“Who gossips with you will gossip of you”

"I know people gonna talk,
the way they do sometimes,
but don't let them change your mind,"

?

How was I unaware of theknot.com through all of my friends' weddings? That could have come in handy a number of times!

Ah well, sorry guys!

(Amy, if you haven't browsed it yet, you should. It has advice and articles on EVERYTHING wedding related. It's amazing, seriously, "When in doubt, there's theknot.com." Has become my mantra. It's quite sad, but hey, I'm greatful.)

Welcome to Earth.

Hello Hannah Jane!

Congratulations Natalie and Ben! (and Anna & Davie & Julie & the rest of the Minyard clan!)

Today I taught Kindergarten.

There are no words.

And then she was fired...

...from a job she was hoping to quit soon, but was afriad to because of the $$ situtaion.

(note: just because a company hires you knowing you can only work nights starting at 5 or 6pm doesn't mean they can't use that as an excuse to fire you 2 months later when they don't have use for you anymore)

There goes the "I've never been fired" trophy.

Yes ladies and gents, there is a first time for everything.

I'm beginning to think that the month of August has something against me. Every year, it's always August.

Ah well. When it rains it pours I guess.

Oddly enough, I'm not too upset. I know the money bit will work out, it always does, and honestly, it'll be nice to have some time off!

So. Who wants to go out for water to celebrate?!

Tired.

I’m tired.

Call it a griping session if you will (afterall, that's basically what this is), but I am so tired of life and people and of myself.

I’m tired of being used.

Used for my car, used for my time, used for my emotions.

I’m tired of feeling pressured to feel a certain way, to react a certain way. I’m tired of hearing people tell me that I should be happy, that I’m not passionate enough and that I shouldn’t worry about things. ( I don’t know why, but being told “not to worry” when you’re worried, doesn’t really help you to stop worrying, even though it’s the right thing to do)

I’m tired of asking for help and never finding it, all while continually helping everyone else whenever they ask. I’m tired of feeling guilty for being honest and revealing my selfish side when I say things like that.

I’m tired of feeling like I am wasting my time with meaningless jobs that just take take take, while giving me nothing in return. I’m tired of feeling like I have no purpose, save that of making money, and I completely suck at it. I’m sick of feeling like my debts and my “have nots” are running my life.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for not being able to make myself happy.

I’m tired of expectations, especially my own.

I’m tired of feeling so far away from my friends.

I just want to get through this (whatever it is). I want to feel stable and secure without feeling bored (if that exists). I want things to get better, or at the very least, to feel better about things.

Are these phases common for everyone, or do I just need to be medicated?

The problem is, I don’t really know how to help myself, except to wait on Jesus.. which I try to do (and fail). In the meantime I’m making everyone, including myself, miserable!

I’m hoping that this too shall pass. It has to, right?

In the meantime, my trip home should be a nice break.

For now, I’ll end this post with a plea. I rarely do this, in fact, this could be the first time in 4 years that I’ve attempted it (on the blog!!) but here’s a few things I could honestly use some help with:

-the band is in need of a photographer and someone to help us with the web page. we’re starting at square one with everything, and we have no clue what we’re doing when it comes to design. WE’ve got some money set aside for someone to help us set up a web page, (the domain is covered already) but it’s ridiculously low considering what you could be making... so, yeah. You’d have to really love us probably.

-Is there anyone out there who would like to convince the nazarene denomination that dancing at weddings is not the root of all evil? Or better yet... are there any Oklahomans who read this who would like to donate a large beautiful room with some tables and chairs? (yeah yeah, i’m slowly letting it die)

- East Nashville peeps, can you keep your eyes open for houses for rent? The time approaches...

- If anyone knows of a job I’d be good at, that I wouldn’t loathe, that would pay relatively well with benefits (even minimal benefits), please let me know. Right now I’m at a total loss as to what jobs I’m qualified for or what I might enjoy. I’ve looked into everything. (and I mean everything!) So far my degree has proved useless and nobody wants me! Oh the irony. “you’ll have no problem finding a job danica, not with all the stuff you’ve done.” Mmhmm. This has definitely been a lesson in pride and self-worth...unfortunatley my attitude continues to suffer. So yeah.. job thoughts.

