the farewell

yes, i bid farewell to my first job that i've worked for five years. i've pondered over the option of leaving for quite sometime before i really came to a decision. i got promoted at the start of this year but somehow, i still chose to leave cus a better opportunity came along. after much consideration, putting the feelings aside, its only logical that i resign and move on. the new company offered me everything that i requested for and on top of that, the boss is a really nice lady who appreciates working with young people. she's willing to give me the chance to prove myself despite the fact that i only have five years of experience in the field. she told me, "over here at our side, we value people who's capable. it doesnt matter if you've only worked for a year or ten years. as long as you can show results, you will be duly rewarded. that is why we dont practice long service awards over here. we dont believe in that."

thats it. the moment i heard that, i told myself, "jo, this is the place for you." i dont believe in long service awards either. i mean, so what if you've worked in a company for ten years? does it really mean that you're so experienced and so much more capable than anybody else? what a load of bullcrap. trust me. the society these days doesnt work this way. you want a promotion or a pay rise? show your capabilties and work smart for it. if a company doesnt reward you for what you've worked hard for, leave the place. it only means that that's not the place for you to shine.

"she's been here for ten years, if anybody should be the one, it should be her. if joanne got the position instead, it just shows that the management sees the skin colour." what kinda racist comment is this? i was shocked beyond words upon hearing that remark. i was boiling inside of me, but i masked my emotions well. i kept quiet, smiled and nodded my head. but in actual fact, i wanted to scold that piece of shit a big F YOU. how smart of you to say that to me on my last day there cus you know that im leaving and you dont have to care about respecting me anymore. and of course, supporting your own fellow "same skin colour" colleague was the most sensible thing to do right?

im telling everyone now that i look down on them, very much. skin colour? ten years? what a joke. the truth is this is a very competitive world. if you're not capable enough, you f off. thats the reality. do you honestly think that your fellow "same skin colour" colleague can get the position if i didnt resign? think about it. she's the one who felt that im her threat all along when i dont even regard her as my threat, not a single bit at all cus i know that im more capable than her. i dont have to fight for that position with her. thats so low class. i dont have to stoop that low to get that position when i believe i can easily get it outside of this company that you've worked for ten years.

complacency is the word. just cus you're the senior there, you think that you're the best? this must be the biggest joke of the day. unfortunately, wake up your bloody idea and look around you. oh yes, i almost forgot. you've worked there for ten years and have never seen the outside world before so i should understand how outdated you are. bear this in mind: i resigned not cus im afraid of you two but rather, i decided to stop playing racist mind games with all you "same skin colour" fellow colleagues. continue living in your own little world. fancy you praying for so many times a day and yet you cant even understand the simple meaning of showing respect. and hey, we are living in singapore, a multiracial country where we celebrate racial harmony day every year. dont you remember?

i cannot fathom why this place is full of racial issues. it just makes no sense to me. this is obviously not the place for me. five years is enough. honestly speaking, if not for my boss, i wouldnt even stay for five years. she's like my mentor and my friend. i cannot express my gratitude enough for the help she had given me and the support and guidance she had provided me with throughout my days there. whatever she had taught me will follow me through my career path ahead of me. i sincerely hope for the best for her. and of course, not forgetting those who loved me as well. they know who they are. (:

and for now, im rather excited about my new job. huge challenges ahead but i promise myself that i will work hard. :)

my forever love

im really awed by his piano skills and the fact that he's so witty! he sounded incredibly good alone with his piano and with just any songs! 淘汰 would have sounded better if he sang it! :D not that eason did a bad job in that song but i really just prefer jay's rendition.

another reason why i love him is cus he writes really good songs which people can relate to. the lyrics, emotions and meanings of his songs are just too awesome! im really glad i managed to get tickets to his upcoming concert in june! my favourite part of his concert would always be the part when he plays the piano while he sings. ^^

 he's been my one and only favourite since secondary school days all the way till now and i never fail to sing his songs during every ktv session. his songs accompanied me through all my good and bad times and they just never get old, every single song of his. (:

guess what? the tickets to his three shows are all sold out!! he's just so charming like this. :D

'New Life'

hi. i've neglected you for months. here i am again, penning down my thoughts and sharing my world with you.

