The Blogger Daily

wheeee

Monday, August 29, 2005

Nephrite at 8:13:00 PM

haha....added yao qing to msn last nite.
had a blast sian-ing together n panicking over geog.
he n jeff suay suay kena added by some female freako who says shes frm innova too.
science stream.
and acted like some despo.
sick.
obviously there was some prank; YQ n Jeff figured it out.
the former is our classes aomath top student man. c'mon, dun doubt his analytical abilities!
and it turns out that the female is a male.
jeff found out who it was this morn during pe. another smarty pants.
sheesh.

talking abt analytical skills.
our class shudnt have much of it cux we're supposed to be artsy....
like, hello?
who r we tryin ta kid here?
but we decided its analytical in a sense that we analyse words rather than figures well.
duh. we get crazy poets like blake n beter yet, frost.
need i say more?
my emergenetics is like, almost equal.
i'll scan it and put it up here if i get the chance.
my personality has changed yet again.
am i a character chameleon?
wth.

i cant wait i cant wait i cant wait!
for the tioman trIp!!

but kinda dreading it too...
i mean.
tioman trip means no time for studying. as in, 3 days from the holiday are gone.
thursday got econs test on all topics.
wth man....
haiz.
i hope its worth the time and money im spending on it.

this week.
damn stress.
as in.
wednesday is teachers day so tues nite i'll be baking like hell. with jill n jo together of course.
cleaning up, as usual, will be even worse.
all of us love cooking. but hate cleaning.
funny?
tell me abt it.

thursday is supposed to be a holiday but obviously theres work to be done.
margaret atwood's handmaid's tale research paper, othello essay question.
not to mention math and econs hw.
i dun even wanna think abt geog.
crappppppppppppppp................

love

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Nephrite at 1:39:00 AM

hey hey

tons have happened tho i think after this entry im gonna use my journal....
as in the writing type...

24th.
the unbelievable happened.

25th.
bad stuff happened.

26th.
aces work out. yuck!.
the day was horrid.
only ms lin was able to cheer me up.
she's cool.
love her tons.
haha.
life is so complicated.

why is this happenin' to me?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Nephrite at 9:29:00 PM

today is a 'why why why' day for me.
there's like a million whys running thru my mind...
and its been this way the whole day.
very time consuming and tiring.
my brain is on overdrive.

i wish i cud ask the questions but i cant.
i mean.
it may not come out right, it may be interpreted the wrong way or mite offend?
so ya.
i cant ask.
but it doesn't matter that i cant ask cux its still bugging me.
bugbugbug.
so irritating.
i honestly wanna stop online blogging?
but i cant. cuz its the fastest. i mean. as compared to writing.

so there. or, here. rather. i am.
wth....
its like taking turns or sth.
one minute its A now its B and maybe even a C. like, when are these 'pleasant' surprises gonna stoppp.
its makin me nutx.
not tt i wasnt already.
but. yea.
i mean.
me laughin is freaky enuf. but laughin then become moody all of a sudden?
i mite jux freak myself out. period.

i wish i wasn't so sensitive.
i wish i was less naive
i wish i wasnt so greedy or selfish
i wish i wish.
i wish alot of things but if wishes were fishes then they wouldnt be wishes anymore now, would they?
and obviously no one can have everything in the world cux Man is nv satisfied.
whether that applies to me i havent yet discovered but i think i mite soon.
i mean.
i used to think finding true love is the road to happiness. i found it. but i lost it too. point? love isnt IT, as in it isnt the BANG in life.
i tot i'd be happy in a jc cux it means i'll probably go to uni. im in it. but aint sure if im gonna make it. point? nth is as it seems. nth.
i can continue wishing.
i wish i could noe everything so i wouldnt feel so lost wondering about the possibilities and shit, i would just...know. jus like that.
i wish.
i hope i dun sound like a literature text.

watched othello again today.
the part where des got slapped and the part where she got slandered was really really bad.
i almost, ALMOST cried. but din.
tho i had to grab elsa and wee's handdd....lol
haha.
its good i suppose? or does it mean im becoming heartless?
did my powerpt for GP.
hope all will be well tml.
im feeling like shit.
shit.

hey hey sheesh

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Nephrite at 10:31:00 PM

heys.
hays?
lols.
went fer dance today.
like, finally.
haha.
learnt a new dance.
retro-ish?
tons of butt shaking.
weird.
haha.
but totally fun.
haha.
dance to the song 'pump it' by BEP...
cool.

haha.
today was an ok day i suppose.
but real tired?
totally screwed geog.
yaku pa-cent.
haha
haiz.

lit was funn tho.
watched othello the movie.
a lil bed scene here and there.
but wad disturbed me was the unnatural way or feeling gave off when othello kissed des.
othello, by e way, is the guy tt acted as morpheus in the matrix.
des?...not as 'fair' as she shud be, like, she gives off a 'pretty boy' vibe...lol.
iago? totally rox!!

things r startin to get weird....

econsssss

Friday, August 19, 2005

Nephrite at 6:43:00 PM

hey hey.....
juz finished econs remedial.....
im in the "A" grp....
but its jux an archetype....as in... its not really "A" students....
its covering up for us "F" graders.
yep. got an eff for econs....

somehow tho i cant stand the term 1 topics....im kinda startin to like the term 2 and 3 topics better.....why? i aso dunno...lol. go figure.

its the same with math.... startin' ta like the current topics. tho i suppose i need the basics to do the later stuff. whadda hell.

