So... It's been awhile. Another Christmas has come and gone and life goes on as usual. I feel as though I missed Christmas this year since I flew home so late... but nevertheless, Christmas was special and I really enjoyed it. I'm getting old. And it makes me sad. So much has happened lately and I suppose tht I should take the time to write it all down, but that will have to wait. I did get accepted into Youth In Mission; so I will be spending the summer ministering in Germany. (that is, assuming that I raise the $4,000 it's gonna cost me to participate). I'm very excited about this opportunity but I have top admit that it does make me a little nervous. I mean, I'll be gone the whole summer and my friends lives will go on as usual. I have a feeling that I'll be left out. On the otehr hand, I'm also very scared that I'm going to go into major debt because of this. I mean, I won't be working and I'll have no money to put towards school next fall. None. Plus I have to buy my new car and cover my own gas and insurance and I don't know where that $$$ will come from. And just today my dad informed me that they can't take out any more loans for my schooling. Ever again. Merry christmas to me. I know that it will all work out because I prayed that if I got in then it was meant for me to go and that God would work out all the financial matters.... but at the same time... I can't help but worry.....

So I've decided to keep my music major. I feel like that's what God wants me to do, and I also don't feel right about changing everything while I am still so unsettled about it. Meanwhile, life goes on and I am now fully hired by CSC and the NFL to work all the superbowl events!! Yippee!! I'm crossing my fingers for the field!! Anyhow. I should be finding out any day now about Youth in Mission because all the info has been updated on the website as of yesterday. I'm assuming that they are notifying us via snail-mail and I have no idea if they are sending the info here or back home. I really hope that I get to do it. I also looked into plane tickets to Chicago for spring break. Not too cheap, but definitely doable. I'm excited. Finals are looming ahead like a black ominous cloud on a parade day, but honestly... I'm not to concerned. In fact I have total faith that I'll do great. Well except for Spanish of course. That will take triple the divine intervention of all my other finals. Overall I feel like I have to take more tests than everyone else I know. I have 1 everyday of the week and 3 on Thursday. Insanity. Oh well. I've been feeling kinda lonely lately and I am ready to go home to all my family and friends. I've been decorating the hall again. As usual. it just doesn't feel like Christmas here, no matter how hard I try. Even after all the decorating. It's a hopelessly flawed system. I've found that when I feel down or angry or sad I get creative. Shouold this scare me? haha. Anyhow, I am so excited because tomorrow night I am going to paint. I have been wanting to do it for a while now and tomorrow night I'm going to! I can't wait. I'm thinking that the first Monday that I am home I will go shop in Bethany and then head out to Guthrie and OSU. =) And I think that Saturday night (the night I come home, should be spent at Lord of the Rings!!!! maybe we should get tix early??) Did I mention that Lord of the Rings opens here on Wed. at 11pm?? cool huh? Ahh memories. I miss you guys.

Got somethin' to say? (I hope you do!)

A Music Major... To be? Or not to be??
Should I stay?? Or should I go??
1. I really like my voice lessons. 1. I don't have to be a music major to take voice
lessons.
2. I don't want to regret it later. 2. I would definitely keep a music minor.
3. I may like some of the more select ensembles, 3. I detest choir.
but I'd have to be accepted into them first, and that 4. My choir teacher doesn't like me.
runs the risk of me being stuck in choir again. 5. I don't really like my choir teacher.
4. Believe it or not, Theory may come in handy. 6.With a music minor, I should get all the theory I 5. I need the scholarship $$ that it hopefully will offer me. need.
7. I hate how it limits my schedule, I'm not free to do
anything else. And isn't college suppsed to be about
finding your niche?
8. I don't like any of the music majors.
9. I don't like the choir music.
10. Communications Major, with a music minor sounds
good.

I don't know guys... perhaps this is just a passing thing, but honestly I've been going hot and cold on this for 5 months now, and I don't know what to do about it! It's like you have to be sold out, and I rarely ever am. I can't see my life without music, honest I can't, I just see myself going in a different direction musically speaking. I want to write and record my own stuff, and design my own liner notes. I can't see myself doing opera, i just don't enjoy it, and I honeslty do not believe that I was meant to do theatre either. ( I quit sound of music by the way, and I honestly have no regrets or mixed feelings about it) So I know what I want... but how do I get there?? And is all of this really necessary in order to acheive my goal? Thousands of musicians are out there right now trying to make there dream come true, and here I am stuck like a sitting duck for 4 years. But dropping out of college is unacceptable, (my parents are total conservatives when it comes to that kind of thing) and I believe that I definitely need something to fall back on, but if music is my major, then what do I fall back on?? I don't want to teach either. I think the main thing is that I am too independent and a non conformist when it comes to music. I want to do my own thing and run my own show rather than doing the same old same old stuff and being held back by everyone else. I'm sure that some of it is immaturity, but that's really how i feel about it. I mean think about it... what do these Italian and Latin songws do for the people?? What are they trying to tell us?? You guessed it, not much.

I NEED TONS OF COMMENTS!!!!!!!!

So I sit here in my dorm room (oh excuse me, "residence hall") once again. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun, but it's almost cruel in a weird twisted sort of way. It gives you a taste of home, and friends, and family, and break... but deep down you know that the real thing doesn't come until later. I just got in a few minutes ago and I should be so dead tired. I certainly was on all the planes and in the airports. But suddenly I feel this second wave of energy sweeping over me. Which is obsurd considering that I never went to bed last night. I just stayed up. I come back from Thanksgiving feeling completely unmotivated. That's a bad thing folks, I can't slack off now!!! Right now I completely jealous of all of those who only have to manage school for 2 more weeks till Christmas break. You know who you are. I hate you. lol Just kidding, just kidding. Anyhow the dorm is basically empty, so I may just sit in here and watch Harry Potter. =) What can I say?? I just can't get enough. Oh yeah, the other thing. I come back and go check on my fish.... he's dead. Gone forever. I didn't even get to bury him, or flush him or whatever. No one knows what happened, but 4 out of 5 fish died on break. And not because they weren't being fed, because mine was dead by 4 o clock the day I left to come home, and I fed it and cleaned out the bowl and everything. I think it dies from missing me. Ok ok, so we're pretty sure that when the cleaning ladies came in and sprayed the mirrors down in the bathrooms, that some of the cleaning aides got in the water of all of our fish bowls. Call me crazy but I was really upset by this. In the words of a famous man... "They killed my, "fish!!!!" I want to see some PUNISHMENT!!!!!!!!" Ok so I'm not that bad. But it is really sad. My fish lived the longest of our whole floor, and he was so energetic and happy and very pretty, and he wasn't cheap either. Not to mention the fact that his bowl shattered when I was cleaning it before I left. Maybe I should ask for a Petsmart gift certificate for Christmas.

Comments???

Ambiguous Me

Non-Ambiguous Me

Anitajane I totally know how you feel. Somedays I just wish that the rapture would happen immediately. I think I would have to classify today as one of those days. I'm sure some of you will be mad that I didn't call..but I had lots of performances and rehearsals tonight and I just got back. Anyhow, sometimes I am reminded that in reality I really don't know God at all. Or at least how he thinks. Oh if I could say all the things I want to say ut eveyone out there would consider me a nutcase, I'm sure. All I want right now is to go home and never come back here. I never really wanted to go to college. I'm dead serious. I honestly was never fond of the idea. I mean why go into $1,000 of dollars of debt, just to submit yourself to numerous late nights of studying and stressing and emotional breakdowns. Anyhow, I'm here and I'm sure that in the long run I'll be glad that I came. Although while I'm at it I just want to state that I never wanted to come to this school either. Ok ok I'm whining. But I'm just a little upset and I'm all alone. Why me? Why do I have to care. I mean really? I would give anything not to care; to be apathetic. I honestly would. You don't even know how hard I have tried not to care. What if I'm not even supposed to be doing this/ What if I'm supposed to be a secretary or something? I hate spanish. but you know what I hate even more?? I hate being labeled as a second soprano in a chorus role with 15 other girls, and I really don't care for antagonists either.