yes thats right. im officially 25 and i honestly think i still behave like a little girl. oh well, im young at heart and im forever young! i suddenly had a lot of thoughts about birthdays. its an occassion when you finally realised who are the ones who care for you and are always there throughout the years. its really amazing to see people come and go in your life. soon, you'll realise the ones who really love you will always remember to wish you no matter where they are. i felt really touched to receive the same greetings from the same people all these years. my family, my close friends and somehow... you. its the 4th year since 2010. thinking back, i was only 21 when i first know you and before i know it, im already 25.

bought myself a gift to pamper myself on my birthday for the first time in my life. i've always been receiving gifts from others but never from myself.

what an expensive taste i know. LOL. i really wanted to own a pandora bracelet since forever. i chose the charms for myself and they each have a meaning behind them and when i put them together, i know thats me. thats something that speaks about me. the diamond heart represents how much i love love and how much i crave for a eternal and undying love, the blue murano speaks about how much i adore blue and finally, the crown represents how i want to be treated; like a queen. the bracelet is only a quarter filled with my desires and thoughts now but i will turn it into a full bracelet about my life and something unique that belongs to me.

its only february and a lot of things are already happening in 2013. my job is in a mess, my family is facing some stress and my love life hasnt been going on smoothly like how i thought it should be. the only thing that didnt change are my friends. they are still there for me since forever. i never used to appreciate anything more than just saying a couple of 'thank yous' here and there but this birthday made me really appreciate every of their wishes from the bottom of my heart. meng fai was my secondary school mate and he honestly never fails to wish me on my birthday every single year. even thou he can go MIA for the whole year but he would always appear on my birthday to send me a birthday greeting without fail. sometimes receiving messages like this makes me feel loved by everyone else.

life is so unpredictable. i really cant fathom whats in for the future and my mom has been telling me since young that fortune telling is a bad thing to do and we should never know whats going to happen ahead of us when the time is not right yet. i believed so and never will go for fortune telling ever in my life and so, i will just take things as they come.

i dont want my life to be perfect thou im a perfectionist cus i would rather fall and learn. i've fell a few times with abrasions here and there or sometimes bigger bruises hurting me like hell but i grow from all these life lessons. its really not about how much you want to gain but how you much you want to give. its okay if i've given everything that i could and i got back nothing in return cus i know i've done my best and i wont live in regrets.

im thankful for living a full 25 years of my life and i promise my life would only get better from now on. 

the last month of the year

its been too long since i really posted something other than songs and lyrics and whatnot. been really busy as usual and i've finally graduated from my two years of leadership course! yayy! *pops champagne* my next step would be pursuing of my degree. i kinda have some regrets not continuing my studies straight after i got hold of my diploma years back cus now i gotta go through part time studies with work which can be quite burdensome at times but i guess i can cope well with things cus i work well under pressure. i must say i achieved rather good results with at least a 3.5 GPA score! for this, im really proud of myself! :D sometimes, it can be a bonus when you work and study at the same time cus you experience things on the ground level and you can actually apply your knowledge and skills better when you study at the same time. well, there's always pros and cons to everything.

coming back to the degree, i havent come to the best decision about the school yet cus duration and credibility play some really crucial part here. honestly, i really wanna set up my own school or even run a school on my own with my ideas and my philosophies one day. i've been dreaming about it lately and asking myself questions like, 'when is it gonna happen?' 'will it even come true?' etc. i know running a school isnt easy and the thought of it really scares me off sometimes cus i dont have much confidence in running a business on my own. i have a lot of ideas thou but the setting up and the whatsoever turns me off. im like, 'wtf. there's so many things to do before your school is ready for business. can i not do all those miscellanous stuffs?' i shall be patient and preserve my ideas and thoughts for now until i get the chance to really start my own school.

there's this opportunity for me to work overseas for a minumum of two years. it sounds really appealing to me and most importantly, its the experience of working and living in a foreign country that really tempted me to go for it! the place might not be as clean and as developed as singapore but i believe the people there are much warmer and much friendlier as compared to singaporeans. i think it would be an eyeopener for me if i really go but i rejected cus my priority now is to get hold of a degree. opportunities dont come knocking twice on your door but i guess i need to know whats my priority and whats the most important thing to me right now. no doubt, the learning experience could be really rich and could even make me a better person but, oh well.

