A Treasure for Posterity

Back story...with Evan going to a Spanish immersion school, we are always asking Michael how you say certain words in Spanish. "Dad, how do you say leotard in Spanish?" "Papa, como se dice paper en espanol?" We're all learning a lot.

So, a couple of days ago Parker got out of the shower and ran around like a crazy naked boy. He sure loves that. And I don't want to say here what little boys do when they're naked but they think their "unit" is pretty cool stuff and he was doing his usual tricks and silly dances with it. Ha ha! I gave him a few minutes to be crazy and then told him to lay down so I could get his diaper on. About halfway through he gets kind of serious and says, "Mom, how my say penis my Spanish words?" Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I just about died laughing. This is by far one of the favorite things I have heard in a year from my kids. First of all, how he talks with his pronouns is just hysterical. And then that he wanted to know how to say penis in Spanish just kills me. Hysterical. I've been holding onto this nugget of deliciousness for a few days now, just waiting for a few minutes to jot it down, but I haven't forgotten a word he said. That's his direct quote.

And it's "pene", if you ever need to know. Thanks, Parker.

One Horrific Night

Well, I have to write down this story or I might not remember two months from now how I’m lucky to be alive. That’s the way my memory works. I had quite the adventurous evening on Friday…

I had an all-day Zumbatomic training in Tigard (which was awesome, by the way). Michael took the van since he would be carting the kids around and I took his car. On the way there I noticed that the gas gauge was in the red but I couldn’t worry about it because I had left late since I was trying to get all of the kids dressed, fed, lunches made, diapers packed, etc. for Michael to get them out the door. Plus, I had taken the time to put some minutes on my prepaid cell phone. For about two weeks it hasn’t been charged and has been out of minutes. Why I decided to take care of it that day, I’m not sure. But I’m grateful.

So, I got to my destination just fine. At lunch I tried Michael at work. I figured I could ask him how many miles his car gets per tank. It was at 300 at the time. You see, I really didn’t have time to stop on my way home either. I was supposed to get out at 5:00, get home and showered and was being picked up at 5:45 for a girl’s night dinner out and a play at the high school. Unfortunately, Michael was with a patient when I called and I wasn’t able to get him the rest of the day. What I should’ve thought about was the fact that two other times in the past, oh, probably two years, Michael has sent me off in his car and it’s run out of gas. I really don’t know why I ever drive his car. But every time I do, I forget that little detail.

Well, we didn’t end up getting out of our training until 5:45…when I was supposed to be home and picked up! I called Michelle, who was picking me up, to let her know that I’d meet them at Red Robin and gave her my order. I was so focused on getting home quickly and figuring how timing would work on everything that I mostly forgot about the gas. I mean, seriously, Michael wouldn’t send me out without enough gas to make it to and from my destination, would he? Yes, he would. At 6:00, right before I got off the 217 freeway, the car ran out of gas, just as I got onto the off-ramp at Canyon Rd./Beaverton-Hillsdale Hwy. Unfortunately, there’s not so much of a shoulder there as there is just a space. Also unfortunately, this space isn’t wide enough for a whole car so my driver’s side tires were sticking out into the lane and people were whizzing by me at 50 miles an hour. You could say I was freaked out. And I continued to be until I could find Michael’s hazard lights. I turned those on and the dome light so that at least I’d be a little visible (it’s dark at this time, you know).

Then I started making calls. Boy, was I glad I had that phone charged and ready to go. When I had logged on that morning to put minutes on it, I was only planning on putting $5 on it. We didn’t really have the money to put anything on it so I wanted to go as low as possible. I was bummed when I saw that the lowest option was $10. I almost didn’t do it because of that. Oh, what would I have done??? So, I call Michelle and tell her not to order me any dinner and also say my good-byes to her in case I never see her again (ha ha!). Then I start calling around trying to find Michael. For probably 40 minutes I couldn’t get him because he was in between work and picking up Parker and Maren and then in between there and picking up Evan. And finally he was driving home. It was terrible! After I prayed, I thought to call my dad. He was headed home, to St. Helens, on Highway 30, off of Cornelius Pass Rd. but said he was turning around to come rescue me.