Where are people when you need them? I had date night tonight with my hall. it was fun although it was basically like any other hall activity except for the fact that guys drove. I have decided that I want to live on Coronado Island someday. After the guys served us dinner, we drove over there and rode the ferry. Then we went to Moo Time which has the best ice cream in the world. It was so good. It's like Marble Slab only better. Then we took some stereos out on the beach and danced all crazy and had a limbo competition and walked along the beach under the stars. It was so cool, and the ocean sounded beautiful! Coronado beach is supposedly one of the best in the world and I can see why. It's also a very very rich neighborhood, take San Diego house prices and multiply it by 4. I saw a house for sale for 2.3-2.4 million dollars. Anyways it's an awesome place, and i'm going there all the time when I ring my car back next year. It's all artsy and rich and cute. Wow, yeah I want to get proposed to there... which I feel at this point will never happen anyway so... well ya know.... we won't go there right now. Anyhow, as previously stated my antagonist is auditioning. I found out today, right before I went to have a chat with my choir director about conflicting schedules. Talk about bad timing. i almost cried right then and there... but don't worry I managed to make it to my room first. As for the chat with my director... well, he was really understanding, but he wants me to see what I can do about it, which I did and nothing has changed as of yet. I'm gonna send the acting people another e-mail here soon. Guys I'm just so tired and stressed out right now. Would you pray for me? I know that God is bigger than all of this and that He will work it all out. I believe that completely, but I can't help feeling overwhelmed sometimes. I have 2 papers to write this weekend, as well as theory homework and a make-up quiz to study for. Not to mention the fact that I still have to memorize a monologue and get all confident about auditions on Tuesday. And to be totally honest, the last thing that I needed to hear today was that my antagonist is going to audition. I literally almost broke down. I don't know why I had to overhear all this information, but I know that God has a reason for everything and that maybe when this is all said and done it will just prove HIs greatness even more. I don't know... I'm ready to be home. I'm just so tired.

Please Comment...

SHE IS AUDITIONING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My antagonist is auditioning. More on this later.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Stress City!! I hate Spanish, especially Spanish verbs. I was not meant to speak it, understand it or have anything to do with it. I hate it it's is pointless to me. And do ya know what else? Well I'll tell you... it's next to impossible to be involved in more than one thing in college. Seriously. Take me for example. Here I am involved in Choir and the student directed One Acts and despite my best efforts what happens???????? Both shows are scheduled for the same night! I found out today (finally) and the shows open 3 weeks from tommorrow, and when you consider Thanksgiving Break that's not all that far away. SO... I can't exactly ditch out on the One Acts because there aren't any understudies... but at the same time missing the choir performance could knock me down to a B and that's just pathetic... Getting a B in choir?? I mean really. Secondly I am a music major and skipping out on something like this could be damaging to my reputation among the faculty. But on the other hand, I gave them all the dates and did all I could so in a way this is eyond me. But what I'm worried about is my choir director. How am I supposed to tell him?? I can't! I'll cry, and that would be pathetic as well. I want to e-mail him, but I think it would be est just to go ahead and tell him face to face. I'm so worried that he is going to hold this against me forever though. You know how people are.. especially performance people. Anyhow, I have more auditions in less than a week, and a spanish test tomorrow and somehow I have to sort all this mess out. Oh and date night is tomorrow. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh BUT... this I do know... and that's that God is bigger than all of this and it's all gonna work out fine.

Comments Please!!!!

ME!!!!!!!!!

I have recently discovered that Californians don't know what to do with themselves when it rains... (well besides surf anyway). It was stormy here last weekend and noody did anything. First of all it was only the 3rd time since I moved in that it has rained here. That's insane! Secondly rain here is very different from back home. It's light and continuous, and it looks like snow because it's so misty. It's so strange, and it gets all foggy too. So basically it feels like your living in a Dickens novel or something. Ok so it's not that bad, but you know what I mean. Anyhow, I just want to take a moment and give a big shout out to my friend JULIE who turns 19 today!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! also, I would like to just state here and now, that it is very rude to turn on horrible recordings of classical music and study for a chem test at your computer when your roomate really wants to sleep. Some people. Gee whiz. Anyhow, date night is comming and believe me, I'm sure I'll have plenty of details on that later. Until next time..........go read some Whitman.

OK so I had this huge thing typed out and what happens??? My session times out! Arg! Art! Anyhow, I'm attempting to do this again so here it goes. As you all know Halloween was just a few nights ago, and believe it or not I went trick-or-treating! I dressed up and everything! This was a big thing for me cause we never really celebrated Halloween when I was little. Soooo, on halloween night me and a group of about 30 others all got dressed up and went trick-or-treating in the neighborhoods surrounding the school. I went as Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. I did the hair, the wand, the scarf, the black, the accent, the whole 9 yards. it was so fun! Now let me just tell you that as most of you know my school is right on the ocean... so all of the houses nearby are really big homes that have amazing views and are worth a whole lot of $$$. Granted a 2 bedroom house in San Diego without a view will cost you $600,000.. I can't even imagine what these homes whent for. They were awesome. Anyhow, most of the people who lived here were rich, retired or both. And these people gave out awesome candy!!! Seriously, I eneded up with about 90% chocolate! Now, I don't know a whole lot about trick-or-treating since this was one of my firt times to go... But the times that I did get to go as a kid I remember ending up with a bag filled mainly with generic candy. You know the type. Well folks, aparently that's not good enough for these Southern California homes oh no. People gave out full sized candy bars, bags of popcorn, and chocolate everywhere!! Seriously. To make it even better aooarently since this was mainly a retirement community there weren't very many kids out trick-or-treating, so most of the houses told us to take 2 or 3!! So after an hour and a half we were tired and decided to head back to the dorm. By this time our group had split up so I was with a group of 8 other freshmen girls. We were really tired from walking and in an attempt to bypass the hills we decided to take a shortcut. I don't know what we were thinking. Anyhow, we knew there was a backway up to the dorm through this brush area, but it was infamous for being a place where some of the homless slept off their hangovers. (no I'm not stereotyping here, I'm being serious) anyhow, we figured that there were 9 of us and we would just go about our business and they'd leave us alone. So there we were 9 college girls walking alone through a deserted brush area on Halloween night. In the dark no less! Anyhow, we pretended to be brave but ultimately we ended up holding hands and singing "Jesus Loves Me" quite loudly into the night in an attempt to "scare" away any weird people. Long story short, we got back safely and never saw any drunk people. At least not in the bushes. So we arrived at the dorm and sorted out our candy and started trading when some of us decided last minute to go to the gaslamp district in downtown San Diego to the Haunted Hotel. 5 of us went and braved the traffic. It was terrible! Way worse than normal! It was insane! We drove around for 30 minutes trying to find parking. Hwever we finally did and we got tickets and went to stand in line and people watch while we waited. It was crazy. Too many people who were too old for Halloween...and not enough clothes. That's all I'm going to say about it. Anyhow, it was fun to laugh at them, and to make matters worse the line for the hotel was right in front of the Hooters windows. Oh it was not so fun. Anyways, we got in to the Haunted House and somehow I got nominated to be in the front of our line of girls! It was crazy, but we had a lot of fun. We screamed a lot, and when we finally got through we were hungry, so of course we went to Denny's to get breakfast, which was very good. Well folks that was my Halloween night. We got back around 12:30 am and i really wanted to skip class the next morning... but I didn't! Aren't you proud?!?!? You should be!! Anyhows... that's about it. I hope that you guys are all keeping track of OU football. How about them Sooners huh?? I smell another national title! Oh yes I do. And how about the Packers?? Best Record in the NFL!!!! Wahoo!! And where is the Superbowl being held this year??? Is it in San Diego?? I think so!!! Do I need to be there!??? Oh yes I do!!! Will The Packers be there?? Umm yeah I think so!!!! Wahoo!!! and the Angels?!??! Oh yes that was nice!!! The world series was VERY big in California this year! haha the NORCAL SOCAL rivalry was at an altime high!! I actually got to see the Angels' stadium the other day. It was nifty! Well folks that's all for now! keep in touch, God Bless You and Keep You, and until next time.. Go download some Jack Johnson!!!

Me Unedited

Comments????

No comments:

I know it's been a while, but life is good. I pray God's blessing on all of you.

"The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it."
~I Thessalonians 5:24

Me (unedited)

Ambiguity

Comments??

Have you ever had one of those days where no matter how hard you try to remain positive, the whole world just seems like it's there to piss you off?

Today was one of those days.

But, here I am sitting alone in my room and I'm feeling calmer now.

Do you remember how when you were little all you wanted to do was get big so that you could do this that and the other??? All I can say is "What were we thinking?" I was walking to class today and I saw all the child development majors out in the kids playground on campus playing with a small group of 4-5 year olds. They were so carefree and happy, that right then I there I was jealous. Me! Jealous of 4 year olds!

I think there must be some gene that's located in every human that causes us to long for the past and want what we don't have. It kinda reminds me of that verse in the Bible which says that you should never long for the days of the past, because you never really know if they were any better than the days you're living now. Does that make sense??

