I wasn't planning on posting anything, cause I really have nothing to say. I know, shocking isn't it? Bu then again obviously i have something to say if I'm here so... yeah.
I just finished my last oratorio concert EVER! AND I'm 99% sure that tonight was the last time I'll ever have to wear the disgusting choir thing they call a "dress".. even though it's 2 seperate pieces. Whatever.
Today was kinda an icky day. 1. As much as I love rain, I'd really like it to stop sometime this week. 2. Pretty sure I failed my Ear Training quiz (fail=anything less than a B... yeah that's right, I'm one of 'those'). I actually wrote out "white Christmas" in A minor. See what lack of sleep does to me? What was I thinking? Dumb! 3. Dispite increased caffeine levels I can't seem to wake up. I need my sunshine!!
However, I did have a good lesson today. Too bad it's the last one of the year. I was wondering if one would ever come.
I also made an A on my Entertainment Career Development "final" which was a joke, but I'm not complaining.
So yeah, this will have to go down as one of my 'not so hot' posts of the month, but oh well. Take it or leave it.
And there's that attitude again...time for sleep.
“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition - that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.” - Frederick Buechner
4.28.2005
4.27.2005
So far it's taken 21 years...
"There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think I'm finally coming to terms with myself. If that's even possible, I don't really know. But I've decided that it's high time I cut myself some slack and accept all the strange things I'm constantly trying to change about myslef... and I don't mean "accept" in a defeatist sort of way, but rather in a submissive sort of way...afterall, God's not finished with me yet... thank goodness.
So I'm slowly learning to appreciate my inconsistencies, because without them I probably wouldn't be the person I am... and I've decided to love the person I am right now, rather than waiting for day I will wake up and just love love love everything about myself. Let's face it, who has the time to sit around waiting for some "extreme personality makeover miracle" to take place? I sure don't.
I've found that it's ok that my hand-writing is less than ideal, that I suck at math, that I can run 35 minutes one day and then practically die trying to run 5 the next, that I get nervous when people watch me, that for the life of me I almost always type the word "just" as "jsut," or that I use words that I don't always know the definitions to. It's ok that I don't always know what to say, that I can't express myself effectively every minute of everyday, that I still struggle with accepting some things, that I have seemingly very silly dreams at times, or that sometimes I freak out about things that I'm confident in at the last minute.
I can listen to The Killers if I want to and I won't feel guilty about it!!!! It's not a big deal if I over use ellipsises, or if I am neurotic about the plural spelling of ellipsis, or if I am paranoid about leaving things plugged in/turned on. I'm likely to be completely juvenile one moment and then try and act 35 the next... this is something I have come to accept. There are also times that I could eat more than most everyone I know.. which is completely disgusting, and obviously I don't do this.. but I could, and if I chose to do so, then more power to me. (but really, that's gross. I hope I never do that, unless I'm pregnant, and even then...)
I'm allowed to change my mind, to be confused, to be certain one moment and unsure the next, to believe in things that seem stupid, to be afraid of things that seem good, and to not always have an answer to the question.
But most importantly, I think I'm allowed to be myself and trust that God is working on all the weird things about me that I really don't like, understand, or enjoy.
And when I think about it that way... it kinda feels nice.
I think I'm finally coming to terms with myself. If that's even possible, I don't really know. But I've decided that it's high time I cut myself some slack and accept all the strange things I'm constantly trying to change about myslef... and I don't mean "accept" in a defeatist sort of way, but rather in a submissive sort of way...afterall, God's not finished with me yet... thank goodness.
So I'm slowly learning to appreciate my inconsistencies, because without them I probably wouldn't be the person I am... and I've decided to love the person I am right now, rather than waiting for day I will wake up and just love love love everything about myself. Let's face it, who has the time to sit around waiting for some "extreme personality makeover miracle" to take place? I sure don't.
I've found that it's ok that my hand-writing is less than ideal, that I suck at math, that I can run 35 minutes one day and then practically die trying to run 5 the next, that I get nervous when people watch me, that for the life of me I almost always type the word "just" as "jsut," or that I use words that I don't always know the definitions to. It's ok that I don't always know what to say, that I can't express myself effectively every minute of everyday, that I still struggle with accepting some things, that I have seemingly very silly dreams at times, or that sometimes I freak out about things that I'm confident in at the last minute.
I can listen to The Killers if I want to and I won't feel guilty about it!!!! It's not a big deal if I over use ellipsises, or if I am neurotic about the plural spelling of ellipsis, or if I am paranoid about leaving things plugged in/turned on. I'm likely to be completely juvenile one moment and then try and act 35 the next... this is something I have come to accept. There are also times that I could eat more than most everyone I know.. which is completely disgusting, and obviously I don't do this.. but I could, and if I chose to do so, then more power to me. (but really, that's gross. I hope I never do that, unless I'm pregnant, and even then...)
I'm allowed to change my mind, to be confused, to be certain one moment and unsure the next, to believe in things that seem stupid, to be afraid of things that seem good, and to not always have an answer to the question.
But most importantly, I think I'm allowed to be myself and trust that God is working on all the weird things about me that I really don't like, understand, or enjoy.
And when I think about it that way... it kinda feels nice.
Naught of good that I have done...
For all of you who wonder why I'm always so busy...
I have to say, I'm kinda proud of all this. To think that all that time I felt like we weren't active enough... sheesh.
Take a look at H&H's "Year in Review"
1. ( 8.28.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
*** offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at Dancin' in the District at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
2. (9.4.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
***offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at The Jazz Festival at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
3. (9.11.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
*** offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at Dancin' in the District at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
4.(9.16.04) Cosponsored CS CONVO w/ DATA and The Relevant Project: "The ONE Campaign: DAY OF ACTION"
***We invited students to join the global fight against AIDS and poverty by coming to Bongo Java anytime from 4-7pm and sending a letter to our state leaders, Senator Frist and Senator Alexander, letting them know that you want our government to do more for the neediest people around the world. Proceeds from Bongo Java's sales benefited the AIDS crisis.
5.(10.6.04) Presented AL CONVO "Sudan: A Country in Crisis"
*** Political Science Professor, Dr. German, and Belmont Sudanese student Amr Ali presented the history of Sudan along with an overview of the current genocide situation along with a time of Q&A.
6.(10.9.04) Promoted and attended and volunteered at "The Nashville Cares AIDS Walk"
***Along with DATA, The ONE Campaign, Jars of Clay's Blood:Water Mission, and The Relevant Project, Belmont H&H participated on a team at the Nashville Cares AIDS Walk downtown, carried the ONE Campaign Banner, and manned the ONE Campaign Table. Community Service CONVO awarded.
7. (10.11.04) Presented CS CONVO "Sudan Letter Writing Campaign"
***We invited students to draw attention to the genocide situation in Sudan by sending letters to our state leaders, Senator Frist and Senator Alexander, and President Bush letting them know that our government should be aiding the people of Sudan by working to end the genocide.
8. (10.13.04) Presented AL CONVO "Homelessness: Nashville & Beyond"
***Guest speaker, John Lozier, the executive director of the National Health care for the Homeless Coalition, presented information on Homelessness and its causes and effects both here in Nashville and nationwide.
9. (10.21.04-10.23.04) Committee Members Attended the Association of American Colleges and Universities (AACU) "Diversity & Learning Conference"
***Every two years, the Diversity and Learning conference gathers faculty, administrators, students, and community leaders to discuss the complex contemporary issues of diversity on campuses and in the larger society. It provides a forum to discuss higher education’s responsibilities in a diverse democracy. The conference addresses such diversity issues as campus climate, curriculum change, campus-community connections, faculty and student development, and ensuring all students access to the best education available.
10. (10.25.04) Presented FD CONVO "Faith and Advocacy"
***Belmont Alum Christina Kretchik came to discuss her work with "Bread for the World" (a national, faith-based, nonprofit advocacy group that campaigns against various issues such as hunger and AIDS) and to share why Christians should engage in advocacy.
11. (10.26.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
***we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
12. (10.29.04-10.31.04) Committee Members Attended the "National Student Campaign Against Hunger and Homelessness" in Baltimore, MD.
***Students flew to Baltimore to attend The National Student Leadership Conference. The National Student Leadership Conference is the largest national gathering of student leaders focused on hunger and homelessness issues. It often acts as a catalyst for student action and campaign work by bringing students and community leaders together to learn about the issues of hunger and homelessness while gaining valuable skills and ideas that will help them launch programs in their communities. The Conference offers workshops, diverse panel discussions, issue briefings, networking opportunities, and inspiring speakers.
13. (11.2.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
***we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
14. (11.15.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
*** we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
15. (2.5.05) Volunteered with Bread for the World and The ONE Campaign at the United Methodist "Warmth in Winter" Youth Convention
*** Student set up a booth in the Nashville Convention Center to promoted 'Bread For the World" while collecting signatures and inviting teenagers to get involved with The ONE Campaign. Community Service CONVO awarded.
16. (2.22.05) Presented PG CONVO "IMPACT: Entrepreneur, Bob Bernstein" as part of our IMPACT series.
*** The IMPACT Series was created to show students that You don't have to be in missions or nonprofit to impact the world around you. From business professionals, to teachers, to artists and entrepreneurs, today and everyday ordinary individuals around the world are impacting their environments and changing the face of the social justice movement
through their professions. For this lecture, guest speaker Bob Bernstein, owner of FIDO and Bongo Java, shared his experiences and explained his decision to promote and sell Fair Trade only products.
17. (2.25.05-2.27.05) Committee Members Attended the "Student Global AIDS Campaign March" in Washington, DC.
***Students flew to Washington D.C. to participate in a weekend of advocacy complete with a march from the White House lawn to the steps of the Capitol in an effort to garner national attention in the fight against AIDS.