-Friends (specifically those that don’t live in OK) please come to our wedding, and give us a heads up if you are even remotely thinking of it so we can start to figure out where to put everyone. We wish everyone could come, and we hope you all try!

-Pray for me. I’m not sure what my problem is, but it seems like every little thing is a huge deal to me right now; one little thing can ruin my day.. it’s rather scary. And my attitude sucks... and that's never a good thing.

That is all. Thanks friends.

PS- I know it sounds weird after all of that complaining, but the RUF retreat was a much needed rest. I’m so glad I took the time off work to go.

PPS- Don’t worry, I’m still very excited about the fact that I’m getting married. Terrified at times, but excited. =)

And the invasion begins.

There are days

when I really miss San Diego.

Today is one of them.

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." -Nelson Mandela

It seems as though there are two seasons in my life in which my blogging becomes diminished: when things are inexpressively good or simply inexpressible. These days I find myself caught somewhere between both worlds in a place of profound excitement and possibility that is unfortunately enveloped in a dense fog.

School is starting without me. This brings both feelings euphoria and awkwardness. After 17 years I am no longer a student. Praise Jesus! What now? It's a strange release I guess. No RA training, no move-in day madness, no more convo planning, no more last minute papers. No, now I've joined the "real world" which means ditching work to watch Simpsons and eat Life cereal while blogging at 11am. Oh, I've had my sentimental moments reminiscing over the days of free cable and an endless supply of heat and air conditioning, not to mention the ever-so-wonderful "oh, i can't, I have class" excuse for work and any other unwanted responsibility. But I gotta say, for the most part, I'm relieved to have school behind me, in all honesty, another semester would have been detrimental.

I'm living the uninsured life. Between nannying and waiting tables I'm coming out to roughly $24,000 year. Not too shabby, but when viewed in the light of a very expensive degree that has remained useless thus far, it's a little unsettling. and yeah, no benefits... but hey, most of the world is uninsured, so I'm choosing to see this as a solidarity movement. I've looked into some other things, but to be honest, I'm a little anti-commitment when it comes to the idea of "9-5"... so we'll see what happens.

The summer is ending. 2 seasons of 24, roughly
9 CD's, 4 jobs, an engagement, excessive wedding planning, 1 trip to california, 2 trips home and Robert & Charissa's wedding have spanned the past 2 1/2 months. The weeks have been short but the days were long. Yay for fall and for the end of heat.

August 12th slipped by without a post. Which is unfortunate as August 12th is a pretty special day.

We've started booking studio time Holla. This almost makes all that nannying worth it. =) But seriously, the band is back and things are starting to progress. Cheers.

Our wedding is going to be so awesome. Hopefully I'll make a better wife than a wedding planner, but I gotta say, the wedding is basically gonna be amazing.

Speaking of marriage and summer and work and change. I feel my friends changing. It's weird to watch the cliques shift from an outsiders perspective. It's sad, yet not too unfamiliar, to watch the phone calls dwindle, to hear plans change, to stand in a group of old friends and feel completely out of place. At first it felt like punishment for being engaged, a twisted form of jealousy or something. Which is understandable I suppose. It's weird, back home it was as though I was the only unmarried/unattached person, but here in Nashville I've become one of the first to couple off. Granted, it's true, we're all working now, so none of us really has time for the things we used to do, but it's weird nonetheless.

But as the Real Live Preacher would say...
"This isn't good or bad. It's just the way of things. Nothing stays the same."

So...

Less than 5 months now. That's crazy.

Ya know what else is crazy?

Baby clothes.

There are WAY too many snaps on baby clothes.

Way too many.

Woo hoo!!!!

Yippee for Charissa and Robert!

Yup.

We finally faced the challenge and registered.

And I gotta say, after roughly 10 hours, we feel triumphant.

See Pottery Barn, Target and Bed Bath & Beyond for details.



(I'm getting married!!! =) Wow! Yay!)