Goodness in the world

   I had the wonderful opportunity to fly across the United States to visit my family this past month. It was wonderful, and difficult all at the same time. Both my aunt (my mom's sister) and my grandma (my mom's mother) whom I love dearly were recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, and this was my opportunity to see them, visit with them and hug them before things got worse.
   The biggest challenge for me was leaving. I've never left my kids before; at least I've never left them and gone somewhere overnight without Thayne by my side. I was terrified, nervous, anxious and a little excited about the break. I couldn't have made it happen without the love and support of friends who stepped in to help and watch my kids during the day while Thayne was at school, or without my amazing husband who pulled a double load the entire time. It was difficult being away and knowing I was needed, but in so many ways it was good. It opened my eyes to so many things and gave me a new appreciation for the people around me who do so much.
   In all my time away I just kept thinking the same thing over and over again: There are so many good people in this world. Really good people. Everywhere. People who will go out of their way to help a perfect stranger. People who will drop everything and help a friend, without looking for a reward. People who don't give a second thought to lifting someone with a smile, reaching out a helping hand, or giving a needed word of praise.
   I saw it time and time again, on every flight, and in every airport; I never once had to lift my bag into the overhead bins. I saw it in the people I sat beside, and the flight attendant who cleaned up baby puke with a smile and a laugh. I saw it in the random stranger who asked if she could help when I was dealing with a blowout diaper (don't ask. haha) They were everywhere! These amazing, helpful people, so willing to help me, even though they don't know me at all. I couldn't get my mind off of it every night as I lay down to sleep, how willing my friends were to sacrifice their time, their homes, and even a good piece of their sanity at times to care for my 4 kids. FOUR! That's a LOT of kids to dump on anyone! Yet they were so willing.  And it made me wonder, am I one of those people?
   Do I reach out to others any way I can? would I drop everything to help a friend? -Actually, that one I can say yes to. But what about the strangers that I meet? Do I live the busy moments of my life in a way that reflect how I care for others? Often times I just don't look up. I'm oblivious to what is going on around me. Whether I am focused on my shopping list, or simply in my own world with my own thoughts. Do I smile at others? Do I compliment the tired mom on her beautiful child/children? Do I take the time to chat with the elderly gentleman at the grocery store? Do I reach out?
   There is so much good in the world, but there is room for so much more. It's time to see the good. To BE the good.

Jace William Dawson

   Born  December 12th, at 2:33 a.m., weighing 8 lbs 1 oz and measuring 20 1/4 inches long. And he's perfect. Beautiful olive skin-tone, a tiny bit of dark hair, long fingers and toes, and beautiful eyes that he hardly opened for a moment before shutting them tight again, as if the world is too bright for him.