I went through periods of sheer terror (like when the semis would come by within inches of me!) and moments of calm. The bad part was knowing that I was completely stuck. To try to get out of the driver’s side and walk down the off-ramp would’ve been sure death. I would’ve been flattened like a pancake in an instant with so much traffic and no room. Out the passenger side was a guardrail (I would’ve had to climb out the window) and on the other side of that was a drop-off. When there was no one else to call and I didn’t know what to do with myself, I thought I’d take my mind off of my doom and pulled out my iPod to play a silly game. Just acting like life was normal, you know? Well, it wouldn’t work! My fingers were so darn cold that I couldn’t work my iPod. Remember, I’d been at Zumba training from 8:30 – 5:45. I was covered in sweat from head to toe and my clothes were all soaked…my clothes which consisted of a sports bra, paper thin shirt and capris. I had a very, very light fleece over the top. And that’s it. I felt like I was sitting in the freezer, which I suppose I pretty much was. There were times I wasn’t sure if I was going to die of hypothermia or from getting hit.

Then everything changed. The dome light went out and the hazard lights flashed slower and slower until they stopped and I realized I was a sitting duck. No one could see me – especially since right before that exit you come around a curve. I’m sure people had about half a second to realize I was there. That’s when the freaking out started. I called my dad to find out how close he was (not very). I finally got ahold of Michael and told him to stay put with the kids but that I was scared. I called another friend to find out that her husband was on his way to me. And then I called the police to see if they could come put flares around me or something. Well, my first call to 911 lasted about 20 seconds before the call was dropped. What?!?! Then the 911 operator tried to call me back and I wasn’t able to answer it. My phone said something along the lines of, “You can only make emergency calls in emergency mode. Press exit to exit emergency mode.” I tried to call her back and got the same message. Huh??? I’d consider calling 911 an emergency number! Then I look at the phone and it says “Dormant”. What the heck does that mean? I’m trying to call my dad, I’m trying to call Michael, I’m trying to call 911. Nothing. I can’t make any calls in this dormant mode. I’ve never seen dormant. I can’t find any information about dormant. And I can’t do anything about it. And I’m scared. Again. Still. Oh, yes, and I’m ticked, too.

This dormant mode thing went on for probably 20 minutes but luckily the 911 operator tried me again and I was able to pick her up. I told her we’d better talk fast because my cell phone (Virgin Mobile – highly DISCOURAGE you from using this company!) was a piece of poo. She said she now had a better location on me and was sending out an officer.

And so we wrap up the story. Adam (my friend’s husband who was on his way home from work) got there and I sat in his warm car. Then one police officer arrived in an SUV and sat behind me with his lights flashing so people would know to go around and not hit me. After about 15 minutes another officer swapped out with him, this one in a regular car. Adam convinced him to push Michael’s car down the off-ramp and into a safe spot. I drove Adam’s car down the hill and Adam drove Michael’s car since it would be hard to steer without power steering. The officer pushed Michael’s car with his car. It was really all rather exciting. A few minutes later my dad showed up with the biggest gas can I’ve ever seen full of gas. Hooray! I drove away at 7:30 – right when the play was starting that I was supposed to be at. I was hugely bummed to miss dinner and the play out with friends but I was also hugely thankful to be living to see another day.

I dashed home and when I got there my family was so happy to see me and I was so happy to see them. They told me how they were praying and praying and praying. We were all very emotional. Even Parker. We held each other tight for a long time. Michael brought me in and got me ice cream first. Ha! Then Maren started a hot shower for me (Michael had even turned up the hot water heater so I could actually enjoy my shower – that doesn’t happen very often around here). While I was in there, Maren and Evan made me the sweetest notes. And when I got out, Michael had the most amazing sandwich waiting for me. I’ve cried a few times since Friday night, thinking about the terror I felt at times and also thinking about my reunion with my family after I wasn’t sure there would be one. I’m grateful for my dad and Adam coming to my rescue and for super nice officers who helped out. And a really hot shower.

Here's Maren's note: "Dear Mom, I am glad you are okay. Love, Maren"

This is from Evan. It, of course, shows me in the car, in a panic (but I am the best mom ever, thank you very much). And then it shows all of the kids running up to me to give me huge loves when I got home. Still the best mom ever. Ah, sweet kids.

More on Parker!

See, now? That's what I get for doing a last-minute, quickie post. I forget half of the things I wanted to say. A little more funny stuff about Parker that I can't bear to forget in this lifetime:

If he hears any commotion in the kitchen, he sprints in there, grabs one of the little plastic kiddie chairs from our little kid table and pushes it up to the counter. Doesn't matter what I'm doing. Could be just boiling water. He MUST take part or at least be there to watch everything. Uh, yeah, it's cute. And obnoxious. It would be only cute if he gave me some space but, no. He pretty much puts his chair right in front of whatever I'm doing so that I have to stand off to the side and reach around him to do what I'm doing. And if I try to move him over, forget it. Disaster. We have two of these chairs and I wonder why I continue to put them back by their table. They never stay there. Someone's going to break a leg tripping over them one of these days, I'm quite sure. In the meantime, if I've made you cookies, you can pretty much bank on the fact that Parker cracked eggshells into the batter and put his dirty fingers in there, too. Enjoy!

