I could have sworn that I had quit acting and was finished with drama back in high school... but apparently I was mistaken.
(and no, I don't do drugs...relax)
“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition - that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.” - Frederick Buechner
3.31.2005
3.30.2005
Accentuate the Positive..
Alrighty, so I would really like to post and entry that is chock full of whining and complaining, but for once in my life I refuse to throw a pity party (even though we all remember how fun those were.... I think I gained 10 pounds senior year.. haha)
Sooooooo because those who would normally break into a fresh chorus of "Cheer up Charlie" are a few hundred miles away, I am going to fight every urge to be Debbie Downer by reminding myself, and perhaps a few others, of why life is not 1/2 as bad as we think it is.. (even if it really and truly is...ahhh down debbie down...)
-cue cheesy happy music-
...I could complain about how much I hate school at the moment, but let's face it, the minute it's over I'll be all melancholy about how I miss school and I'll probably spen way too much time "remembering the good ole days" or whatever, so I've decided to take it for what it's worth and enjoy what I can. So who's up for a Serialism matrix party?!? (see, the fact that I know what that means, and chances are that most of you don't... that makes me happy... haha and there were those who doubted that I could be conceited)
.... I could mention how my legs hurt, but I'd rather enjoy the fact that I can technically call myself a "runner" now, becuase I spent most of my life thinking I would never be one, and as much as I hate doing it, I gain a small sense of satisfaction everytime I go through with it.
....out of courtesy I will not mention our weather.. but yes, it is cause to be happy.
.... I could write a dissertation on how annoying it is when people sign up to volunteer and then no-call/no-show... BUT I will not, because I've decided that it is far better to have a small group of people who truly care and are committed, than a large group of people who are in it for all they can get. And I am blessed to work with several such individuals, thus, life is good.
....I suppose I could whine about how I sometimes feel like my friends use and abuse me, but at the same time I have to admit that I on some level it feels good to know that my friends consider me a giving and dependable person
... I could also mention how I'm so over being asked to play the "middleman" for some people, but at least they trust me and value my opinion enough to ask... even if I still refuse to do it.. which I do.. so please stop asking.
...I could throw several pity parties over the loss of so many friends to marriage lately =), but really i'm happy for them, and I really like all the spouses thus far. You've picked great sinners folks. I'm proud of you. hahaha (I swear I mean that as a compliment)
....I could definitely cry over my need for some help with all this event planning that's going on, but at the same time it's teaching me that on one hand i can handle more than I thought, and on the other, that at times I need people more than I am willing to admit.. and those are some valuable lessons.. even if they aren't so much fun to figure out.
... There are times when we all mope around wishing that people would do and say the things that we want them to do and say, but we have to come to grips with the fact that people will not always do what we want them to do, otherwise they'd be just like us... and Lord knows we don't need a world full of Danica's running around... as cool as that would undoubtedly be. =)
Ok well.. I'm in a better mood now (and I didn't even have to play Willy Wonka music, so HA!)
Have a great day, and if you need any excuses to do so... let me know.
tchus ya'll.
Sooooooo because those who would normally break into a fresh chorus of "Cheer up Charlie" are a few hundred miles away, I am going to fight every urge to be Debbie Downer by reminding myself, and perhaps a few others, of why life is not 1/2 as bad as we think it is.. (even if it really and truly is...ahhh down debbie down...)
-cue cheesy happy music-
...I could complain about how much I hate school at the moment, but let's face it, the minute it's over I'll be all melancholy about how I miss school and I'll probably spen way too much time "remembering the good ole days" or whatever, so I've decided to take it for what it's worth and enjoy what I can. So who's up for a Serialism matrix party?!? (see, the fact that I know what that means, and chances are that most of you don't... that makes me happy... haha and there were those who doubted that I could be conceited)
.... I could mention how my legs hurt, but I'd rather enjoy the fact that I can technically call myself a "runner" now, becuase I spent most of my life thinking I would never be one, and as much as I hate doing it, I gain a small sense of satisfaction everytime I go through with it.
....out of courtesy I will not mention our weather.. but yes, it is cause to be happy.
.... I could write a dissertation on how annoying it is when people sign up to volunteer and then no-call/no-show... BUT I will not, because I've decided that it is far better to have a small group of people who truly care and are committed, than a large group of people who are in it for all they can get. And I am blessed to work with several such individuals, thus, life is good.
....I suppose I could whine about how I sometimes feel like my friends use and abuse me, but at the same time I have to admit that I on some level it feels good to know that my friends consider me a giving and dependable person
... I could also mention how I'm so over being asked to play the "middleman" for some people, but at least they trust me and value my opinion enough to ask... even if I still refuse to do it.. which I do.. so please stop asking.
...I could throw several pity parties over the loss of so many friends to marriage lately =), but really i'm happy for them, and I really like all the spouses thus far. You've picked great sinners folks. I'm proud of you. hahaha (I swear I mean that as a compliment)
....I could definitely cry over my need for some help with all this event planning that's going on, but at the same time it's teaching me that on one hand i can handle more than I thought, and on the other, that at times I need people more than I am willing to admit.. and those are some valuable lessons.. even if they aren't so much fun to figure out.
... There are times when we all mope around wishing that people would do and say the things that we want them to do and say, but we have to come to grips with the fact that people will not always do what we want them to do, otherwise they'd be just like us... and Lord knows we don't need a world full of Danica's running around... as cool as that would undoubtedly be. =)
Ok well.. I'm in a better mood now (and I didn't even have to play Willy Wonka music, so HA!)
Have a great day, and if you need any excuses to do so... let me know.
tchus ya'll.
Titles are Over-Rated.
So I just finished what turned out to be a mediocre paper over an excellent topic. I hate when that happens, but the words just weren't comming, and I'm on deadline now (even though I started writing this 2 days ago) so it's just gonna have to work.
Today I've managed to have a make-up voice lesson cancelled, I'm skipping Music History right now, and it looks as though I'll be passing on Oratorio this afternoon since I have an interview at 3... but I will be attending my Music Theory class at 1. I'm so ready to be done with school. But then what? Yeah, I'm in one of those moods...
As it stands, I've been up since 8 and I've sent out 6 e-mails, submitted 2 BIC entries, finished a paper, avoided 2 phone calls, and am working on my 3rd cup of coffee.
Next on the list? Laundry, cleaning, meeting agendas, and a Music theory video assignment. Good times.
Oh yeah, and packing sooner or later....
Today I've managed to have a make-up voice lesson cancelled, I'm skipping Music History right now, and it looks as though I'll be passing on Oratorio this afternoon since I have an interview at 3... but I will be attending my Music Theory class at 1. I'm so ready to be done with school. But then what? Yeah, I'm in one of those moods...
As it stands, I've been up since 8 and I've sent out 6 e-mails, submitted 2 BIC entries, finished a paper, avoided 2 phone calls, and am working on my 3rd cup of coffee.
Next on the list? Laundry, cleaning, meeting agendas, and a Music theory video assignment. Good times.
Oh yeah, and packing sooner or later....
Lip-service anyone?
I used to think that nothing was worse than saying something hateful that you don't mean in the heat of the moment.. but I'm starting to believe that saying something nice that you don't mean in the heat of the moment is far worse.
3.28.2005
One of those days.