18. (3.15.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "IMPACT Series: Artist Sunni Mercer"
***As part of our IMPACT Series, nationally-acclaimed visual artist, Sunni Mercer spoke on her career and the importance of art as an advocacy tool.
19. (3.29.05) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
*** we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
20. (4.14.05) Committee Members Attended the "Nashville Hunger Workshop"
*** sponsored by MANNA, Second Harvest Food Bank of Middle Tennessee, and Bread for the World, the Nashville HUnger Workshop invited non profits and community advocates from across Nashville to attend various forums over Nashville's hunger and poverty problems.
21. (4.15.05) Sponsored FD CONVO "Bread For the World"
*** Erin Raffety of Bread for the World, a faith-based nonprofit that fights social justice issues such as hunger, homelessness, AIDS, and other poverty issues, introduced Bread for the World's new domestic campaign, and The ONE Campaign as well as discussing why Christians should be involved in advocacy.
22. (4.19.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "Face of Homelessness Panel"
***Representatives from the Homelessness Power Project at The Nashville Peace and Justice Center, the Campus for Human Development and several others from the homelessness community in Nashville came to Belmont to share their stories and take part in a Q&A session over homelessness with Belmont students and faculty.
23.(4.20.05) Sponsored AL CONVO "Homelessness Recovery Programs"
***Tom Schmidt, volunteer coordinator for the Nashville City Rescue Mission came to discuss the Rescue Mission's Homelessness Recovery Program and other services offered through the Mission.
24. (4.22.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "Volunteer Fair"
***We invited several nonprofit organizations to come to Belmont and set up booths to advertise themselves and to give Belmont students an opportunity to get involved in the community.
I have to say, I'm kinda proud of all this. To think that all that time I felt like we weren't active enough... sheesh.
Take a look at H&H's "Year in Review"
1. ( 8.28.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
*** offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at Dancin' in the District at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
2. (9.4.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
***offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at The Jazz Festival at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
3. (9.11.04) Volunteered with DATA and The ONE Campaign
*** offered students the opportunity to gather signatures for the ONE Declaration at Dancin' in the District at Riverfront Park. Community Service CONVO awarded.
4.(9.16.04) Cosponsored CS CONVO w/ DATA and The Relevant Project: "The ONE Campaign: DAY OF ACTION"
***We invited students to join the global fight against AIDS and poverty by coming to Bongo Java anytime from 4-7pm and sending a letter to our state leaders, Senator Frist and Senator Alexander, letting them know that you want our government to do more for the neediest people around the world. Proceeds from Bongo Java's sales benefited the AIDS crisis.
5.(10.6.04) Presented AL CONVO "Sudan: A Country in Crisis"
*** Political Science Professor, Dr. German, and Belmont Sudanese student Amr Ali presented the history of Sudan along with an overview of the current genocide situation along with a time of Q&A.
6.(10.9.04) Promoted and attended and volunteered at "The Nashville Cares AIDS Walk"
***Along with DATA, The ONE Campaign, Jars of Clay's Blood:Water Mission, and The Relevant Project, Belmont H&H participated on a team at the Nashville Cares AIDS Walk downtown, carried the ONE Campaign Banner, and manned the ONE Campaign Table. Community Service CONVO awarded.
7. (10.11.04) Presented CS CONVO "Sudan Letter Writing Campaign"
***We invited students to draw attention to the genocide situation in Sudan by sending letters to our state leaders, Senator Frist and Senator Alexander, and President Bush letting them know that our government should be aiding the people of Sudan by working to end the genocide.
8. (10.13.04) Presented AL CONVO "Homelessness: Nashville & Beyond"
***Guest speaker, John Lozier, the executive director of the National Health care for the Homeless Coalition, presented information on Homelessness and its causes and effects both here in Nashville and nationwide.
9. (10.21.04-10.23.04) Committee Members Attended the Association of American Colleges and Universities (AACU) "Diversity & Learning Conference"
***Every two years, the Diversity and Learning conference gathers faculty, administrators, students, and community leaders to discuss the complex contemporary issues of diversity on campuses and in the larger society. It provides a forum to discuss higher education’s responsibilities in a diverse democracy. The conference addresses such diversity issues as campus climate, curriculum change, campus-community connections, faculty and student development, and ensuring all students access to the best education available.
10. (10.25.04) Presented FD CONVO "Faith and Advocacy"
***Belmont Alum Christina Kretchik came to discuss her work with "Bread for the World" (a national, faith-based, nonprofit advocacy group that campaigns against various issues such as hunger and AIDS) and to share why Christians should engage in advocacy.
11. (10.26.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
***we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
12. (10.29.04-10.31.04) Committee Members Attended the "National Student Campaign Against Hunger and Homelessness" in Baltimore, MD.
***Students flew to Baltimore to attend The National Student Leadership Conference. The National Student Leadership Conference is the largest national gathering of student leaders focused on hunger and homelessness issues. It often acts as a catalyst for student action and campaign work by bringing students and community leaders together to learn about the issues of hunger and homelessness while gaining valuable skills and ideas that will help them launch programs in their communities. The Conference offers workshops, diverse panel discussions, issue briefings, networking opportunities, and inspiring speakers.
13. (11.2.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
***we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
14. (11.15.04) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
*** we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
15. (2.5.05) Volunteered with Bread for the World and The ONE Campaign at the United Methodist "Warmth in Winter" Youth Convention
*** Student set up a booth in the Nashville Convention Center to promoted 'Bread For the World" while collecting signatures and inviting teenagers to get involved with The ONE Campaign. Community Service CONVO awarded.
16. (2.22.05) Presented PG CONVO "IMPACT: Entrepreneur, Bob Bernstein" as part of our IMPACT series.
*** The IMPACT Series was created to show students that You don't have to be in missions or nonprofit to impact the world around you. From business professionals, to teachers, to artists and entrepreneurs, today and everyday ordinary individuals around the world are impacting their environments and changing the face of the social justice movement
through their professions. For this lecture, guest speaker Bob Bernstein, owner of FIDO and Bongo Java, shared his experiences and explained his decision to promote and sell Fair Trade only products.
17. (2.25.05-2.27.05) Committee Members Attended the "Student Global AIDS Campaign March" in Washington, DC.
***Students flew to Washington D.C. to participate in a weekend of advocacy complete with a march from the White House lawn to the steps of the Capitol in an effort to garner national attention in the fight against AIDS.
18. (3.15.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "IMPACT Series: Artist Sunni Mercer"
***As part of our IMPACT Series, nationally-acclaimed visual artist, Sunni Mercer spoke on her career and the importance of art as an advocacy tool.
19. (3.29.05) Volunteered to Serve Dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission
*** we took a group of students to serve dinner at the Nashville City Rescue Mission. Community Service CONVO awarded.
20. (4.14.05) Committee Members Attended the "Nashville Hunger Workshop"
*** sponsored by MANNA, Second Harvest Food Bank of Middle Tennessee, and Bread for the World, the Nashville HUnger Workshop invited non profits and community advocates from across Nashville to attend various forums over Nashville's hunger and poverty problems.
21. (4.15.05) Sponsored FD CONVO "Bread For the World"
*** Erin Raffety of Bread for the World, a faith-based nonprofit that fights social justice issues such as hunger, homelessness, AIDS, and other poverty issues, introduced Bread for the World's new domestic campaign, and The ONE Campaign as well as discussing why Christians should be involved in advocacy.
22. (4.19.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "Face of Homelessness Panel"
***Representatives from the Homelessness Power Project at The Nashville Peace and Justice Center, the Campus for Human Development and several others from the homelessness community in Nashville came to Belmont to share their stories and take part in a Q&A session over homelessness with Belmont students and faculty.
23.(4.20.05) Sponsored AL CONVO "Homelessness Recovery Programs"
***Tom Schmidt, volunteer coordinator for the Nashville City Rescue Mission came to discuss the Rescue Mission's Homelessness Recovery Program and other services offered through the Mission.
24. (4.22.05) Sponsored PG CONVO "Volunteer Fair"
***We invited several nonprofit organizations to come to Belmont and set up booths to advertise themselves and to give Belmont students an opportunity to get involved in the community.
4.25.2005
"Well it's too late baby, now it's too late..."
Pretty sure Travis Summers has asked to be my friend. Yup that's right... the same Travis Summers who was just a little to cool for me in high school...
My my how the tables have turned.
My my how the tables have turned.
Lesson for the day:
...letting Danica have control of the bullhorn at your events may not be the smartest move ever. But it sure is fun, isn't it?? Isn't it?!
I think so.
I think so.
4.23.2005
I'm in a weird place... as if everything in my life is hanging in a balance that I don't really understand. Impatience doesn't even begin to describe this feeling of limbo that I'm slowly growing accustomed to. It looks as though summer plans are a go, one form left and I'm off for aid relief, then josh comes, then the rest of June, then July, the home for a week, then school starts up again for the final time.
God and I have had several good talks lately... revealing, humbling, somewhat painful even. Among other things, I've been challenged to ask myself "who is my neighbor?" For so long I thought I was good at the whole "Love thy neighbor" thing.. but when I think about it, I'm really not. Don't be fooled, tolerating people while smiling and faking interest is not loving them. And sure, it's easy to love a village of Africans that you may never meet, or a group of homeless people you see once a week, but it's loving the roommates, that annoying girl in your class who flirts with anything, that guy who is a total jerk, that person who always has to have the last word, those friends who copy everything you do, the group that consistently leaves you out, those Southern Baptists, the CCM industry etc. etc... THAT'S loving your neighbor. And I suck at it. Don't doubt me, I'm just as judgemental as the next person, and I spend a lot of time trying to fix that. I will say that God has been gracious enough to help me grow some in that area this year, but I've still got a ways to go. Especially when it comes to other christians. Wow, this is the part I really don't like. I never thought of myself as a "religious elitist" so to speak, and I probably wasn't until this year, but lately I find myself mentally critiquing the way some christians choose to do things. In some ways, this is a good thing, but in others it's just me being selfish and unwilling to admit that God ways are not my ways, that His grace covers legalists and bad musicians just as much as it covers me, and that maybe, just maybe He is capable of using tracts and legalism and crappy music to his advantage. Sheesh, a converted murderer turned out to be the early church's biggest asset, so who am I to decide what goes and what doesn't?