   My due date was originally December 5th, far enough away from finals and Christmas for me to dream that he might be born in November. But because I was measuring small they moved my due date to December 15th. I told everyone that he would come when he was ready, and the due date didn't mean anything - after all, I've had every one of my babies early, so why stop now.
   December 5th came and passed,,, so did the 6th, and the 7th, and the 8th. My parents flew here to Charleston all the way from Oregon so that they could meet this little guy, and just my luck, he decided to be shy.
   I did squats, till I could hardly walk, jumped rope in the garage until midnight, and had Thayne give me foot rubs until I wanted to cry, but other than the five million contractions that had me ready to go pack a hospital bag any second, it was all pointless.
   On December 11th I had a doctor appointment with my midwife, and in spite of the fact that I still had a few days until my due date, she scheduled me to be induced on the 16th because waiting longer (especially since they moved my due date) could be risky. Although the 16th seemed like a fine day to have a baby I felt terrible that my parents would have to go home without meeting their grandson, but lucky for me, my midwife was understanding and gave me a toxic recipe for a labor inducing cocktail. It contained Mango nectar, almond butter, and castor oil. I drank it with a straw and held my breath till the last swallow, then gagged at the smell. I finished the last sip at 7:00 and by 10:15 the contractions started getting a little closer together. I wanted to be hopeful, but I was scared because I'd already had so many contractions close together that they imitated labor perfectly, even for a pro like me.  I wasn't sure what to think.
   By 11:00 I was sure it was real labor so Thayne and I packed our hospital bag. We left for the hospital at 11:30 and arrived at midnight. The nurse who checked me in wasn't sure what to think of me. I was joking and teasing through my check in, but this being my 5th birth, I'm sure she thought I knew what I was doing.
   I was only dilated 4.5 cm, but there wasn't a delivery room available, so I got to hang out in the check in room for about an hour. Around 1:00 they moved me to a delivery room. Poor Thayne was exhausted. He had been taking tests and studying for finals all week and living on no sleep, so when I told him I'd be fine for a while and he could rest, he gladly accepted and fell asleep almost instantly.
   For the next hour I alternated between sitting cross-legged on the bed, and hanging my feet over either side straddling it (it was a narrow bed.), as I rocked back and forth listening to soothing music. I was determined to have the opposite birth experience I had with Jett: no epidural, no 13 hours of labor, no fainting in the delivery room, and no miserable pain shooting through me, making me want to die.
   Because of my focus, this birth was bliss! It was perfect! It was the type of birth that every mom dreams about having! It took me 5 tries, but I finally got it right. While I rocked side to side, I replayed those priceless moments of becoming a mom in my mind; the way I felt when I saw each of my babies for the first time. I replayed the way it felt to have the weight of my baby laid on my chest. I remembered their first cry, their blinking eyes, their squirmy, helpless bodies as they snuggled into my heartbeat and quieted  as they heard my voice and felt my warmth. Each of these memories filled me with life and strength, and eagerness to meet my baby boy.
   At 2:15 I woke Thayne. I needed a nurse to check me, and my "nurse call" button wasn't working. Within five minutes a doctor was in my room. She said the pressure I was feeling was because my water hadn't broke, but I was dilated to 7.5 and 100% effaced. I told her to break it. Little did I know what I was in for.
   The second she broke my water Jace's head slammed down onto my pelvic bone. The pain was paralyzing, and for a moment I lost all focus. For a moment I didn't think I could endure one more contraction, but then it hit me, and I somehow struggled through it.
   The doctor was leaving the room when a second contraction hit me. "I'm ready to push!" I told her.
   She gave me a funny look and said something along the lines of, "ok, I'll check you again." but I was ready.
   "I'm pushing NOW!"
   There wasn't even time to drop the bottom of the bed, or prep the room more than it already was. With Thayne on one side, and my nurse on the other I pushed through that contraction, and gave birth with the next.
   And then he was there. Squirming and screaming, and purply-pink. Covered with white vernix, mad at the world, and mine. He was mine. So perfectly new and beautiful in every way. From his wiggly little toes, to his bruised purple nose from dropping onto my pelvic bone when my water broke (it hurt both of us).
   As much as I wanted to hold him and caress him, I couldn't. I can't remember ever feeling so exhausted in my life. I couldn't even raise my head for more than a few seconds, or lift my arms to wrap around him. But I held him on my chest, and I cried. Out of gratitude, and awe, I cried.
 
   I stayed in the delivery room for a few hours because there weren't any post-partum rooms available. When they finally did wheel me to a room it was to an anti-partum room in a dark and lonely part of the hospital. At first I didn't care. I wanted nothing more than hours of uninterrupted sleep, but when my breakfast arrived 2 hours late, with no milk for my cereal (which never - ever came) I began to get annoyed.
   I begged for water, but the best anyone could do was bring me a pitcher of ice. I asked for a mug to even fill with tap water, but they said they didn't have any, so they gave me a tiny Styrofoam cup. So I sat and watched the ice melt slowly and drank every drop as it did. My lunch was 2 hours late again, and cold. My nurse was unavailable at all times. My call button didn't work. My mattress was miserably flat. My baby disappeared for 2 hours while he was supposed to be getting circumcised, and no one knew where he was... basically it was the worst hospital experience ever. So, by 3:00 p.m. I was ready to go. I wanted to go. I wanted to be home with my daughter to celebrate her 6th birthday. I wanted to sleep in my own bed and not stress about what was going to happen next.
   After doing everything I could to get ready to leave by 5:00 I realized it wasn't going to happen. No one was doing anything to get me checked out, even though I had permission to leave as soon as I was discharged. So I got dressed. I ate another hospital meal. I packed up my stuff, and I had Thayne go get the car. And FINALLY at 7:00 the doctor signed my chart and the nurse wheeled me to the car. I've never been more excited to be going home.
   Nana and Papa were able to hold Jace for a few moments that night, and the next morning Thayne drove them to the airport.
  After that it was back to finals for Thayne, and back to life for me, dropping kids off at school each morning and picking them up each afternoon. But in the midst of the chaos and craziness of our days I still found time to treasure this precious miracle. To breathe in his new baby smell. To stroke his soft skin as I sang him a lullaby, and thank God that he is mine.