There are times where I question pacifism. Today was one of those times. You know how those days go, where every little thing threatens to push you over the edge... like people who sit behind you and talk through a presentation and the friend next to you who text messages a friend who is sitting 2 rows ahead for 45minutes non-stop, or the incessant freezing cold rain that just so happens to get excited everytime you head outside, and the huge puddles that jump on you, or the photocopier that won't work when you only need 1 page copied, or the auxilirary services woman that, God help her, cannot seem to give you the correct room reservation information that you need if her life depended on it, or when you can't spell auxiliary, or the check you've been waiting on for almost 2 months now that has yet to come, or the words that fail to come when you actually attempt to write a paper ahead of schedule, or when all the vandy volunteer parking spots are taken and the parking garage is under construction, or when you manage to drop your planner face down into nice-sized body of water, or when you're forced to leave a message the one time you actually have to speak with your accompianist...
Yeah... not such a fan of days like these.
Yeah... not such a fan of days like these.
3.26.2005
Ubuntu to You
I finally finished Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together” and yes, you were all correct, it was amazing. Kinda sad that it’s taken me this long to get through it, considering I started during Christmas break, but I have this habit of speed-reading when I really get into something, and as a result sometimes I don’t absorb it as well as i should, so I decided that I would take my time with this one. I don’t even know where to begin with this book, so I think I’m not going to start at all, but rather I’ll highly recommend it to all of you. Go read it, you won’t be disappointed.
Moving right along in my nonfiction adventures, today I started reading David Dark’s “Everyday Apocalypse” and it is awesome. Wow. So good. And I get to meet him this weekend at this faith and arts conference that I’m going to in Grand Rapids, MI.. good times.
One quick word on the weather which has been so wonderful that I almost feel guilty talking about it, because I know it can’t be this nice everywhere. It’s been great because I can leave my windows open wherever I am, and I’ve been able to go run outside for the first time in a while. But yeah, the past couple of days it’s been as if I were back in San Diego, just no ocean or sand or cliffs or In n Out, or real mexican food or anything.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about several things.. I don’t really know where to start, or where this will go, but I figure what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t ramble on and on until you’ve made some sort of sense out of things? So here goes nothing...or maybe something, I’m not quite sure.
N.T. Wright says that “The struggle to understand a parable is the struggle for a new world to be born.” I got to thinking about this and it led me to start thinking about how difficult is it to understand a life, especially your own. I’ve heard it said that life as we know it is caught in a cosmic balance and that we are living in ‘the in between” so to speak.. as if we are stuck in the Saturday after Christ’s death, anxiously awaiting that glorious Sunday morning. Now I’m not about to discuss apocalyptic ideas or theories on how the “end times” will play out.. because the point I am trying to make has more to do with learning how to understand life, yourself, and others based on the fact that we’re living in a fallen world that has unfinished business, regardless of the specific details of the ending.
One of my biggest flaws (besides being incredibly impatient and an occasional control freak), is that I tend to care way too much about what other people think. At times that’s an asset I guess, but I have a tendency to do it to a fault. I’ve always considered myself a genuine person, and I try to be “real” with people, but over the past couple of years I began to notice the excessive amount of time and energy I was spending trying to please other people, to make myself ‘acceptable” in their sight. I realized that too often I would pick and choose words and actions based on others’ reactions, and it hit me... that’s not being real. That’s not being honest. In reality that’s trying to manipulate people, a fatal attempt to control how others saw me. (ahh control.. at least my flaws are consistent) Or worse, in some situations I would find myself completely avoiding relationships with people because I figured we had no way to relate to each other. So this is something I’ve been working on for a while now, and it’s not always easy. Sure, some relationships come easily, almost without effort.. most of our closest friendships are this way. But I have to wonder... Jesus says to “Love thy neighbor” and I’ve decided that to force a perception of myself onto others, to assume that I could know their opinion of me, or to think we share no common bond and thus, should avoid any sort of communion with one another, is not loving my neighbor.
It’s strange because there is a part of me that finds it extremely odd when people are afraid to share their true selves with others. It’s as if I expect everyone to feel completely open and safe with me, and yet, at times I struggle to be that way with people because I fear being judged or misunderstood. Let’s be honest, we all have “those fears”... the fear that you are nothing more than ordinary, that your thoughts and ideas and creations are nothing more than poorly regurgitated works of another man’s genius. The fear that the mundane things you’ve tried to exploit as intriguing will one day reveal themselves. The fear that everyone else will see right through you. The fear that you could never be enough.
There is this amazing ancient African term: “Ubuntu” that means “humanity to others” and is used to say “I am who I am because of who we all are.” Now I won’t go off on another one of my “solidarity soapboxes”.. but seriously. That is so true.. we are only people because of other people... and that is a beautiful thing. I would love to say that if we all really and truly believed “ubuntu” then we wouldn’t struggle with being ourselves... however, I really and truly believe ‘ubuntu’ and I still have a hard time letting go... maybe it’s because I know that not everyone subscribes to that line of thinking... Regardless, ubuntu reminds us that everyone, every person on earth, has a common bond with each other through our very humanity. As christians we know this to be true in that we all are sinners in need of God... we’re all on the same road, trying to make sense out of a place that is incomplete and unresolved. Indeed to try and understand it is to “struggle for a new world to be born.” So, for me, admitting that we all are in the same boat, on the same level, in the same situation, made it all the more necessary for me to learn to let go of stressing out over “what people think.”
This past year God has been teaching me so much about Himself, and about myself... There have been many times where I haven’t been so receptive to what He’s had to say.. Like when he decided to inform me that it’s possible make an idol out of other people and their opinions when they become the driving force of your life rather than God and His opinion. He’s shown me that, at the end of the day, the problems I have with myself (or pretty much any problem for that matter) generally relate back to some problem I have in understanding the nature of God. (Ex: We want to control others’ perception of us because we want to be accepted. We try to be what they’re looking for because we fear that being ourselves would never meet their approval .. could it be possible that sometimes we feel like we have to attain God’s acceptance, and that we fear that he wouldn’t take us as we are?.. hmmm) But more than anything, He’s never failed to show me that He loves me.. and that alone is reason enough for me to keep on keeping on, and to value His opinion as the only one that really matters.
I’ve always figured that you can’t really relate to others until you’ve come to understand yourself. So I’m not quite sure if this post serves any other purpose than to figure myself out a bit more. I suppose there is no way to fully understand a life, to really and truly “define” a person.. in many ways, to try and do so would again be “ a struggle for a new world to be born.” But if I had to sum up who we are, who I am, I guess I’d have to say that I’m just a girl caught in the days in between... but most importantly, I am His child.
Moving right along in my nonfiction adventures, today I started reading David Dark’s “Everyday Apocalypse” and it is awesome. Wow. So good. And I get to meet him this weekend at this faith and arts conference that I’m going to in Grand Rapids, MI.. good times.
One quick word on the weather which has been so wonderful that I almost feel guilty talking about it, because I know it can’t be this nice everywhere. It’s been great because I can leave my windows open wherever I am, and I’ve been able to go run outside for the first time in a while. But yeah, the past couple of days it’s been as if I were back in San Diego, just no ocean or sand or cliffs or In n Out, or real mexican food or anything.
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about several things.. I don’t really know where to start, or where this will go, but I figure what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t ramble on and on until you’ve made some sort of sense out of things? So here goes nothing...or maybe something, I’m not quite sure.