Speaking of selfishness... ugh, I don't know if I even want to go here.. but it's been brought to my attention that in my attempt to keep my life open and allowing God to to influence every area of my life, I've somehow managed to compartmentalize him nonetheless. How is this possible? Why do I continually end up in this place? The place where it dawns on me that my "good works" are merely things that I enjoy that require little to no sacrifice save time and sleep. Who knows, maybe that's the point.. maybe we eventually reach a place where the things we should be doing become things that we enjoy. I can't think of a scripture offhand that says service and obedience is always contemptible and laborious. ( "always" being the key word) Anyhow, I guess I'm starting to feel bad about my academic laziness and the fact that I really just don't care about school or music right now. And I'm a caring person... I care about way too much. I'm passionate about some ridiculous things, so I have a hard time facing my own apathy. But I've decided that I've been using my "extracurricular activities" as excuses for not working as hard as I should in other areas. Ahh story of my life. Somehow managing to abuse certain gifts to avoid refining others.
One day I'll learn..
Till then, I thought I'd let you all know that I found this awesome conditioner. Seriously, the Pantene Pro-V w/ Amino Proteins. Wow, pretty sure it gives you the softest hair ever. Yup.
God and I have had several good talks lately... revealing, humbling, somewhat painful even. Among other things, I've been challenged to ask myself "who is my neighbor?" For so long I thought I was good at the whole "Love thy neighbor" thing.. but when I think about it, I'm really not. Don't be fooled, tolerating people while smiling and faking interest is not loving them. And sure, it's easy to love a village of Africans that you may never meet, or a group of homeless people you see once a week, but it's loving the roommates, that annoying girl in your class who flirts with anything, that guy who is a total jerk, that person who always has to have the last word, those friends who copy everything you do, the group that consistently leaves you out, those Southern Baptists, the CCM industry etc. etc... THAT'S loving your neighbor. And I suck at it. Don't doubt me, I'm just as judgemental as the next person, and I spend a lot of time trying to fix that. I will say that God has been gracious enough to help me grow some in that area this year, but I've still got a ways to go. Especially when it comes to other christians. Wow, this is the part I really don't like. I never thought of myself as a "religious elitist" so to speak, and I probably wasn't until this year, but lately I find myself mentally critiquing the way some christians choose to do things. In some ways, this is a good thing, but in others it's just me being selfish and unwilling to admit that God ways are not my ways, that His grace covers legalists and bad musicians just as much as it covers me, and that maybe, just maybe He is capable of using tracts and legalism and crappy music to his advantage. Sheesh, a converted murderer turned out to be the early church's biggest asset, so who am I to decide what goes and what doesn't?
Speaking of selfishness... ugh, I don't know if I even want to go here.. but it's been brought to my attention that in my attempt to keep my life open and allowing God to to influence every area of my life, I've somehow managed to compartmentalize him nonetheless. How is this possible? Why do I continually end up in this place? The place where it dawns on me that my "good works" are merely things that I enjoy that require little to no sacrifice save time and sleep. Who knows, maybe that's the point.. maybe we eventually reach a place where the things we should be doing become things that we enjoy. I can't think of a scripture offhand that says service and obedience is always contemptible and laborious. ( "always" being the key word) Anyhow, I guess I'm starting to feel bad about my academic laziness and the fact that I really just don't care about school or music right now. And I'm a caring person... I care about way too much. I'm passionate about some ridiculous things, so I have a hard time facing my own apathy. But I've decided that I've been using my "extracurricular activities" as excuses for not working as hard as I should in other areas. Ahh story of my life. Somehow managing to abuse certain gifts to avoid refining others.
One day I'll learn..
Till then, I thought I'd let you all know that I found this awesome conditioner. Seriously, the Pantene Pro-V w/ Amino Proteins. Wow, pretty sure it gives you the softest hair ever. Yup.
Yay for my mom,
...Who made it a full 3 days before giving me the "I-sure-hope-you-find-someone-who-will-marry-you-soon-so-that-you'll-settle-down-and-quit-going-all-over." speech.
Obviously she is in denial about the fact that if and when I get married, it's gonna be to someone who's not afraid to "go all over". =)
Sorry mom, I can't help it.
But I figure now is the time to do this stuff, cause when I have a job and a family of my own I'm not going to be able to just up and leave for 3rd world countries whenever I please.
See, I can be practical... sort of. =)
Obviously she is in denial about the fact that if and when I get married, it's gonna be to someone who's not afraid to "go all over". =)
Sorry mom, I can't help it.
But I figure now is the time to do this stuff, cause when I have a job and a family of my own I'm not going to be able to just up and leave for 3rd world countries whenever I please.
See, I can be practical... sort of. =)
4.22.2005
So yeah...
God, what exactly are you doing?
I'm open for a clarification session if you ever grow tired of playing the vague card.
Not that I'm one to talk about vagueness. But I thought it couldn't hurt to ask....
I'm open for a clarification session if you ever grow tired of playing the vague card.
Not that I'm one to talk about vagueness. But I thought it couldn't hurt to ask....
4.21.2005
Somehow it always comes around.
Just when I thought I had heard the end of the question, I somehow manage to find myself answering it again. Sometimes I wonder if this will haunt me forever.
It's 2 am and it's April 21. This post goes out to a person who, as far as I know, has no clue that this site even exists,which makes it all the more possible for me to be somewhat "vindicitve" now, so for that I thank-you.
The questions with you died a long time ago and for that I'm thankful. But every now and then you show up.
I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, afterall, life always has its reasons, good or bad. Not that people should be considered "learning experiences" but I think many situations end up that way, and that's not always a bad thing. You played a big role in helping me be as stubborn and opinionated as I am now, and you were the first to show me that caring is scary and complicated but worth it in the long run (sometimes the long long run...but that's life I guess).
You crossed my mind this week, and that hasn't happened in a while (i don't mean that as mean as it sounds). And I was trying to think of how I've changed since and what I might have learned that could be attributed to you. And there were several things, some good, some bad, some just dumb. But one thing in particular stood out to me, and it's something I've been dealing with for a while. I remember being so pissed at you because you could never manage to believe in anything I did or wanted or hoped for or whatever, and that was just... a lot of things.. but really, I have to tell you that I always knew it stemmed from the fact that no one had ever supported you in anything. And I can't say that I know what that feels like, cause thank God I don't. But thanks to you, well partially, I did learn how to second-guess everything and now I know what it's like to struggle with believing in myself. But you know how that is.
Anyhow. I say all this to someone who will probably never see it, which is fine by me, in hopes that'd we'd all take a moment to remember that the things we say and do, or in some cases, the things we Don't say and do, make a difference.. and we will never know the full impact that our actions, words, and lives have on other people. I used to think this was a scary thought, and it is... But at the same time, I think it's somewhat empowering... Afterall you never know what God is doing. Good or bad, God is working.
It's 2 am and it's April 21. This post goes out to a person who, as far as I know, has no clue that this site even exists,which makes it all the more possible for me to be somewhat "vindicitve" now, so for that I thank-you.
The questions with you died a long time ago and for that I'm thankful. But every now and then you show up.
I suppose I should give credit where credit is due, afterall, life always has its reasons, good or bad. Not that people should be considered "learning experiences" but I think many situations end up that way, and that's not always a bad thing. You played a big role in helping me be as stubborn and opinionated as I am now, and you were the first to show me that caring is scary and complicated but worth it in the long run (sometimes the long long run...but that's life I guess).
You crossed my mind this week, and that hasn't happened in a while (i don't mean that as mean as it sounds). And I was trying to think of how I've changed since and what I might have learned that could be attributed to you. And there were several things, some good, some bad, some just dumb. But one thing in particular stood out to me, and it's something I've been dealing with for a while. I remember being so pissed at you because you could never manage to believe in anything I did or wanted or hoped for or whatever, and that was just... a lot of things.. but really, I have to tell you that I always knew it stemmed from the fact that no one had ever supported you in anything. And I can't say that I know what that feels like, cause thank God I don't. But thanks to you, well partially, I did learn how to second-guess everything and now I know what it's like to struggle with believing in myself. But you know how that is.
Anyhow. I say all this to someone who will probably never see it, which is fine by me, in hopes that'd we'd all take a moment to remember that the things we say and do, or in some cases, the things we Don't say and do, make a difference.. and we will never know the full impact that our actions, words, and lives have on other people. I used to think this was a scary thought, and it is... But at the same time, I think it's somewhat empowering... Afterall you never know what God is doing. Good or bad, God is working.
4.20.2005
Por que?
Well folks it's happened. I've hit the big time now. I've personally been invited to join the ""Students for Sex" group on facebook.
4.19.2005
Quiet Determination
Just thought I'd pass this along. Someone always says it better... Erg. I promise a real post is coming sooner or later.
Peace in Restlessness
by Stephen Simpson
I had arrived. I was married to a wonderful woman, I had a decent place to live, and I was making a living doing exactly what I wanted to do. My wife and I had found a church that we both liked, and I was going to church regularly for the first time in years. I even taught Sunday school. I should have been at peace. I wasn't.