Anyways, I suppose that that is enough rambling for now. But don't worry!! i'll have more for you later.

"Know Thyself."

Wow people, I had the most amazing week this week! If you don't know all the details, give me a call because I would love to fill you in. To make a long story short, God answered so many of my prayers all in a short 30 minute period. It was great. Wow. yeah,

Ugh. Don't you hate it when your mind is so preoccupied that you can't sleep or get anything done?!?!? It's insane. So anyhow, I had a good week this past week mainly due to OU's win over Texas (woo hooo!).. but also because I was cast in the student directed one acts! go me. Granted I'm not really important in our show, and basically everyone who auditioned was cast, but the cast in my show is super cool, and I think it'll be a lot of fun! Next big audition on the list... The Sound of Music. i made the mistake of watching it last night and so now I'm a complete mess! Today I downloaded half the songs out of the show and listened to them about 10 times each while singing along, watching the OU stats online, and attempting to do spanish homework. To put it bluntly.. I can't focus at all. I'm already nervous and the audition is about a month away. But, I've been praying about it a lot... not just that i get the part that I want, but that I have peace about it until the audition actually happens so that I can focus and attempt to pass Spanish. I don't know though... maybe if The Sound of Music was available in Spanish......hmmm..... Ok ok, but really. God's in control and he's bigger than all of this. And I know that he will work it out perfectly. He always does. Anyways, I've missed my friends a lot this week because normally we all go insane together and I'm just not close enough to anyone down here to attempt it with! I wish it were all over AHHHHHHHHHHH! No, really I'm fine. Just think... this will all be over by thanksgiving and then I get to go home and celebrate!


verse for the day..... Habakkuk 2:3 "But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!"

Guestbook.....



Poetry....

God is so good. Did you know that?? He really is.

Guestbook......


Poetry...

Was I on a misson's trip in Mexico, or the campus cafeteria?? Judging by the smell you couldn't tell the difference. Turns out that there was a sewege leak in the cafeteria, right in the place where we pick out all the food we want. It was so nasty, let me just tell you... it smelled like chicken! (that was funny if you read my last entry) Anyhow they had people there drilling through the floor and sticking this vaccuum thing into the floor and sucking out all the... well, you know. So there I was holding my nose and picking up some linguine and clam sauce while they were sucking you know what out of the floor 5 feet away. Lovely mental picture huh? Anyways, do you ever have one of those moments where you stop everything and think "What am I doing, and why am I doing this?" I had one of those today. I was in the practice room (as usual) and I was just like, "I'm not enjoying this... why am I doing it?" and these thoughts lead me to think about how I'm just so sick of myself and people and just about everything else. You know how it is. I guess I realized today that I'm tired of being told that I have to feel a certain way about everything and that to feel any other way is wrong and whatnot. AHHHHH just thinking about it... i can't really express what I feel and it sucks. I think that's the gist of it. I hate how everyone analyzes everything. I mean, can't you just feel what you feel and say what you want to say and leave it at that. Maybe everyone does this and i can't. I think it's just that I have all these thoughts, and ideas, and feelings and I have no one to share them with. And i can tell you this... It sucks to "feel" alone. (in all senses of the word) Anyhow, I guess it's just that today I came to realize that inspite of my pursuit of higher education.....i really don't understand myself at all.

"Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."

My Poetry

SIGN MY GUESTBOOK

I've decided that I totally admire all those people out there who open up blogs to talk about specific things such as operating systems, or movies and whatnot. And I have decided that I am glad that I am not one of those people. Aren't you glad too? You should be! Speaking of profanity.... (were we?) have you ever made up your own cuss word? Or better yet.... have you substituted an everyday word instead?? My favorite word to use is Chicken. Way back when I worked at Friday's we used to make all the people who had serious swearing problems use "chicken"and "fruitin" instead. Actually, they tried to fine them, but that never worked, so then they resorted to substitution; which, now that I think about it never worked either because we walked around laughing at each other all the time and never "taking care of the customers." I seriously recommend this method to all the swear-addicted among us. If anything else, it will provide others with entertainment.

This Public Service Announcement brought to you with great pleasure by MelodiousEm.

SIGN THE GUESTBOOK!!!! Ambiguous thoughts.......(the all cool poetry site)

Movie of the Moment------ Dead Poets Society
Book of the Moment------- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (come on JK we're STILL waiting for Book V, it's time to put it in Fifth honey!)
Song of the Moment------ The Never-Ending Math Equation by Modest Mouse

today was a blah day. you know the type. maybe it was the weather... SoCal was pretty cold today. darn hurricane. have you ever wondered how it's possible to experience loneliness even in a crowd? y is that? hmmm i just don't know. ok, so yeah i'm rambling in case you didn't notice. well, i'm off to clean my fish bowl. cooler blogs to follow....

Songs of the moment...................Comfortable by John Mayer
and
Out of My League by Stephen Speaks <---------------------this guy is cool; go download his stuff right now

Book of the Moment..................... Ender's Game (yeah baby 80's flashback..... you did know that they are making a movie out of this didn't you?!?)

Movie of the moment.................... Matrix

say what you wanna say..........Sign my Guestbook!


Poetry Sponsored by Me

Kiss Josie and the Pussycats good-bye (as if I needed to tell you that)...... I just saw the best girl punk rock that i've seen in a while. Check out the halo friendlies anytime you get the chance... Guys this means you too! There was some testosterone at the show and they happened to dig it too, so just get over yourselves. Anywhow, that's my plug for the day. So, could someone please explain to me why a brand new laptop with a Microsoft Windows XP OS wouldn't come with Microsoft Word as a writing processor?? really, this confuses me. Technology these days... gee whiz. Anyways...the other day I found out through the friend of friend that my one of my best buds is planning to get married... why she didn't inform me of this I have no idea. I finally asked her about it and she was all like, "oh yeah uh huh." So far I've yet to find being left in the dark humbling. I guess I'm just extra special. Hope your lives are well.

Song of the moment............. Wasted and Ready by Ben Kweller

Book of the moment............. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

Movie of the moment............. The Godfather


Comments... Complaints... Need to Ramble??

Em's Poetry Site!! <----------------------------- Check it out... come on guys, would I tell you to go if it sucked?? (don't answer that)

Another weekend come and gone. Here's a question for ya.... when you go to the movies, have you ever had an employee of the movie theatre come in and personally introduce the movie to you?? I had the privilege of expereincing this for the first time, just this weekend. It must be a Southern California thing. I suppose i might be abe to understand, had this been a sold-out opening weekend movie... but was it?? oh no. This movie had been out for several weeks and there were only 7 people in the theatre, it was weird. The dude walks in and introduces himself and thanks us for choosing AMC and tells us how happy he is to have us there, and then he asks us to turn off our cell phones and pagers and all that jazz (by this time I was wondering if he was going to direct our attention to the emergency exits and show us how to fasten our safety belts) and then he thanks us one last time and tells us that AMC brings us good movies. I'm not joking, it was bizzare, so of course we all clap for him, and then he runs back in and says, "Hey, ya know what?? I just got a bigger reaction out of you all than I did out of the sold out show 5 minutes ago!" Boy did we feel proud. So... during the same mall trip we were walking around, shopping, minding our own business, when suddenly this good-looking man gets up from his table at the food court and starts talking to this guy that was with us. Turns out that the good-looking man was with a talent agency. Of course, at first all of us girls figured it was a scam and that this guy was gay or something (in reality we were all just jealous that out of the 7 of us, only the boy was picked) so we told our guy to brush it off, then he pulls out a business card with phone #'s and the internet site of the business, as well as the President of the Company's name (which happened to be a woman's name, and not the name of a good-looking man). So were thinking, OK, so it may be legit.... but we doubt it. So we go on with our business,and go watch our movie.... as we are leaving the theatre some 3 hours later, we walk through the food court to leave, and the good-looking man is still there! In the same exact spot, reading a book and watching all the people walk by. Needless to say, I think I'm going to dress up when i go to the mall from now on.

"I never took the time to stop and realize that death comes in many forms even while alive."

Sign My Guestbook!! (come on.... you know you want too!)

have you ever had one of those stupid human moments and then you look back on it and think, "gosh, that would have made an amazing Mentos commercial?" I have those ALL the time. I just wanted to see if it was just me or not. Anyhow, in my last blog I was complaining (imagine that) about the previous blog and how I didn't understand it.... well right after I published my tirade, the blog that I had been trying to make dissappear, vanished. Yup, that's right no trace of it. This simply goes to show that complaining can bring positive results. So down with all who say otherwise!