N.T. Wright says that “The struggle to understand a parable is the struggle for a new world to be born.” I got to thinking about this and it led me to start thinking about how difficult is it to understand a life, especially your own. I’ve heard it said that life as we know it is caught in a cosmic balance and that we are living in ‘the in between” so to speak.. as if we are stuck in the Saturday after Christ’s death, anxiously awaiting that glorious Sunday morning. Now I’m not about to discuss apocalyptic ideas or theories on how the “end times” will play out.. because the point I am trying to make has more to do with learning how to understand life, yourself, and others based on the fact that we’re living in a fallen world that has unfinished business, regardless of the specific details of the ending.
One of my biggest flaws (besides being incredibly impatient and an occasional control freak), is that I tend to care way too much about what other people think. At times that’s an asset I guess, but I have a tendency to do it to a fault. I’ve always considered myself a genuine person, and I try to be “real” with people, but over the past couple of years I began to notice the excessive amount of time and energy I was spending trying to please other people, to make myself ‘acceptable” in their sight. I realized that too often I would pick and choose words and actions based on others’ reactions, and it hit me... that’s not being real. That’s not being honest. In reality that’s trying to manipulate people, a fatal attempt to control how others saw me. (ahh control.. at least my flaws are consistent) Or worse, in some situations I would find myself completely avoiding relationships with people because I figured we had no way to relate to each other. So this is something I’ve been working on for a while now, and it’s not always easy. Sure, some relationships come easily, almost without effort.. most of our closest friendships are this way. But I have to wonder... Jesus says to “Love thy neighbor” and I’ve decided that to force a perception of myself onto others, to assume that I could know their opinion of me, or to think we share no common bond and thus, should avoid any sort of communion with one another, is not loving my neighbor.
It’s strange because there is a part of me that finds it extremely odd when people are afraid to share their true selves with others. It’s as if I expect everyone to feel completely open and safe with me, and yet, at times I struggle to be that way with people because I fear being judged or misunderstood. Let’s be honest, we all have “those fears”... the fear that you are nothing more than ordinary, that your thoughts and ideas and creations are nothing more than poorly regurgitated works of another man’s genius. The fear that the mundane things you’ve tried to exploit as intriguing will one day reveal themselves. The fear that everyone else will see right through you. The fear that you could never be enough.
There is this amazing ancient African term: “Ubuntu” that means “humanity to others” and is used to say “I am who I am because of who we all are.” Now I won’t go off on another one of my “solidarity soapboxes”.. but seriously. That is so true.. we are only people because of other people... and that is a beautiful thing. I would love to say that if we all really and truly believed “ubuntu” then we wouldn’t struggle with being ourselves... however, I really and truly believe ‘ubuntu’ and I still have a hard time letting go... maybe it’s because I know that not everyone subscribes to that line of thinking... Regardless, ubuntu reminds us that everyone, every person on earth, has a common bond with each other through our very humanity. As christians we know this to be true in that we all are sinners in need of God... we’re all on the same road, trying to make sense out of a place that is incomplete and unresolved. Indeed to try and understand it is to “struggle for a new world to be born.” So, for me, admitting that we all are in the same boat, on the same level, in the same situation, made it all the more necessary for me to learn to let go of stressing out over “what people think.”
This past year God has been teaching me so much about Himself, and about myself... There have been many times where I haven’t been so receptive to what He’s had to say.. Like when he decided to inform me that it’s possible make an idol out of other people and their opinions when they become the driving force of your life rather than God and His opinion. He’s shown me that, at the end of the day, the problems I have with myself (or pretty much any problem for that matter) generally relate back to some problem I have in understanding the nature of God. (Ex: We want to control others’ perception of us because we want to be accepted. We try to be what they’re looking for because we fear that being ourselves would never meet their approval .. could it be possible that sometimes we feel like we have to attain God’s acceptance, and that we fear that he wouldn’t take us as we are?.. hmmm) But more than anything, He’s never failed to show me that He loves me.. and that alone is reason enough for me to keep on keeping on, and to value His opinion as the only one that really matters.
I’ve always figured that you can’t really relate to others until you’ve come to understand yourself. So I’m not quite sure if this post serves any other purpose than to figure myself out a bit more. I suppose there is no way to fully understand a life, to really and truly “define” a person.. in many ways, to try and do so would again be “ a struggle for a new world to be born.” But if I had to sum up who we are, who I am, I guess I’d have to say that I’m just a girl caught in the days in between... but most importantly, I am His child.
3.24.2005
Definitely a Beatles person.
I'd like to take a moment to thank OSU for giving me the opportunity to throw things in my apartment while yelling. Seriously boys.. way to be. Thanks. I shoulda known better.. ever since Boston won sports have done nothing but let me down.
However.. my other 3 teams managed to do what I asked. yay for Louisville, Illinois and West Virginia... I'm thinking Illinois might go all the way... but we'll see.
In other news... I was very good today, I went to Target and I only spent about $30! That's pretty darn good if I do say so myself.. I almost bought 3 DVD's, but I restrained myself.. plus I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to own Pulp Fiction (even if it was the criterion edition for $10... See what you've done to me Josh?!?! there is no reason for me to think like this. Thanks.) However I did buy a CD and a random electronic game that april introduced me to.. both on impulse of course.. both completely unnecessary. If only I could get clothes that easily! Then again, it's probably best that I don't. Hmm.
Jules this next part is just for you because I put on "Sounds of Fall" in my car today, and it made me smile even though it was kinda bittersweet, so after a few moments I made a decision... watch your mail cause Danica's "Sounds of Early Spring" is on its way. Here's a preview of what will bring me back 6 months from now...
"Into the Dark"........................The juliana theory
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"........Jack Johnson
"Blind"......................................Lifehouse
"God Will Lift Up Your Head"....Jars of Clay
'Walking With a Ghost".............Tegan and Sarah
"Collide"..................................Howie Day
"Love will Come to You"...........Indigo Girls
"Every Ship Must Sail Away".....Blue Merle
"Breathe (2am)".......................Anna Nallick
Pretty much all of "Keep it Together'
And much much more. Yay!
What will we all do when I get a real job?? =)
Speaking of real jobs.. I've started thinking of what sorts of jobs I'd ideally like to do (keyword being ideally).. here's what I've come up with...
1. How fun would it be to be the person who compiles the soundtracks to movies? I could do that.. that's pretty much all we did in Harmony III part one. And it is fun indeed.
2. I wouldn't mind being the person who gets to pick the first single for new albums. Unfortunately there is no one person who does that, but if there were.. that would be nice. I feel qualified enough for that...some might call that A&R... but I don't want to find one good song out of every 10,000 that I hear... I'd rather pick the best of 12. (and I'd go against the grain and make it something other than track 3 or 4 for once...)
3. Becoming a "Professional Wanderer" becomes more and more appealing each day.
4. While I am hesitant, I wouldn't mind running a band's nonprofit depending on the cause and the band.
5. There is that whole musician idea...
6. I've always thought that Belmont could use an office of Community Relations, something that served as a liason between the school and the community, that linked students with outside organizations... that coordinated the service-learning programs and community service.
7. I "interviewed" an RD candidate for Belmont today.. so there is that idea, but seriously, i don't think I could handle that.. A) living on campus.. boo and B) belmont definitely abuses the RD's and most all of their employees... seriously it's shady.