After that opening, you might expect me to reveal some dark secret, like I was addicted to sniffing glue. Or maybe you thought I'd deferred some lifelong dream, like becoming a circus clown or a Jedi Knight. Nope. I liked my life just fine, but something still eluded me. I never felt finished, never felt like I'd arrived. It was impossible to achieve a worry-free homeostasis. Just when I'd save some money, my car would break down. If my career was humming along, my wife's would go off the rails, or vice versa. But it wasn't just the slings and arrows of fortune that disquieted me. I was restless. I ached for something new to explore, some new challenge. My wife called it my "obsession of the month." I wanted to write a novel, record an album, right some social wrong or run for political office. When that didn't work, I turned to diversion, be it running marathons, playing video games or hanging out at the local bar drinking beer and playing trivia games.
Don't get me wrong—I wasn't miserable, just impatient. I expected all the studying and working crappy jobs I did in my 20s to pay off in a feeling of quiet vindication once I was a married professional thirtysomething. Where was my peace? Where was the well-dressed guru I'd hoped to become?
A friend of mine struggled with a similar problem. He retreated to a Benedictine monastery to try to get his head around it. One of the monks spent some time in spiritual direction with him. When my friend told the monk about his restlessness, his response surprised him.
"Good," he said. "We live in a fallen world. You should be restless." Huh? What the heck kind of answer is that? I thought Christians were supposed to achieve perpetual inner peace. I thought I'd end up with a glowing countenance and a wise smile as I dispensed wisdom and good vibes from a comfortable chair. Now some monk says I should be restless. I told my friend he should ask for his money back.
Then I remembered something or, rather, someone: Jesus. I tried to think of a time when Jesus felt finished, like He'd arrived. I thought of one, but it didn't help: Jesus arrived when He died. After His resurrection, He had that Zen quality I'd been looking for, but before that, He was restless. He traversed Judea looking for the poor, infirm and brokenhearted. He turned over temple tables and pissed off the Pharisees. He sweat blood and died on a cross, all because the fallen state of the world made Him restless.
Sooner or later, the dream of a perfect, peaceful life has to die. Thoreau said, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." Bono sang, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." I think I know now what they mean. I'm called to a life of silent striving, because the world's imperfect and so am I. As long as I have breath, something will be incomplete.
As a psychologist, I've seen a lot of people suffer because they can't accept this. They want their lives to be perfect and experience a lot of disappointment and rage as a result. I've seen couples despair when marriage isn't the fantasy they imagined in their youth. I've seen businessmen who can't understand why money doesn't make them happy. I've worked with ministers who pull their hair out because their congregation continues to behave like sinners. But these folks come to a place of healing once they understand that striving with such imperfection is part of who we are. Until Christ redeems the world, we'll always have work to do.
But there's good news. Our restlessness can give us peace. Once we realize that we can't force perfection and that we depend on God to sustain us, we can reach a place of quiet determination. We can learn to relish restlessness as a sacred purpose, sustained by the Holy Spirit. It also makes us take heaven more seriously. If you're like me, you sometimes think of heaven as a retirement home, a place you'll go after you've gotten what you want out of life. But if we realize that the peace our hearts desire comes only in eternity, enduring the restlessness of life in a fallen world becomes easier. In Philippians 3:12-14, Paul writes, "Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal ... but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." Or, as Pete Townshend says in "The Seeker," "I'm not gonna get what I'm after til the day I die."
But we aren't dead yet. We have work to do. Doing that work can be thrilling and fulfilling if we rely on God and accept that we live in an imperfect world. In the movie Gladiator, Maximus wants to be with his wife and son in the afterlife. One of his fellow gladiators tells him, "You will see them again, but not yet." First, Maximus has to kick some butts and straighten out the Roman Empire. When he dies at the end of the movie and joins his family, he gets what he really wanted all along. Our time of peace is coming. One day, there will be an end to the striving against evil in the world, sin in our lives and restlessness in our hearts. But not yet.
[Stephen Simpson lives in Pasadena, Calif., where he and his wife are expecting quadruplets.]
Peace in Restlessness
by Stephen Simpson
I had arrived. I was married to a wonderful woman, I had a decent place to live, and I was making a living doing exactly what I wanted to do. My wife and I had found a church that we both liked, and I was going to church regularly for the first time in years. I even taught Sunday school. I should have been at peace. I wasn't.
After that opening, you might expect me to reveal some dark secret, like I was addicted to sniffing glue. Or maybe you thought I'd deferred some lifelong dream, like becoming a circus clown or a Jedi Knight. Nope. I liked my life just fine, but something still eluded me. I never felt finished, never felt like I'd arrived. It was impossible to achieve a worry-free homeostasis. Just when I'd save some money, my car would break down. If my career was humming along, my wife's would go off the rails, or vice versa. But it wasn't just the slings and arrows of fortune that disquieted me. I was restless. I ached for something new to explore, some new challenge. My wife called it my "obsession of the month." I wanted to write a novel, record an album, right some social wrong or run for political office. When that didn't work, I turned to diversion, be it running marathons, playing video games or hanging out at the local bar drinking beer and playing trivia games.
Don't get me wrong—I wasn't miserable, just impatient. I expected all the studying and working crappy jobs I did in my 20s to pay off in a feeling of quiet vindication once I was a married professional thirtysomething. Where was my peace? Where was the well-dressed guru I'd hoped to become?
A friend of mine struggled with a similar problem. He retreated to a Benedictine monastery to try to get his head around it. One of the monks spent some time in spiritual direction with him. When my friend told the monk about his restlessness, his response surprised him.
"Good," he said. "We live in a fallen world. You should be restless." Huh? What the heck kind of answer is that? I thought Christians were supposed to achieve perpetual inner peace. I thought I'd end up with a glowing countenance and a wise smile as I dispensed wisdom and good vibes from a comfortable chair. Now some monk says I should be restless. I told my friend he should ask for his money back.
Then I remembered something or, rather, someone: Jesus. I tried to think of a time when Jesus felt finished, like He'd arrived. I thought of one, but it didn't help: Jesus arrived when He died. After His resurrection, He had that Zen quality I'd been looking for, but before that, He was restless. He traversed Judea looking for the poor, infirm and brokenhearted. He turned over temple tables and pissed off the Pharisees. He sweat blood and died on a cross, all because the fallen state of the world made Him restless.
Sooner or later, the dream of a perfect, peaceful life has to die. Thoreau said, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." Bono sang, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." I think I know now what they mean. I'm called to a life of silent striving, because the world's imperfect and so am I. As long as I have breath, something will be incomplete.
As a psychologist, I've seen a lot of people suffer because they can't accept this. They want their lives to be perfect and experience a lot of disappointment and rage as a result. I've seen couples despair when marriage isn't the fantasy they imagined in their youth. I've seen businessmen who can't understand why money doesn't make them happy. I've worked with ministers who pull their hair out because their congregation continues to behave like sinners. But these folks come to a place of healing once they understand that striving with such imperfection is part of who we are. Until Christ redeems the world, we'll always have work to do.
But there's good news. Our restlessness can give us peace. Once we realize that we can't force perfection and that we depend on God to sustain us, we can reach a place of quiet determination. We can learn to relish restlessness as a sacred purpose, sustained by the Holy Spirit. It also makes us take heaven more seriously. If you're like me, you sometimes think of heaven as a retirement home, a place you'll go after you've gotten what you want out of life. But if we realize that the peace our hearts desire comes only in eternity, enduring the restlessness of life in a fallen world becomes easier. In Philippians 3:12-14, Paul writes, "Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal ... but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus." Or, as Pete Townshend says in "The Seeker," "I'm not gonna get what I'm after til the day I die."
But we aren't dead yet. We have work to do. Doing that work can be thrilling and fulfilling if we rely on God and accept that we live in an imperfect world. In the movie Gladiator, Maximus wants to be with his wife and son in the afterlife. One of his fellow gladiators tells him, "You will see them again, but not yet." First, Maximus has to kick some butts and straighten out the Roman Empire. When he dies at the end of the movie and joins his family, he gets what he really wanted all along. Our time of peace is coming. One day, there will be an end to the striving against evil in the world, sin in our lives and restlessness in our hearts. But not yet.
[Stephen Simpson lives in Pasadena, Calif., where he and his wife are expecting quadruplets.]
4.18.2005
Res ipsa loquiter
"Can music do more that this? Can it do this? And if so, who and what is to determine the degree of its failure or success? The composer, the performer (if there be any), or those who have to listen? One hearing, or a century of hearings? And if it isn't successful, or if it doesn't fail, what matters it? The fear of failure need keep no one from the attempt, for if the composer is sensitive, he need but launch forth a countercharge of "being misunderstood," and hide behind it. a theme that the composer sets up as "moral goodness" may sound like "high vitality" to his friend, and but like an outburst of "nervous weakness" or only a "stagnant pool" to those not even his enemies. Expression, to a great extent, is a matter of terms, and terms are anyone's. The meaning of "God" may have a billion interpretations if there be that many souls in the world.