"Society is commonly too cheap."

Sing My Guestbook! (or just Sign it!)

While I was bored today, I made a wonderful decision to read some Walden. I forgot how much I love Thoreau. Anyhow, today I've been thinking about a lot of different things but primarily about how feeling lonely can seriously alter you outlook on life (yeah yeah, I'm stating the obvious, I know). I hate feeling lonely. It just sucks, and all it really does is promote negativity which for me equals sarcasm which, as we all know, I need no more of. Come to think of it, I'm sarcastic all the time.. Hmmm, does this mean that I'm always negative?? Nah. Ok ok, I'm blabbering. So anyways I had sushi today, and it was pretty good. i also decided that I have serious issues with UPS. Don't get me started now... if you really want to know, ask me later. I don't know if it's because of the hurricane or what, but I've felt like I've been in London these past 3 days. Fog everywhere, mist and everything. it's alost like Dickens. Ok, so it's not that bad, but you know what i mean. By the way, i don't know what my past blog entry was supposed to be but I can't seem to get rid of it so we'll just pretend that it means something important, or whatever. Well I guess that it for now! Till next time~~~~


Song of the moment------- Shirts and Gloves by Dashboard Confessional
Book of the Moment------- Thoreau's Walden
Movie of the Moment------- Life as a House


"Be it life or death, we crave only reality"


Sign my Guestbook! Sign my Guestbook!

Hey folks. Just wanted to let everyone know that you are all encouraged to sign my guestbook simply by clicking on all my cool underlined dialogue here!



Feel free to stop by and express your love, outrage and devotion toward me! Please note: I am an idiot, and i attempted to name it "My Guestbook" not thinking about the fact that they would add an apostrophe s to the end of it. So... if it says My's Guestbook, then you're in the right place and I'm just dumb. Happy posting!

ok ok ok soooooo i'm inspired (once again) to follow in the footsteps of another and tell you WHO i am....
i am
1. a christian
2. a student
3. a sister
4. a daughter
5. the coolest friend you'll ever have
6. brilliant
7. humble (haha.. no really I am)
8. a devoted star wars fan
9. a harry potter fan (don't even start with me, I know I'm too old)
10. a poet
11. a cat lover
12. an art lover
13. a movie lover
14. a food lover (and no i'm not fat, not yet anyway)
15. a writer
16. a guitar player
17. a surfer wow
18. special
19. a book lover
20. shakespeares biggest fan
21. a movie buff (well, maybe i wouldn't go that far)
22. arguementative
23. amazing!
24. a huge emo and underground music fan
25. so so tired
26. a liberal republican..(hmm is that possible?)
27. the best procrastinator i know
and a hundred other things that i can't seem to think of. till next time

"May the force be with you~"

I propose that this entry be labled: "Surfing 101: Lessons and Experiences You Will Encounter"

1. Surfing is fun!
2. Surfing is hard.
3. Surfing is tiring.
4. Wow this one doesn't start with the word "surfing!"
5. The water off the coast of San Diego is never warm.... especially in the third week in September!
6. PADDLE PADDLE PADDLE PADDLE PADDLE
7. Surfing requires patience.
8. Even when it's cold and cloudy, you can still get sunburned.
9. It may not occur to you... but Hello! you're laying on the surfboard for most of the time, which means that your back is facing the sky which means that, it doesn't take too long to fry the back of your legs. (even if it's cold and cloudy)
10. One word RASHGUARD.
11. Surfboards are heavy (with the exception of shortboards, but I haven't gotten to that part yet)
12. SeaGRASS yes that's right, GRASS.
13. Generally, the waves don't come to you... you've got to go to the waves. (this is my new motto in life)
14. Elephant Ear Kelp. wow it's weird.
15. A psycho woman who wears a thong bathing suit bottom with no top, and is with a man in a speedo. I swear.
16. Brrrrrrrr.
17. Surf kyakers.
18. Fellow surfers!!!!!
19. Strange men who change into wetsuits right on the beach. Completely change. Completely. Right on the beach.
20. People who stand/sit on the cliffs and laugh at all the crazy people surfing.

Don't you hate it when you want the phone to ring and you're waiting and waiting and then it finally does ring, but it's for your roommate? Or better yet, it's actually for you but it isn't who you want it to be? yeah it's no fun. Anyhow, i'm beginning to realize that i want a boyfriend and that is bad bad bad! This is only the 4th week of school I need to focus. i can't be worrying about guys right now! Ugh. stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Spanish seriously sucks.
Take that for Alliteration!

Alright, so here it goes. To be completely honest, I have learned absolutely nothing new about the female race these past 3 weeks; but my views concerning us girls have been proven correct time and time again....... People have always wondered why I don't like girls. (Now, if you are new to this page, I am a girl and i'm speaking stricktly platonic here!) Now i do make friends with other girls, but I've found that it takes me a while and half the time it isn't even worth the effort. Let me prove my point by stating a few things that i have noticed all my life, but have definitely stood out to me these past few weeks now that i am living in the same building as 300 other girls...

1. Girls whine. We all know it's true and it basically goes without saying.
2. When it comes to guys, girls analyze EVERYTHING! (sadly, even I am guilty of this)
3. As far as our bodies are concerned, Girls always want the opposite of what they have. Short girls want to be tall, tall girls want to be short. Curly haired girls want straight hair, straight haired girls want curly hair... etc. etc.
4. Every girl wants to lose weight, they may not think that they're fat, but they all want to lose weight. If they deny this, they're lying!
5. Girls will go to great lengths to impress people with their looks, specifcally guys. An example of this would be those girls who wake up at the crack of dawn on a camping trip so that they can blow dry and curl their hair and put on plenty of make-up. Gag gag gag.
6. Girls gossip. A lot. A whole lot. A whole whole lot.
7. Did I mention that girls analyze everything?
8. Girls will make themselves out to be the "dumb blonde type" in order to get attention.
9. Girls flirt shamelessly.
10. Did I mention that girls analyze everything?
11. Girls will bait people into saying things that they don't really mean, and then they'll turn around and use your words against you!
12. Girls always ask questions that they don't want honest answers to.

yeah yeah yeah, I know that I'm being very stereotypical here, but we all know that these types are out there, and the rest of us are helplessly outnumbered by them! and yes, I too am guilty of a few of the above mentioned facts. So to set the record straight it's these girly girls, whose motivation in life comes from 17 magazine, soap operas, and of course Maybelleine, who I don't like. As for the list of complaints, well, mabe they will one day console some poor confused boy who can't understand why his girlfriend acts the way she does. ha ha yeah right! What am I, a miracle worker? I think not....



~"No matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the world."

It's starting to happen. I'm finally beginning to feel at home here in So-Cal. We went to Magic Mountain last night and we had to drive through "the valley" which (i think I'm right) is the southern part of LA. It was so pretty, but the traffic sucked. It took us for-ev-er to get there, but it was fun nontheless. I'm gonna try to go surfing tomorrow, but if I don't get to it, I'm definitely going by next weekend. I hate to admit it, but I do miss home a little. Of course I miss my friends and my cats a TON, but I honestly didn't think that i'd miss my family all that much, especially my mom since we fought a lot.... but as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Plus, everyone knows that it's easier to get a long with people until you live with them; so with this in mind, I think that it's easier to love and appreciate those closest to you when they're no longer around 24-7. Now don't take me wrong, I'm not homesick, i just miss the little things sometimes. I'm typing this as I watch the sunset into the ocean and it's so pretty. Ok so that was random, but considering that my entries always are, I guess it doesn't really matter. Anyways, I hung out with a girl from my hall and her boyfriend all night last night
at MM and I finally decided that I'm ready for another boyfriend now, or maybe i'm suffering from "third-wheel" sickness.... i don't know. i saw them kiss a lot though and so i spent quite a bit of the evening looking the other way, or at the sky (it was really pretty). They were cool though, eventually they asked me if their kissing bothered me; and I thought about it and after taking into consideration myself and my last serious boyfriend, I thought it only fair to say no. I think it was sitting across from them on the busride home at 2am that was tough... the cute yet gross cuddling and kissing and the works... I finally decided that everytime I happened to look over at them or when I felt jealous or grossed out or whatever that I would pray. So let's just say that i prayed a lot on the ride home. =) Anyways, that's life I guess. Stay tuned for net time when I'll expand on the inner workings of the average college female.


~"It's almost like a prison that you create yourself...You want to break out...and tell everyone 'this isn't really me at all.'"