Parker is a master clothes changer. Especially shirts. Oh, the shirts! We probably go through three a day. Either because he got one wet or because it's dirty or just because he found one he likes better. What's so amazing to me is that he always gets them on the right direction. I contrast that with Evan, who pretty much never did, even up to age five or six. I think Evan just didn't care. Parker, however, is quite fashion conscious. He is constantly telling me things he does or does not want to wear. Silly.

Parker has a cute little lisp on words that end in S. I adore it! I get him to say S-ending words as often as I can. Another cute thing that I love is that on words that end in "st", he has a hard time saying them. So he puts a T before that, as in "first" turning into "firtst" and "almost" turning into "almotst". Oh, when that goes away I'm going to be one sad mama. One of my favorite words of his is "remember". It's usually used something like this, "I said don't close the door. Remember, Mama?" He's always asking me if I remember things he's previously told me (usually because I'm selectively forgetting and seeing if he'll catch me - ha!). Not much cuter than 2-year-old talk.

2 1/2 Year Old Parker

It appears that I've got some catching up to do. You know what? I'm not going to do it prettily (like that word?). It's going to be ugly. But it'll be done and I can move forward. Maybe I should make a post per child. Yes, I think that's what I will do. Must rename the title then. There. We'll start with Parker...

Parker is a solid 2 1/2 at the moment of this post. And a handful. A couple handfuls. I was trying to decide the other day: Would I rather go crazy from keeping an eye on him every single waking moment of his day or from not keeping an eye on him and having to find all the messes and clean them up? I'm still not really sure. Well, I guess I do know. I choose it every day. I let him do what he's going to do and then I pay the consequences. I will be thrilled when he's out of this phase of getting into EVERYTHING. His extreme good looks and charm get him out of lots of hot water.

He is really quite the talker now. His favorite words of late include such lovely words as: stupid (sometimes said as shtupid or stupie so he thinks he won't get in trouble because he's not saying the actual word), poopy, booty, penis, dang-it (I admit, this clearly came from me as I catch myself saying it now and thinking, 'oh, no, I've ruined him'), oh, I know there's more. Yeah, he's seriously on this potty mouth kick and it's driving us all completely crazy. We've tried the time-out for every time he says stupid (probably 300 times a day - seriously!) method. Nothing. He doesn't care. Didn't change any behavior. We've tried the ignoring technique. Same. In fact, the ignoring drives even Evan completely bonkers. By about the 30th time he's heard the word stupid, Evan is just about ready to pummel Parker to the floor. We are all losing our cool with this. Hope it's a short phase.

He does say nice words, too, though. I've heard him count as high as 14 a few times and he's getting really good at his colors. The only color he knew for a long time? Pink. His favorite color? Pink. Today he walked into Evan's school with my lip gloss, putting it on his lips and smacking them together. He's a special kid. :-)

Parker is a food-eating machine. He just thinks he needs to eat all day. It's exhausting. On both me and the budget. He loves Nursery and walks his little self right in there each week. He likes to "shake his booty" (see favorite words above). He is super duper silly. A couple of weeks ago he moved into the bottom bunk in Evan's room. It was a hard transition going from his crib to a big bed in a different room. But now he's doing great.

I used to joke that Evan and Maren were such easy kids that #3 was for sure going to throw us for a loop. Well, maybe I jinxed it. Because that's exactly what we got. What some people would call a "normal" kid. Ha ha! It's exciting and funny and wonderful and exhausting and stressful and frustrating all at the same time. Just the way we like it. Sort of. Mostly.

Father/Son Campout

And let's just go ahead and wrap up the campout idea with the Father & Son Campout.

I don't remember many details about this...other than they stayed up until some ridiculous hour like midnight or something. Hello! That's something that would've never happened with the moms there. Ha ha! Oh, the difference between Michael and I. Parker looks pretty wiped here and I seem to remember him coming home a beast. But they had fun, of course.

Parker didn't own any shoes, besides his Crocs, when they went. And Michael didn't want him wearing his Crocs. So I sent him with these shoes that I thought were a little too big. When they came home and I saw the size, I realized they were about three sizes too big. And when I saw these pictures for the first time I realized, yes, those look like clown shoes on him. I'm glad he didn't fall and get hurt!