"There is a moral in the "Normalist and Realist" that will "prove all sums." It runs something like this: no matter how sincere and confidential men are in trying to know or assuming that they do know each other's mood and habits of thought, the net result leaves a feeling that all is left unsaid; for the reason of thier incapacity to know each other though they use the same words. They go on from one explanation to another, but things seem to stand about as they did in the beginning "because of that vicious assumption." But we would rather believe that music is beyond any analogy to word language and that the time is coming, but not in our lifetime, when it will develop possibilities inconceivable now- a language so transcendent that its heights and depths will be common to all mankind." ~Charles Ives
"There is a moral in the "Normalist and Realist" that will "prove all sums." It runs something like this: no matter how sincere and confidential men are in trying to know or assuming that they do know each other's mood and habits of thought, the net result leaves a feeling that all is left unsaid; for the reason of thier incapacity to know each other though they use the same words. They go on from one explanation to another, but things seem to stand about as they did in the beginning "because of that vicious assumption." But we would rather believe that music is beyond any analogy to word language and that the time is coming, but not in our lifetime, when it will develop possibilities inconceivable now- a language so transcendent that its heights and depths will be common to all mankind." ~Charles Ives
4.17.2005
Help me, I'm dying from apathy.
That's right.
I'm going to finish this school year if it kills me. And at this rate, it might. Last night I actually went to a concert, performed in the first half, checked in and then left without performing in the second half. I'm going straight to hell.
Have I mentioned that I've been to Oratorio once? ONCE. That's 1 time people. We've met 13 times. And yet somehow (haha I say "somehow" as if I have no earthly idea how THIS could happen) I've managed to only be counted absent once! ONCE. That's 1 time people!!! Is it getting hot in here??
Don't even get me started on music history.... I'd be shocked if I come out with an average attendance of twice a week.
It probably doesn't help me that all of my friends are just as bad, or worse, about this than I am. I need friends that will tell me to quit slacking off and get my butt in gear. And yet, I have a feeling that I would probably get annoyed really fast if my friends were that way, especially because I am busy... just not with class.
Ughhh class. The end is so close. So, so close. But then I'm reminded of summer school...Only 2 classes, 1 of which is online, and the other will only meet Monday nights, but it still doesn't change the fact that it will be summer, and I will be in school. Still.
Don't stone me, but I am sick of conventional learning. There was a time when I read for fun. Classics, nonfiction, newspapers, Border's best sellers, heck even billboards. There was a day when PBS and NPR were my best kept secrets.. but now? Noooo. There is no leisure learning for the weary. Let's force her to learn 'set theory' and 'serialism.' Let's make her conjure up production deals and marketing plans. Let's watch her suffer as she fails miserably attempting to chart Bmin6susadd4 chords. Let's make her sing Bruckner over and over and over and over again.
Sometime in the next 2 weeks I have to write a paper on Ives, turn in a transcription for Ear Training, pass a quiz for ear training, turn in 3 theory assignments, take a theory test, create a final theory project, sell our production deal to the Label Execs, promote and attend our Rec. ops. showcase, find 4 more MUG's to go to, sing in an oratorio concert (the same oratorio that I've only gone to ONCE), take an entertainment career development test, attend one more music business seminar, attend one more RA inservice, AND host 4 convo's (which all happen to be this week).
Then come finals and juries.
Good times.
So yeah, I know I complain, but I will take a moment to say that at least this work is occasionally fun and most always interesting..(one of the benefits of majoring in a trend). I'd rather be suffering through this than through math. (shudder) But still, it's the "let's pile it all on at the end when the weather is beautiful and there are about 30,000 better things to do" mentality that kills me.
And I know I'll miss it when it's gone.... but somedays I wonder....
I'm going to finish this school year if it kills me. And at this rate, it might. Last night I actually went to a concert, performed in the first half, checked in and then left without performing in the second half. I'm going straight to hell.
Have I mentioned that I've been to Oratorio once? ONCE. That's 1 time people. We've met 13 times. And yet somehow (haha I say "somehow" as if I have no earthly idea how THIS could happen) I've managed to only be counted absent once! ONCE. That's 1 time people!!! Is it getting hot in here??
Don't even get me started on music history.... I'd be shocked if I come out with an average attendance of twice a week.
It probably doesn't help me that all of my friends are just as bad, or worse, about this than I am. I need friends that will tell me to quit slacking off and get my butt in gear. And yet, I have a feeling that I would probably get annoyed really fast if my friends were that way, especially because I am busy... just not with class.
Ughhh class. The end is so close. So, so close. But then I'm reminded of summer school...Only 2 classes, 1 of which is online, and the other will only meet Monday nights, but it still doesn't change the fact that it will be summer, and I will be in school. Still.
Don't stone me, but I am sick of conventional learning. There was a time when I read for fun. Classics, nonfiction, newspapers, Border's best sellers, heck even billboards. There was a day when PBS and NPR were my best kept secrets.. but now? Noooo. There is no leisure learning for the weary. Let's force her to learn 'set theory' and 'serialism.' Let's make her conjure up production deals and marketing plans. Let's watch her suffer as she fails miserably attempting to chart Bmin6susadd4 chords. Let's make her sing Bruckner over and over and over and over again.
Sometime in the next 2 weeks I have to write a paper on Ives, turn in a transcription for Ear Training, pass a quiz for ear training, turn in 3 theory assignments, take a theory test, create a final theory project, sell our production deal to the Label Execs, promote and attend our Rec. ops. showcase, find 4 more MUG's to go to, sing in an oratorio concert (the same oratorio that I've only gone to ONCE), take an entertainment career development test, attend one more music business seminar, attend one more RA inservice, AND host 4 convo's (which all happen to be this week).
Then come finals and juries.
Good times.
So yeah, I know I complain, but I will take a moment to say that at least this work is occasionally fun and most always interesting..(one of the benefits of majoring in a trend). I'd rather be suffering through this than through math. (shudder) But still, it's the "let's pile it all on at the end when the weather is beautiful and there are about 30,000 better things to do" mentality that kills me.
And I know I'll miss it when it's gone.... but somedays I wonder....
4.16.2005
What's she been up to?
Do you ever feel like you are a spectator of your own life? As though you are constantly finding yourself in surreal scenarios where all you can do is watch yourself try to figure out your next move? It probably sounds weird, but that's because it is, (think, 'how am I not myself?') but more and more often I am finding myself caught in these situations... out with people I don't really understand, forced to choose between the lesser of two evils or the better of two equally wonderful opportunities, caught in the middle of two very different groups of friends, told that I should focus in on studies that I currently loathe... But that's life I guess, learning how to deal with circumstances that are less than ideal.
Anyways...
This weekend has been pretty good thus far. Last night after rehearsal I actually had the night off!! It was my first friday since early March where I was actually here in Nashville and not working. So what did I do to celebrate? Well... I went running (cause it's just gorgeous here right now) then I ordered Chinese food (cause I haven't had it in for-ev-er) and I sat down on my living room floor and ate it while watching "16 Candles" on the Fox Family channel. I figured I had my "friday night fun" a few times earlier in the week, so I felt justified in staying home alone... and it was wonderful.
Today I went brunching over at the Red Wagon in East Nashville with some of the crew: Ryan, Brian, April, Amber Love, S Dot, and Lizzie (Amber Love's 18yr old sister who's about 2 weeks away from being a mom! Ava's on her way!) Then I ventured over to Target for my regular $50 trip, where I bought a broom and a swiffer, becuase our floors just look gross, and if I don't clean them, no one else will.
Currently I'm sitting out on the porch at F. Monkey washing down my Las Paletas Chocolate chocolate-chip popsicle with an iced coffee, while writing to you lovely people! Mmmmmm. Yay for carefree weekends.
Anyways...
This weekend has been pretty good thus far. Last night after rehearsal I actually had the night off!! It was my first friday since early March where I was actually here in Nashville and not working. So what did I do to celebrate? Well... I went running (cause it's just gorgeous here right now) then I ordered Chinese food (cause I haven't had it in for-ev-er) and I sat down on my living room floor and ate it while watching "16 Candles" on the Fox Family channel. I figured I had my "friday night fun" a few times earlier in the week, so I felt justified in staying home alone... and it was wonderful.
Today I went brunching over at the Red Wagon in East Nashville with some of the crew: Ryan, Brian, April, Amber Love, S Dot, and Lizzie (Amber Love's 18yr old sister who's about 2 weeks away from being a mom! Ava's on her way!) Then I ventured over to Target for my regular $50 trip, where I bought a broom and a swiffer, becuase our floors just look gross, and if I don't clean them, no one else will.
Currently I'm sitting out on the porch at F. Monkey washing down my Las Paletas Chocolate chocolate-chip popsicle with an iced coffee, while writing to you lovely people! Mmmmmm. Yay for carefree weekends.
4.14.2005
Not whining... just saying...
So I got a rather large envelope from home today. Too bad that inside were 2 school bills, a school notice on the increase in tuition for next year, a school notice on the "intensification" of hillside, a school financial planning guide, 3 loan notices, 2 bank statements, and a Social Security notice. Gotta love getting old. But mom included coupons... good thinking.
Today I went to a seminar that was held in a Food Bank that was across the street from a Hummer Dealership. But the irony doesn't stop there... at this seminar several people were under the impression that I "work for the university" hahaha. I wish. Well.. actually I don't, but still, I'm starting to think that I am paying way too much money to do this stuff.
Today I sat in on these meetings and seminars and lectures and was bored to death... (you know you're in trouble when you can quote the statistics with the presenter). For 3 hours I sat and listened to people present facts and ideas and strategies that I used to find appaling and motivating... but today was a different story. Perhaps it's my good friend cynicism, but today I was reminded that politics are nothing more than red tape, that fundraising is a joke (and a royal pain), that nonprofits should exist to work themselves out of a job, and that maybe.. just maybe, ignorance really is bliss. There have certainly been days where I wish I could magically become uninformed and will myself not to care. It would certainly make my life easier. But I just wasn't made that way, and I don't mean that to sound conceited; believe me when I say that "caring" is probably my greatest strength AND weakness... maybe an even greater weakness, I dunno.