8. Disney Cruise Lines does recruit out of Belmont... hahahahaha
9. Bread For the World has asked me to consider interning with them in DC
10. Heart to Heart International invited me to go to China with them this summer, and to Africa in '06
11. We could always go back to Katie's 7th grade plan for my life which included me being a Broadway star, then moving to Hollywood (where I would let my hott coworkers rehearse our make-out scenes with my friends first) where I would take the silverscreen by storm, landing me the opportunity to go on Oprah. Hahaha I love you Katie... (bet you thought I forgot about that one.. oh no.. and I have the notes to prove it too... Too bad you're married now. Darn....no warming up my coworkers for you. =) haha j/k)
12. I do think it would be fun to be the voice of a cartoon character.
13. I used to beg God not to send me to japan as a missionary (haha I don't know where I came up with this stuff), and while I higly doubt that's the plan... being a missionary would defintely be interesting... I just wouldn't want to do it alone.
14. Sometimes I get the urge to go speak to high schools and youth groups and churches about service and christianity and how at one point in time they went together... and how they should be the ones leading the fight against poverty and hunger and AIDS and homelessness and the like... and how christians should do more than occasionally feel concerned. But I defintely do not feel qualified to do that yet. Maybe someday.
So yeah long post. Feel free to vote on a career... your opinion will have just as much effect as it did on Nov. 2nd. (and no, that's not a bash or endorsement of any particular party, but rather a commentary on America's voting system)
=) Night y'all.
However.. my other 3 teams managed to do what I asked. yay for Louisville, Illinois and West Virginia... I'm thinking Illinois might go all the way... but we'll see.
In other news... I was very good today, I went to Target and I only spent about $30! That's pretty darn good if I do say so myself.. I almost bought 3 DVD's, but I restrained myself.. plus I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to own Pulp Fiction (even if it was the criterion edition for $10... See what you've done to me Josh?!?! there is no reason for me to think like this. Thanks.) However I did buy a CD and a random electronic game that april introduced me to.. both on impulse of course.. both completely unnecessary. If only I could get clothes that easily! Then again, it's probably best that I don't. Hmm.
Jules this next part is just for you because I put on "Sounds of Fall" in my car today, and it made me smile even though it was kinda bittersweet, so after a few moments I made a decision... watch your mail cause Danica's "Sounds of Early Spring" is on its way. Here's a preview of what will bring me back 6 months from now...
"Into the Dark"........................The juliana theory
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"........Jack Johnson
"Blind"......................................Lifehouse
"God Will Lift Up Your Head"....Jars of Clay
'Walking With a Ghost".............Tegan and Sarah
"Collide"..................................Howie Day
"Love will Come to You"...........Indigo Girls
"Every Ship Must Sail Away".....Blue Merle
"Breathe (2am)".......................Anna Nallick
Pretty much all of "Keep it Together'
And much much more. Yay!
What will we all do when I get a real job?? =)
Speaking of real jobs.. I've started thinking of what sorts of jobs I'd ideally like to do (keyword being ideally).. here's what I've come up with...
1. How fun would it be to be the person who compiles the soundtracks to movies? I could do that.. that's pretty much all we did in Harmony III part one. And it is fun indeed.
2. I wouldn't mind being the person who gets to pick the first single for new albums. Unfortunately there is no one person who does that, but if there were.. that would be nice. I feel qualified enough for that...some might call that A&R... but I don't want to find one good song out of every 10,000 that I hear... I'd rather pick the best of 12. (and I'd go against the grain and make it something other than track 3 or 4 for once...)
3. Becoming a "Professional Wanderer" becomes more and more appealing each day.
4. While I am hesitant, I wouldn't mind running a band's nonprofit depending on the cause and the band.
5. There is that whole musician idea...
6. I've always thought that Belmont could use an office of Community Relations, something that served as a liason between the school and the community, that linked students with outside organizations... that coordinated the service-learning programs and community service.
7. I "interviewed" an RD candidate for Belmont today.. so there is that idea, but seriously, i don't think I could handle that.. A) living on campus.. boo and B) belmont definitely abuses the RD's and most all of their employees... seriously it's shady.
8. Disney Cruise Lines does recruit out of Belmont... hahahahaha
9. Bread For the World has asked me to consider interning with them in DC
10. Heart to Heart International invited me to go to China with them this summer, and to Africa in '06
11. We could always go back to Katie's 7th grade plan for my life which included me being a Broadway star, then moving to Hollywood (where I would let my hott coworkers rehearse our make-out scenes with my friends first) where I would take the silverscreen by storm, landing me the opportunity to go on Oprah. Hahaha I love you Katie... (bet you thought I forgot about that one.. oh no.. and I have the notes to prove it too... Too bad you're married now. Darn....no warming up my coworkers for you. =) haha j/k)
12. I do think it would be fun to be the voice of a cartoon character.
13. I used to beg God not to send me to japan as a missionary (haha I don't know where I came up with this stuff), and while I higly doubt that's the plan... being a missionary would defintely be interesting... I just wouldn't want to do it alone.
14. Sometimes I get the urge to go speak to high schools and youth groups and churches about service and christianity and how at one point in time they went together... and how they should be the ones leading the fight against poverty and hunger and AIDS and homelessness and the like... and how christians should do more than occasionally feel concerned. But I defintely do not feel qualified to do that yet. Maybe someday.
So yeah long post. Feel free to vote on a career... your opinion will have just as much effect as it did on Nov. 2nd. (and no, that's not a bash or endorsement of any particular party, but rather a commentary on America's voting system)
=) Night y'all.
3.23.2005
"You won't get too far with me, believing everything you read."
So apparently I just jinxed myself by mentioning the weather.
I know I've mentioned this before, but 10X10 is probably one of the coolest sites ever! It seriously is the coolest way to get the news.
Speaking of news... I have been good lately by refusing to comment on several things. Impressive isn't it? Now I'm still not going to "comment" but I thought I might "mention" the Indian Patent Bill situation... I'm sure some of you have no idea what I'm talking about, and that's just sad... I'm not going to "say" anything.. heaven knows my reputation precedes me, but if you're interested, there are some interesting articles here, and here, and here.. (I figure as long as it's someone other than me discussing the issue, it might hold a little more weight for some of you) And for the record, I tried to be fair and balanced but surprise surprise, FOX had no articles.
K done.
I know I've mentioned this before, but 10X10 is probably one of the coolest sites ever! It seriously is the coolest way to get the news.
Speaking of news... I have been good lately by refusing to comment on several things. Impressive isn't it? Now I'm still not going to "comment" but I thought I might "mention" the Indian Patent Bill situation... I'm sure some of you have no idea what I'm talking about, and that's just sad... I'm not going to "say" anything.. heaven knows my reputation precedes me, but if you're interested, there are some interesting articles here, and here, and here.. (I figure as long as it's someone other than me discussing the issue, it might hold a little more weight for some of you) And for the record, I tried to be fair and balanced but surprise surprise, FOX had no articles.
K done.
Gonna write you a letter, gonna write you a book, gonna post stupid random things, just to see how it looks...
I want to marry whoever invented wireless internet. Seriously, I don't know how I'd get through class without it... I'd probably have to apply myself or something. Scary thought.