"Give us courage, Oh, Lord, to know what our response should be."

What to write, what to write.... hmmmmm. I got a 94% on my first big spanish test. I was really mad because it should have been somewhere around a 97% or 98%, but he took half a point off every time I left out an accent mark; and let's just say that I didn't put any in on the whole test. Oh well. Actually i was pretty happy because,as usual, I thought that i was gonna get a C or a D or something. So Yea for me. anyways.... what has been on my mind lately??? A lot of things actually, but i can't really talk about them here. So considering that there's nothing that I can think of to go into a tangent about (well, there are LOTS of those, but I'm not in the mood) I'll go ahead and say good-bye.

Oh yeah, I want to give a shout out to Skip Stone. Thanx for the quote!

Ok, I just want to set the record straight right now, and say that I have never had sex. I say this because the other day I was talking with a group of my old high school friends about certain couples that we knew; and the topic came up as to whether we thought (or knew in some cases) if they were sleeping together or not. Now I need to take a moment to say that I know that we probably shouldn't have been disscussing other people's personal affairs, but well, we all know it comes up. So anyways, throughout this conversation I got to thinking... and suddenly I asked the girls if they ever thought that (insert old boyfriends name here) and I had been having sex. After I bluntly posed the question it got real quiet and they all stared at me. Soooooo I was like, "come on guys I really want to know." and to this they replied, "yeah we kinda figured that you did..." (and as my mouth dropped to the floor) "...didn't you?" and of course the answer is No!!!!!!!!! I guess it's only fair of me to say that my mouth didn't really drop to the floor; I mean, I could see how they might think that, but I was a little bit suprised. So in response to this conversation I'm just here to say that I have never had sex (in any way, shape, or form) with anyone. Ever. Yup, that's right.
Whew, I feel better now!

I forgot how much I hate being a freshman. Seriously, it's generally a lose-lose situation. People hate you when you're good at stuff. it's like your not allowed to succeed until you've put in 3 years of hard labor and suffering first. This has never made sense to me. Nope, never. Anyhow, I went camping last weekend. It was interesting to say the least. So with this in mind I'm going to give a few tips to all you first time campers out there (considering that I was one untill last weekend).....
1. Realize that the ground is hard. yes that's right... it's hard; and after sleeping on it for a couple of nights your ribs will most likely be soar.
2. Watch for shooting stars, they're so cool.
3. Dirt gets everywhere... Especially if it's 106* and it's dry outside.
4. 100ft. slip n'slides are a good way to cool off, but it's more fun to watch everyone else try human bowling on them.
5. A fire with coals does NOT work for smores. Trust me.
6. If you decide to go swing and it's hot out, beware of the rubber seats.
7. If you decide to go swing and continue to swing despite the hot seat, don't let your friend jump out of the swing. This could result in a trip to the ER a shot of morphine and a fractured spine. I gaurantee it.

untill next time~~~

"But you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular..."

I've decided that it's high past time for another one of my famous lists. So....... todays list (in no particular order) contains "The Best Things About San Diego California"
1. The weather the weather the weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. All the cool California guys with their nice hair, that go around driving their cool Jeeps with surf boards sticking out the back, and no shirts on. (hmmmmm yes this is a really nice thing)
3. Ocean Beach (did you know that this where Jewel lived in a van with her mom before she became famous??)
4. Ocean Beach farmer's market every wednesday.
5. The Hippies (i'm serious guys!)
6. The Lingo (really! I haven't heard the word, "rad" or "stoked" since the '80's.)
7. Sea World's fireworks every night.
8. In n' Out (the best fast food you'll ever have in your life)
9. Aldabertos (the best REAL mexican food you'll ever have in your life)
10. Umm, did I mention the ocean?
11. Palm Trees
12. Nice Cars
13. We're only about 2 hours from LA and Hollywood
14. The sunsets
15. The music (tons of emo and rock... country???? huh, what's that??? oh it's great)
16. The Dress Code (jeans, tee-shirts, sweatshirts, or a bathing suit is all you need to survive)

well, that's all I can think of for now. I know that there are others, but I haven't been out to see them (Old Town, La Jolla, Balboa Park...etc) so I'd feel weird saying that they're all great; just in case they weren't. Anyways... eventually I'll get on here and write a dissertation about camping in California; but I'm gonna need some more energy first. So untill next time...

"Not all who wander are lost."

If I see one more couple walking around campus holding hands and giggling, I'm going to puke. I'm not even kidding. it's getting really annoying. Yes (in case you are wondering) my cynical side is beginning to appear. Anyways, you think these people would know that they look like total idiots. I'm allowed to say this of course because I used to be one of them; and all I have to say about that is WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THAT WE LOOKED LIKE MORONS??? I mean really people... it starts out as, "ohh aren't they cute.... etc. etc." but as well all know that goes down the drain quickly. Bottom line, it's just annoying and.... and.... well, it's just annoying andI suppose it justs reminds me of how, well, nevermind. As you can probably tell by now, I'm not in the best mood. I want to know who reads this. If you read this thing religiously, or everynow and then, or perhaps you just happened to stumble upon it just now, e-mail me at mercerd84@aol.com (even if I know that you read it). basically I type this as if no one reads it but me and a few others that I know of, so I think it would be interesting to see just how many people have come to it. well, i'm off to sulk. later.

oh wait, i have another quote for you... (aren't you happy?)

"If you want to know me, then you must get to know my story, for my story defines who I am."

Ok, so maybe college is a little harder than I thought. I'm beginning to feel the pressure. I am currently anxious about a lot of things; like the outcome of my auditions for example, as well as the fact that I have to do work-study to help pay for school, and I have no idea how I'll have any time whatsoever to have a job. My super-cool psych class has each student do an autobiography by the end of the term. No big deal, right? Well, no, not really, except for the fact that it has to be 10-12 pages long. Honestly, this shouldn't be too hard to do, considering that it is my life after all, and as we all know, I'm just exceptionally interesting. =) On top of all of this, I feel like I've been here for months and this is only the 3rd day of class. I also have this overwhelming want for a boyfriend. I have no idea where this came from!!! (especially since I could've cared less my Senior year) maybe it's because i don't have any close friends here yet and i feel the need to have someone to rely on. Now i know that i can rely on God and everything, but sometimes I wish that i had a real "physical" person to confide in. Ya know what i mean? Anyways, i gotta go try to re-arrange my schedule (again) and buy more books (that the profs forgot to add to the list) to my already surpassing $400 book bill. In the meantime, I leave you with a quote....think about it.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country...A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind."

Could someone please tell me why high school teachers try so hard to "prepare you for college?" I mean honestly, if that's their job, then all of mine failed. Personally I'm beginning to understand that no one can prepare anyone for college; with this is mind I don't see why high school teachers waste our time by explaining all of their actions with "this will help prepare you... yadda yadda yadda." Besides all of this, people all my life have been telling me how hard college is. Now, this may be true, but I've come to realize that I took this information and carefully formed a holocaust-like institution in which one spends 4 years studying 24/7. This ladies and gentlemen is the exact opposite of what goes on. Another common misconception: college partying. Once again, haven't we been told all of our lives that college kids go party and get wasted and whatever else all the time?? Well, this too does happen, but it's not that much different then your average high school experience. Moral of the story... don't believe anything you hear, read, etc. That is, unless I'm the source!! =)

Just kidding of course =) and now I leave you with a question to ponder....