The pterodactyl nest. Or that's what they called it. They found an egg shell in there. Michael thinks something like an ostrich. Hmm. This look on Evan's face - typical. That's just the kind of kid he is. I'm glad he has a friend like...

Noah! He's a happy kid. I think Evan needs him to balance out his negativity. Ha! While the boys were gone for this campout, Maren and I went and had manicures and pedicures at the beauty school nearby and then we went out to dinner. WAY FUN! I wish she and I could do stuff like that more often.

Daddy/Daughter Campout

Maren was completely thrilled to find out that our ward would have a daddy/daughter campout this year. I was thrilled, too. She needs that special time with Dad and I needed the time with the boys. Well, Evan mostly. But Parker is always a fun date.

They said everything went great...except the movie projected onto the sheet outside. Should've been a good time, right? Until Maren saw that the movie was (drum roll) Tangled! Yes, Tangled. Every little girl's dream movie, except mine. For some reason she is horrified by that movie. HATES it. I think it's because the villain is hiding under the guise of being the princess's mother. Sometimes she acts motherly but then she turns cold and mean. I think that's why it affects her so much. It's not like she's overly scared of Ursula or Scar or any of the other Disney villains. Anyway, apparently when it showed up on the screen she started screaming and crying her eyes out so Michael had to take her inside for the next hour and a half to do something else with her. Ha ha!

Michael had this fun idea to take a bunch of nail polish and get all the dads to do their girl's finger nails and toe nails. Unfortunately, they ran out of time so Michael came home and did Maren's anyway. He loves to do that kind of stuff. When I was pregnant with Evan and my two BFFs were also pregnant, all three couples got together for dinner here at our house and Michael pulled out some foot soak baths and had all the husband do pedicures on their pregnant wives. Ha ha! I'm not sure what the other husbands thought of that but I thought Michael was pretty studly. :-)

Despite the movie fiasco, it would be safe to say that both Maren and Michael can't wait for next year to do it all again.

School, School, School!

This picture is from the last day of Kindergarten with his teacher, Mrs. Hugelier. She was wonderful. She is totally in the right profession for her. She is kind and caring and has very good, creative solutions for dealing with crazy kids. Ha! Evan truly loved her and so did I.

He completely exploded in his reading around the middle of the year and over the summer he read all 46 (47?) of the Magic Treehouse books. Plus all the research guides. Plus probably 15 more chapter books and tons and tons of picture books. It's been hard to keep him in books and to find ones that are at the right age level that are interesting to him that he hasn't read. But it's exciting!

This is from his first day of first grade! This picture totally cracks me up! They wear uniforms and part of that is no Crocs. Well, that's about all Evan would wear if he could so we actually had to get him some socks (thanks, Sarah!). So here he is with his socks meeting up with his shorts. And even better than that...his church shoes! I was in complete and total denial that school was starting so soon and I didn't have him try on his shoes from last year (that literally just about never got worn) until the Sunady before school started. They didn't fit very well and I wasn't able to go get him new shoes before the first day of school. With my level of denial, it's a wonder I had his school supplies, lunch packed and the right clothes set out. Ha!

So he's going to a Spanish immersion charter school called Arco Iris. It's a small school, only first through fifth grades, with smaller class sizes than the rest of the public schools are sporting right now, it seems. I'm happy about that. I'm also happy that he's learning Spanish. I think he and Michael are really going to enjoy this together. Plus, it's a challenge for his brain. As he stated, "Mom, I haven't learned anything since preschool." Unfortunately, that's pretty true. When he has hard days at his new school I just remind him that at least his brain is being challenged right now. I also like the philosophies of their math curriculum, Singapore Math. It's been a rough start to the year (seven hours in school instead of only 2 1/2, the Spanish immersion is really hard and frustrating the first couple of months) but I'm hopeful for the rest of the year.

The Magic Penny

Maren swallowed a penny (accidentally!) this summer. Thank goodness I'm married to Michael. I figured we needed to take her to the hospital but he said we just had to search through her poop. Oh, whew. And, luckily for me again, Michael has no aversion to doing it. It took four days to make its trip out (which worried me a bit and I was getting ready to call the dr.) and we had a nice little family celebration about it. I think Michael enjoyed donning his work gloves and digging through the poo a little too much. I don't think Maren will be doing that again any time soon. As a side note, we've been parents for nearly seven years now and this is the FIRST item swallowed. Not bad, eh?

