Thursday, December 1, 2011
Family Pictures
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
vacation
brett could tell i was in need of a vacation. we went down to st george and did a lot of relaxing. our big outing was to fiesta fun, where we rode the go-karts and did some mini-golfing. it was just what i needed. i love my brett. thanks for a fun weekend
Monday, November 14, 2011
blah blah blah
Taryn Mae says blah blah blah a lot. (She got it from her Mama) It makes me laugh. Clomid doesn't make me laugh. It makes me pysssssssschhhhooo...... just ask B heezy. He looked at me wrong at church, I cried and cried and had to leave, then I cried some more. My house feels so messy, that it makes my skin crawl, then it makes me cry! (p.s. Andrea... remember that time you came and helped me clean when I was on this crazy pill the first time??? just sayin...) I have an extreme case of acne, which makes me cry! Clomid makes me gain weight each time I am on it, which makes me cry! Tenley looks so beautiful with her sweet bald head, which makes me cry. Shawna is handling everything so well, which makes me cry. You get the point.....
Here is to hoping this is the last month I will ever have to take Clomid again!!
Friday, September 30, 2011
it's time
where to start? should i delete my blog all together?
should i blog about "it"?
is "it" too personal?
this is a scary thing to blog about to the world. i'm opening up my heart and pouring out my feelings. i don't want this to be all my blog is about, but it has been a huge part of our lives for the last 2 + years.
here goes. our ongoing journey to become parents...
i desperately want to be a mom. i've wanted it since i was a 5-year old playing with my dolls. okay, since i was a 12-year old still playing with my dolls.
april of 2009, i decided it was time. i was ready to start our family. after praying, and praying, and pondering, and praying some more, brett agreed it was the right time. i fully expected to be pregnant the next month. what was i thinking?
6 months passed, and my dad got sick. i was able to go in the hospital room, because i wasn't pregnant. i took (still do) that as a blessing from heavenly father. in my mind, it made sense. i was still not pregnant so i could spend time with my dad.
feb 2010: went to the dr and talked about what could be going on. stress, stress and more stress was the dr's answer. made sense, my dad had just passed away. the dr said, most likely you are pregnant right now because you are here to talk about trying to get pregnant. i tossed that comment aside, and thought he was crazy.
march 2010. i actually was pregnant! the dr was right. after a year, i was pregnant! yay! i was due on thanksgiving day! march 21 (my bday), i miscarried. went into the dr, he said miscarriage was a way to weed out the bad. nice. time to get a new dr.
november 2010: cried thanksgiving day, i thought for sure i would be pregnant again before my due date came along. guess not... made an appt with a new dr, and went in for a visit. came out feeling hopeful. very very hopeful.
december 2010. started the eager trial study. i had to moniter my cycle every day. i had to journal everything i did, and everything i didn't. it was intense. it's a 6 month study- with an 84% success rate. this was it. i'm being so proactive, and things will definately work out over the next few months!
january 2011. my love was tested. 24 out of 25, he is still proud of that!
february 2011. went in for an HSG. things looked great, everything was clear.
march 2011. i was pregnant again! yay! i was so excited, but i definately had to keep it quiet. we went to hawaii, and it was our own little secret we talked about the entire trip. i was exhausted. i didn't miscarry in hawaii, and i was so happy! i made it further this time than last. 8 weeks, march 21 (my bday again..) i miscarried. went to the dr, and cried my eyes out. she was so understanding. they ran all kinds of blood tests, and called with the results. everything looked normal, but she put me on baby aspirin, and will put me on heprin and progesterone when i get pregnant again. i felt so many different emotions over the next while, and to be honest i'm still feeling them. but there is hope.
august 2011. clomid. felt so hopeful and so positive. failed.
september 2011 now. today. i had a surgery last week. we hope and pray everyday that this will do the trick. i go in for my post-op next week. i love my dr, she is very proactive.
i don't wish this trial on any couple. it is a hard one. i would be lying if i didn't say it hurt when others announce what we pray for every single day. i am happy for them, and i always hope that they haven't had to deal with the thoughts and emotions we have been dealing with. it takes time for my heart to stop aching after someone has announced their news, but it does stop. and then there is always a sense of renewed hope and desire to press forward and do everything it takes to be able to hold my own baby someday.
the desire to start a family is strong. it is a righteous desire, and is what we have been taught we are to do here on earth. it doesn't matter how old or young you are when you feel the time is right. i know i am young. i know i have "years" to have a family. i also know heavenly father has a plan for us as a family. i'm so grateful we started this 2 years ago when we felt we were supposed to. what if we would have waited? heavenly father knows us so much better than we know ourselves. this is our time to find out how to start our family. brett and i will do everything it takes to get our babies here. i know we will be parents, but it is a longer journey than we thought.
