So stole it. =)
I got to thinking about what I would say to my younger self, especially since I wouldn't classify myself as "successful" by any means just yet. After running the idea through my head off and on throughout the day, I finally sat down and wrote to myself. It was a strange experience.. I recommend trying it out for yourself!
Dearest Danica,
I love you.
I love you and I envy you for your innocence, for your belief in people, for your belief in good things.. for your belief in love. If there is any way for you to try and hold on to some of that, by all means, do whatever it takes to do so!
You are on the eve of the hardest season you have yet to face. You are making a drive against your will and you are sick with grief. I won't lie to you, it will get worse. The coming months and years will take you places, both good and bad, you never dreamed you would go. You fear that you are facing this journey alone... this is both true and false. Much of life is faced alone, despite the best intentions of those who try to help us.. but there are some pains that only the wounded can feel. Be strong. You are strong! But don't believe it just because others say it is so, believe it because it is true. Believe it because you know it is true of yourself.
You are right when you feel you can only trust yourself. Sadly, this will be proven to you, repeatedly... but you will learn, and the cost won't be as bad as it could be. I know you would like to see the big picture right now, unfortunately I still don't have one for you, but I can give you a small glimpse into your future (just a small one though.. I know how you like to be surprised)..
You are a hard-worker. You are determined. You are stubborn. You know this, but you are at times easily swayed by the opinions of those you care about... don't be. You will soon outgrow this (for better or for worse.. that's yet to be determined). Without going into detail, I will say, you will prove a great number of people wrong.. which I am sure makes you smile, but this isn't really all that important. The important thing is that you will affirm for yourself things that you currently think might be true of you. In the end you will do things because you want to do them, and not to prove a point, and that my friend, is the most important journey you could ever be on.
Listen to me: you have nothing to prove. To anyone. You are who you are, and honestly, looking back, I am very impressed by you, and my opinion is the one that should matter the most!
You have your share of cruelty, disappointment, rejection, failure, betrayal, and yes, jerks ahead of you...and believe me, you are going to make all kinds of mistakes... but that's life. You don't get a waiver just because some things didn't go as planned. Don't expect any breaks... this is 2008, children die of thirst around the world daily; no one is owed anything.
I know what you are feeling right now, and that none of this probably means much of anything to you. Tomorrow morning you will wake up and feel as if someone has pulled your stomach out of your body. You will never forget that feeling, but I think that's ok. It gives you a sensitivity to others' pain that most people will (god willing) never have. It also puts everything else into perspective for you. (I know, it's not worth it..but take what you can get girl!)
As you drive home, take heart in the fact that in 2 years you will find yourself in a new room in the same house feeling very different, yet very much the same. I know you enough to know that this probably doesn't come as uplifting news, but trust me, it's not so bad.
The truth is, there's no way to know just what the future holds. I wish I could promise you fireflies and rainbows, but I can't. I can only promise you that you keep going. You lose a lot of softness along the way, and that's a regret you'll deal with, but you'll get smart, and you'll learn to stick up for yourself too. Not to mention, you'll make some great memories for yourself... trust me on that one: great memories! You have no idea...
Don't wait for what's already gone.
Just keep going...
Love, love, love,
your future self
ps. I know you won't believe me, but you are going to run a half marathon. That's right, run!