Did you know that "passion" comes from the root word for pain??

ok, so honestly...you would think that in college they wouldn't hand out those forms where you have to fill out all your personal information. But oh no, we are so misinformed! Also, you always hear that you can just miss class whenever but you have to be responsible to takke care of all the reading and info you missed... right??? Wrong, oh so wrong, noooooooo, you have to be there and on time 3 tardies equals an absence (hmmm, where have I heard this before???? oh in high school maybe??? yeah, that must have been it!) and yadda yadda yadda. Alright Alright, I know i'm talking trash about college, but it's really not to bad. yeah, ok so my 3 classes of the day added up to about maybe 2 hours worth of time and most of it was spent on rules, but hey, what can you expect on the first day?? Besides, I did clep out of class piano 1 (everybody give it up for the musical prodigy!!! ok yeah not really), but had i had my way i would have advanced to class piano 3. The professor did say that i was right in the cracks between the 2, but in the long run we decided that it would be better to be ahead than to fall behind, so class piano 2 for me. Music theory???? weeeeeeeelllllllllllll, that's a totally different story. That was at 7:45 this morning and all new music majors had to be there, and they gave us this test and said, do as much as you can and go when you're through. I lasted 15 minutes. yes that's right... 15 minutes. But in all actuality that's pretty good considering that a lot of people just signed their names and left. So i imagine that i wll be remaining in basic music theory for this semester. darn.

i have a fish...really, i do. he's really cute too! his name is Mr. Katalina (Kat for short, in memory of my beloved pets back home) I never knew that I was a fish fan until I had Mr Katalina. Anyways, mom leaves me today and school starts monday. So basically things could get interesting. more later...

well, three days, 1300+ miles, 5 national parks/"natural attractions, and tons of stress later... i have finally arrived in San Diego. First impression, this place is so cool. Today I'm staying in town (i move in tomorrow) and mom, grandmom, her friend and I drove to Ocean Beach where they had this big open market thing where you could buy and sample all kinds of fresh exotic food, as well purchase fresh cut flowers. it was amazing. it's all this hippie town where people walk by with surf boards and guitars all the time. anyways, leaving home was harder than i thought. i cried. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would cry; but it was sad leaving my dad and my cats (yes I'm being serious here). Driving out was extremely stressful. I can't even begin to explain it, but I will say this.... I have learned what patience truly is. I did enjoy seeing the different states. These past 3 days I've driven half-way across the country and I have seen, desert, plateaus, 12ft cactus, mountains, canyons, sand dunes, palm trees, and (of course) ocean. All that in only 1300 miles. Arizona alone had all of the above (except ocean). of course i found it interesting because i had never been to new mexico, arizona, or california so it was all new to me. The sky in arizona is really neat; it looks identical to the sky in the movie vanilla sky (which by the way, if you haven't seen it and you want to, i suggest that you keep a remote control close by). anyways, my mom and i both managed to survive (i still can't believe it) and i suppose that's a good thing. i'm dying to hear about how the rest of the world is getting along, i feel out of it since i haven't been able to get online since Sunday. Keep me updated and i'll do the same... until next time..............

Wow. So this is it.

My last day at home.

I'm not quite sure what to think.

Basically things have been pretty tense around here today and I find myself torn between crying and exulting in happiness.

I am terrified of the oncomming "road trip." The idea of three full days of being trapped in a small space with my over-emotional mother does not comfort me. I want it to be fun and exciting, so I am going to great lengths to try to remain optimistic.

I won't be able to blog for the next few days until I reach my destination, so I will most likely have a lot to say when I return. For those of you who pass of my literary masterpiece... I ask you to say a prayer for me as I embark on this "journey."

Dates from Hell (so far)

Alrighty, so I was reading through some other blogs recently, and one of the blogs that I read talked about their "date from hell." Now everyone who's ever dated anyone for a long period of time has had a "date from hell," and reading this blog made me want to share some of mine... (yes that's right... SOME) . Now I know that some of you have had the priviledge of hearing these stories in person, if that is you... sorry about the repetitveness.

In third place we have: The Never-Ending Date!
Now, I feel I should clarify here; this really wasn't a date from you know where, it was actually pretty interesting, just very different; so maybe we should call this: "just plain uncomfortable."

I felt so bad for this guy because he tried so hard and I wanted to like him, but I just didn't. I felt like we didn't "click" so to speak. Anyways his guy was perfect... too perfect (if there is such a thing). He brought me flowers, opened every door, and payed for everything... but we were on this date for over 5 hours. (and this was our first date)

We went to eat, we played pool, we went to the movies, we rode the canal,and we played miniture golf.. all on this first date. Maybe God was making up lost time to me or something, I dunno.. it was just a little strange. Then when he dropped me off at home, he asked if he could kiss me, which I thought was really odd because no one has ever flat out asked before. So of course I said yes (because it would be evn weirder if I had said no). I mean honestly, can you imagine it??? Very strange! That was the last date that I went on with him, and it was my decision. I think I will always feel really guilty for not giving him another chance, because he was cool and everything, and sometimes I feel like I inadvertently led him on...

In second place we have: The Unexpected Date with a Friend!
Now I'm sure lots of you have been here before: You have this friend (and that is all they are to you) and they ask you to go do something sometime, right??? Well, I'm sure most of you weren't as stupid as I was in thinking that it wouldn't turn out to be an uncomfortable date type of thing... well I was wrong, it was just weird.

Anytime anyone accidentally gets stuck on a date with a platonic friend, it turns out wrong.

I think it was the movie. He took me to see Lord of the Rings; which I love but I had already seen it twice within 2 weeks, plus it was the longest movie running in the theatre at the time.... so of course I'm questioning his motives for picking this particular movie because he simply isn't the Lord of the Rings type. Now I know that this was partially my fault because he did ask what I wanted to see, and I said I didn't care and that he could pick (and deep down I was wondering if he would pick LOTR because it's so long).

Well anyway, he comes to get me and the minute I get in the car I can tell that things weren't going to go well. There was minimal to zero conversation... and I just can't handle that. So it was pretty much downhill from there, so all through the movie I was just praying for time to fly by and that he wouldn't try to do anything even remotely "boyfriend girlfriendish" luckily for me he didn't and I quickly escaped into my house as soon as we arrived.

After this "date" I cleverly avoided him by, going the opposite way in the halls at school if I saw him from a distance before he saw me, and by checking the caller id before answering any phone call. =) I owe a lot to the person who invented caller id.

Last but definitely not least, In first place we have: The "Sickest" Date Ever!
Ok, this one is famous among my friends and I (heh heh heh). I was with my boyfriend of several months and we were at Zio's together and we had been eating a lot of food and talking and all that jazz, well, suddenly he starts to feel bad and I'm like, "are you ok?" and he's like, "yeah, I'm fine." (so I immediately know that he's lying)

Well he starts to look worse and worse and then I see it.... that look... the look where you know what's comming but there's nothing you can do to stop it. So then and there in the middle of dinner rush at Zio's my boyfriend of the time puked all over the table, and the plates, and the floor, and the tables, and the people accross from us.

So once he has successfully thrown up on everything, he starts freaking out and saying, "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" and I felt so bad for him too, because I can imagine what he must have been thinking and feeling after getting sick in a public place in front of his girlfriend and tons of strangers. So he covers up his plate and I tell him to leave me his wallet, go to the bathroom and that I'd pay and meet him at the door.

So he follows the plan as the tables around us slowly get up and ask for another place to sit, and these poor kids run to the bathroom to try and clean off their clothes.

That one definitely takes the cake... but out of all three dates, the first place winner and I ended up staying together the longest...ironic isn't it?

Ok folks, this is gonna be a long entry...

...but it covers quite a few things, so try to stick with me here ok?

I have had SO MUCH FUN these past 2 days. Ok, maybe not SO MUCH FUN persay, but I have been having a good worry-free time hanging out with my "distant" cousin Luke.

I must admit that I was a little worried when I heard that they were coming, because I knew that they wouldn't be leaving until Saturday and I leave for college Monday morning bright and early. But luckily for me and Luke, we have managed to evade the families and go do our own thing. Mainly we've just hit the mall and the movies, but hey what else is there to do around here? It's been cool having him and his family around. We are closer in age than any of my other cousins and I are (except for Aaron, and because that is a sticky situation, we never see each other). We also actually have stuff in common, which is neat because I have just about nothing in common with all my other cousins.

Anyways, we got into a little "fix" the other day. You see, we went shopping and all that and then we got back to my neighborhood and I was like,"hey, do you want to drive?" and of course he said yes. (hello, who could resist a beauty like a 91 chevy lumina??? i just don't know...:) so I let him drive around a couple of times since he is 15 1/2 and I drove then, but the laws in his state are different so he technically can't get his permit until he's 16. I feel so bad for teenagers in states like those. Anyways, so he drove and was fine, but then we get out and I forgot to roll down my window like I usually do. (my car doors don't open from the outsides anymore....) so I was a little worried, but I knew how to get the window down with a crowbar so i wasn't stressing just yet; I was primarily concerned that his parents might find out that I let him drive.

So anyways, we tried the whole crowbar thing while all our parents were gone. eventually I went into the house to get my keys, and then Luke met me at the door and said," well, we have some good news and some bad news." and I said, "oh no (while laughing) what's the good news?" and he said,"the good news is that we can get into the car now. The bad news is that the window busted." Somehow I found this whole situation very humorous. It was like I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later and it finally did. Luke felt bad but I told him not to worry about it.

