That night and into the next morning we debated whether we ought, in fact, to leave town for the day; but in the end curiosity got the better of us. Dolores came back to the cottage just before dinner, toting a well-stuffed bag from one of the Cape’s most celebrated purveyors of beachwear. Harry was dropped off shortly thereafter by taxi, along with two cardboard boxes that Dolores snatched away and hid in her room before we could get a look at them.
Harry wouldn’t spill the beans, even when we tried to bribe him. He met the offer of a deluxe dipped double cone of Fudge Ripple and Chocolate Chip with a stiff-lipped, “I can’t tell you. It’s official business.”
We double-checked the ferry departure schedules and moved the suitcases near the door. Just in case.
And there was another surprise. The evening ferry brought us Victorine, Dolores’s French-Canadian
cousine. She said nothing to us but “allo” before locking herself in the bedroom with the other two, but at the best of times she’s not exactly chatty.
At ten the next morning, they all left in a pedicab for the pier. Dolores looked like a firework, decked out in a brand-new in a star-spangled bikini with little mirrors that spelled AMERICA across the fanny.
Around noon the gang snapped up a table at the Boatslip with a view of the bay. Andrew and Chuck were quite excited about the whole thing.
“I’ve never watched a sheep go into space,” said Chuck. “Have you?”
“No,” I said. “But over the past few years I’ve often fantasized about it.”
“Will we be able to see her from here?” asked Andrew.
“Fairly well,” said Tom. “Of course, for safety reasons the boat won't come too near the shore."
At about five after one, I spotted her. In the far distance, a blue-and-yellow parachute caught the sun and beneath it swung a white, fluffy speck.
“Ahoy!” said Tom.
“Gentlemen,” said Chuck, “A toast to the maiden flight of the
Dolores.”
We clicked our glasses.
The parachute slid gracefully through the air in slow arcs, hither and thither.
“Funny,” said Tom. “It looks like she's coming closer.”
She was. Much closer. All over the Boatslip deck, cell phones began to ring. We heard a siren. I snagged a passing waiter and asked what was going on.
“Sounds like some crazy Canadian separatist hijacked the parasailing boat,” he said. “And she’s heading for the inner harbor. Look, here they come!”
We heard the roar of the motor, and then above us, like a Thanksgiving Day balloon gone terribly wrong, was Dolores dangling from the end of the cable. Victorine was screaming
“A nous la victoire!” as she drove the boat nearer and near the beach, and suddenly from up above came a shower of paper.
“What the hell?” said Andrew, snatching one of the pamphlets that were raining down on our heads.
“What’s a
Fibertarian?” said Chuck, reading over Andrew’s shoulder.
“Get the suitcases,” I said to Tom.
The harbor police were now in hot pursuit of the parasail boat. Victorine tore mad circles around the other craft while Dolores, having completed her tour as a propaganda bomb, started screaming to come down. And then Victorine made a sudden, sharp starboard turn and with a nerve-shattering SPROING! the cable snapped. Dolores, freed from her tether, took off upwind.
“Holy crap,” gasped Tom. “She’s heading for Truro.”
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By now every siren in Provincetown was going off and we could hear people screaming in the streets. The parachute careened from current to current and the breeze brought to us a faint but emphatic stream of obscenities.
“Dolores!” I shouted. “Dolores! Try to make it to Hyannis and land in the Kennedy compound! And for God's sake steer away from Kennebunkport!”
She couldn’t hear me. She was high now, up among the seagulls. A million thoughts raced through my mind. Would Harry be traumatized by all this? What would I say to her fan club? How long should I wait before clearing out her half of the closet?
And then a downdraft grabbed the chute and dragged her down, down, down. I screamed. Tom screamed. The boys screamed. The gulls screamed. And in the nick of time her star-spangled bikini bottom snagged the aerial on the top the Pilgrim Monument. And there she stuck, like the angel on the Christmas tree, except this angel was half naked, and yelling FUCK at the top of her lungs.
“Do you think if I asked nicely they’d just leave her there?” I asked Tom.
Alas, they did not. They got her down, fined her a couple of bucks for disturbing the peace and trespassing, then paid her fifty because the aerial had ripped a hole in her fancy swimsuit. By the next day she had five offers to appear in local cabaret acts.
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Victorine, last I heard, was holed up in the Canadian embassy in Boston hoping to evade conviction for tying up a captain and stealing his boat.
And Rutger keeps calling the house.
Oh, yeah. Provincetown was really relaxing. How was your week?