in the meantime, we are trying to find joy in that journey.
should i blog about "it"?
is "it" too personal?
this is a scary thing to blog about to the world. i'm opening up my heart and pouring out my feelings. i don't want this to be all my blog is about, but it has been a huge part of our lives for the last 2 + years.
here goes. our ongoing journey to become parents...
i desperately want to be a mom. i've wanted it since i was a 5-year old playing with my dolls. okay, since i was a 12-year old still playing with my dolls.
april of 2009, i decided it was time. i was ready to start our family. after praying, and praying, and pondering, and praying some more, brett agreed it was the right time. i fully expected to be pregnant the next month. what was i thinking?
6 months passed, and my dad got sick. i was able to go in the hospital room, because i wasn't pregnant. i took (still do) that as a blessing from heavenly father. in my mind, it made sense. i was still not pregnant so i could spend time with my dad.
feb 2010: went to the dr and talked about what could be going on. stress, stress and more stress was the dr's answer. made sense, my dad had just passed away. the dr said, most likely you are pregnant right now because you are here to talk about trying to get pregnant. i tossed that comment aside, and thought he was crazy.
march 2010. i actually was pregnant! the dr was right. after a year, i was pregnant! yay! i was due on thanksgiving day! march 21 (my bday), i miscarried. went into the dr, he said miscarriage was a way to weed out the bad. nice. time to get a new dr.
november 2010: cried thanksgiving day, i thought for sure i would be pregnant again before my due date came along. guess not... made an appt with a new dr, and went in for a visit. came out feeling hopeful. very very hopeful.
december 2010. started the eager trial study. i had to moniter my cycle every day. i had to journal everything i did, and everything i didn't. it was intense. it's a 6 month study- with an 84% success rate. this was it. i'm being so proactive, and things will definately work out over the next few months!
january 2011. my love was tested. 24 out of 25, he is still proud of that!
february 2011. went in for an HSG. things looked great, everything was clear.
march 2011. i was pregnant again! yay! i was so excited, but i definately had to keep it quiet. we went to hawaii, and it was our own little secret we talked about the entire trip. i was exhausted. i didn't miscarry in hawaii, and i was so happy! i made it further this time than last. 8 weeks, march 21 (my bday again..) i miscarried. went to the dr, and cried my eyes out. she was so understanding. they ran all kinds of blood tests, and called with the results. everything looked normal, but she put me on baby aspirin, and will put me on heprin and progesterone when i get pregnant again. i felt so many different emotions over the next while, and to be honest i'm still feeling them. but there is hope.
august 2011. clomid. felt so hopeful and so positive. failed.
september 2011 now. today. i had a surgery last week. we hope and pray everyday that this will do the trick. i go in for my post-op next week. i love my dr, she is very proactive.
i don't wish this trial on any couple. it is a hard one. i would be lying if i didn't say it hurt when others announce what we pray for every single day. i am happy for them, and i always hope that they haven't had to deal with the thoughts and emotions we have been dealing with. it takes time for my heart to stop aching after someone has announced their news, but it does stop. and then there is always a sense of renewed hope and desire to press forward and do everything it takes to be able to hold my own baby someday.
the desire to start a family is strong. it is a righteous desire, and is what we have been taught we are to do here on earth. it doesn't matter how old or young you are when you feel the time is right. i know i am young. i know i have "years" to have a family. i also know heavenly father has a plan for us as a family. i'm so grateful we started this 2 years ago when we felt we were supposed to. what if we would have waited? heavenly father knows us so much better than we know ourselves. this is our time to find out how to start our family. brett and i will do everything it takes to get our babies here. i know we will be parents, but it is a longer journey than we thought.
in the meantime, we are trying to find joy in that journey.
Friday, September 24, 2010
10.5 months later...
So if you are tired of reading about my family's last year..skip this post...
A lot of people ask if it gets easier, it doesn't. We just learn how to deal with our new normal.
People ask how we are all doing... well here ya go..
I'm just going to give you an update from my perspective on everyone... this may or may not be how we are all feeling. I, being the crazy-anxious-psycho who worries about everyone and everything, feel like I have a good idea.
Mom: Still misses my dad every minute of every day. Still taking it every minute at a time. Some days she can smile, and geniunely mean it. Somedays, she wants to crawl in bed and never come out. She finds so much joy in her children, and thats what keeps her going. Weekends are always hard. Who can blame her? She lost her best friend of 30+ years. I'm very proud of my mama. I'm proud to call her my mom. She is so strong and I love her. So much.
