title: feelings.
date: Saturday, April 30, 2011
I really wish that sometimes, instead of always seeing the negative things in me, you can be proud of me one day.
I thought achieving 47 rank points this time is actually not bad compared to the overall cohort and many of my classmates and friends. So despite knowing I failed chem quite terribly and borderline for physics, I was quite happy that I managed to ace the other subjects. I thought you would understand that this is a great change in the syllabus, a big step away from secondary school. But I was wrong.
What have I done to deserve this? I think many people are hoping they can be at this standard, and yet you are not appreciating what I have achieved. At least I'm decent enough not to do bad stuff where many teenagers have been practicing nowadays. Can you cherish what you have now? There are people who wish they could be in your spot and here you are seeming to want to give it away.
I guess you guys can never understand my feelings. I really hope that one day, you can see the light in me and finally stand by me instead of pinpointing out all the mistakes. You can't expect me to be perfect. There's no one in this world that is perfect, so can't you just accept this fact that I am just simply just imperfect like everyone else?
Time and again, my hopes in you had risen and fallen and risen again. Sometimes, I really cannot take it anymore. I just feel like running away from this cave that cooped me away most of the time from the outside world. But I had always managed to survive the countless ordeals of your incessant scoldings where most of the time (or maybe all) I was the accused. Just to let you know, everyone has their limits and I have mine too. I do not wish to go over it, but you are just pushing me towards that end.
Sometimes, I wonder why we cannot trust each other enough to let you know everything in my life, if not most. I guess I know it now. Why didn't you trust me enough in the first place? Why must you hold such an attitude towards me? Its no wonder why we can never be close. Can you actually tell it though my actions? I doubt so but I hope one day you'll come to the realization.
As usual, your actions had angered me. But this time, I wasn't as angry as before. I wonder why too. I actually felt major sadness in me rather than wasting my energy on something that seem to never change. 16 years, the process of change however doesn't change you much. And instead, you question the changes. Aren't they common sense enough to know? Or you don't even have common sense at all.
The main point is just that I wish you can spare a thought for my feelings. Is that very hard for you to do so? I do not wish for you to understand me that well as I know it is near impossible seeing the circumstances, but just give me some space, will you?
title:
date: Thursday, April 21, 2011
The past 2 weeks sucks. Like seriously. I have never felt this screwed up in a long time.
I actually failed my 2.4 today cause of bad stitch. By 10 secs. -.- Okay I hope during rerun I won't get any stitch so at least I can continue running. And not walk. Urgh. I hate JC pe.
And I got caught last week for drinking on the MRT. Well well they're just trying to scare me. No letter received. (:
Of course besides sucky stuff there're happy times too, like going to Nex with MS Ian and Jimmy to buy shoes. Oh it was that day when I bought milk tea before going home and drink on the train where the bitch caught me. Used the macbook at the Apple shop to take a photo lolol, quite nice eh. Then there's another photo of Ian looking like a monkey (Jiet LOL.)
11S06 rockszxc ttm! Finally nice guys who lets girls play basketball together. And super give chance some more. Love those times! Although guiseeee are damn sick sometimes but that's where all the fun come about lol.
Got a live con ticket today but didn't go in the end. Went for dinner with NC instead. (L) camwhore session! Hardly do I have the mood to camwhore. At least we finally got time to catch up! Missed the times when I can rant to them anything (Y).
I miss nanhua!