Anyhow, I thought I would take a moment to talk about the weather, becuase it's pretty much been awesome. Last night we had a thunderstorm, yay! (That's one cool thing I will say about Oklahoma... our thunderstorms are the coolest, and I miss them when I'm not home...even if tornados smash trees into our cars...) So yeah, it's been rainy but the temperature has been just right, you know, like when you don't need heat or air and you can just leave your windows open and you can feel spring coming and it makes you crave baja burrito. Ahh so nice. Unfortunately I'm headed to Michigan next weekend, and I'm betting that will not be warm. =(
So Easter is upon us, and I'm sticking around the 'ville. Now that I think about it, I've spent Easter in a different state every year since high school. Freshman year I experienced Bakersfield, CA (aka:the ghetto..haha), last year I went to Asheville, NC and this year I'll be here. I thought about going home since I probably won't be back in the grassland until August, but I decided against it since 1) gas prices are insane 2) 20+ hours in the car in 4 days 3) My car hates me, and 4) Working when the school is closed is easy easy easy money. So yeah, I'm on duty thursday/friday/and saturday. Good times.
Well it looks like this lecture is wrapping up... so I better sign off for now.
Till next time, don't be like me... go to class, pay attention, and be respectful.
Anyhow, I thought I would take a moment to talk about the weather, becuase it's pretty much been awesome. Last night we had a thunderstorm, yay! (That's one cool thing I will say about Oklahoma... our thunderstorms are the coolest, and I miss them when I'm not home...even if tornados smash trees into our cars...) So yeah, it's been rainy but the temperature has been just right, you know, like when you don't need heat or air and you can just leave your windows open and you can feel spring coming and it makes you crave baja burrito. Ahh so nice. Unfortunately I'm headed to Michigan next weekend, and I'm betting that will not be warm. =(
So Easter is upon us, and I'm sticking around the 'ville. Now that I think about it, I've spent Easter in a different state every year since high school. Freshman year I experienced Bakersfield, CA (aka:the ghetto..haha), last year I went to Asheville, NC and this year I'll be here. I thought about going home since I probably won't be back in the grassland until August, but I decided against it since 1) gas prices are insane 2) 20+ hours in the car in 4 days 3) My car hates me, and 4) Working when the school is closed is easy easy easy money. So yeah, I'm on duty thursday/friday/and saturday. Good times.
Well it looks like this lecture is wrapping up... so I better sign off for now.
Till next time, don't be like me... go to class, pay attention, and be respectful.
3.21.2005
I like dreamin'
Illinois
Ok. State
Louisville
W. Virginia
N. Carolina
NC State
Duke
Kentucky
-----------------
Ok. State
Louisville
N. Carolina
Duke
-----------------
Ok. State
N. Carolina
-----------------
Ok State. (as much as I loathe them)
Now if I could only care 1/2 this much about Music History...
Ok. State
Louisville
W. Virginia
N. Carolina
NC State
Duke
Kentucky
-----------------
Ok. State
Louisville
N. Carolina
Duke
-----------------
Ok. State
N. Carolina
-----------------
Ok State. (as much as I loathe them)
Now if I could only care 1/2 this much about Music History...
3.20.2005
Here We Go Again.
Just when I think I've reached the point of being relatable, life decides to remind me that there will be times where that's impossible.
Or maybe it's not that I'm "unrelatable," but more that I have a hard time faking comfort while attempting to be relatable.
Jesus hung out with all sorts of interesting people, so I'm glad we have that in common.. the problem is that He always knew what to do and what to say... whereas I never do.
I'm flattered that my friends think to invite me to their comings and goings, but at the same time, when I choose to take them up on the offer, it's like feeling alone in a crowd full of people.
It's so frustrating sometimes. On one hand, I hate it when they give me the whole "walking-on-eggshells-she's-the-naive-moral-one" treatment.. but when they don't things get really akward, really fast.
I dunno, I'm just caught in this catch-22 or something.., I mean, what can I do? Choosing not to hang out with them isn't really an option, and even if it were, I don't really think that's the right way to go about it... plus I'm not sure who that hurts more, me or them... I guess I'm just tired of having to choose between going out and feeling alone, or being alone and feeling alone.
I know it sounds selfish, and it is... but sometimes I wish that.... well I don't know what I wish. I guess I wish things were less gray sometimes... that things could be easier, that comfort wouldn't always have to be such a struggle.
This post is all over the place, I apologize. I'm stopping now.
Or maybe it's not that I'm "unrelatable," but more that I have a hard time faking comfort while attempting to be relatable.
Jesus hung out with all sorts of interesting people, so I'm glad we have that in common.. the problem is that He always knew what to do and what to say... whereas I never do.
I'm flattered that my friends think to invite me to their comings and goings, but at the same time, when I choose to take them up on the offer, it's like feeling alone in a crowd full of people.
It's so frustrating sometimes. On one hand, I hate it when they give me the whole "walking-on-eggshells-she's-the-naive-moral-one" treatment.. but when they don't things get really akward, really fast.
I dunno, I'm just caught in this catch-22 or something.., I mean, what can I do? Choosing not to hang out with them isn't really an option, and even if it were, I don't really think that's the right way to go about it... plus I'm not sure who that hurts more, me or them... I guess I'm just tired of having to choose between going out and feeling alone, or being alone and feeling alone.
I know it sounds selfish, and it is... but sometimes I wish that.... well I don't know what I wish. I guess I wish things were less gray sometimes... that things could be easier, that comfort wouldn't always have to be such a struggle.
This post is all over the place, I apologize. I'm stopping now.
3.19.2005
Post # 272
I'm moving on up in the digital world. I finally broke down and got picture hosting through Yahoo, so now I can share pictures, yay! To see em, go here: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/danicafaithmercer/my_photos. (now if I only had a digital camera...hmm) Also, I secured a gmail account a few weeks ago, so I'm starting to do most of my mail through there. Add the new address to your list and drop me a line sometime: danicafaith@gmail.com. And finally... you'll notice that I've changed up the links on the right.. lots of new stuff, woohoo.
So... after 3 weeks I'm finally having a weekend here at home in Nashville, and so far it's been very nice. Granted I'm havng to 'work' most of it, but that's not so bad. Yesterday I got through class and I went to Carrie Hickman's Sr. Recital (which was excellent) and then before work April and I popped over to Las Paletas for one of their amazing popscicles and a long chat over life, love and other mysteries. (woah, now THAT takes me back...unfortunately... props to you if you have any idea what I'm talking about right now..) After work I went to Calypso with some RUF friends, then kristin and I went to Belcourt to see "Born into Brothels" which was unbelievably good. If you have a chance to see it, you should. Don't pass it up!
In all honesty, I'm beginning to wonder if going to such films is healthy for me, becuase they really make me want to go to all these places and start working, and I really don't need the encouragement, if anything, I need help learning how to stay put and stay focused. But one thing is for sure... after seeing BIB I knew that I want to be Zana Briski (the director of the film/ founder of Kids with Cameras). I mean, here is a woman who has used her passion to help others and to bring hope to places that have little to no hope to offer. She's not a politician, she's not a social worker, she's a person who learned to take her gift and share it with others. (now that I'm thinking about it, this is pretty much the whole premise for H&H's IMPACT series, which I hope you've all enjoyed so far) I want to do that. Sometimes I get weary of working with non profits because it seems like I get to spend very little time on the front lines with the people, getting to know them and their stories. It's seems like the majority of my time is spent tied up in red tape and legalities. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to go to Afirca, Haiti, or Asia. Sometimes I wonder what gifts I even have to offer. And of course, I'm forever questioning my motives.. I mean, am I really in this for the people, or do I just like feeling needed? Do I really want to help, or do I just want to travel? Have I let God have a say at all? Tough questions. I think God has given me the gift and curse of compassion... if there really is such a thing, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with that other than loving people. And in the end, I think that's all we are required to do, figure out how to love people well, and then do it. It might sound cheesy, but I have to say, I get excited when I think about where loving people might take me.