So to make a long story short, there was glass everywhere, so I called my dad and told him and he told me how to clean it up and that we wouldn't bother replacing it since we were going to sell the car soon anyway and I leave monday as it is. My mom never noticed, but eventually I told her. I don't think that luke's parents know, and no one knows exactly how it all happened, except us. My dad found out that I let him drive, because we had passed my grandfather and he noticed and asked my dad about it. Luckily dad wasn't mad, he just thought it was kinda funny. Besides I don't think he made the window connection.

Ok and now the final issue to address: My poor friends who have all gone on to college already!

2 moved in yesterday and 1 moved in Wednesday; and I got calls from all 3 yesterday. They were all like, "oh my gosh! I miss you and everyone, and I'm stressing and I don't like this too much right now, and what am I going to do.... etc.' it was kinda funny, because I didn't expect it at all, and it wasn't like terror or anything, just a lot of mixed feelings and all three of them felt the same way, which tells me that most likely 50-75% of all the other freshmen feel the same way. They may just be hard to find depending on how all the rooming situations are.

Now i just want them to know all at once (if they read this) that everything is going to go so amazingly well for them. I just know it. I'd be more worried if they fell in love with everything on the first day! I must admit that this news doesn make me a little scared for myself, but not too terribly badly because I know that this is just a phase that will pass within 2 or 3 weeks and if they can handle it (which they will) then I can too.

My friends are going to college.

It's a very strange concept, I must admit. To be honest, it feels as though I am being left behind, when in all reality: I'M the one whose leaving. I'm beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea afterall. I don't feel prepared but I find comfort in the fact that no one else I know does either.

I got my audition info today. I have to have 1 or 2 songs prepared along with a repotoire (sp?) list. I'm so glad that they are mentioning this to me now that I leave in less than 5 days. Ugh stress. I don't think that I'm smart enough and I have this growing fear of failing everything. I suppose that comes from all the comments I get about how I'll probably be to involved in the San Diego atmosphere to study. I'm serious, people tell me this all the time. They say that they worry that I'll never get anything done. How uplifting, huh?

Wow, so I suddenly realized that in 10 days I am leaving smalltown USA to venture out into the "real world." and all along i'm thinking, "hmmmm, this should be interesting! =)

Ok now back to my somewhat interesting life:

I've been having way too much fun with my guitar!! oh yes it's a lot of fun. I'm not currently capable of sticking to any one song long enough to learn it all; I tend to jump from song to song, so as of right now I just play bits and pieces of everything. To be totally honest, I must say that I find much more pleasure in writing my own stuff. The only problem with this is that I don't have the nerve to play them for anyone. That would just be too weird, I'd be afraid that people would hate all my songs or that they wouldn't understand them. Oh well I suppose that that is a risk all artists must take, so sooner or later I'll just have to find the courage.

I took langley ice skating for the first time the other day. It was quite an interesting experience! Let's just say that she was concentrating extremely hard. (so hard in fact that she wouldn't let me talk to her; and for 2 whole hours she let go of the wall maybe 5 or 6 times!) it was a lot of fun though; or at least I thought it was. She said she enjoyed it, but I'm not so sure.

On Wednesday night I went down to the Paseo (aka the "arts district) and ate at Galileo's with langely and some of my old friends from another school. I'm not sure that it was such a good idea, I mean now that I think of it.. well nevermind it's still embarrassing. (I was about to say that it was kinda a "funny" experience, but in reality it wasn't, so I won't even bother attempting to lie about it.) Ok so we get there and already things are kinda akward because me and Langley were sorta excluding ourselves. Not purposely of course, it just kinda happened. Well anyways, Kim immediately says "I don't feel comfortable here." and I'm thinking "Oh really?? This is a big surprise. I mean gee, you look like you fit right in." Truthfully Langely and I were the only ones who looked liked we belonged (not that this is surprising). The other girls looked like they just got through got through with school or shopping: they looked really cute, but that kind of cute tends to draw glances of ,"oh look, here come the preppy high school girls" in The Paseo. Not that I think that they should try to be something they aren't but, I was worried because the general rules of social status don't exactly apply in the arts districts.

So anyway the complaining began when we sat down to order. The waitress comes and we tell her what we want and the first few things that Megan tries to order they don't have; so Megan's all in a huff " they don't have anything here.... y not??" and finally orders. The food comes right as megan's says (out loud) "how much longer can this take?" Then Kim doesn't like her salad... and yadda yadda yadda and I'm thinking "hey, ya know this is why I hate babysitting!" Good grief, Galileo's isn't exactly a 4 star restaraunt folks!!

Oh it gets better.

Ashlee gets a phone call from Travis Stinson and she tells him where we all are, after hearing his reponse she looks up and says quite loudly (everything Ashlee says is loud) "Are we in gay town?" and I'm thinking: "She did not just say that out loud in here!! we're all gonna get kicked out!! What is she thinking?" Then for about 10 minutes they all start talking about their boy problems. ugh! I can't get away!

So anyway, the real reason we are there is for open mic poetry. Before all this started, I gave them the run down that some of the stuff could be revolting and vulgar. So it starts and we are sitting there listening and after about 7 poems this old guy comes over and sets his shot of liquor down on our table. At this point i was like oh no, this isn't going to be good! He starts off "Why are you girls in here? Where did you come from? I'm trying to get on list to read but I don't think I'll be able to. i was just wandering around and saw all you girls and wanted to come talk. (ok, so it was obvious that he was drunk and he sounded gay , I know that doesn't neccesarily mean anything but considering where we were.....) So he continues to talk to us and he keeps repeating himself several times, then he says "I bet you'd never guess what I do for a living?" (and by this time I was starting to get scared and was literally praying that her would leave and that the other girls would ignore him so he would leave) but oh no, Ashlee just had to reply. And he was like, "ya know I like you, you're the one in the group who is the most, "like that" (whatever that was supposed to mean, we didn't know) So anyway finally this guy from another table comes over and says to the drunk dude, "Hey man, I know you're like having a big conversation here, but I'd really like to be able to hear what that guy at the mic is sayiing." and our drunk dude looks at him and says "I totally agree man. I agree!"

But does he leave?? oh no, he does not, he just looks at us and says, "I agree, I agree!" he kept talking about leaving but never did, untill finally Megan says,"well you better go then" Then he left! I was so glad. Once he left Ashlee had the sudden impulse to say (loudly) that he "Was so obvioulsy gay!"

It was all so embarrasing.

Anyway, Megan, Kim and Ashlee all left early (with Ashlee in a slight tissy that Katie wanted to stay). We decided to meet up at wal mart later where all my fellow soon to be college friends wanted to play dodgeball in walmart at 11pm. Luckily they decided against it.

As we were leaving these 2 guys came up to us and were like "Hey, can you girls do us a big favor? we got a flat tire and we need a ride back to the car? We understand if you can't" I was honestly freaked. I just knew that my friends would go along with it. They asked if the guys had called for help and the said that they had been trying. Fortunately I underestimated them and they were like "Is it too far to walk?" and the guys were like, "Well, uh no, we just wanted to talk to you." and my friends were like "I'm sorry we can't."

I was so proud.

It kinda made up for all the galileo's stuff.

First of all, i would like to say that i am very disappointed in blogger!! i had this whole thing filled out last night and i was all ready to post but i clicked the wrong button! AHHHH... so, when i tried to go back and find it, i couldn't! it was gone, vanished, POOF in thin air! very upsetting!

Anyhow,wow time is flying by and it just will not slow down! Not even for ME!! Ahhhh!! Langely's birthday was yesterday, and I went to wal mart and bought myself the fourth harry potter book IN PAPERBACK, for a whopping $5.97!!!! What a deal! I also bought my very first DVD... CUTTING EDGE!!! (for the low price of $9.47!!!) which my "bossom frriend" Julie and I thouroughly enjoyed!

I've been doing WAY to much baby-sitting lately and I think it's finally getting to me!! Tommorrow I have to be at this certain house at 7:30 AM!!!!!!!!! and I have to stay with the kids overnight while their mom goes to Dallas to shop! Now, exactly what am I supposed to do with 3 kids ages 1, 3, and 5, for 30 whole hours?!? Well, I'll tell you what: TV. ha ha ha . My secret weapon!!! Ok no, but really, I've been stressing over this. I don't want them to be bored to death. (I knew I should have watched more baby-sitters club episodes!)

Moving right along, the biggest news of the day is this: I bought a guitar today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally!!!! It's a Takamine G series that was originally $399 and was on sale for..... ooooo.... ahhhhh.... (gasp) $199!! I also purchased a really good case that was originally $150, but they knocked it down to $109 for me and then took another $40 off of that!!!! then i decided to buy an extra pack of strings (since i'll probably break some here soon). so in the end I walked out of the guitar center with over $565 worth of equipment for $299.47. Boy am I a bargain shopper or what?!?!? (ok, ok, so I was basically real lucky, but what can I say?) Anyway, that's all for now I suppose.