august is goin'....
my fairy godparents have left. left today at 12nn in fact. sadd
had a farewell buffet dinner last nite with 'em... at the hotel.
was fantastic.
had sashimi.
chocolate coated stuff from the chocolate fountain (envy me.)
haha.
had indian food.
soup.
salad.
roast meats
tiny sweet treats called dessert.
haha.
spiked coke.
fruit.lol

haiz. totally gonna be missin' them.

tioman trip's coming. somehow not tt excited.
why? econs test the next day. bummer.

gdbye to u

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Nephrite at 7:45:00 PM

hey big D.
haha.
been bloggin' lots recently.
lazy ta write in my manual journal.

this mite hurt but if me saying goodbye to u will help u out then i think i can make that sacrifice.

u think im envious
perhaps i m
but not the way u think.
im envious she has the power to twist u round her pinkie
and i don't
im envious that she's lucky

but im not envious of her.
get that? no siree
u're so wrong.
jux goes to show how well u get me
which is next to nth
zilch.nada.zero.

thats wad hurts most.

remember u called one day and i asked wad happened and u said mux sth happen for me to call u and i said, well, thats wads been happening so far and things changed after that. u actually became a fren. and i became ur fren instead of jux a confidante. ya. and i was glad. but guess wad. maybe u havent changed at all. or mayb i expected too much as a fren. mayb i expected u to pick urself up and move on but no. so heres wad im gonna do. im not gonna expect anything. i always say u've got short term memory but im nv really serious abt it but now perhaps it was really true? esp when it comes to ur own stuff. i dunno. ya. i jux dunno anymore. and i think u tot i was envious cux i seemed worried? or overprotective but hey. i think i need to feel needed. ya. so when i thot u din need me anymore i was at a loss? its my fault on that part. all u keep saying is u'll stay away at the first sign of complications. and u keep saying no one cares anyway. wads the pt in that? u jux mite as well pretend i dun exist then. ya.

haiz. noe wad?
do wadeva u want.
really.

had three tests today.
im drained.
i ponned dance.
shit.
gotta stop doing that.
im jux screwing up my life.
but then again.
there was nth much left to screw with anyway.
im one of those kids in blakes poems where i mature n become cynical b4 my time.
thats jux it isn't it
i mean, worldly wise in life but ignorant of the world.
wth.
lata.

im falling

Monday, August 15, 2005

Nephrite at 12:31:00 PM

hey...
this entry's gonna be philosophical tons.
so bear with me if u can.
if u cant then all i can say is sorry.

sorry.
that word.
is it really that difficult to say?
or is it only meaningful when u find it the hardest to say?
its ironic that some ppl cant get it out of their mouths when it is the most needed but when something trivial happens like stepping on someone's foot, the first word that pops is sorry.
think abt it. it'll give u a headache.

hopes. castles on clouds. happily ever after.
all of that is beginning to feel like illusions that i give myself to make me feel occasional bouts of happiness tho im really feeling the exact opposite.
the fact is, i dun like ppl seeing me depressed. and what do i do?
i allow everyone, i mean, everyone, to see my happy, smiling, enthu side that they seem to need to see.
i mean. im happy that i can cheer ppl up n make em larf at stupid things i do;

but who's gonna cheer me?

i dont want any more castles built for me in the clouds...
its all surreal
i want something that i will really have not just in dreams, but reality.
so please. stop building.
cux im falling from the loss.
i have fantastic frens, i do.
i get encouragement, really, i do, and im glad.
but not GLAD. noe wad i mean.
kaes. im babbling now. haiz. this is virtually useless.
im juz really really tired and really really scared of hoping for too much, soo much, jux to see it never ever happen.
i cant take it, no, WONT take it if the last straw falls.
which is when? i dun noe.
im tired. emotionally, mentally.
sometimes i cant breathe properly, like, my lungs filled with cement such that no air can come in or out.
it mite jux be my mind. but if thats the case, then it means im gg mad.

god.
yes.
i have everything necessary for a humane life but is it ever possible to live like a shell? a devoid of emotion and intellect?
perhaps that is how i will strive to become.
a pretty doll painted up to the nines on the outside.
but nothing left on the inside.
haiz.
heres a songgg

I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear
before the truth goes back into hiding

I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear
It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-lifedon't you see I'm breaking down
lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you knowwhen i figure it out
but I don't mind a few mysteries
they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing
It takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down
Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-lifeis there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

gollywag

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Nephrite at 11:09:00 AM

hey hey....
haha...
watched charlie n the choc factory ler!!!
a bit of a letdown, as most book-turned-movies ar.....
jux like harry potter.....
yea....cus u can never fit in all the tiny details and nothing will beat the power of imagination, ever.
haha..
wells.
the past few days have been a bit of a blur....
keep chionging my literature essays. so tedious. haha.
oh!!!!

and on national days eve, A11 n A21 sorta started a mini riot for half day....
it only resulted in us leaving an hr earlier.....
gay la....
haha....
went to celebrate yan's burfday at swensens and mos burg. haha...
den jillene came and we headed down ta suntec cux she was lookin for a ferrari model....

I FOUND WILLY WONKA CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how cool's tt? haha.....
im keepin this one a secret tho....
unless u already noe it o'course.
haha....

recently....
i kinda feel helpless....in a sense that i dun have enuf time for frens and stuff.....
like, neglecting or sth.....
but even if i sms it wouldnt be easy cux like....i keep surpassin my bill and i dun hab tt kinda cash to spare.....
im in such a big dilema.....
sheeesh....
shi bai!!!!!

haiz....lata!