You've always wanted to see something like this, haven't you? Truthfully, it's pretty cool...lots of neat colors. So interesting what goes on inside our bodies.

Blog Time Out!

I deserve a time out for my lame-o blogging this YEAR. Ha ha! But I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks trying to get some stuff up here, for posterity's sake, after my work is done in the evenings. I actually finished all of my work this afternoon so I've had since 9:00 tonight off. Got the dishwasher running, toilet cleaned, carpet vacuumed, family room cleaned...feels good. I wish I could do this every night. We could actually have a clean house!

Anyway, what's been keeping me away lately? Stress. And busyness. Between my last post in May and now, I became a licensed Zumba instructor and have taught as many as nine classes in one week (that was only once and it nearly killed me - but once I realized I was pregnant that made a lot of sense). School ended and we made the most of summer. Did we have a big vacation? No, we sure didn't. But we hit the library and parks a lot. We got together with friends and family. We went swimming, to the beach twice. I don't know what else but it seemed like we never stopped going. It was really, really, really awesome. I LOVED not having school to worry about and getting to spend all day with all of my kids. I really did! I wish it was always like that. Everyone gets along so much better and the kids enjoy their time together. Anyway, we also had the stress of starting at a new school (for Evan) with a longer day and uniforms to purchase. And work. Lots of work. How about some beach pictures? They don't need any captions. Just to enjoy...





Parker wins for most pictures. He was just so dang cute playing in the sand!

Mysterious Answer to Prayer

Well, I can't believe I that the last time I blogged was four months ago. I have a list of about 50 pictures to put on here and some catching up to do. Maybe I've lost all my readers (ha ha - this may be a joke in itself). That would be okay this time because this one's pretty personal but I can not let this go without writing it down.

The short story is that I had a miscarriage four weeks ago tomorrow. Here's the long story about how a miscarriage was an answer to a prayer:

Shortly after Parker was born, I wanted to know whether we were done having kids or if we should have one more. There were many, many reasons to be done but I am a mother with strong maternal voices going on in my head. I wondered if we could have a sister for Maren (my sisters are so important to me!). I figured that if we were going to do it, we should just get it done soon since we weren't getting any younger (surprise, surprise). I prayed about it. I fasted about it. I took it to the temple. I talked to the bishop (can you believe he wouldn't tell me if we should have another child or not?!?! Ha!). And you know what? I never felt like I had an answer. I have never been so confused about anything before. Finally I told Michael that we needed to just make a decision. It didn't take a whole lot of thought to decide to be done. There are a whole lot of things that make this the right decision. So that's what we decided. And as much as I knew that was right, I have had "what if" questions in my mind for the last year or more. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to be 100% content with our decision. Plus, I never felt like I had the confirmation from Heavenly Father that we had made the right decision.

Michael and I found out I was pregnant on August 4th. It was a surprise, considering our precautions. And possibly miraculous? I don't know. Anyway, I never thought I could find out I was pregnant (this was the 6th time!) with anything less than pure joy. And it was very, very strange to me to find that I didn't feel joy. I felt fear and anxiety. For the next 6 days that I was pregnant I worried about 100 things. Although I figured that I would come to acceptance within a day or two (I mean, we were having a baby! That's something to be excited about!), I never really did. That's why when I had the miscarriage on the 10th, I was actually more relieved than anything. Now, before this experience, I may have assumed that anyone who was relieved about having a miscarriage was something of a monster and must not really love kids. Not so with me! I was shocked to be a witness to my own emotions.

And then I realized that before that happened, I looked at my friends who were pregnant or with new babies and I was jealous. I wanted back in the club again. I wondered how another baby would affect our family and our future. I thought about sisterly love. But after the miscarriage, all of that went away. Seriously, it went away that very day. I no longer have any "what ifs" go through my mind. It no longer bothers me that my sister has a new baby and I don't or that my BFFs have more kids than I do and I'm not quite measuring up (delusional thoughts on my end, not theirs!). It's gone. And then I realized that the miscarriage was the answer to my prayer. If I hadn't had that experience, I would've been asking what if for probably the next 20 years. Now I know for a surety that we have made the right decision for our family and, you know what? Our family looks that much more beautiful to me now. I could not be more grateful for the Lord's mysterious workings in my life. What I struggled so long to understand could not have been understood any other way. I am grateful that Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves and he will send us the trials we need (and it was a trial even though it was a relief!) to understand answers to prayers and to grow and understand his power in our lives.

11 Years Ago at this Time...

I was in labor with our first child. It's strange how about a week before his birthday every year my subconscious starts to replay the events leading up to his birthday and, whether I'm prepared to or not, I end up having to face those images and memories head-on each year.

