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title: the helpless tears

date: Friday, July 13, 2012

I don't want to seem weak by crying every time I face a setback.

But somehow my senses doesn't allow me to control my tears.

I wonder if it is good or bad. Since most of the time after crying I'll be fine again, I just need to cry it out. Its like I couldn't compose myself at that moment of truth and that's the only thing I could do until I can think straight again. There hasn't been a time where I didn't recover after crying I think. And I always manage to have a stronger mindset afterwards anyway.

But then there are also cases where I never learn my lessons. I wish that wouldn't happen. I hoped I can have more self-control. Honestly speaking, I think my self-control had already improved quite a lot over the last year. I managed to restrain myself from a lot of things. I think I can also prioritize things better now. A big problem is that whether I can carry out my actions or not, and not just purely thinking and no action.

On the other hand, I also realized I have really great friends around me who understand my feelings well and I'm very thankful and grateful for that. :) There was a period of time where I feel that I'm being a very bad and mean friend to all my friends around me and I wondered if I ever deserved all the love from them. I tried to be a better friend after that, thanks to the self-control I learnt to grasp and I think I am treating people well now, at least better than the past.

Another thing is I should learn not to get jealous of others so easily. I think my jealousy and envy is quite easily seen though, I think people around me would be able to see it. I wish it would really suppress itself so that it won't affect my friendship with the dear people around me. I should do some self-improvement instead, being envious doesn't really improve the situation anyway.

If I had a great and powerful voice and singing abilities, I think I could make a good singer. My emotions are so easily triggered and its so much easier to sing a song with emotions and feelings. Just kidding. :)

posted by jellybeanies @ 9:39 PM
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