It's been a busy month for us. I think we have somehow managed to cram more into this summer than all the other summers of our lives. It has been crazy, hectic, and yet fun. In spite of our busy schedules, we've managed to do a lot of fun and out of the ordinary things, and I'm even more excited for some of the adventures we have coming up.  

  One of the library programs here: the kids learned about different kinds of plants and got to plant a succulent. It was pretty cute to watch how carefully they spooned sand and then dirt into their little pots. 

They were so proud of their little plants. 

 (I probably shouldn't mention how shook-up those poor little things were by the time we made it home.) On the bright side, they are all alive and growing well.

 Since I'm watching a couple extra kids this summer we try to get out and do stuff every day so they aren't just sitting around bored. :) One thing we love is going to the movies! All the theaters around here have free kids movies twice a week! LOVE it! And I'll be honest, being in a theater full of kids and hearing them laugh through every part of the movie is adorable!

W-A-T-E-R! We try to do something wet at least once a week because it's so hot! We've been to water parks, splash pads, swimming pools, and just played in the water outside!

Because when you're wet, the heat doesn't seem quite so intense. 

We also celebrated Jarom's 7th birthday. He wanted a Lego party, so I kind of threw something together as fast as I could in spite of everything else we had going on. 

I felt like I owed him a party since the last two years we've been busy moving or getting settled somewhere and I didn't throw one for him. He had a lot of fun and invited some of his friends from church and school. 

It was fun to see him light up as the center of attention and feel special for the day.

This was my last minute cake. HAHA! I realized the morning of the party that I hadn't made a cake, and I didn't really have a plan for what I wanted to do for the cake. So I turned to Pinterest (where else!), found this recipe, made it... then made another batch of cake because my little lego blocks were about an inch thick... then I started wondering why I didn't just slap some pudding frosting on a cake that was in a 13" x 9" pan instead of putting all this work into it. I finished it as the kids were arriving. But it did turn out way cuter than I thought. (whew!)

This was a huge hit! I bought little lego men for each of the kids and froze them in a mixture of baking soda and water. The kids had to free them by pouring vinegar over them a spoonful at a time. The fizzing and bubbling was thrilling. 

We played other games too, like pin the head on the lego man, lego race car races, and instead of a pinata I made a big tape ball full of candy that they had to unwrap while the person just in front of them in the circle built a lego car as fast as they could. Once the lego car was finished, the tape ball was passed to the next person. It was a fun party. 

This was a fun little picture we took of Jarom's last day of school. Its crazy to see how much he has grown up over the last year. He's a fun kid. I love his personality and big heart. I love watching him with his brother and sisters, he is such a perfect brother to them. I also love how he loves to make people laugh. It seems like all the kids in his class know him as the "funniest kid", especially the girls! Ahhh the girls! In my opinion it is WAY too early for girls to be giggling and whispering about him! We'll definitely have to do something about that ASAP!

Jarom also was chosen as one of the terrific kids at his school. It's a pretty big achievement, and we are so proud of him. (awkward picture :))

Jarom with all the Terrific kids that were chosen.

Family Time

 I think I sometimes get caught up in the idea that family time is this incredible thing that will only yield excitement and fun. I get ideas in my head about wonderful family bonding moments that are filled with nothing but love and fun and wonderful conversation that leads to my children growing up knowing nothing but feelings of unity and love in their home. So I try to plan. I brainstorm and come up with, what I think are genius ideas for our family to spend quality time together.

 And it's wonderful in so many ways! We laugh, talk, create memories and have a good time... for the most part. But along with the fun also comes reality! It isn't all pleasant conversation, laughter and fun. There is also the inevitable...

Sibling arguments and pestering that at times seems to never end, an occasional name calling or hitting, an accident in public, the disobedient child (or children) who thinks he or she knows better than Mom or Dad...

Which often leads to a parent getting frustrated with the results of the disobedience...

I could go on and on. I think any parent who has kids (or anyone who has been around kids more than 5 minutes) can sympathize and understand where I'm coming from. I will also admit that I have also felt like the effort put I into family time was quite possibly wasted and more exhausting than if I hadn't planned anything, or put forth the extra effort to make it perfect. Because in all honesty, sometimes these experiences can make me feel like I am failing as a parent.

But here's the truth:

This life isn't easy for anyone, not kids, siblings, and definitely not for parents. But part of the journey is working through and overcoming the difficult bumps in the road; enduring the most exhausting moments of parenthood and realizing that every step taken (whether it seems to be leading us forward or back) is a step of progress and learning. 

