I know it's been a while, but life is good. I pray God's blessing on all of you.

"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it."
~I Thessalonians 5:24

Me (unedited)

Ambiguity

Comments??

Have you ever had one of those days where no matter how hard you try to remain positive, the whole world just seems like it's there to piss you off?

Today was one of those days.

But, here I am sitting alone in my room and I'm feeling calmer now.

Do you remember how when you were little all you wanted to do was get big so that you could do this that and the other??? All I can say is "What were we thinking?" I was walking to class today and I saw all the child development majors out in the kids playground on campus playing with a small group of 4-5 year olds. They were so carefree and happy, that right then I there I was jealous. Me! Jealous of 4 year olds!

I think there must be some gene that's located in every human that causes us to long for the past and want what we don't have. It kinda reminds me of that verse in the Bible which says that you should never long for the days of the past, because you never really know if they were any better than the days you're living now. Does that make sense??

Anyways, I suppose that that is enough rambling for now. But don't worry!! i'll have more for you later.

"Know Thyself."

Wow people, I had the most amazing week this week! If you don't know all the details, give me a call because I would love to fill you in. To make a long story short, God answered so many of my prayers all in a short 30 minute period. It was great. Wow. yeah,

Ugh. Don't you hate it when your mind is so preoccupied that you can't sleep or get anything done?!?!? It's insane. So anyhow, I had a good week this past week mainly due to OU's win over Texas (woo hooo!).. but also because I was cast in the student directed one acts! go me. Granted I'm not really important in our show, and basically everyone who auditioned was cast, but the cast in my show is super cool, and I think it'll be a lot of fun! Next big audition on the list... The Sound of Music. i made the mistake of watching it last night and so now I'm a complete mess! Today I downloaded half the songs out of the show and listened to them about 10 times each while singing along, watching the OU stats online, and attempting to do spanish homework. To put it bluntly.. I can't focus at all. I'm already nervous and the audition is about a month away. But, I've been praying about it a lot... not just that i get the part that I want, but that I have peace about it until the audition actually happens so that I can focus and attempt to pass Spanish. I don't know though... maybe if The Sound of Music was available in Spanish......hmmm..... Ok ok, but really. God's in control and he's bigger than all of this. And I know that he will work it out perfectly. He always does. Anyways, I've missed my friends a lot this week because normally we all go insane together and I'm just not close enough to anyone down here to attempt it with! I wish it were all over AHHHHHHHHHHH! No, really I'm fine. Just think... this will all be over by thanksgiving and then I get to go home and celebrate!


verse for the day..... Habakkuk 2:3 "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"

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God is so good. Did you know that?? He really is.

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Poetry...

Was I on a misson's trip in Mexico, or the campus cafeteria?? Judging by the smell you couldn't tell the difference. Turns out that there was a sewege leak in the cafeteria, right in the place where we pick out all the food we want. It was so nasty, let me just tell you... it smelled like chicken! (that was funny if you read my last entry) Anyhow they had people there drilling through the floor and sticking this vaccuum thing into the floor and sucking out all the... well, you know. So there I was holding my nose and picking up some linguine and clam sauce while they were sucking you know what out of the floor 5 feet away. Lovely mental picture huh? Anyways, do you ever have one of those moments where you stop everything and think "What am I doing, and why am I doing this?" I had one of those today. I was in the practice room (as usual) and I was just like, "I'm not enjoying this... why am I doing it?" and these thoughts lead me to think about how I'm just so sick of myself and people and just about everything else. You know how it is. I guess I realized today that I'm tired of being told that I have to feel a certain way about everything and that to feel any other way is wrong and whatnot. AHHHHH just thinking about it... i can't really express what I feel and it sucks. I think that's the gist of it. I hate how everyone analyzes everything. I mean, can't you just feel what you feel and say what you want to say and leave it at that. Maybe everyone does this and i can't. I think it's just that I have all these thoughts, and ideas, and feelings and I have no one to share them with. And i can tell you this... It sucks to "feel" alone. (in all senses of the word) Anyhow, I guess it's just that today I came to realize that inspite of my pursuit of higher education.....i really don't understand myself at all.

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

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I've decided that I totally admire all those people out there who open up blogs to talk about specific things such as operating systems, or movies and whatnot. And I have decided that I am glad that I am not one of those people. Aren't you glad too? You should be! Speaking of profanity.... (were we?) have you ever made up your own cuss word? Or better yet.... have you substituted an everyday word instead?? My favorite word to use is Chicken. Way back when I worked at Friday's we used to make all the people who had serious swearing problems use "chicken"and "fruitin" instead. Actually, they tried to fine them, but that never worked, so then they resorted to substitution; which, now that I think about it never worked either because we walked around laughing at each other all the time and never "taking care of the customers." I seriously recommend this method to all the swear-addicted among us. If anything else, it will provide others with entertainment.

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Movie of the Moment------ Dead Poets Society
Book of the Moment------- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (come on JK we're STILL waiting for Book V, it's time to put it in Fifth honey!)
Song of the Moment------ The Never-Ending Math Equation by Modest Mouse

today was a blah day. you know the type. maybe it was the weather... SoCal was pretty cold today. darn hurricane. have you ever wondered how it's possible to experience loneliness even in a crowd? y is that? hmmm i just don't know. ok, so yeah i'm rambling in case you didn't notice. well, i'm off to clean my fish bowl. cooler blogs to follow....

Songs of the moment...................Comfortable by John Mayer
and
Out of My League by Stephen Speaks <---------------------this guy is cool; go download his stuff right now

Book of the Moment..................... Ender's Game (yeah baby 80's flashback..... you did know that they are making a movie out of this didn't you?!?)

Movie of the moment.................... Matrix

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