Well that's my tangent for the day I guess. Now that my water fast is over I'm currently enjoying my first cup of coffee in the past 2 weeks, and it is heavenly (thank-you Jesus for Peet's). And I've had a 12 pack of Diet Dr. Pepper in my car for a while now and I finally get to have one today.. ahhh can't wait. As for the water fast, I only cheated 1 1/2 times which ain't bad, considering I did mine through spring break. To learn more about blood:water mission and their 1000 Wells campaign go to www.bloodwatermission.com or www.1000wells.com. Do a water fast, it's good for you.. but take my advice and buy some chocolate covered espresso beans because if you're a caffiene junkie like me, your body WILL notice the difference.
For now I'm off to work for a bit where I will finish watching my 2nd documentary for the weekend "Dark Days" the story of a homelesss community that was built in an abandoned subway tunnel in NYC... so far so good, but I'm thinking that Belmont will never let me show it on campus.. unless they don't watch it first... we'll see.
Till next time, Vaya con Dios, and RIP Kansas... what a sad sad weekend for you.
So... after 3 weeks I'm finally having a weekend here at home in Nashville, and so far it's been very nice. Granted I'm havng to 'work' most of it, but that's not so bad. Yesterday I got through class and I went to Carrie Hickman's Sr. Recital (which was excellent) and then before work April and I popped over to Las Paletas for one of their amazing popscicles and a long chat over life, love and other mysteries. (woah, now THAT takes me back...unfortunately... props to you if you have any idea what I'm talking about right now..) After work I went to Calypso with some RUF friends, then kristin and I went to Belcourt to see "Born into Brothels" which was unbelievably good. If you have a chance to see it, you should. Don't pass it up!
In all honesty, I'm beginning to wonder if going to such films is healthy for me, becuase they really make me want to go to all these places and start working, and I really don't need the encouragement, if anything, I need help learning how to stay put and stay focused. But one thing is for sure... after seeing BIB I knew that I want to be Zana Briski (the director of the film/ founder of Kids with Cameras). I mean, here is a woman who has used her passion to help others and to bring hope to places that have little to no hope to offer. She's not a politician, she's not a social worker, she's a person who learned to take her gift and share it with others. (now that I'm thinking about it, this is pretty much the whole premise for H&H's IMPACT series, which I hope you've all enjoyed so far) I want to do that. Sometimes I get weary of working with non profits because it seems like I get to spend very little time on the front lines with the people, getting to know them and their stories. It's seems like the majority of my time is spent tied up in red tape and legalities. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to go to Afirca, Haiti, or Asia. Sometimes I wonder what gifts I even have to offer. And of course, I'm forever questioning my motives.. I mean, am I really in this for the people, or do I just like feeling needed? Do I really want to help, or do I just want to travel? Have I let God have a say at all? Tough questions. I think God has given me the gift and curse of compassion... if there really is such a thing, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with that other than loving people. And in the end, I think that's all we are required to do, figure out how to love people well, and then do it. It might sound cheesy, but I have to say, I get excited when I think about where loving people might take me.
Well that's my tangent for the day I guess. Now that my water fast is over I'm currently enjoying my first cup of coffee in the past 2 weeks, and it is heavenly (thank-you Jesus for Peet's). And I've had a 12 pack of Diet Dr. Pepper in my car for a while now and I finally get to have one today.. ahhh can't wait. As for the water fast, I only cheated 1 1/2 times which ain't bad, considering I did mine through spring break. To learn more about blood:water mission and their 1000 Wells campaign go to www.bloodwatermission.com or www.1000wells.com. Do a water fast, it's good for you.. but take my advice and buy some chocolate covered espresso beans because if you're a caffiene junkie like me, your body WILL notice the difference.
For now I'm off to work for a bit where I will finish watching my 2nd documentary for the weekend "Dark Days" the story of a homelesss community that was built in an abandoned subway tunnel in NYC... so far so good, but I'm thinking that Belmont will never let me show it on campus.. unless they don't watch it first... we'll see.
Till next time, Vaya con Dios, and RIP Kansas... what a sad sad weekend for you.
3.17.2005
If I had the time to expound...
-Sometimes it can be tricky having a successful mother.
-I wish I didn't talk so much, but suprisingly enough, I had a professor and 2 different friends 'confide' in my mom that they think I'm "...so quiet"! Wow.
-In some ways I wish I wasn't such a girl, in others, I wish I were more of one... on the other hand, sometimes I wonder if half my friends are aware that I am female...
-There's a guy in my Rec. Ops. class who sounds kinda like Forrest Gump.
-I think it's strange that I have this weird "need" to be needed, and yet I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I don't need anyone.
-Occasionally I wonder how many pianos I've played in my life thus far.
-That new Gwen Stefani video is just terrible.. it really annoys me to no end. Even now... just thinking about it.. ugh. But the new U2 single has a great video.. as usual.
- I find it interesting that people always ask "Are you mad at me?" when what they really mean is, "Did I hurt you?". No one ever asks that.
-I wish I didn't talk so much, but suprisingly enough, I had a professor and 2 different friends 'confide' in my mom that they think I'm "...so quiet"! Wow.
-In some ways I wish I wasn't such a girl, in others, I wish I were more of one... on the other hand, sometimes I wonder if half my friends are aware that I am female...
-There's a guy in my Rec. Ops. class who sounds kinda like Forrest Gump.
-I think it's strange that I have this weird "need" to be needed, and yet I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I don't need anyone.
-Occasionally I wonder how many pianos I've played in my life thus far.
-That new Gwen Stefani video is just terrible.. it really annoys me to no end. Even now... just thinking about it.. ugh. But the new U2 single has a great video.. as usual.
- I find it interesting that people always ask "Are you mad at me?" when what they really mean is, "Did I hurt you?". No one ever asks that.
3.15.2005
Dear God,
Teach me how to be selfless without being a pushover. Grant me wisdom without conceit, confidence without arrogance, and if I'm meant to have happiness, let it be with humility. More than anything, remind me of what it means to be useable, but please protect me from being used.
I apologize for the wish list... I'm blessed more than I deserve.. but somehow, this is where I tend to mess things up.
You know the rest....
Love you.
~me
Teach me how to be selfless without being a pushover. Grant me wisdom without conceit, confidence without arrogance, and if I'm meant to have happiness, let it be with humility. More than anything, remind me of what it means to be useable, but please protect me from being used.
I apologize for the wish list... I'm blessed more than I deserve.. but somehow, this is where I tend to mess things up.
You know the rest....
Love you.
~me
3.08.2005
I Survived
So I made it through tour (aka: 5 days crowded in a bus with 50 other people who never stop singing and are constantly trying to hook up with each other with a few performances thrown in)
A few thoughts:
Day 1.
4am comes early when you get to bed at 2. We have our first performance at a private catholic school in Birmingham, AL..we perform for their mass..the drive down was beautiful with the sun comming up, even though riding with our driver (adrian) reminded me of that scene in "Say Anything" where Lloyd teaches Diane how to drive a standard..
