Blessed

It is rapidly coming up on a year since we met Natalie and Josee.  Since our meeting in the hospital so much has happened.  We have spent this past year learning English, adjusting to each other and learning to love and cherish two beautiful children that God has placed in our lives.

People often ask how they are doing.  I must admit that I am somewhat ashamed or even embarrassed when I say that it is like they have been part of us since they were born.  Yes, we have kid fits, but this is no different than our biological children.  Yes, we get tired and do silly things, but so do I.  Yes, we pee the bed when mom turns up the heater to high and makes like a sauna.  You see, it is no different than any other family.

I realize that when people ask how they are, it is just curiosity, as we may not have seen those people in a while. I know that they do not mean any harm when they ask, but it always blows me away when I have to answer this question.  I have guilt. I have some since of shame that they are doing so well.  I know that there are so many families who can not report the same thing.  It does make me feel guilty that we have been blessed in this sense.  

I am sure that we broke all of the rules when we returned, but it was the only way that we knew how to do this.  Thank God for Karen Purvis, as we have instituted some of her wisdom into our family and how we respond to kid fits.  She has definitely helped us in times of need.

Now, I don't want you to think that it has all been cherries and peaches.  (Use whatever fruit you want) We have definitely had our moments.  Valerie has worked so much of this year with little reprieve, that there have been times when we both have lost it.  I think I get the award for really losing it though.  Raising two children was challenging at times, but now we have four.  This can be daunting when it comes to activities and other life issues.  When Valerie is around, we divide and conquer.  When she is not, I divide myself into mental pieces and do my best.  Albeit, sometimes that is not enough.  

Tonight as I write, I can't help but feel how blessed we are to have two beautiful, healthy girls in our family.  I wish I could share this joyous feeling with the world.  I wish that every adoption story was like this.  I wish they all had happy beginnings  and ending.  Unfortunately, they don't.  For those who adopt, God has allowed us a glimpse into His world.

It is messy.  It is sad.  It is full of wonder.  It is glorious, despite the outcome of the battle. (victory is sometimes in defeat)  Thank you God for allowing me to listen to you and not follow my stubborn, selfish ways.  You have truly changed me with the gift of two Congolese girls.  

Happy birthday and 6 month anniversary!

Another week of milestones!

On December 4 we celebrated our 6 month "gotcha day" anniversary.  With minimal planning, we left for the DRC in early June after hearing that our little girls were critically ill and might die. On June 4 (Darren's 41st birthday), we walked into a Congolese hospital room and met the little girls that have rocked our world and changed our lives forever. I have seen these beautiful videos and pictures of adoptive parents meeting their children.  We do not have any of those pictures or videos. Instead, we met 2 scared little girls who were struggling to stay alive. I remember being afraid to take any pictures of them those first few days because they were so fragile.  I remember holding them down for IV starts and blood draws and all of those awful medications.  What a way to meet your new parents!

Those first few weeks were rough with hours of crying at bedtime and naptime, relapsed malaria, a broken finger, a twisted ankle and parents who don't speak your language. I believe that God allowed us to spend 5 weeks in the DRC waiting for our immigration visas so that we could devote our full, 24 hour a day attention to bonding with Josee and Natalie. 

6 months later it is hard to remember all that these little girls have been through. They are so joyful and happy most of the time. They love to party. They love dress up and cuddle time and especially anything that involves My Little Pony. They are secure enough to throw tantrums and push boundaries. They love their sisters. They even love their cats and dogs (maybe the biggest miracle of all). They love story time and tickle time and being outside. They are crazy about preschool and think that Mrs. Moreno walks on water. Their English is perfect (makes this momma so sad that they have lost their Congolese accent) but they will still break out a Swahili song every now and then. They are still little (ok can we say short) but are healthy and growing.

Josee and Nat had 5 different birthdays on their documents from the DRC which made them anywhere from 2-4 years old. So, we had to pick a birthday and after consultation with our pediatrician, they will turn 4 on December 7. We had an early birthday princess party with their friends this past weekend and it was crazy.  The twins loved their My Little Pony cake and loved the presents even more.

During this time of anniversaries and birthdays, especially as we prepare to celebrate the birth of our Lord, I am blown away by God's provision. I would never have imagined where this journey would have taken us. I look into the faces of these sweet, brown-skinned girls and know that God's plan for their lives is beyond anything I can comprehend. More than ever, I am grateful for my two older girls who love their little sisters beyond reason. I am beyond grateful to be married (for almost 19 years) to an amazing guy that keeps us all together and loves us so much!

Happy Birthday to us!

