has life been a breeze?
_____________________________________

i now regret sulking and then spilling to my entertainer.
cux i feel like crap-shit now.
kejun's note made me cry.
im such an asshole.
for all that i tease rtcc n xnl n lemor abt being assholes.
im the worst.
sai-tei.
wad in the blue hell is wrong with me.
i should have let it pass.
i should have known it was too good to be true.

otanjoubi omedettou gozaimasu.
to hell with all the shit i've had to see/put up with.
my wish, my wish is...
to stop getting excited then hating my birthday to smithereens.

dear diary.
this is my last day as a teen.
i wonder what will be different from now on.
or wad will stay the same?
how will i change? for better or worse?


will i still get to be a rebel?
or am i trapped w the responsibilities of an adult?
my mind is young yet.
i wasted my day away today.
i did nothing particularly meaningful to myself.
as in.
the steamboat at jeremy's was all good and swell.
weel was cold joking the whole way n jillene n i were in fits.
jeremy was trying to be nice to jason, i suppose, by controlling himself (since he IS jason's friend n jason was the BUTT of WEEL's jokes) lol.
omg. i didnt know the topic of leg hair could be that hilarious.
it turns out everyone likes pulling at jason's leg hair.
......incl himself.
haha.
but.
like everything social.
that was that.
i did not make new resolutions.
i did not make a very lasting memory.
all my memories are impt, of course.
but i was hoping to make one so eventful i wouldnt forget.
though i suppose this could be selfishness and narcissism speaking.
but i suppose tt it would be fine to be selfish every once in a while.
or should i say, whilst i can.?

oh well.
haha.
i did get my backpack at least.
some satisfaction for me.
met kevin, a P-clan senior, and had co. all the way back to hall 8.
didnt know my other cousin, serena, was in ntu too.
trip E at that. and a national floorballer.
haha.
hmm.
im not close to her at all.
she's from dad's side, and i only knew of her n her sister's existence a few yrs ago.
same for them.
i bet they didnt noe jill jo n i existed either.
lol.
i wonder if kevin got shocked at the complexity of it.
i wonder if she'd even rmb me if he asked her.
hmmm.


anw.
on fri when i got to work, there was a surprise.
or two.
benson was there eating at NY.
benson's a senior frm school.
who, acc to mama, is q handsome.
i agree to a certain extent.
lol.
but working with him is....an experience i suppose.
haha.
he was one of the ppl who had to help wrap all the roses for valentines.
in fact, he was the one who came up w the idea and got it working and all.
the actual running and organising was all thanks to pui fun tho.
she's THE WOMAN.
haha
anw.
the second part of the surprise was that he wasnt sitting in the smoking section.
lol.
and he actually managed to single handedly embarrass me!!! infront of all those customers.
my gosh.
i was so mortified.

shawns tml.
can hardly wait.
tho banana n ms S wont be there
boo.
=(

my days of a nineteen year old are coming to a close.
its not just abt being nineteen. but rather...
my last chance to experience being a rebel is coming to a close and i dun quite know what to feel?
should i feel repressed?
or relived?

i spent Vday this year dreadfully.
1. i did not get to bake the brownies i usually bake every year.
2. i did not get to see any of my friends outside ntu.
3. i spent the whole night on the 13th, and on vday it self, wrapping many many bouquets of flowers tt other people ordered. (i'll upload the pix when i have the time)

oh,
heres another random thing i realised.
the more i try to understand what the managers at ny are thinking, the more i feel cheesed off.
the only thing tt gives me comfort is the thought that in a few years, while i move on, they'll still be in tt shithole.
i never knew i'd actually think this of my own work place.
srsly.
tho i aint the only one.
when i was at mrs fields, i nv dreaded going to work, i nv hated any of my colleagues.
not tt i hate anyone now.
im jus, how should i put it? permanently annoyed.
lol.
someone actually looked at a mudpie t'day n blantantly said: its a big o chz cake.
then said tt i/e hazel was fvec.
i was thinking like !!!???!!!
i hope everyone goes to shawns on mon.
can hardly wait.


argh.
now i hope i can wake in time to go hunt for my back pack.
argh.
i havent moved an inch for "bleakhouse" im stuck at pg 70? and theres arnd 500 pages.
bleahs/

im happy today.
haha.
what a simple sentence, i know.

but those three words are far more precious to me now than the over-hyped "I.L.Y".
and im not sad abt valentines this year either.
im ony disappointed that i wont be able to bake brownies this year, since i've been doing so for the past 5 years.
nth beats making people happy on a special occasion. there's nothing like it.
its a kind of "xing fu" i suppose.

watched "Eat a Bowl of Tea" today.
its this week's assigned movie.
at least the actor's handsome...
here's some trivia.
- came out in '89
- tagline: a simple recipe for sexual survival

lol.
im happy today cuz i made another fren in tutorial class and i dun feel too lost anymore.
as wee lin would say, yay.
haha
hmmm.
weelin reminds me of weeling when reminds me of jibean.
poor wheels had to plan the outing, which, in the end, didnt work out anw.
hmmm.
second time mia-ing on us alr.
tt was w zhi hui.
now its jeremy.
lol.


TAN WEELING.
(dun gimme tt constipated look hor lol)
when is it gna be OUR TURN HMMMM??
lol.
last year wad did we tell each other?
now what happened? NTH.
we're back at square one, not tt we moved much.
lol.

this is the first time i think.
that anyone other than my family has made me feel so. WRONGED.
you. argh. you.
make me so pissed.
actually it was a gradual change.
first was indignant.
then i was shocked.
then i felt hurt.
then i got pissed.
and now i jus feel like ripping ur brains out.
you practically ignored me today, you and your groupies.
pardon me for being harsh.
but you were far harsher.
like a random stab through the heart.
i wonder if i m becoming like "olive"
thinking i can simply fit in w a grp of guys.
nevermind that they're older.
they're no better than a pack of wolves.
think i got nth better than u pry secrets from you?
puh-leese.
gimme a break, would you?
you alr noe how "much" time i have.
if u werent impt i wouldnt even give you my time of the day.
ass hole.
if the two of you acted better i wouldnt have to ask.
but u cant even act properly then try to fool me by saying nth happened is as good as telling me what u think of MY intelligence, which i have deduced, isnt very much.
F**k YOU.
and if u think ur helping by "sheltering" me, im sorry, but you're even more delusioned than i thought.

and ignoring me today.
i hope u felt proud of urself.
especially that EGO of urs.
oh yea, i dont have any. righttt-.
my gut is telling me you've all lied in some way and i dun think its wrong.
but fine.
remain this way.
i aint got nth more to say.
it was presumptuous on my part to think i mattered but i dont and now i know so dont worry.
i wont be bugging the two of you.
have a "fapperistic" life
_____________________________________________________
had hall "reunion" dinner today.
was nice to see some exchange students come.
it was held at princep st.

it was steamboat.
@ 1st they said the jcrc have to sit tgt.
but in the end everyone spread out.
i sat w dawn, jingwen, derrick, zixiang, and fuji syuusuke.
lol.
damn funny.
dawn ate 13 pieces of corn all by her self.
the eggs cooked b4 we even put them in the soup.
we kopped all the meat b4 the other tables got them
and we were the only table w 3 types of soup/
yay.
=)

poor jason tho.
i think the rest ps-d him.
lol.