I'd like to say a few words about the "mass." So the priest gets up and begins his "sermon" by quoting John Mayer (haha, my thoughts exactly) telling the students that he agrees that there is 'no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." He then goes on to tell them that (and I quote) "society tells you that nudity at halftime is OK, the wardrobe malfunctions are OK, that condoms, contraception and STD's are ok.. but not AIDS.. and they don't tell you that!" THEN he went into a tangent on "Million Dollar Baby" (which I haven't seen, but I've heard the argument) stating that Hollywood promotes death. He finished the message by saying that (and I quote) "I agree with john Mayer in that 'I am invincible, as long as I'm alive'... but what happens when we're dead?"
People, I could not make this stuff up.. there are no words... seriously, what can I say? I don't even want to get started...
Meanwhile there was the director of choral activities for the school... 2 words: Corky Sinclair. And I am soooooo not kidding.
After sitting through a 30 minute discussion of 'nerf' products and an interesting dinner at a shady chinese place, we then ventured over to the world's smallest remaining walmart (this one was only the size of 3 warehouses!). 3 cheers for fun on tour. Woohoo.
Day 2.
On the road again, off to St. Augustine, FL this was our one day off.. unfortunately the majority of it was spent in the bus. we managed to watch "Aladdin" (complete with everyone singing along.... hmmm) and then "saved" (complete with everyone debating the movie once it was over).. then they turned on "dodgeball" which we didn't finish cause we finally arrived. So St. Augustine was nice but no offense.. Florida has nothing on California's coast.. it just doesn't compare. Then again, I am partial... so yeah, it was still really beautiful. So I ran for a bit and did quite a bit of people watching (people are so strange). That night I watched "Jerry Mcguire" for the first time. (boy I sure got a lot of movies in on this trip)
Day 3.
2 performances today. The first was really bad, the second was really good. We went downtown for a bit after our last show and then I went out and walked on the beach in the dark. Good times. Once again I was reminded of what a loner I can be at times, (because more than once I feigned sickness to avoid going out)... but even so.. it was nice. Bright Eyes on the beach under the stars... can't beat that.
Religious quote of the day "don't come to Jesus loving him.. come to Jesus hating him." ooooookkkkkkkk...
Day 4.
Ahhh this is where things get good. We had our final performance and it went ok... but we also had a "banquet" for dinner at this ghetto motel, and as a "favor" to us they extended their bar hours (well.. that's how they put it anyway, I like to think that they probably figured they'd make more money if they stayed open later.. but what do I know?) I don't even know where to begin on this one, except to say that now I know why Belmont makes us sign release forms. Seriously.. last night was a lawsuit waiting to happen.. it was ridiculous. If I had cared enough to waste film, I could make millions off of blackmail. It was pretty sad. And of course they had an open mic stage set up, which is a bad bad thing with sober belmont students... so I'm sure you can imagine.
Actually.. you may not be able to imagine.. but that's ok.
Day 5.
Alas, our final day. We left Polatka, FL at 6 this morning and we just arrived a few hours ago. Needless to say we had several sick passengers on board this morning.. but they pulled through. We managed to watch Super Troopers, Forrest Gump, Double Jeopardy, and 3/4ths of There's Something About Mary before we finally pulled in to good ole BU.
So yeah. That's that. I made it. I've decided that choir tours are generic.. you know, the same basic events everytime, just with different people. Not too terribly exciting.
Well.. I'm sure you all enjoyed this long monologue of extremely useless information. So now I'm off to get some errands done during my 18 hour layover here in Nashville before I pick mom up and we head out to SC.
Till next time, peace somewhere.
A few thoughts:
Day 1.
4am comes early when you get to bed at 2. We have our first performance at a private catholic school in Birmingham, AL..we perform for their mass..the drive down was beautiful with the sun comming up, even though riding with our driver (adrian) reminded me of that scene in "Say Anything" where Lloyd teaches Diane how to drive a standard..
I'd like to say a few words about the "mass." So the priest gets up and begins his "sermon" by quoting John Mayer (haha, my thoughts exactly) telling the students that he agrees that there is 'no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above." He then goes on to tell them that (and I quote) "society tells you that nudity at halftime is OK, the wardrobe malfunctions are OK, that condoms, contraception and STD's are ok.. but not AIDS.. and they don't tell you that!" THEN he went into a tangent on "Million Dollar Baby" (which I haven't seen, but I've heard the argument) stating that Hollywood promotes death. He finished the message by saying that (and I quote) "I agree with john Mayer in that 'I am invincible, as long as I'm alive'... but what happens when we're dead?"
People, I could not make this stuff up.. there are no words... seriously, what can I say? I don't even want to get started...
Meanwhile there was the director of choral activities for the school... 2 words: Corky Sinclair. And I am soooooo not kidding.
After sitting through a 30 minute discussion of 'nerf' products and an interesting dinner at a shady chinese place, we then ventured over to the world's smallest remaining walmart (this one was only the size of 3 warehouses!). 3 cheers for fun on tour. Woohoo.
Day 2.
On the road again, off to St. Augustine, FL this was our one day off.. unfortunately the majority of it was spent in the bus. we managed to watch "Aladdin" (complete with everyone singing along.... hmmm) and then "saved" (complete with everyone debating the movie once it was over).. then they turned on "dodgeball" which we didn't finish cause we finally arrived. So St. Augustine was nice but no offense.. Florida has nothing on California's coast.. it just doesn't compare. Then again, I am partial... so yeah, it was still really beautiful. So I ran for a bit and did quite a bit of people watching (people are so strange). That night I watched "Jerry Mcguire" for the first time. (boy I sure got a lot of movies in on this trip)
Day 3.
2 performances today. The first was really bad, the second was really good. We went downtown for a bit after our last show and then I went out and walked on the beach in the dark. Good times. Once again I was reminded of what a loner I can be at times, (because more than once I feigned sickness to avoid going out)... but even so.. it was nice. Bright Eyes on the beach under the stars... can't beat that.
Religious quote of the day "don't come to Jesus loving him.. come to Jesus hating him." ooooookkkkkkkk...
Day 4.
Ahhh this is where things get good. We had our final performance and it went ok... but we also had a "banquet" for dinner at this ghetto motel, and as a "favor" to us they extended their bar hours (well.. that's how they put it anyway, I like to think that they probably figured they'd make more money if they stayed open later.. but what do I know?) I don't even know where to begin on this one, except to say that now I know why Belmont makes us sign release forms. Seriously.. last night was a lawsuit waiting to happen.. it was ridiculous. If I had cared enough to waste film, I could make millions off of blackmail. It was pretty sad. And of course they had an open mic stage set up, which is a bad bad thing with sober belmont students... so I'm sure you can imagine.
Actually.. you may not be able to imagine.. but that's ok.
Day 5.
Alas, our final day. We left Polatka, FL at 6 this morning and we just arrived a few hours ago. Needless to say we had several sick passengers on board this morning.. but they pulled through. We managed to watch Super Troopers, Forrest Gump, Double Jeopardy, and 3/4ths of There's Something About Mary before we finally pulled in to good ole BU.
So yeah. That's that. I made it. I've decided that choir tours are generic.. you know, the same basic events everytime, just with different people. Not too terribly exciting.