I was induced on Sunday. And the whole week before I had stayed home from work sick with a cold. That's a long time to stay home from work sick but I was really that sick. The crazy thing is that Michael was really sick, too. I think he's only been that sick a couple of times in the 14 years that we've been married and other than that, he's only been marginally sick a handful of times. So we spent the better part of a week sitting and laying on the couch together with a box of Kleenex on the edge and mountains of snotty Kleenexes on the floor around us. We watched lots of movies and TV and talked a lot. I've been thinking the last few days about how nice it was that we had that special time together (even though we felt so lousy at the time). It was a really, really nice calm before the storm and I think it brought us together in a strangely wonderful way. I'm really grateful for that.

So on that Sunday I realized that I hadn't felt the baby move for a while and tried the old tricks...drink OJ, lay on left side...to no avail. We went to the hospital and our lives came crashing down around us as we saw Dallin in the ultrasound with no heartbeat. On this day...11 years ago. And somehow my mind remembers all of the pain and plays through it every year at this time. Earlier today I was crying uncontrollably and poor Michael was at a loss because when he'd ask me what was wrong, I couldn't tell him because I didn't know. Oh, I knew a few things hadn't gone right today and I was a little frustrated about some others. But I just couldn't put my finger on it. Until I realized. Oh, yes, this happens every year without me realizing it's going to happen. It's a doozy.

Tomorrow is Dallin's birthday. He would be 11. It's also Mother's Day. Bittersweet. We had his graveside service and burial the Saturday after he was born and the next day was Mother's Day. That was hard. 11 years later it is still bittersweet but now there is much more sweet than bitter. Time does heal...never all the way, but it sure helps. And having three other happy, healthy children is really a miracle in my eyes. They help tremendously, too, although they have never and could never replace Dallin. I'm happy to say that I have four children. That's what I always wanted. I'm happy that the other three know all about him and can't wait to see him again. I'm happy to be able to celebrate Mother's Day tomorrow with a smile on my face and love in my heart for all of my children and for the honor it is to be their mother. And I'm happy that we can take flowers and the pinwheels that the kids picked out to the cemetery tomorrow. It will be a special time.

Last year, for his 10th birthday, I was going to make a blog post but I never did because I was afraid of the emotions. Today I'm going to make it. You see, I was a pretty normal weight when I was pregnant with Dallin...small and cute. After he was born, since I had no baby to nurse, the weight stayed put and somehow (though I barely remember eating for the next two months) I added much more. For all these years I've carried that weight around. Oh, I've dropped some pounds in the past, only to have my fertility jump-started and get pregnant and put it right back on. But I think I've carried it around because of the emotional baggage that I have from our loss. I decided that for his 10th birthday it was finally time to say good-bye to the weight and, thus, round out my healing. But I guess it just wasn't time. Now it's time. Doing Zumba twice a week and Curves three times a week is making me feel better about myself and my body again. I've got some seriously killer muscles under all this fat! :-) When I started on the Curves machine for the first time, the trainer asked if I was an athlete. I told her I used to be a professional dancer and she said she could tell. That made me feel good. I'd love to have my dancer body back. And, finally, 11 years later, I'm ready to face the challenge of letting go of the weight and letting go of the hurt.

Great Wolf Lodge 2011

In March (yep, a little behind) we went to Great Wolf Lodge. We just could not pass up a screaming group discount deal! Seriously, I wonder how that place makes money when you go with a group. Two days at the water park plus a great hotel room for less than a great hotel room would normally cost. It's crazy! Anyway, we had a blast, of course! Evan's favorite things were body surfing in the wave pool (see chin and rib abrasions in above pictures as proof), going on the big slides with me (because I act scared and he eats that up!), and racing me down the tandem slides repeatedly. Maren's favorites were also body surfing (she was so scaring me without a life jacket. She was totally reckless and crazy but loved every minute), going down the tandem slides for her first time and going across the lily pads in the deep pool. She was too short for the big rides but next time we go she will be a lot of fun to ride those ones with. She's our adventurous one! Parker just loved everything about it. The water, the slides, the ice cream truck "ride" in the arcade. He was a pretty happy dude. You'd expect nothing other than the last picture at the end of all of that fun. We can't wait for the next trip!