Congo June 2012.  Do we look tired or what?

Thankful

Thanksgiving has come and gone.  We are eating leftovers and feeling glutenous.  The fall decorations are gone and now we have moved onto Christmas.  Before we move onto the next holiday, let me briefly tell you what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for a wife who had the courage to mention adoption even when I said I done.  I am thankful that I had the courage to listen to the voice of God, telling me that I could do this.  I am thankful that I have two beautiful older daughters who endured 2.5 years of adoption process.  I am thankful for family who stepped up and helped out while we were in the DRC.  I am thankful for a church that surrounded us in love and food while we were gone and when we returned.

I am thankful for mother who could not take care of her daughters, and who was willing to let strangers take her daughters to a foreign land.  I am thankful for two little girls who lovingly look up and call us mommy and daddy.  I am thankful that we have truly become a family.

Thank you God for allowing this to happen in our lives.

The unknowns

We have this new conversation going on the house.  Well, it is not new, but it has come back to face us again.  The conversation goes something like this.  "I wish we knew more about their mother," Valerie says.  I say, "me too, but we don't."  In fact we know nothing except that she showed up for court 3 times to relinquish their rights.  Wow, can you imagine having to do that 3 times?  Even on the worst of worst days, I can not imagine doing it once.  This woman had courage.  This woman had fear.  This woman had strength.  This woman most likely had no other option in the world that she lives in.

After spending 5 weeks in the DRC, I have a better understanding of life in that part of the world.  There are some many words that would describe it, but not nearly enough would convey what people actually live through.  It is the heart of Africa.  A beautiful and magical place.  Filled with sounds and wonders that you can only imagine after being there.  The air can be heavy, yet light with fragrances of flowers and dust.  The people are strong.  They long for a better life.  They are spiritual in nature.  I think Africa does that to you.

So after spending 5 weeks in a city that could chew me up, I have learned this about their mother.  She was beautiful in heart.  She cared enough to give them a "better place" to live in.  She cared for their well being.  She desired that they live.  She was strong in stature.  She was humble enough to know that she could not care for her girls.  She was filled with joy at the thought of her children thriving and not just surviving.  She was able to conquer fear in the midst of knowing she would never see her daughters again.  Her fears gave way to desire.  Desire of hope and dreams that she could never fulfill as a mother.

Now the tangible parts of what I or we don't know?  Who is this woman that could return to court three times to relinquish her daughters?  What does she look like?  What is her life like?  How many children does she have?  What caused her to give them up?  Did she have a choice, or more accurately, was it her choice?  Did she have any idea where her daughters were headed?

So many questions, and we will never know unless one of us goes back and attempts to track her down.  She is already in her 40's.  In the DRC, this is getting close to the average lifespan.  Will we have time to do this, I don't know?  Is it safe to do this, I don't know?  All I do know is that we have two beautiful daughters that were born to fit into this home.

There are parts of me that would have loved to have paid a monthly sum to keep the family together.  I don't know that is realistic, based on the tangibles that can be associated with the DRC.  Life there can be down right miserable for women.  I love the thought of keeping the family together, but I hate the thought of not having them as part of our family.

So, as I finish this, I promise these things to our birth mother.  I promise to raise these girls as my own.  I promise to protect them at all costs.  I promise to wipe every scrape and kiss every tear.  I promise to give them my all, as you have given us your all.  I promise that they will have every opportunity to thrive.  I promise to love them as you would.  I promise all of these and more to you, because you gave us the the opportunity to complete these promises when you went to court each and every time.  

Natalie and Josee's world

I thought that today I would give our girls perspective.  The holidays have approached so fast.  In fact, we don't even understand what is happening at times.  There was this day where we all dressed up.  Daddy dressed like a woman and mommy like a man.  What is happening here.  Four months ago, we met these crazy white folks that showed up in our hospital room to care for us.  We were scared and not sure exactly what was going to happen.  Now here we are dressed up as kitty cats following our witch sisters around asking for candy.  This place is great!  Dress up like an animal and they give candy to you.  Say some special words like "trick or treat" and the treat you like royalty.

Now we have this other thing coming up called Thanksgiving.  We don't know what it is, but we love to read the sign that is hanging on our wall.  We call out, "that says happy thanksgiving."  Oh the joy of thanksgiving.  We have also heard about and seen this guy called Santa.  Supposedly, he brings gifts to good kids?  We also hear that there is an elf that sits around and reports on our behavior.

Wow!!!  What kind of magical world did we move to?