Anyways, I guess you could say that I'm suffering from burnout. I know that this is part of it, I'm just struggling trying to learn how to fight it effectively I guess. All I know is that I really don't want to be stuck on the administrative/policy side of things. I'd really rather be with the people. Policy is key, I'll be the first to admit it, and I have spent a good deal of time going insane trying to figure it out and educate others along the way... but I think there is a reason that I was not a PolySci major. Besides, you can have the best, most effective policies in the world, but if you haven't spent time with the people they were made for, you'll only end up going in circles. This, in my opinion, is why so many of our domestic social services, or our Foreign Affairs attempts are unsuccessful. We can't just assume that we have the answer to things and then proceed as the "great white hope" into...... ok ok I'm stopping, I'm stopping. I really don't have the time to go there anyway.
So anyhow, today, for the first time in a long time, I had a good lesson, and today for the first time ever, I made the conscious decision to cut back on the nonprofit/planning/organizing for next year. I'm serious, I cannot keep doing this... not in this same way anyway. Hold me to it, it sounds awful but I think I've earned the right to be selfish every now and then. Besides, I'd like to remember what it feels like to not be sick..
And on that note, it's official, I've been declared mono-free. Woohoo.
And I've been hired on for the summer... so ya'll better all be making trips out to Nashville to see me! Pretty sure I've got the place to myself so you can have your own room and everything! =)
For now I'm off to the listening lab, then to the store, then to another meeting, and then another meeting after that.... Sheesh, it never ends.
Tschus!
Today I went to a seminar that was held in a Food Bank that was across the street from a Hummer Dealership. But the irony doesn't stop there... at this seminar several people were under the impression that I "work for the university" hahaha. I wish. Well.. actually I don't, but still, I'm starting to think that I am paying way too much money to do this stuff.
Today I sat in on these meetings and seminars and lectures and was bored to death... (you know you're in trouble when you can quote the statistics with the presenter). For 3 hours I sat and listened to people present facts and ideas and strategies that I used to find appaling and motivating... but today was a different story. Perhaps it's my good friend cynicism, but today I was reminded that politics are nothing more than red tape, that fundraising is a joke (and a royal pain), that nonprofits should exist to work themselves out of a job, and that maybe.. just maybe, ignorance really is bliss. There have certainly been days where I wish I could magically become uninformed and will myself not to care. It would certainly make my life easier. But I just wasn't made that way, and I don't mean that to sound conceited; believe me when I say that "caring" is probably my greatest strength AND weakness... maybe an even greater weakness, I dunno.
Anyways, I guess you could say that I'm suffering from burnout. I know that this is part of it, I'm just struggling trying to learn how to fight it effectively I guess. All I know is that I really don't want to be stuck on the administrative/policy side of things. I'd really rather be with the people. Policy is key, I'll be the first to admit it, and I have spent a good deal of time going insane trying to figure it out and educate others along the way... but I think there is a reason that I was not a PolySci major. Besides, you can have the best, most effective policies in the world, but if you haven't spent time with the people they were made for, you'll only end up going in circles. This, in my opinion, is why so many of our domestic social services, or our Foreign Affairs attempts are unsuccessful. We can't just assume that we have the answer to things and then proceed as the "great white hope" into...... ok ok I'm stopping, I'm stopping. I really don't have the time to go there anyway.
So anyhow, today, for the first time in a long time, I had a good lesson, and today for the first time ever, I made the conscious decision to cut back on the nonprofit/planning/organizing for next year. I'm serious, I cannot keep doing this... not in this same way anyway. Hold me to it, it sounds awful but I think I've earned the right to be selfish every now and then. Besides, I'd like to remember what it feels like to not be sick..
And on that note, it's official, I've been declared mono-free. Woohoo.
And I've been hired on for the summer... so ya'll better all be making trips out to Nashville to see me! Pretty sure I've got the place to myself so you can have your own room and everything! =)
For now I'm off to the listening lab, then to the store, then to another meeting, and then another meeting after that.... Sheesh, it never ends.
Tschus!
It's April 14th.
This post goes out to 2 very special people:
1. To my dear friend Sarah who dragged me down the road of illegal activity in the days of our youth: Happy Birthday!! (now go throw away those ID's and be safe)
2. To Miss Anitajane Ann Bohanan, friend and fellow t-shirt maker: Here's to morp, the past 4 years, and the end of our IMHA days! (i hope) =)
1. To my dear friend Sarah who dragged me down the road of illegal activity in the days of our youth: Happy Birthday!! (now go throw away those ID's and be safe)
2. To Miss Anitajane Ann Bohanan, friend and fellow t-shirt maker: Here's to morp, the past 4 years, and the end of our IMHA days! (i hope) =)
4.13.2005
It's all happening.
Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the fact that I have been declared "mono-free," maybe it's the wonderful tax refund, maybe it's all my new music, or maybe it's a number of other things... but whatever it is, I've been in a really good mood the past week or so.
To start, there's been a lot going on. I don't know what it is about spring, but for some reason that's when everything happens. It's almost as though Nashville has decided to host 10,000 amazing things to do every night of the week. Which is rough, cause 1. I'm not that rich, and 2. I hate having to choose between 2 great shows/events/whatever. Come to think of it.. I just hate choosing! haha (but I've gotten better!)
Monday night for only $5 I went to BBKing's to see Steven Delopoulos w/ John Philippidis of Burlap to Cashmere, and then I made it over to see John Davis, Ashley Cleveland and Jars play a free show at downtown Pres. And last night was prom in all it's classic crazy glory. Good times, late nights.
Tonight I've got RUF, but for a while I was tempted to grab some friends and go hear Blue Merle & Glen Phillips @ ExitIN, but alas, it's $18 and Good Lord to the Devil is playing a show at the End @10, and I gave my word that I would be there.
Today as I was walking back from advising attempt #2, it started raining while the sun was shining. In OK this means "tornado", but in Nashville it means "huge rainbow." It was really quite beautiful and the rain felt so good so I took my good sweet time and arrived home soaked. But it was worth it. If nothing else, I got to strike up conversation with several people who seemed very concerned at the fact that it was raining and I wasn't running for shelter.
H&H Week is fast approaching. Tomorrow I've got a lunch seminar downtown with "Bread For The World" (www.bread.org), and tomorrow night is our first "inter-college" event planning session. Friday we've got the "Bread" convo, Saturday is the President's Concert, Sunday is the RA social brought to you by the RA council and yours truly, then Monday comes and things really start happening. The good news is that we now have 6 speakers for our "Faces of Homelessness Panel" on tuesday... and it looks like it's gonna be muey bueno. Or ser gut, or very good... take your pic.
And speaking of "pics".... I've got more! yay!
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/danicafaithmercer/my_photos
Welp, that's the news for now. Till next time, good luck coming up with a segue as effective as my last one. =)
To start, there's been a lot going on. I don't know what it is about spring, but for some reason that's when everything happens. It's almost as though Nashville has decided to host 10,000 amazing things to do every night of the week. Which is rough, cause 1. I'm not that rich, and 2. I hate having to choose between 2 great shows/events/whatever. Come to think of it.. I just hate choosing! haha (but I've gotten better!)
Monday night for only $5 I went to BBKing's to see Steven Delopoulos w/ John Philippidis of Burlap to Cashmere, and then I made it over to see John Davis, Ashley Cleveland and Jars play a free show at downtown Pres. And last night was prom in all it's classic crazy glory. Good times, late nights.
Tonight I've got RUF, but for a while I was tempted to grab some friends and go hear Blue Merle & Glen Phillips @ ExitIN, but alas, it's $18 and Good Lord to the Devil is playing a show at the End @10, and I gave my word that I would be there.
Today as I was walking back from advising attempt #2, it started raining while the sun was shining. In OK this means "tornado", but in Nashville it means "huge rainbow." It was really quite beautiful and the rain felt so good so I took my good sweet time and arrived home soaked. But it was worth it. If nothing else, I got to strike up conversation with several people who seemed very concerned at the fact that it was raining and I wasn't running for shelter.
H&H Week is fast approaching. Tomorrow I've got a lunch seminar downtown with "Bread For The World" (www.bread.org), and tomorrow night is our first "inter-college" event planning session. Friday we've got the "Bread" convo, Saturday is the President's Concert, Sunday is the RA social brought to you by the RA council and yours truly, then Monday comes and things really start happening. The good news is that we now have 6 speakers for our "Faces of Homelessness Panel" on tuesday... and it looks like it's gonna be muey bueno. Or ser gut, or very good... take your pic.
And speaking of "pics".... I've got more! yay!
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/danicafaithmercer/my_photos
Welp, that's the news for now. Till next time, good luck coming up with a segue as effective as my last one. =)
Crazy times.
Remember that time we decided to go to prom and we found ourselves all glammed out at a dive in the ghetto of East Nashville sipping cheap drinks and dancing them off to even cheaper 80's music, only to come home and eat oatmeal at 1am in an attempt to offset any morning reperccussion's?
Remember how we thought we'd be the only people we'd know until 15 other Belmont kids and their alteregos showed up, including strange men named "Dee" that stalk you at work?
Remember how you suffered watching your friends flirt shamelessly with each other, having swallowed away any preferences that might have otherwise been considered 'hinderences' in the matter?
Remember smiling at the irony in the strange similarities and vast differences between what we considered "prom" to be 3 years ago and what we now did for fun on a Tuesday night?
Yeah, those were some crazy times.
Remember how we thought we'd be the only people we'd know until 15 other Belmont kids and their alteregos showed up, including strange men named "Dee" that stalk you at work?
Remember how you suffered watching your friends flirt shamelessly with each other, having swallowed away any preferences that might have otherwise been considered 'hinderences' in the matter?
Remember smiling at the irony in the strange similarities and vast differences between what we considered "prom" to be 3 years ago and what we now did for fun on a Tuesday night?