Parker - (almost) 22 Months

"One of these kids is not like the other. One of these kids just isn't the same..." Yeah, that's the song I sing a lot around this house...about this particular Rico Suave. Don't let his devilishly good looks fool you. He's a couple handfuls. The crazy thing is, who would believe me? When we're home he's wild, crazy, into EVERYTHING, loud, talking, running, etc. etc. But when we leave the house, he's a total mute, barely acknowledges other's existence and rarely moves from where he is put down. Ha ha! He puts on quite a show.

The truth about Parker is that he is so not mellow, it's ridiculous. Evan and Maren, it seems, really eased us into parenthood. Yes, they were pretty typical babies and toddlers but they didn't absolutely destroy the house on a daily basis. Parker, on the other hand... Let's see, yesterday he got into a lighter and razor blades, and dumped a bunch of that pink baby lotion on the carpet. Today he dumped out a box full of sewing pins. A couple of days ago he was in time-out three times before 9:30 a.m. - spitting, hitting, you name it. I sometimes wonder why I clean anything up because it just gets undone, and worse!, shortly after. Maybe I should let everything go until Parker turns three and then try to reign it all in again. Ha!

The good news is that that's not the only blessed thing about Parker. Although he's a handful for us, I realize that he doesn't scratch the surface of how mischievous some other kids his age are (hi, Beth). Some even call him tame. Okay, then. So what are the fun things going on with Parker right now? Well, first of all, speech, of course. He didn't have quite as many words at 18 months as the other kids did, but he's quickly catching up, probably adding about five new words a day. I LOVE this stage! Some of my favorites include, " 'mon" (come on), "where is?" (where is it?), marbles, apples, bubbles, I love you, thank you. Oh, there are so many! The thing that cracks me up is that if he's talking about an object, it is usually plural. Well, unless it's a ball, I guess. Everything else has an S on the end. Cuteness!

Parker, of course, called me Mama for the longest time. Just this past week or so he's realized he can just call me "Mom". Which was sweet. The first day. Now I would definitely say that my name is being taken in vain. "Mom?" "Mom." "Mom, Mom, Mom." "Mom?" Yeah, I'm grateful to be loved but maybe you could just call my name when you actually need to show me or need help with something, Buddy. I must say that he says it with the sweetest little voice but that word has been draining this week. And it's especially grating when it's being screamed at the top of his lungs from his crib when he wants out. Ugh.

Parker likes to do anything and everything that Maren and Evan do. No surprise there, right? He's at that age. The beautiful thing is that he's usually allowed into the group and everyone gets along swimmingly. Have I ever mentioned that the other kids adore him? Oh, yeah, guess I have. Well, it still hasn't worn off.

One of my favorite things is Parker's running and, even more, galloping. Oh, I could watch that galloping body all day long! He's so stinkin' cute. And to catch his cheeks bouncing up and down as he tears down the hall is hysterical. He also loves to dance and is getting into spinning in circles with the other kids and doing really fancy tricks like putting his head on the floor and only holding on with one hand. He's also trying out the crab walk which is quite cute and comical. Of course he always wants an audience when trying these fantastic feats.

Parker loves baths (what kid his age doesn't?) and is an absolute terror during them but you can't help but laugh. He gets water everywhere!! On purpose, of course. He thinks he's quite hilarious. During prayers, though, he is quite a reverent little boy...only unfolding his arms if there is some really, really good food really, really close that is just begging to be eaten.

While I do look forward to the day when he doesn't feel like he has to scavenge into every nook and cranny of our house in search of fascinating things to carry around all day, he really is a dream. He's funny and loving and silly and sensitive. Oh, talk about sensitive...the other week during a particularly PMSy moment with tears, he came over to me and wiped the tears off of my face and said, "ssssshhhhh". Oh, the sweetness. It's amazing how quickly toddlers learn about emotion. That pretty much made it all better. Anyway, Parker (sometimes known as curmudgeon or hooligan), we are so blessed to have you. We love you every second of the day!

Brothers Forever

I was just reminded of something that happened with Evan a couple of weeks ago that I realized I had to get written down so we could always remember it.

It was a Saturday and everyone was bustling around except Evan. He seemed kind of quiet. I passed him on my way to the laundry room and saw that he was taking our Dallin scrapbook down from the shelf. I gave him a little smile and went to do my thing. A few minutes later I came into the family room and saw him sitting on the couch with the book in his lap and tears in his eyes. Oh, to say it was heart-wrenching would be an understatement. I asked him what was wrong and he said he missed his brother and wishes he were still alive. We had a small cry together as I told him that I did, too. I told him that I often wonder how our lives would be different with a 10-year-old in the house and we talked about how Dallin might do things with Evan.

