On knowing when to say "Good-bye"...

I'm looking for a new home. More specifically, I'm looking for a new house to call home.

I've been thinking of stepping into the housing market for some time now, I might even say somewhat seriously since moving to Wyoming 4 years ago, but am only now really pursuing it. My first two years in Laramie I would often drive through residential areas making mental notes of things I would be interested in--such things as housing type, neighborhood, and distance from campus were items of importance to me. By my third year I expanded my search to places other than Laramie. Now that I am living in Fort Collins, I've come full circle and am looking exclusively at properties within the Land of 14ers.

I contacted a realtor last week and am moving forward exploring my options. It's been rather fun for the most part thus far and I'm learning a lot. But last night I noticed I was beginning to stress over it and I couldn't exactly figure out why. This has been something I've thought about for some time, why stress now?

For Christmas this year my mom and I drove to northern Minnesota (aka "Southern Canada") to spend the holiday with my mom's side of the family. We did it last year as well and I'm glad we did it again as I really do enjoy the festivities. But it is a long drive...7 hours to my mom's (well, 6 if I'm driving) and an additional 12 hours to Grandma's.

The drive to Grandma's and back provides a lot of time for my mom and I to chat about this and that and just about everything in between. One of the things we discussed this year was my future in Wyoming. I recognize commuting from Fort Collins to Laramie is only a temporary bandaid to my situation. At some point, the 1 hour commute that I make 3 days a week will become overly burdensome and I will need to make a decision: move back to Laramie or stay in Fort Collins and find a new line of work.

This morning I finally put two-and-two together; I finally figured out what was so troublesome to me last night. By purchasing a home in Fort Collins, the question is not if I will eventually turn my back on Wyoming and start anew in Colorado, but when. Not sure when the final 'good-bye' will come, but it is coming.

2/1/12...

I'm not sure how old I was when I learned that Europeans express the calendar date differently than we do here in the States. And although I've read as to why this is, it's still unclear to me as to why we ever chose to do it differently in the first place. The European method simply makes much more sense moving from smaller to larger increments of time.

Hence, today's date: 2/1/12

A new year often brings with it new hopes and dreams. 2011 ended without much celebration for me. Not that New Year's was dreary or depressing, just...blah. 2012, however, brought with it feelings of conviction, optimism, and disappointment all within a few short hours...and this was before the Broncos season finale!

I have much to write this year and will need to do so on a regular basis. This is a concern. The writing I am to undertake is for a book project for the beloved giant lumberjack of the north. Previously, I felt as if I was doing my research and writing for a higher purpose. It kept me going in ways I can only think of as a blessing from above. I no longer feel that way. Thinking of this project is something that largely leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. It's not that the writing is solely for personal glorification, but neither is it for a higher good. It just is.

Sharing, as I sometimes do on this site, has helped me in the past when I have needed to write elsewhere. I am out of rhythm and sync when it comes to organizing words into coherent thoughts and need to practice here more often. As a New Year's resolution, I plan to visit this site more often and encourage you, the reader, to check in on a regular basis.

So here's hoping that purpose and hope itself will return and that the thoughts and feelings I share on this site in 2012 will translate into words on paper.