Yeah, those were some crazy times.
4.11.2005
Winding Down.
Hard to believe it, but this semeser is almost over. 3 weeks + Finals and I am home free. I know I say it every year, but I can't believe how fast it's gone. I feel like I haven't even been in class all that much, but then again, I probably haven't. Between DC and choir tour and North Carolina, and Michigan and being sick, I don't think I've gone to class on a Friday since January. Craziness.
On another note, I've spent a good deal of time these past few days trying to decide what classes to take next semester. You would think that the closer you are to being finished, the easier it would be to plan your schedule... afterall I only have so many required classes left to take. But noooo.. first off, about half of the classes I have left are ones that I have put off until now, and secondly, I really don't have all that much to work with! I might actaully get to take an elective. Wow. It's about time. Anyways... I think I've got things in order for the fall, and I'll be the first to say that there is a good chance that i'll die of boredom. But I figured I should struggle through the yucky stuff in the fall so that I can take it easy and have fun in the spring. The good news is that my first class will be at 11 everyday, and for the most part I'll be done by 2 everyday. Woohoo. But yeah... publishing, algebra, improvisational theory and analysis... not so much.
Side note: Doesn't "Improvisational Theory and Analysis" sound scary?!?! Makes me feel smart just saying it. Haha
Next week is H&H Week, and I've already started stressing. Everything should be excellent, but I think I'll sleep better once it's all over.
Alrighty.. sorry for the boring post, but I'm in Music history... and try as you might to fight it, you can't really escape the boredom in this room.
Have a happy day.
On another note, I've spent a good deal of time these past few days trying to decide what classes to take next semester. You would think that the closer you are to being finished, the easier it would be to plan your schedule... afterall I only have so many required classes left to take. But noooo.. first off, about half of the classes I have left are ones that I have put off until now, and secondly, I really don't have all that much to work with! I might actaully get to take an elective. Wow. It's about time. Anyways... I think I've got things in order for the fall, and I'll be the first to say that there is a good chance that i'll die of boredom. But I figured I should struggle through the yucky stuff in the fall so that I can take it easy and have fun in the spring. The good news is that my first class will be at 11 everyday, and for the most part I'll be done by 2 everyday. Woohoo. But yeah... publishing, algebra, improvisational theory and analysis... not so much.
Side note: Doesn't "Improvisational Theory and Analysis" sound scary?!?! Makes me feel smart just saying it. Haha
Next week is H&H Week, and I've already started stressing. Everything should be excellent, but I think I'll sleep better once it's all over.
Alrighty.. sorry for the boring post, but I'm in Music history... and try as you might to fight it, you can't really escape the boredom in this room.
Have a happy day.
4.09.2005
You know you're growing up when...
The wedding invitations have been replaced by e-mails with sonograms in them.
And for the record, I can't see a thing!
And for the record, I can't see a thing!
4.08.2005
"Everything matters if anything matters at all."
As if I needed any more issues to care about.. BUT This initiative is really creative. i just might have to incorporate a program around it. Just think of the friends I'd make if I handed out commmunity service convo to everyone who sent a buddy to the G8 summit.
Also, this Sunday at 8:59 (EST&PST) the ONE Campaign will air it's ad on all MTV Network stations (MTV, MTV2 mtvU, VH1, Comedy Central, CMT, Spike, TV Land, Nick at Nite, MTV Espanol; and BET) and sometime between 8 -9 the ad will air on ABC. Yay.
Side note: For the record, part of me feels like some of these celebrities are just bandwagon "issue" fans or something. Yes, I know, terrible thing to say, because at least they are getting involved and attempting to educate themselves, but still. Just so we all know, I was involved in this LONG before Brad, Tom, or Penelope came along...
Anyhow, go to ONE.org today to get your white wristband so you can be cool like me and all the famous people and pretty much everyone in the UK. (seriously, america is so slow about this stuff..)
Just so you know, the ONE Campaign is basically the American version of the "Make Poverty History" Campaign which has been thriving in Europe. Ironic that it took an irish rock star to bring the movement here... To see why Europe is much cooler than we are, check this out.. and yes.. those are the white wristbands I'm talking about, (only theirs say MAKE POVERTY HISTORY, and ours say ONE) but the only way to get them in America is through ONE.org.... Or you can come to my wedding, cause how cool would it be to give them out to all the guests? I mean come on.. they even say ONE on them....
Yeah yeah, it's gonna take someone special to tone me down... tell me something I don't know.
=)
That's enough advocacy for today.
Night ya'll.
Also, this Sunday at 8:59 (EST&PST) the ONE Campaign will air it's ad on all MTV Network stations (MTV, MTV2 mtvU, VH1, Comedy Central, CMT, Spike, TV Land, Nick at Nite, MTV Espanol; and BET) and sometime between 8 -9 the ad will air on ABC. Yay.
Side note: For the record, part of me feels like some of these celebrities are just bandwagon "issue" fans or something. Yes, I know, terrible thing to say, because at least they are getting involved and attempting to educate themselves, but still. Just so we all know, I was involved in this LONG before Brad, Tom, or Penelope came along...
Anyhow, go to ONE.org today to get your white wristband so you can be cool like me and all the famous people and pretty much everyone in the UK. (seriously, america is so slow about this stuff..)
Just so you know, the ONE Campaign is basically the American version of the "Make Poverty History" Campaign which has been thriving in Europe. Ironic that it took an irish rock star to bring the movement here... To see why Europe is much cooler than we are, check this out.. and yes.. those are the white wristbands I'm talking about, (only theirs say MAKE POVERTY HISTORY, and ours say ONE) but the only way to get them in America is through ONE.org.... Or you can come to my wedding, cause how cool would it be to give them out to all the guests? I mean come on.. they even say ONE on them....
Yeah yeah, it's gonna take someone special to tone me down... tell me something I don't know.
=)
That's enough advocacy for today.
Night ya'll.
4.07.2005
'And you give yourself away'
I can't quite put my finger on it, but It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm drained... physically, emotionally, spiritually... you name it. If nothing else, these past few weeks I've had to learn to resign the role of "sustainer" over to God. I know that sounds weird..I mean, it sounds like something so elementary, but I've noticed that all too often I rely on things other than God to sustain me.... friends, family, myself, happiness, caffeine..etc. Is it wrong for me to admit that a lot of the time I'm afraid to rely on Him becuase I feel as though I've been burned in the past by trusting in things that I thought were "from" Him, or "ordained" by Him? While I don't think that God has 'failed' me.. there are times when I feel like He has seriously let me down. And I find myself wondering... is that even possible?? Is it possible for God to "let us down" when we are seeking His face and praying for His will to be done in our lives, for His desires to become our desires?
I want to trust God... and in so many ways, I do...but I want more than that. It's almost as though I have a hard time differentiating between trusting God to "care for me and meet my needs" vs. trusting God to "give me what I ask for.' That ever-pressing conflict between wanting specific things, and wanting God's will and then having to wonder weather or not the things that you want are in God's will for you. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever reach a place where the things I want for me and the things He wants for me will be synonymous. But then what happens when we don't see the results that we thought He had promised us?
I suppose that's where faith comes in.
I'm sure most of you have heard me go off about how it seems as though I have no one to rely on lately. I was reminded this week that ultimately God is the only one I can rely on. Even when I feel betrayed by Him, deep down I can't escape the fact that without Him I'd be helpless. It may sound cynical, but all people will eventually let you down... one of the side-effects of living in a fallen world I guess. There have been times in my life where I have felt abandoned by God, but thankfully these past few weeks have not been that way. I've always been able to picture Jesus as a comforter, a friend, a father, a king, and a leader... but viewing Him as one who will 'sustain' me has always been somewhat of a challenge.... Until recently. For the first time in a long time letting go and trusting has come almost effortlessly, and as stupid as it may sound, when things have gotten hard, I've been able to feel God sustaining me.
And that's always a nice thing.
I want to trust God... and in so many ways, I do...but I want more than that. It's almost as though I have a hard time differentiating between trusting God to "care for me and meet my needs" vs. trusting God to "give me what I ask for.' That ever-pressing conflict between wanting specific things, and wanting God's will and then having to wonder weather or not the things that you want are in God's will for you. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever reach a place where the things I want for me and the things He wants for me will be synonymous. But then what happens when we don't see the results that we thought He had promised us?
I suppose that's where faith comes in.
I'm sure most of you have heard me go off about how it seems as though I have no one to rely on lately. I was reminded this week that ultimately God is the only one I can rely on. Even when I feel betrayed by Him, deep down I can't escape the fact that without Him I'd be helpless. It may sound cynical, but all people will eventually let you down... one of the side-effects of living in a fallen world I guess. There have been times in my life where I have felt abandoned by God, but thankfully these past few weeks have not been that way. I've always been able to picture Jesus as a comforter, a friend, a father, a king, and a leader... but viewing Him as one who will 'sustain' me has always been somewhat of a challenge.... Until recently. For the first time in a long time letting go and trusting has come almost effortlessly, and as stupid as it may sound, when things have gotten hard, I've been able to feel God sustaining me.
And that's always a nice thing.
Nothing like a side of guilt to jump-start your day...
Ahhh parents...
I should probably just stop there.
I should probably just stop there.
4.06.2005
Please People..
1. Don't whine and complain about things that you aren't willing to work towards changing.
2. Whether you believe it or not, "Please" and "Thank-you" have not gone out of style. (in case you thought they had, be warned, cause I'm bringing them back)
3. Use your turn signals.
The end.
2. Whether you believe it or not, "Please" and "Thank-you" have not gone out of style. (in case you thought they had, be warned, cause I'm bringing them back)
3. Use your turn signals.
The end.