Maybe someday I'll find some time to re-write all the junk I had typed out yesterday but until then, see ya next time!

Happiness is:

-a cold Dr. Pepper
-Lazy afternoons
-A cool breeze on a 102 degree day
-Friendship
-A trampoline
-Swimming pools
-Family
-Fresh bacon
-Inside jokes
-Naivity
-Church
-Peace
-Cats
-Remembering the name of something when you've been thinking about it for hours
-Cookie dough
-Krispy Kreme (at 11 at night!)
-Pity parties
-Roadtrips
-Independent films
-Soundtracks
-A song that has finally downloaded after you've been waiting 3 hours for it to finish
-Target
-Pad thai
-Sales
-Good books
-Large old trees that you can climb into and fall asleep in
-Anne of green gables
-Midnight movie premiers
-Art camp
-Dancing
_Paperback harry potter books
-A good audition
-Shakespeare done well
-Musicals
-Rain
-Cd's with the song lyrics included
-Chocolate
-Good quotes
-New books
-Ditching school to go out to lunch
-Tax refunds
-Days off
-Driving for hours with no destination
-Lists
-Journals
-Breakfast
-Free stuff
-A good workout
-Ice skating
-Sleeping in
-Tuition deferments
-Magazines
-Christmas
-Emo!
-Hand-written notes and letters
-Guitars!
-Snow
-Fresh bread
-Pets
-Candles
-Stationary
-Pictures
-Picture frames
-Scrapbooks!
-Memories
-Taste of china 5.95 super buffet
-Laptops
-Cheesiness!
-Realizing that your gas tank can go well below "E"
-Discovering that things aren't as bad as you expecte them to be
-Suprise friendships
-Concerts
-Compliments
-Tj Maxx
-Tubing
-Laying out on the grass under the stars at night
-Star Wars
-That new toothpaste and toothbrush you get when you go to the dentist
-Winning a free dr. pepper from that stupid under the cap game
-Blogging
-Kazaa
-E-mail
-A good movie
-Hearing a live orchestra for the first time
-Learning that there are others like you and that you aren't alone
-Fitting in
-Being an individual
-Believing
-Answered prayers
-Love.

But above all... happiness is relative.
So tell me: What is happiness to you?

Well, Langley and I finally got to hang out. We went and saw The Sum of All Fears. Kinda creepy considering that that kind of warfare is possible. Anyways, my aunt and cousins left to go to another relatives house, so my home is back down to 3 again. I realized that a month from now I will be on my way to college... with my mom. She's taking me and hopes to make a fun trip out of it. I hope it turns out that way. It makes me a little nervous though, I must confess. We actualy had a good day today without getting into any arguements. We went and saw men in black II, which was pretty good. Funny. Then we shopped a little. I was happy today.

I passed my AP english lit/comp test. I've known for a while now, but I felt like letting everyone know. (that is assuming that anyone actually reads this besides my friends.)

Speaking of my friends. I've been feeling quite neglected lately. Not by all of them of course, but by a select few. langley just got back from 2 weeks with her dad and everytime I call, she's with her boyfriend. obviously our hoes before bros motto has gone out the window. Ok, so basically I'm over reacting, but isn't that what the world expects from a sullen teenager? Then there's the usual group problem I have with some friends that I went to school with before I moved. We don't really hang out anymore because I moved a whole 10 minutes away and got a job, so it was too much of an inconvienence for some of them. I still try to be part of the group, but I'm easily over looked because of the recent circumstances. For instance, we always celebrate our birthdays by going out to eat with the group, mine has been overlooked 2 years now (and they all know) and we nevee did anything about it. Well, just recently they missed another friends birthday and we're all expected to go out asap to celebrate. Now I know, I know, I'm being totally nitpicky and whiny, but this kind of thing happens all the time, and now I'm to the point where I don't want to hang out with them anymore, and I feel kinda guilty. let's just say that we don't have much in common now. We're still friends, it's just not like were "bossom friends" (as Anne of Green Gables would say). Anywho, it's not going to get better, I mean, if we couldn't get things to work out when i'm a mere 10 minutes away, it's never gonna work when i'm 1300 miles away at school next year.

Ok, moving on from all the griping. If you're still with me then wow I'm proud of you because i would've left by now! I have a ton of books that i have planned to read before college starts! I'm currently on The Two Towers (part 2 of the lord of the rings series) and it's moving kinda slow. I already reread all of the Harry Potter books except for book 4 (i'm about to reread that) and I am hopelessly awaiting book 5. Unfortunately word on the street is that Ms. JKRowling isn't even through writing it yet. I recently read "Ender's Game", and I strongly recommend it! I plan on starting it's sequel, "Speaker for the Dead", soon; as well as it's counter novel, "Ender's Shadow." It was written from the opposing viewpoint of the first book. I'm also looking into "White Oleander", "We Were the Mulvaney's", and "The Remnant" (the next book in the Left Behind Series). If you have any info on any more good books, or any of the above, feel free to contact me! that's all for now, be sure and stop by later for music news!

I bought a bunch of college neccessities yesterday and today. And just a note of wisdom to all the other college bound folks out there... prepare to spend lots of money on stupid stuff like: socks. shampoo, toothpaste and laundry detergent. Good grief, I've dropped over $150 all ready. Just leave it to commercialsm to take advantage of consumers!! Meanwhile my house has been crazy since we have 4 people visiting and now 7 under one roof. I think I'm going insane. To make matters worse, my mom is driving me nuts! She's been going on random power trips all summer. A lot of it has to do with me going away I suppose, but for goodness sake she could cut me some slack instead of going postal.

I was in the car when memories of that terrible freshman year came flooding back.

I wanted to fit in so badly. Unfortunately "individualism" had not yet entered my vocabulary and social status dominated my life. By some freak accident I had done it: I had managed to get myself stuck in Show Choir, the elite "upper-classman" only class. To put it simply... everyone HATED me. I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I remember prereparing our class float for the town parade, I wasn't really required to be there but I went to help out, and mainly to earn brownie points (don't be fooled, it was to no avail). It was bad enough having to be dropped off by my parents in front of all the other kids who could drive; but to make matters worse to seniors in charge really didn't want my help (despite the fact that they were getting nothing done except for socializing about abercrombie and annoying freshmen of course) So, they made me make posters for the back of the float. (I don't know if you've been to any parades lately, but if so, did you happen to notice the lovely back ends of all the floats??? yea, I didn't think so.) well I had the special task of writing SHOW CHOIR in big letters on a poster. Boy it was thrilling. Nonetheless, I decided to give it my all and show them up. (give me a break! I was 14 and thought that artistic skill would help the situation) Well I really did try and it turned out really good. however... when I showed my masterpiece to the powers that be, they just looked at me and said, "Hmmm, just great... did you know that you spelled CHOIR wrong?" and low and behold I looked down at the wonder and found that sure enough there plain as day was CHIOR. I wanted to cry, but instead I argued saying,"what are you talking about? That is how you spell it!" , in hopes that what I had thought to be true would seep into their heads like magic. But no it was not to be; in fact, my year of suffering was only beginning.

Ok, so the past entries have been a little cheesy, but hey, they say that college life changes everything, and given that I am on my way there for the first time, I feel hopelessly mushy so to speak. Let's just say that I am venturing far away from my miniscule hometown to go to a relatively big place. Despite the gloom of leaving my friends behind , I feel that this should turn out to be an amazing journey... and as I try to make the most out of these days in between, I'll try to keep you updated, so feel free to join the ride.

What to say when the whole world could listen?

Yesteday I went swimming. Do you know how long it's been? The water felt so fresh and cool in the unforgiving heat. I also jumped on one of those big backyard trampolines. What can I say? I think everyone should have a chance to revert back into their childhood everynow and then. As I reminice on the simple days of childhood I realize that the grass is always greener on the other side; even if it's where you've been. So it is here in smalltown America, where happiness consists of a cool pool and a trampoline on a hot summers day.

Today I went to the zoo. It's been ages. As neat as the animals were I found people watching to be more amusing: parent's dragging sweaty kids around, infants in strollers dozing as their older siblings squawk and squeal at the snakes and hippos. Why the zoo you ask? Well I do have family in town, and we were planning on it and as it turns out they were letting people in free all day. I suppose it's the simple joys of life; like a free day at the zoo that make life worthwhile.