There is no such thing as a perfect life... a perfect family, perfect children, or even a perfect evenings, just perfect moments. Moments that can be lost if we are busy only seeing the negative or the problems that will always be there. Moments that can be folded into perfect memories, but can also pass by so quickly that if we aren't watching for them they will be gone, and all we will remember are the feelings of stress and frustration that we felt as we tried to create that perfect moment that was unknowingly passing right before our eyes.

So where are these moments?

It's that twinkle in your baby's eyes and the way he lights up and gushes when you say his name. (You just have to look past the dirty diaper)

It's seeing your family work together on something and actually having fun together, knowing you are teaching your children something important. (even though it takes more work teaching them and probably won't be done as well as it would be if you had just done it yourself.)

It's the laughter of your children as they play together. (even though their laughter is caused by throwing sand in the air that you know will take forever to get out of their clothes and hair.)

It's the funny things that your children say when they think you aren't listening (while resisting the urge to correct them)

It's that rare moment when you realize you have a free hand and you use that moment to hold your husband's hand. (Enjoying it for the brief moment that it lasts.)

Like I said, it's the moments. But if we are looking for them, those moments can be just enough. Enough to keep us going through the long days. Enough to give us the energy to plan another family outing. Enough to help us find joy in the journey of life. There is joy in the moments, and there are moments of joy everywhere, we just have to look for them. Someone once told me, "you will always find what you are looking for." and I believe it. Our perspective in so many ways controls who we are, as well as how happy we will be in this life. Life isn't easy for anyone, especially not parents, and it isn't going to get any easier; always waiting for the rainbow after the rain will only lead to disappointment, as we realize that not even rainbows are perfect. But noticing the beauty even in the rain somehow makes even the palest rainbow look far more beautiful when it finally does come.

Time Lapse

I'm feeling terribly guilty, so i'm going to try to catch up on a few things that have happened in the last 4 months. 

We've had a LOT of these:

Awesome birthday parties! 

 I don't know if it is because we have crossed the line between having kids, and having a LOT of kids, but my kids get invited to a birthday party almost once every month. (sometimes more.)

This one was a pretty incredible Pop Star party. 

My kids loved dressing up for it! The fashion show before the party was the best part! I only wish I had thought to take pictures because the outfits they tried on were pretty Rockin'!

We've had quite a bit of this:

Enjoying the wonderful weather outside. 

It's hard to not be outside when it is 70 degrees in January. The kids love being active outdoors. 

 We've done lots and lots of this!!!

I think we could go on a family bike ride every day and I still wouldn't be able to get enough of it. We LOVE bike rides!

One of these:

 Happy birthday to my little Phoenix! 

She's the cutest little three year old I know!!! (and quite possibly has the biggest personality too! -in a good way!)

  We'll never have enough of this:

Watching these two become best friends has been so much fun! I think it will break Phoenix's heart when Taysia has to start kindergarten.

But sadly, my little Taysia isn't so little anymore. so Kindergarten is inevitable.

We can get enough of this:

Cutest, happiest, sweetest little kid on the planet!

Seriously! ADORABLE!

And he LOVES his mama!

So in my eyes, he can do no wrong. . . (sort of.)

Doin' a little baby yoga at the beach.

And he is learning all kinds of new tricks. I'm sure walking is next on his list of things he wants to try. He's just a happy-go-lucky-kid.

Until he started teething. Let's just hope this doesn't misery last long. 

We had a fun Easter!

We didn't have Easter baskets for the kids so they collected them in their shirts. Haha!

Phoenix was so funny! she had to eat everything in the egg every time she would find one. Then, after the egg was empty she would put it in her shirt and go find another one. Good thing this wasn't a public egg hunt or she would have only had time to find one egg.

Egg horder! lol

I'm thinking we need to plant grass. (our rented lawn looks pretty pathetic.)

This girl cracks me up. 

The kids had fun coloring eggs.

And lucky for us, we only had one cup of dye spill... on our white linoleum. It could have been worse. 

It's crazy how much can happen in a year. Last year we decorated eggs at Nana and Papa's house and Phoenix was almost too little to do it. A year later and she's pretty much running the show. 

Our little Pre-Easter picnic. 

... with awesome friends. I love these girls (and Laura who was taking the picture) They have turned what could have been a miserable first year of dental school, into an unforgettably fun one. It has been incredibly hard, stressful, and challenging, but thanks to them we've almost made it through the first year!