Well.. I'm sure you all enjoyed this long monologue of extremely useless information. So now I'm off to get some errands done during my 18 hour layover here in Nashville before I pick mom up and we head out to SC.
Till next time, peace somewhere.
3.03.2005
Be careful what you wish for.
Sometimes I wonder how some things can be so difficult for me.
I've come to loathe Thursday's thanks to my lessons. It's always the same thing, the same critiques, the same comments, the same suggestions, the same problems. I feel like I'm reliving the same painful lesson week after week, and the sucky part is I know what I'm doing wrong, I know what my problems are, and hard as I try I never seem to improve. It's so frustrating. Seriously, I don't think there is anything more annoying than knowing what you need to do and not being able to do it. To see the solution right in front of your face, but to never get "there." It's discouraging, and it makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing here. What were they thinking? And yet, here I am.
Will I always be the only one who stands in my way?
And there are times where I feel like Jacob when he wrestled with God and refused to let go until he blessed him.. which is crazy, cause what right do I have to make that demand.. and yet, I don't care if He takes it all away, I just want to get beyond this.. whatever "this" is.
Maybe it's my pride, but coming this far only to fail miserably is beyond disheartening.. not to mention embarassing.. more than anything, it's extremely painful.
This battle is wearing me out.
I've come to loathe Thursday's thanks to my lessons. It's always the same thing, the same critiques, the same comments, the same suggestions, the same problems. I feel like I'm reliving the same painful lesson week after week, and the sucky part is I know what I'm doing wrong, I know what my problems are, and hard as I try I never seem to improve. It's so frustrating. Seriously, I don't think there is anything more annoying than knowing what you need to do and not being able to do it. To see the solution right in front of your face, but to never get "there." It's discouraging, and it makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing here. What were they thinking? And yet, here I am.
Will I always be the only one who stands in my way?
And there are times where I feel like Jacob when he wrestled with God and refused to let go until he blessed him.. which is crazy, cause what right do I have to make that demand.. and yet, I don't care if He takes it all away, I just want to get beyond this.. whatever "this" is.
Maybe it's my pride, but coming this far only to fail miserably is beyond disheartening.. not to mention embarassing.. more than anything, it's extremely painful.
This battle is wearing me out.
3.02.2005
Everyone's got their 'something'
So I'm remembering the night of my birthday.. well the night before, I suppose... and I remember being at Exit/In and thinking "ok.. I'll make the song he plays at midnight my theme song for the year." However, he happened to be in the middle of a song at midnight, and it was a sad one, so I decided that I would use the NEXT song, seeing as how, technically, THAT would be the first song played on my birthday.. and wouldn't you know he played a new one entitled "Woman, Be Strong."
ha ha God, I get the picture...
So speaking of irony (were we?), I got to thinking about how when you dare to approach the weaknesses of others, it forces you to take a closer look at yourself.. and sometimes that can be scary.
Have you ever thought about how we are all a bunch of "escapists?" Seriously... it's ridiculous. When it comes to our deepest 'selves,' our hidden 'problems,' the 'sides' of us that no one ever sees, the majority of people will do anything to distract themselves from confronting them. Or maybe that's just me... but I don't think so... I mean, look how distracted we are, how much "noise" there is out there. Everyone's got their "something".
So I got to thinking about all the things that get in the way.. the things we use to avoid our core issues: entertainment, our stuff, other people, our activites. .. etc etc. And suprisingly enough, (and I defintely fall into this category) often times we fill our lives up with so many seemingly GOOD 'things' and "people' and 'activities' that we manage to keep ourselves SO busy that we never have a moment to reflect on what's really going on.
And take it from me, the voice of experience (even currently..).. this is never a good thing.
I've found that one of the hardest things to live with is silence. Don't believe me? Try it.. right now! Turn off your radio, your tv, your iPod, your phone (yes, your phone) and whatever else, and try to sit still without doing anything for 7 minutes. (and no sleeping!) It's difficult. (how many times did you look at the clock??) Let's face it, our culture doesn't cater to the reflective.
I once heard a sermon where the pastor proposed that often, at the root of all things, people are afraid of silence and reflection because it forces them to listen, and that many of us block that out as much as possible because at the end of the day, we are afraid of what God might have to say.
And as much as I hate to admit it, more times than once, that has been the case for me. However, once I take the time to be still, I find that it's not fear I feel... but peace instead.. and i can't think of anything more encouraging than that.
So in closing I say this, 1. don't be afraid to be still, and 2. (as nike would say) just do it. The world will survive without you for 1/2 an hour, but you won't if you don't take a break!
Wow. when I did I become such a preacher? (don't answer that) In all honesty, I'm mainly talking to myself here, as most of you know... I'm just hoping that I'm not the only one who needs to hear this everynow and then.
Till next time, "Be strong."
ha ha God, I get the picture...
So speaking of irony (were we?), I got to thinking about how when you dare to approach the weaknesses of others, it forces you to take a closer look at yourself.. and sometimes that can be scary.
Have you ever thought about how we are all a bunch of "escapists?" Seriously... it's ridiculous. When it comes to our deepest 'selves,' our hidden 'problems,' the 'sides' of us that no one ever sees, the majority of people will do anything to distract themselves from confronting them. Or maybe that's just me... but I don't think so... I mean, look how distracted we are, how much "noise" there is out there. Everyone's got their "something".
So I got to thinking about all the things that get in the way.. the things we use to avoid our core issues: entertainment, our stuff, other people, our activites. .. etc etc. And suprisingly enough, (and I defintely fall into this category) often times we fill our lives up with so many seemingly GOOD 'things' and "people' and 'activities' that we manage to keep ourselves SO busy that we never have a moment to reflect on what's really going on.
And take it from me, the voice of experience (even currently..).. this is never a good thing.
I've found that one of the hardest things to live with is silence. Don't believe me? Try it.. right now! Turn off your radio, your tv, your iPod, your phone (yes, your phone) and whatever else, and try to sit still without doing anything for 7 minutes. (and no sleeping!) It's difficult. (how many times did you look at the clock??) Let's face it, our culture doesn't cater to the reflective.
I once heard a sermon where the pastor proposed that often, at the root of all things, people are afraid of silence and reflection because it forces them to listen, and that many of us block that out as much as possible because at the end of the day, we are afraid of what God might have to say.
And as much as I hate to admit it, more times than once, that has been the case for me. However, once I take the time to be still, I find that it's not fear I feel... but peace instead.. and i can't think of anything more encouraging than that.
So in closing I say this, 1. don't be afraid to be still, and 2. (as nike would say) just do it. The world will survive without you for 1/2 an hour, but you won't if you don't take a break!
Wow. when I did I become such a preacher? (don't answer that) In all honesty, I'm mainly talking to myself here, as most of you know... I'm just hoping that I'm not the only one who needs to hear this everynow and then.
Till next time, "Be strong."
3.01.2005
"Slow down you crazy child.."
Today it snowed while the sun shined. I got up at 7:30. I folded my laundry. I finished 2 homework assignments. I went to all of my classes. I raided 32 apartments. I did my taxes. I ran 5k. And I wrote a song.
Now it's 11:36.. and I am off to bed.
In short: I think hell froze over.
Tomorrow... the dishes.
Now it's 11:36.. and I am off to bed.
In short: I think hell froze over.
Tomorrow... the dishes.
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