Here we can refuse to eat all of our food.  They will feed us later.  They will offer lots of choices and we get to pick.  How can this be?  No foofoo?  No mushy paste to eat?  How did we get so lucky that if we do things right we get tamu tamu?  Candy for those who don't know.

We have so many toys we don't even know what to do with them.  Sometimes we just sit and talk about imaginary things that we might do. (like go to the bus stop with our older sister's friends).

There are so many activities in this home.  We have to drive all over the place so our older sisters can go to different activities.  Sometimes it is soccer, dance or bike riding.  We want to do it all.  We want to do whatever our older sisters do.

Every night we ask if Abby will sleep with us.  She has become our favorite, because she always wants to play with us or take care of us.  We love her so much we ask about her first now.  We do have an older sister, Kate, but she has her own things to do now and sometimes wants to be by herself.  We want to be with her, but sometimes she is just not available.

When we lived in Congo, we had our foster mom.  We know her as mom.  When we wake, we normally see daddy.  "Where's mommy?" is our first question.  Is she still here?  Daddy, why do you take care of us?  This is really weird.

In Congo, we had names like Katie and Judith.  We now call each other by our American names.  We even use our last name.   Where did our names go?  Maybe it does not matter.  We go by Natalie and Josee.

We say hi to strangers.  We make friends easily.  We see photos of dark skinned people and wonder who they are.  We don't question why mom and dad look different to there face.  We might talk about it when they are asleep, but most likely we don't just because we are taken care of.

We have so many clothes.  So many toys.  Two bikes.  Two cars.  Two sisters.  Two dogs.  Two cats.  So much.

We are no longer sick.  We don't take dawa (medicine) any more.  We go to school 3 days a week and never want to leave.  How magical this place is.  Please don't let this end.  Don't let our dream end.

Oh, by the way?  What happened to our parents?  How did we get here and what is the purpose?

I know they don't think the last things yet, but someday these will come.  People continue to ask how they are and we respond great.  They have adjusted extremely well.  They know they are loved.  They know we will take care of them.   They know that we won't harm them at this point.  What they don't know is how they came to be with us.  These questions will come in time, but for the time being we will continue to exist in the dream.

This dream is a constant reality for us.  We are blessed by two beautiful, smart girls.  Our lives have been changed for the best.  How did we live without them?  How did we survive without them?  Things have not always gone smooth.  I have had fits.  They have had fits.  The older girls have had fits.  However, in the spectrum of things, we are well.  I hate to type things like we are doing great, because I know so many out there are not doing so great.  I pray that they may feel this dream.  I pray that they may feel the blessing that we have felt.  Pray for them.  Bless them.  Take care of them.  Love them.  They need it.  

Readoption complete!

Yesterday we picked up the mail and were overjoyed to learn that Josee and Natalie have now been legally re-adopted in the state of Colorado!  Woohoo!  We submitted the paperwork awhile back, including a request to change their date of birth, and had sort of forgotten about it in all the hustle and bustle of fall. We celebrated last night with a pizza party out on the town with Bibi and Babu!

It has been a crazy fall with school, soccer for the big girls, devo mountainbiking and dance for all. I think we are looking forward to our activity world slowing down a bit. The girls are doing well but each one (including the older girls) have their days and sometimes their weeks. This week has been challenging for Natalie and full of meltdowns and emotional drama. Seems to come in waves for the little girls as they continue to adjust. Fortunately, the little girls usually don't melt at the same time - thank God!  Lots of extra hugs this week for Natty.  I must remind myself of all her little heart has been through the past 4 months - not your average preschooler's challenges!  Please pray for her this week - it is hard not to know exactly what is going on in her head.

All four girls are loving school this year and we are blessed with wonderful and patient teachers. Nat and Josee are in preschool 3 full days a week and are loving it!  They love their teacher and are learning so many things - they came home the other day and counted to 20!  Kate is enjoying her community outreach "elective" and Abby loves everything about school.

Life is crazy right now but we are thankful EVERY DAY that our entire family is finally together!

Photo shoot

Here are a few photos from our recent photo shoot with amazing photographer Niki Bryant. Classic picture day scenario with child meltdown (including 9 year-old refusal to participate in family pictures), mother meltdown and confused father before the shoot. Somehow Niki took our crazy family, captured the kids' spirit with her camera and made us all look good.  Sort of what God does for us too...through his lens we are always beautiful!  I can't even imagine when we weren't a party of six!  These little girls complete our family. Kate and Abby are amazing sisters who continue to love and give so much to their little sisters.  Thank you God!  We could never have imagined the love and grace that you would lavish on us to get us here.  Through all of the dark days of bringing the twins home, you knew the plan!

The 2 Maries