Taylor: Still learning to adjust without my dad. Feels a lot of weight on his shoulders being the priesthood holder of the home. Every season brings something new he is now responsible for..(example: keeping the front yard looking up to par) He is loving football, playing like he has never played before. Thinks of my dad constantly throughout his games. In a sense, is playing for him. Enjoying his Senior year with a beautiful girl, who we all love. Preparing to send in his mission papers in 7 months!!
Amy: Having a fabulous school-year. Has outstanding grades, and is enjoying all of her friends and CJ, who we all love as well! Wishing desperately that my dad could still be here, but has a firm testimony of the plan of salvation. Still has some bitter moments, as she should, she lost her dad at age 16! She is beautiful, and she is a 16 year-old girl. Enough said.
Robbie: Considers my dad his own. Misses him dearly. Wears my dad's clothes to games. So glad to have married Shawna young, to have all the years he did with my dad. Thinks of my dad constantly. Still wanting to ask for his advice. Misses my dad especially at Tay's football games. Would do anything to get to talk to my dad again. Enjoying being the only boy in the home, with his wife and two BEAUTIFUL girls!
Shawna: Enjoying life day-to-day with her girls keeping her so busy! Tears are always at the surface when thinking about memories of my dad. Misses everything about my dad, EVERYTHING. Grateful to have a best friend who has been through this exact same trial. Wishes so bad her girls could still have thier grandpa, and grateful Taryn had the time she did with my dad. Loves that Taryn still talks about Grandpa. Loving everything about her girls, and could eat Tenley because she is so in love with her. Especially her toes, that look exactly like Grandpa's. (scary, but true)
Brett: So glad to have known my dad for 4 years. Misses his sense of humor. Misses him. Tries to bring humor in to everyone and everything to lighten the mood, and he does a pretty good job at it. So glad to finally have his wife back to her normal self. Constantly reminded of what my dad told him he could do for pay-back for the wood floors that he finished the week before he left us. "Just take care of my girl, that's all I ask, just take care of my girl."
Me (Lisa): Enjoying life again. Miss my dad more than words can say. Finding myself doing things daily that remind me of him. Wish desperately that my dad could see our house finished, and he could lay the cement we need for this winter. Grateful to have such an amazing dad who quietly served us all. Wants a baby so bad it hurts, but knowing my dad is with my children is such a comfort.
So this is just my perspective, but it gives you an idea. We are all living life, enjoying it once again, and learning how to adjust with my dad not being around.
Thank goodness we have the gospel!!
A lot of people ask if it gets easier, it doesn't. We just learn how to deal with our new normal.
People ask how we are all doing... well here ya go..
I'm just going to give you an update from my perspective on everyone... this may or may not be how we are all feeling. I, being the crazy-anxious-psycho who worries about everyone and everything, feel like I have a good idea.
Mom: Still misses my dad every minute of every day. Still taking it every minute at a time. Some days she can smile, and geniunely mean it. Somedays, she wants to crawl in bed and never come out. She finds so much joy in her children, and thats what keeps her going. Weekends are always hard. Who can blame her? She lost her best friend of 30+ years. I'm very proud of my mama. I'm proud to call her my mom. She is so strong and I love her. So much.
Taylor: Still learning to adjust without my dad. Feels a lot of weight on his shoulders being the priesthood holder of the home. Every season brings something new he is now responsible for..(example: keeping the front yard looking up to par) He is loving football, playing like he has never played before. Thinks of my dad constantly throughout his games. In a sense, is playing for him. Enjoying his Senior year with a beautiful girl, who we all love. Preparing to send in his mission papers in 7 months!!
Amy: Having a fabulous school-year. Has outstanding grades, and is enjoying all of her friends and CJ, who we all love as well! Wishing desperately that my dad could still be here, but has a firm testimony of the plan of salvation. Still has some bitter moments, as she should, she lost her dad at age 16! She is beautiful, and she is a 16 year-old girl. Enough said.
Robbie: Considers my dad his own. Misses him dearly. Wears my dad's clothes to games. So glad to have married Shawna young, to have all the years he did with my dad. Thinks of my dad constantly. Still wanting to ask for his advice. Misses my dad especially at Tay's football games. Would do anything to get to talk to my dad again. Enjoying being the only boy in the home, with his wife and two BEAUTIFUL girls!