Even now it's really emotional to think about that time we spent together looking through those pictures. Are we so blessed to have three healthy, living children? Yes. Do we still feel a loss in our family, like someone is missing? Yes. And not just me and Michael. We all do.

A couple of minutes into our chat, Michael and Maren happened to be walking by and they stopped to talk with us about it. We all ended up hugging and comforting each other. It was a really special time. It has seemed to me on many occasions, but was confirmed to me that day, that Evan has a real and special connection with Dallin. We are all comforted to know that we will see him again and we'll never be separated again. For Evan (yes, and us) it seems like such a long time away. But, like I tell the kids all the time, it will be here quicker than you think. That's how it always happens. Before I know it I'll be old and gray(er) and ready to leave this life. It's comforting to know that some of my family will be there waiting for me.

Maren's Turn - Age 4

Oh, our beautiful Maren! This girl has changed SO much in just the last couple of months. Everything had been so the same for so long and now we're getting into new (sometimes exciting, sometimes crazy) things with her. It's a lot of fun! Very excitingly...she's grown finally! Half of the clothes she wears are even 4T. Until a few months ago she was wearing 3T and still some 2T. It's been exciting to see her grow out of clothes that she's worn for a year and a half. Ha!

One thing that hasn't changed about Maren is how loving she is. She is usually just a ray of sunshine...saying things to make us feel good, giving physical affection, drawing pictures for us (yes, still of our family...and now Rapunzel!), and helping anyone who needs help. She insists on holding the door open for people to walk out of church or, oh, yeah, anywhere. Even if there are no people walking out at that moment, she'll wait in hopes of someone needing to walk out in the next five minutes, before I yell to her to stop holding the door and get in the car. She is always self-sacrificingly generous with her brothers. Sometimes I'm glad about that. Sometimes I'm worried that she's being and is going to be taken advantage of. It's a hard and a happy thing to watch.

Her favorite movie at the moment is (surprise, surprise) Tangled! Can you blame her? The funny thing is that she is terrified of the non-mother motherly bad lady. (What's her name again?) My girl who once used to sleep nicely in her bed, wanting the lights off and sleeping with the door shut, is now scared in the nighttime because we watched it a week ago. I'm thinking that that wicked lady is one of the tamer Disney villains. So I've been thinking about it lately and I think it's because she's a mother figure to Rapunzel and she's so mean to her. She's sensitive, that Maren. I can't wait for that last movie viewing to wear off so we can get back to normal sleep again.

One thing that has changed with Maren is her listening. Well, now it's not listening so much. Now she's usually got her own agenda so when I'm asking her to do something, she's thinking about what she wants to do and I end up getting frustrated having to say the same thing seven times. Ugh. I'm sure this too shall pass. She REALLY wants to do everything herself right now. She's making her own sandwiches and she wants to unlock the doors and get the mail. She wants to be the DJ on my iPod. Pretty much everything. Do not do it for her!

Maren has been getting a lot of crushes lately. It's so cute...she'll just out of the blue say that she's got a crush on somebody. The other day it was my sister's whole family. "Aunt Danica, I have a crush on your whole family." I love it! That's some serious affection!

Maren is still a happy napper. And she needs it, too. If she doesn't get her afternoon nap, everyone feels it into the evening. I'm definitely on borrowed time but for now everyone is happier when Maren has a nap.

(Yeah, we do super fancy cakes around here - ha ha!) Maren continues to love preschool and dance class. She's super excited for her Disneyland-themed recital next month - and so am I! Songs from The Tiki Room, Pirates of the Caribbean, princess songs, etc. I'll probably cry for just wanting to pack her up right there and jet on over to Disneyland for some real live action. Anyway, there's sure to be ridiculously cute video next month on that!
Maren is getting really good at reading and writing. She even thrilled herself today by reading some signs at the grocery store. It sure is fascinating to watch a child learn to read. And her writing is just fun, fun, fun. She's got the basics down. She's written a few books and always has something to tape up on the wall. One of my favorite things that she's written lately was during Sacrament Meeting at church. She realized that she hadn't brought her scriptures and, not wanting to be loud (yeah, I'm sure that's it - wink), she grabbed her notebook and wrote, "I dot hav mi scriphars". Not bad, though I, for a newly 4-year-old. Oh! I just found the original. Here we go...

Oh, that's good for posterity. I think I'll have to scan some more for my records. I'm really bad at keeping this kind of stuff. Anyway, Maren is the sunshine of the family. Always happy, always helping. Every family should have one. And without her, we'd wither away to nothing - she is so loved!