anyway, its december! time really flies. im gonna be 25 in two months time. T.T its really at this point that i very much wish for time to slow down so that i can enjoy my life and enjoy my youth as much as i can. but just as i want time to slow down, everyone else is rushing to build up their career, to earn as much as they could so as to earn even more in the years ahead of them. so, if i were to stop now, my dream of opening my own school and whatever will stop as well and then i would be the one lagging behind everyone else. thus, how can i stop? T.T sad to say, singapore is a very realistic country. eveything is about lust and greed. cant we all be happy kids? :( yeah yeah, i know.. 25 is not a kid anymore. :(

ok im actually here to say that im thankful for all that i have experienced in 2012, be it the happy or unhappy moments, i love them all cus they are experiences which made me learned and become a better person. in fact, im more grateful for the unhappy moments that happened cus without all these, i wont grow and i wont be living a much better life now. for those people who let me down or did me wrong, i'd still treat you with kindness and reciprocate your bad deeds with kindness. being kind is something which i strongly believe in and i never wanna lose this value in me. it doesnt matter if i will always be taken advantage of cus as long as my conscience is clear, im happy.

if theres something for me to learn and become better in 2013, it would be to become more selfless and let go of being too selfish. im too spoilt for my own good sometimes and i find it really difficult not to be selfish especially to people who arent close to me. i need to be better and i will be.

happy december everyone!

be your everything

♥

Ill be your shelter
Ill be your storm
Ill make you shiver
Ill keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby Im yours
Ill be your forever, Be your fling
Baby I will be your everything

一个人不可能

  

一个人我在沮丧
一个人走在路上
泪流下那么荒唐
分手当初是我在逞强
一个人对谁嚣张
一个人为谁而忙
我懂了你没反抗
是因为我不够坚强
只是我一个人 一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐我承认
从前是两个人 两个人多认真
一年后却像两个陌生人
只是我一个人 一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐我承认
想回到两个人 认真的两个人

一个人没有方向
一个人闷得发慌
谁懂得我的疯狂
谁会一直在我的身旁
一个人该怎么样
一个人一个人唱
天冷了你还好吗
明天是不是会晴朗
只是我一个人 一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐我承认
从前是两个人 两个人多认真
一年后却像两个陌生人
只是我一个人 一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐我承认
想回到两个人 认真的两个人
一个人 一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐多温热
再习惯一个人 一个人再认真
认真也不能让幸福成真
一个人一个人不可能
不可能有两个人的灵魂
等待另一个人 爱的另一个人

 

happy birthday granny!

i feel so fortunate that my popo is still around for us to celebrate her birthday every year. :)
i havent been visiting her for months and last saturday was unfortunately, my first visit in so many months. she looked great on saturday! she could remember me as myself rather than always mistaking me for ah con jie jie. haha.

anyway, i reached her place quite early cus i went down straight after my teachers' day lunch. i had some time before everyone else arrived so i talked to her in bits and pieces of hakka! i swear i tried really hard to converse in broken hakka! LOL. im amazed at myself! even my aunties were amazed and asked my mom since when did i learn to speak in hakka. LOL. popo said, "if you know how to speak in hakka, you would be able to master other languages well cus hakka is a difficult language!" she sure does know things well. LOL.

for some reasons, i would really love to learn to speak fluently in hakka so that if i ever have children next time, i wont want the language to die on my hands and want my children to learn the language as well. talking about traditions, i think a lot of those chinese/religious/family traditions that my mom know are gonna die on my hands! i dont even know what to do when it comes to all the 拜拜 stuffs! especially when everyone else is turning into christians? looks like i gotta start learning from my mom.

 singing birthday song for her!

love my family ttm! ❤

 didi not here! :(

of course, not forgetting to camwhore with my girls! ❤

lastly, a yearly picture with my cute popo! 

many a times, we get so busy in our lives that we tend to forget about our loved ones who are getting older each day. everytime i visit popo, i will always remind myself to find time to accompany her and talk to her. however, i do admit that sometimes, im really tied up with a lot of responsibilities and goals that i cant even find leisure time for myself, not to even mention spending time with my loved ones. this is contradicting, isn't it?

sigh, this is life. nonetheless, i will try to make it a point to spend time with my family members as often as i can. being busy is not an excuse ok Joanne!