Shawna: Enjoying life day-to-day with her girls keeping her so busy! Tears are always at the surface when thinking about memories of my dad. Misses everything about my dad, EVERYTHING. Grateful to have a best friend who has been through this exact same trial. Wishes so bad her girls could still have thier grandpa, and grateful Taryn had the time she did with my dad. Loves that Taryn still talks about Grandpa. Loving everything about her girls, and could eat Tenley because she is so in love with her. Especially her toes, that look exactly like Grandpa's. (scary, but true)
Brett: So glad to have known my dad for 4 years. Misses his sense of humor. Misses him. Tries to bring humor in to everyone and everything to lighten the mood, and he does a pretty good job at it. So glad to finally have his wife back to her normal self. Constantly reminded of what my dad told him he could do for pay-back for the wood floors that he finished the week before he left us. "Just take care of my girl, that's all I ask, just take care of my girl."
Me (Lisa): Enjoying life again. Miss my dad more than words can say. Finding myself doing things daily that remind me of him. Wish desperately that my dad could see our house finished, and he could lay the cement we need for this winter. Grateful to have such an amazing dad who quietly served us all. Wants a baby so bad it hurts, but knowing my dad is with my children is such a comfort.
So this is just my perspective, but it gives you an idea. We are all living life, enjoying it once again, and learning how to adjust with my dad not being around.
Thank goodness we have the gospel!!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I love
* I love being married to my husband. He is so crazy, and makes me laugh every. single. day. He works so hard every day and doesn't complain. He talks me through things, he listens to me, he makes me feel beautiful, he loves me.
*I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
*I love being my parents' daughter. Everyday I say or do something that reminds me of one of them. I am 75% my dad, 25% my mom.
*I love falling asleep at night.
*I love "Love" emails.
*I love playing the piano. Sitting down and letting my emotions out through music is the best therapy in the world. I love feeling the spirit through music I create. I love to think of my piano teacher while I play, and see her writing all over my music. I love "making life beautiful" through music.
*I love decorating.
*I love eating chips and salsa after church with my husband, and then falling asleep and feeling so refreshed.
* I love driving to work on Friday mornings, knowing I get to come home in a few hours.
*I love when a song comes on the radio that Brett just sang in the shower, or sang while doing his homework, or while getting ready, or while working in the yard, or while anything else. He is always singing.
*I love to have a clean home, with a candle burning that smells like fall.
* I love Cafe Rio.
* I love emailing my husband while we are both working. It makes the day go by so much quicker.
*I love reading and learning more about the scriptures.
*I love taking sips of Brett's Dr. Pepper.
*I love thinking about my dad. Anything about him, I love to think about. The hard-worker he was, the way he'd lay on the floor in the living room, the "no tolerance for stupid people"(thanks for that one). I love thinking about the way he was, because now I finally know why I am the way I am.
*I love life. finally.
*I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
*I love being my parents' daughter. Everyday I say or do something that reminds me of one of them. I am 75% my dad, 25% my mom.
*I love falling asleep at night.
*I love "Love" emails.
*I love playing the piano. Sitting down and letting my emotions out through music is the best therapy in the world. I love feeling the spirit through music I create. I love to think of my piano teacher while I play, and see her writing all over my music. I love "making life beautiful" through music.
*I love decorating.
*I love eating chips and salsa after church with my husband, and then falling asleep and feeling so refreshed.
* I love driving to work on Friday mornings, knowing I get to come home in a few hours.
*I love when a song comes on the radio that Brett just sang in the shower, or sang while doing his homework, or while getting ready, or while working in the yard, or while anything else. He is always singing.
*I love to have a clean home, with a candle burning that smells like fall.
* I love Cafe Rio.
* I love emailing my husband while we are both working. It makes the day go by so much quicker.
*I love reading and learning more about the scriptures.
*I love taking sips of Brett's Dr. Pepper.
*I love thinking about my dad. Anything about him, I love to think about. The hard-worker he was, the way he'd lay on the floor in the living room, the "no tolerance for stupid people"(thanks for that one). I love thinking about the way he was, because now I finally know why I am the way I am.
*I love life. finally.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
my heaven.
before
notice trees, roof, shutters, door, etc.
after
not the best picture, maybe I'll put up a few more later...So I am currently in love with our new home. I didn't used to be. When we bought it, I didn't think it would ever feel like a home. It was a rental for years, and it looked like it had been a rental for years!!! It was in terrible shape. After a lot of hard work, I now have an obsession with it. It is my haven. We love our home, our yard, our neighborhood, our ward, and everything else!
Brett and I have put a lot of time and a heck-of-a-lot of $$ into this house to make it our home.
Recently, we made some HUGE changes to the front of the home.
I just asked Brett last night if I will be able to live in it in heaven because it feels like heaven to me... he just looked at me and looked away. huh.
(for more pictures on the inside, scroll down a few posts)
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