4.05.2005
I can run, but apparently I can't hide.
I'm not quite sure why, but somehow the weirdos always seem to find me. We all remember Tyler(10.28) and who could forget Elvisr(10.25), but in the past 2 months I've managed to add a "Jeremy" a"Dee" and a "Brian." Some of you heard about Jeremy, the high-fiving, over-eager magazine salesman who stole my last Sugar-Free Red Bull and personally thanked me for ensuring that Belmont stayed beautiful (although I'm sure he thought otherwise once I refused to buy anything), but Dee and Brian I met at work. Dee wandered into my life, and the office, a few weeks ago and after about 1 minute of small talk he found his way onto my computer where he forced me to read his ex-girlfriends web page which had a rather large commentary on bats. Good times. But even better was today.
Brian. What can I say? Special. So... I'm at work, and everyone has left, so I'm sitting here IMing, minding my own business, when I hear a knock at the door. So I get up and there he is, random guy in his very late 20's with old jeans, a long sleeved shirt, too many rings, hair that has had way more attention than my own, and the faint smell of cigars. He comes in and hands me this teensy tiny piecec of trash and asks me to throw it away for him, saying that he "might be back later... I'm just waiting on someone." but then he sees my guitar case, and asks if I play guitar, I say "occassionally" and he informs me that he'll "Come right back." And come right back he does! In fact, he returns a few moments later and waltzes right into the office, opens the guitar case, pulls out the guitar sits down on the couch and starts to play. No joke. Never met this guy in my life. So there I sat, not really knowing what to do, wishing that someone would come along and rescue me while he sings me a couple songs and starts to talk about how he went to school here back in the day and how he plays the fiddle and how he auditioned for jo Dee Messina yesterday and yadda yadda yadda. Then about 30 minutes later he tells me that it's my turn to play for him. To which I replied "I don't think so... I don't really play.. no I never do that... ummm..etc etc." Long story short: I caved in and did it! Ahhhh where has my dignity gone?! He told me that since he wasn't a guitar player and he still played me 2 songs that it was only fair that I at least do one for him. So I gave in and did it, which is really shocking to me right now even 4 hours later, but I figured it was the only way he would leave me alone and vacate the premises... and I was right! After I had finished he threw out the mandatory compliments and then told me that he liked the way I breathed and that it reminded him of his ex-girlfriend... and then went into that for a bit. (what is it with me and strange men and their ex's??)
Finally after about 45 minutes, he got up and went to try and find his friend.
See... weirdos. How do they find me??
Brian. What can I say? Special. So... I'm at work, and everyone has left, so I'm sitting here IMing, minding my own business, when I hear a knock at the door. So I get up and there he is, random guy in his very late 20's with old jeans, a long sleeved shirt, too many rings, hair that has had way more attention than my own, and the faint smell of cigars. He comes in and hands me this teensy tiny piecec of trash and asks me to throw it away for him, saying that he "might be back later... I'm just waiting on someone." but then he sees my guitar case, and asks if I play guitar, I say "occassionally" and he informs me that he'll "Come right back." And come right back he does! In fact, he returns a few moments later and waltzes right into the office, opens the guitar case, pulls out the guitar sits down on the couch and starts to play. No joke. Never met this guy in my life. So there I sat, not really knowing what to do, wishing that someone would come along and rescue me while he sings me a couple songs and starts to talk about how he went to school here back in the day and how he plays the fiddle and how he auditioned for jo Dee Messina yesterday and yadda yadda yadda. Then about 30 minutes later he tells me that it's my turn to play for him. To which I replied "I don't think so... I don't really play.. no I never do that... ummm..etc etc." Long story short: I caved in and did it! Ahhhh where has my dignity gone?! He told me that since he wasn't a guitar player and he still played me 2 songs that it was only fair that I at least do one for him. So I gave in and did it, which is really shocking to me right now even 4 hours later, but I figured it was the only way he would leave me alone and vacate the premises... and I was right! After I had finished he threw out the mandatory compliments and then told me that he liked the way I breathed and that it reminded him of his ex-girlfriend... and then went into that for a bit. (what is it with me and strange men and their ex's??)
Finally after about 45 minutes, he got up and went to try and find his friend.
See... weirdos. How do they find me??
sharing is caring
-One day I'll be on here.. or perhaps I already am...
-New Bright Eyes video.
-Effective "Safe-Sex" Advertising?
-Wall Art.
-New Bright Eyes video.
-Effective "Safe-Sex" Advertising?
-Wall Art.
4.04.2005
First things first
So for those of you out of the loop, this weekend I attended a "Festival of Faith and Music" at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI. We left thursday and returned today... good times. I got to meet David Dark and Steve Stockman and Sarah Masen and Sufjan Stevens, and David Bazan (yes, that's right... David Bazan... aka: pedro the lion...aka:headphones) and Josh and Nick, the editor and publisher of "Paste" magazine, and some strange guy who sang in a tree suit... hahahaha. Sorry, had to be there, but I've got pics... I'll work on getting those up soon.
So yes.. good weekend. We even managed a "detour" into Chicago for an hour on the way up, which means that I have been to/thru 10 states in the the month of May! Sheesh, you'd think I was actually a musician or something. And to think, if the AIDS march had been moved up a week, then I could have counted DC also...
Alas, I digress... so the conference: very nice, lots of thoughts, not near enough time. Workshops included, "Poetry and Pentecost: In Every Voice a Story," and "Storm the Reality Studio: Experiments in Telling the Truth" and "Signs of Life in Popular Culture" and "Gotta Let the Whole Kingdom Come" and "Crumbs from Your Table- U2 and Justice" and David Bazan addressing concepts of "truth" and "empathy" and the "creative process." Obviously there were some very interesting opinions present. And of course, the concerts were all excellent, even if a few were bizarre....
On a random note.. over the past year I have noticed that when it comes to the "CCM style" or, dare I say... nevermind, I'm not going there right now... but when it comes to "CCM style" events/workshops/retreats/seminars and whatnot there tend to be 3 times as many females as males... however, at RUF events/workshops/retreats/seminars and whatnot, there tend to be 3 times as many males as females... hmmmmm. Not that I'm complaining, but it does make me wonder... and i've come up with some possible explanations, such as the fact that the "CCM style" is usually more 'emotionally driven' ex; "how does this make you feel?" etc etc... whereas the 'RUF style" tends to be more "intellectually driven" ex; "what do you think about this?" etc etc. obviously we could play around with the "names" of these groups...but I'd rather not start a huge debate. At least not now. And yes, I am well aware that this could (and probably will) be completely misinterpreted. I'm simply making an observation and offering a possible solution... don't crucify me. Down feminists, down...if it makes you feel any better... in all my volunteering adventures, I've had to pull teeth to get guys to show up...well, almost always... but generally speaking, we've always had gals in excess.. while the male representation is always an issue.
okey doke, it's 9:00 and my body has begun to betray me. "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired..." hahahahand that's my cue...
To bed I said.
So yes.. good weekend. We even managed a "detour" into Chicago for an hour on the way up, which means that I have been to/thru 10 states in the the month of May! Sheesh, you'd think I was actually a musician or something. And to think, if the AIDS march had been moved up a week, then I could have counted DC also...
Alas, I digress... so the conference: very nice, lots of thoughts, not near enough time. Workshops included, "Poetry and Pentecost: In Every Voice a Story," and "Storm the Reality Studio: Experiments in Telling the Truth" and "Signs of Life in Popular Culture" and "Gotta Let the Whole Kingdom Come" and "Crumbs from Your Table- U2 and Justice" and David Bazan addressing concepts of "truth" and "empathy" and the "creative process." Obviously there were some very interesting opinions present. And of course, the concerts were all excellent, even if a few were bizarre....
On a random note.. over the past year I have noticed that when it comes to the "CCM style" or, dare I say... nevermind, I'm not going there right now... but when it comes to "CCM style" events/workshops/retreats/seminars and whatnot there tend to be 3 times as many females as males... however, at RUF events/workshops/retreats/seminars and whatnot, there tend to be 3 times as many males as females... hmmmmm. Not that I'm complaining, but it does make me wonder... and i've come up with some possible explanations, such as the fact that the "CCM style" is usually more 'emotionally driven' ex; "how does this make you feel?" etc etc... whereas the 'RUF style" tends to be more "intellectually driven" ex; "what do you think about this?" etc etc. obviously we could play around with the "names" of these groups...but I'd rather not start a huge debate. At least not now. And yes, I am well aware that this could (and probably will) be completely misinterpreted. I'm simply making an observation and offering a possible solution... don't crucify me. Down feminists, down...if it makes you feel any better... in all my volunteering adventures, I've had to pull teeth to get guys to show up...well, almost always... but generally speaking, we've always had gals in excess.. while the male representation is always an issue.
okey doke, it's 9:00 and my body has begun to betray me. "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired..." hahahahand that's my cue...
To bed I said.
4.03.2005
Where to begin?
Hey ya'll. First off, let me say that I am not even going to attempt to be cohesive, because not only would it be a mockery of the current state of things, but it would also require too much effort. In short, I have a lot on my mind, probably too much. Do you ever have those days where you're processing so much information and so many emotions that it literally wears you out? I have so much to say, but no way to say it. What I really need is one of those 1am walks where I can just go and think aloud and wander the neighborhood until I reach some sort of calm... but sleep deprivation has taken its toll, and Nashville isn't exactly Bethany, OK... or Frankfurt; and unfortunately Tennessee has no vacant rooftops and moonlit oceans awaiting my troubles either...
I miss you guys.
Sometimes it's rough having your closest friends be so far away.
I miss you guys.
Sometimes it's rough having your closest friends be so far away.
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